Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent
Red Flags That You Are Dealing With A Toxic Person
sawthelight:
--- Quote from: ladya on January 22, 2019, 07:51:15 PM ---
--- Quote from: sawthelight on January 22, 2019, 07:32:15 PM ---I've personally seen very self-confident, bad ass women be torn apart by narcissistic, toxic men. It doesn't matter how you are when you meet them, it's more how they weasel their way in and try to destroy a person. At the end of the day, i agree with you though, the stronger you are, the less you will fall victim to these types.
I certainly am not the the type to be manipulated by a man or anyone really but that first guy really threw me for a loop and that's why I got sucked into psychic readings in the first place. Kind of like "am I nuts" type thing..why am I putting myself through this? I KNOW better.
While it's always good to be strong and self assured, unfortunately a lot of the time, these men prey on women like this. How you react is key. I don't put up with any BS anymore..
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i agree there's exceptions to all situations and its not one size fits all but the more firm in who you are, its more work for them. People like these are not as easily manipulated. Of course anyone could be given a situation but women with low self-esteem are much easier to manipulate because they don't know who they are. Plus there are a lot of people who appear to be self-confident or play it off really well but in actuality aren't. Breaking someone down and then building them up into a puppet is much more effort than someone who is already broken down to begin with. There's a lot of things to be considered in these types of situations. I've def encountered men of this type throughout my life but they mostly find me intriguing and then they realize they can't do much with me so they fall away. But i must admit i find the human psyche fascinating, always have and sometimes i enjoy speaking to them just to get inside their mind and their thought patterns.
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LOL I know what you mean! I definitely think first POI found me intriguing because i was different than a lot of women he normally dealt with.
Miss Philosopher:
I agree that narcissists become narcissists due to their upbringing. I do feel bad for them and I also believe there is help for them, should they choose to seek it out. My current ex has a very narcissistic mother who is shallow and really cold and distant emotionally. His father is also very narcissistic but he's a bum that lives off of others. He's what I like to call an "opportunist". My ex has had zero guidance and was basically left to his own devices. The only thing his mother did was enable his lazy behavior by spoiling the shit out of him materially. Now he just constantly looks for others to support him in every way and his an extremely unhealthy need for attention that is definitely insatiable and he becomes bored with people and things so fast that he can't even hold down a job for longer than a few months.
It's really said and I am the type that will call a person out on things and so him and I just fought like all the time because I'd constantly be calling him out on stuff, but at the same time, I loved him dearly so I got to the point where I stopped saying anything at all just to have things go smoothly but then he'd create situations that he knew I'd react to.
Since I've been really distancing myself and not being the same way, he's now back with this confuckling behavior sending me mixed messages. It's exhausting and it's hard to break free from because you still always think "what if he's not full of shit and really does have feelings but just doesn't know how to behave correctly"...............I hate the cycle and trying to break free of it but it's been hard to accept that he's never going to change because I really do believe that people can and do change if they choose to do so. It's hard to accept that some never will.
sawthelight:
--- Quote from: Miss Philosopher on January 22, 2019, 08:24:18 PM ---I agree that narcissists become narcissists due to their upbringing. I do feel bad for them and I also believe there is help for them, should they choose to seek it out. My current ex has a very narcissistic mother who is shallow and really cold and distant emotionally. His father is also very narcissistic but he's a bum that lives off of others. He's what I like to call an "opportunist". My ex has had zero guidance and was basically left to his own devices. The only thing his mother did was enable his lazy behavior by spoiling the shit out of him materially. Now he just constantly looks for others to support him in every way and his an extremely unhealthy need for attention that is definitely insatiable and he becomes bored with people and things so fast that he can't even hold down a job for longer than a few months.
It's really said and I am the type that will call a person out on things and so him and I just fought like all the time because I'd constantly be calling him out on stuff, but at the same time, I loved him dearly so I got to the point where I stopped saying anything at all just to have things go smoothly but then he'd create situations that he knew I'd react to.
Since I've been really distancing myself and not being the same way, he's now back with this confuckling behavior sending me mixed messages. It's exhausting and it's hard to break free from because you still always think "what if he's not full of shit and really does have feelings but just doesn't know how to behave correctly"...............I hate the cycle and trying to break free of it but it's been hard to accept that he's never going to change because I really do believe that people can and do change if they choose to do so. It's hard to accept that some never will.
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You sound like a good person and like you've given this guy lots of chances. The thing is a narcissist isn't capable of feeling much and will never be able to give back the same love/caring you give to them. I am not saying your guy def is one, but just in general, this is how the operate. When they do feel things, it scares the crap out of them because it's so alien to them. this is not normal though!
I would say wait and see if he proves to you that he changed and has good intentions. Don't give more than you get, ever.
Miss Philosopher:
You sound like a good person and like you've given this guy lots of chances. The thing is a narcissist isn't capable of feeling much and will never be able to give back the same love/caring you give to them. I am not saying your guy def is one, but just in general, this is how the operate. When they do feel things, it scares the crap out of them because it's so alien to them. this is not normal though!
I would say wait and see if he proves to you that he changed and has good intentions. Don't give more than you get, ever.
I very much so appreciate your kind words. This dude is DEFINITELY a narcissist. Big time. But he's a covert narcissist. Those kind are capable of feeling guilt and such. However, all of his behavior is very self serving. I know he has an attachment to me in that I'm a safety net, a comfort zone, the stability that he cannot create for himself. However, that is not love. That's me being used. I think he confused attachment with love. I know we are connected on some strange soul level as well but nope. I've been doing this with him for 5 years now. Usually the break ups are just short lived but this time around it's been about 8 months but contact has still been kept. This time around he really thought his relocation plan was going to work, and so far, it has because of his mommy funding him. But he knows that won't last forever, so me knowing him, he's trying to create a back up situation to stay in the state he's in, but just in case that doesn't work, he needs me to be available to him so he can come back here again.........for the 5th time. That's why he has verbally expressed to me it would make him so "crazy" should I get involved in another relationship.........but at the same time he hasn't point blank mentioned reconciling, which is fine cause at this point I don't want to anyway. That's what I mean. Mind games and self serving everything with this dude. It's just so hard to like break the cycle because I do want to remain friends but he won't settle for just friends but yet won't give anything else. LOL. It's a mind fuck.
So what makes me most sad is, that we can't even be friends and I will have to cut him off completely at some point soon. I care about his life and I hate that he is the way he is at 36 years old, couch surfing, completely unstable and all over the place and nothing he ever does his own way ever works out. It's just constant destruction of his own self and his own life and that's really hard to watch. Grrrrrrr. I wish I never met him.
sawthelight:
OMG I’ve been there. And you are just delaying the inevitable unfortunately...I did the same. I thought I could be his friend. I couldn’t. Had to walk away completely for my own sanity.
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