Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent
Forgiveness
sawthelight:
It's sad that there are shitty men (and women) like this out there. And they always seem to target the nice ones, rarely do they meet someone like them...I had a psychic tell me once that I tend to attract these broken types, and it honestly made sense to me.
It's funny, I dated this real jerk a few summers ago. Just a total inconsiderate moron...and I thought he was so nice at first. But when push came to shove and I was going through something, he just disappeared on me and acted like a fool...so I cut him off.
I recently saw he was in a new relationship on facebook (I still can see his profile even though we are no longer friends on there). I remember thinknig what is this woman on that she's involved with him..and they were posting all these lovey dovey pics...And long behold, less than two months later, they're no longer together. I hate to say it, but I was happy to see that, because he's such a jerk and he doesn't deserve anyone good in his life.
happyk:
I think I mentioned it before somewhere here but these people are not ready to settle because they think they're too good to be bound to one person. However, eventually they'd either have to grow old alone or they'd settle with their last option and let that person believe that they're lucky because the "player" decided to settle with him/her. I wonder what kind of values would they give to their children. How would they react to know their daughter was in love with a guy who just wants to be a FWB with her 🤷🏻♀️? It's like they're all denying love. A lot of men seem to make an excuse that they were hurt in the past and that's why they don't want to open up to another person WTF! I get it, to an extent but how does one person f*uck you up so much that you go around screwing 10 other people's heads? Where's their conscience? I'm so angry right now.
happyk:
--- Quote from: ladya on March 11, 2019, 04:46:17 PM ---
--- Quote from: happyk on March 11, 2019, 04:29:17 PM ---
--- Quote from: Still tired on March 11, 2019, 04:03:34 PM ---
--- Quote from: happyk on March 11, 2019, 03:33:08 PM ---I understand forgiveness is underrated but it's always been the most challenging thing for me. May be that's a lesson I need to learn. I'm usually able to forgive others but myself. But thank you for your support guys. I can't tell you how much this forum had helped me. I've been reading reviews here since forever.
Looking back I regret my decisions too, I'm only wasting time and money and breath and what not but at that moment that's all that mattered. I thought I learned me lesson but apparently not. The only thing that I can do now is to not be vulnerable anymore. I know it sounds bad when I say I'm gonna close myself up but that's the only way I can protect myself.
--- End quote ---
It doesn't sound bad. I had to do the same thing. I tend to want to see the best in people even when they prove me wrong and that has been a big problem for me. But it's not so easy to just change that tendency. So I protect myself by being distant or closed off. Sometimes we just have certain traits that we can't change so you do what you have to do to protect that. Your biggest weakness could also be what you treasure most about yourself or what eventually helps you find happiness. Society kind of teaches us to put out what we value in ourselves to prove our worth (whether in a relationship, job, school, etc.) When the reality is you need to carefully protect what you value and reserve it for those who genuinely value it rather than taking advantage of it or taking it for granted.
--- End quote ---
You are right Still Tired. I have so much love to give and I forget to notice who's worthy and who's not. Even after I get hurt, instead of moving on I keep thinking what did I do wrong. How f*cked up if that? Anyone in my life would be lucky to have me and so many people depend on me and trust me but these men instead of appreciating me just walk all over me. I think a lot of us here have that in common. We should start a dating thing right here lol.
--- End quote ---
Ye I have always said my capacity to love and my loyalty has been my biggest strength but also my biggest weakness. I can count on less than one hand the amount of people i have come across in my life who can give me what i give them (both friendship and love). I used to get bitter and not understand but have come to learn we all have different capacities for love and relationships. just is what it is.
--- End quote ---
Yea, but what about the ones that deceive us? This last guy, I swear to God almost made me believe that he was madly in love with me only to dunno me next day. That's misleading. Smg.
sawthelight:
I hear you happy..I've often wondered that myself. I'm just glad my experience with that first POI didn't bitter me to other men, I'm just more aware of the "warning signs" now and act accordingly. But I'm still very open to love and would never mistreat another guy because of what he did to me.
happyk:
--- Quote from: ladya on March 11, 2019, 05:11:48 PM ---
--- Quote from: happyk on March 11, 2019, 05:03:45 PM ---
--- Quote from: ladya on March 11, 2019, 04:46:17 PM ---
--- Quote from: happyk on March 11, 2019, 04:29:17 PM ---
--- Quote from: Still tired on March 11, 2019, 04:03:34 PM ---
--- Quote from: happyk on March 11, 2019, 03:33:08 PM ---I understand forgiveness is underrated but it's always been the most challenging thing for me. May be that's a lesson I need to learn. I'm usually able to forgive others but myself. But thank you for your support guys. I can't tell you how much this forum had helped me. I've been reading reviews here since forever.
Looking back I regret my decisions too, I'm only wasting time and money and breath and what not but at that moment that's all that mattered. I thought I learned me lesson but apparently not. The only thing that I can do now is to not be vulnerable anymore. I know it sounds bad when I say I'm gonna close myself up but that's the only way I can protect myself.
--- End quote ---
It doesn't sound bad. I had to do the same thing. I tend to want to see the best in people even when they prove me wrong and that has been a big problem for me. But it's not so easy to just change that tendency. So I protect myself by being distant or closed off. Sometimes we just have certain traits that we can't change so you do what you have to do to protect that. Your biggest weakness could also be what you treasure most about yourself or what eventually helps you find happiness. Society kind of teaches us to put out what we value in ourselves to prove our worth (whether in a relationship, job, school, etc.) When the reality is you need to carefully protect what you value and reserve it for those who genuinely value it rather than taking advantage of it or taking it for granted.
--- End quote ---
You are right Still Tired. I have so much love to give and I forget to notice who's worthy and who's not. Even after I get hurt, instead of moving on I keep thinking what did I do wrong. How f*cked up if that? Anyone in my life would be lucky to have me and so many people depend on me and trust me but these men instead of appreciating me just walk all over me. I think a lot of us here have that in common. We should start a dating thing right here lol.
--- End quote ---
Ye I have always said my capacity to love and my loyalty has been my biggest strength but also my biggest weakness. I can count on less than one hand the amount of people i have come across in my life who can give me what i give them (both friendship and love). I used to get bitter and not understand but have come to learn we all have different capacities for love and relationships. just is what it is.
--- End quote ---
Yea, but what about the ones that deceive us? This last guy, I swear to God almost made me believe that he was madly in love with me only to dunno me next day. That's misleading. Smg.
--- End quote ---
Idk I never had experience with that cause im quite detached and standoffish for quite a while when i meet people so I dont believe them anyway LOL until its proven theyre not full of sh*t. But thats typical of people nowadays. people are really flakey and misleading. I dont believe in love at first sight so when a guy is all obsessed with me and doesn't know me Its just infatuation so to me thats all just empty bs.
--- End quote ---
What's your ascendant Ladya? You know how Jupiterian I am. I have nothing but love. I am on this rescue mission where I pick up all these dysfunctional men. But who am I to talk. People can see Daddy issues oozing out of me lol.
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