Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story

Walking away

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LivingInYellow:
I share this for those who need it.

I've been fighting the same battle for the last five years.
Trying to my head around why one of the people that I loved the most in the world left me in my time of need - cheated on me and then went on to pursue a relationship with someone else without ever really considering the implications for our relationship and how it would make me feel.

After experiencing a connection that spanned over more than a decade, it felt like a a knife in the back. A punch in the face and a kick in the ribs. He left me to make sense of it all. Sense that I don't really have. Just an avoidance of the truth and him telling me that 'if it is meant to be then we will find our way back to eachother.'

Trying to make sense of it all is what led me to psychics. Some say that we will reunite and be together properly after he has gotten all of this out of his system and others say that we won't because he is not the one for me; and our journey has come to an end. I don't know what the real answer is, but all I know is that every day since we have been apart has felt like torture to me. Torture that hasn't really subsided and intensified the more that time and space have passed.

I can never say I was perfect in the relationship. I had my moments, but my heart was always in the right place and I thought the universe understood that - yet this just feels like I am being punished and my desire and hopes for the future are not really being listened to. I'm sure the universe is supporting me. I'm sure whoever watches over me has my best interest at heart and knows why I have had to endure all of this, but right now it doesn't make sense to me and it hasn't for such a long time.

There are so many thoughts and no fulfilling answers that truly take into account how I feel about this person, whilst bringing me closure and peace.

But today, I've made my vow to walk away. To stop getting readings and to try and undo the damage that the readings have had to my optimism, but also to my better judgement.

I've been through a number of battles in my life, but letting go of someone who I considered to be not only a lover - but a friend and someone that I trusted... Has been the hardest journey that I have had face and the hardest one that I have had to do alone. Do I feel stronger? No, I feel like I have been brought to my knees - continuously. Time and time again.

I wonder when the late night tears will stop? When the anger disappears and when the emotional scars will not be as visible? Will he ever understand the way he left me devastated?

I allowed myself to fall in love with him because I felt it was a safe space. Now, if there is one thing that I realise, it is that there are no safe spaces and I no longer feel safe around anyone.

scarlora:

--- Quote from: LivingInYellow on April 01, 2018, 10:14:10 AM ---I share this for those who need it.

I've been fighting the same battle for the last five years.
Trying to my head around why one of the people that I loved the most in the world left me in my time of need - cheated on me and then went on to pursue a relationship with someone else without ever really considering the implications for our relationship and how it would make me feel.

After experiencing a connection that spanned over more than a decade, it felt like a a knife in the back. A punch in the face and a kick in the ribs. He left me to make sense of it

--- End quote ---

I experienced the same thing about a year ago, however, at rhe time there was no 3rd party.  This was after 13 years and 3 kids.  I've tried many things to move on and just within the past month, I've felt it working.  I cant pinpoint any one thing, so here is what I have done.  I tried 3 different counselors, read Abandonment Recovery books, hypnotherapy, meditation, Tinder, reiki, and praying novenas.  I went from praying for my family to be together again to praying for me to let go completely.   That may have been the most helpful.  I also met someone new thru Tinder and gave him so many chances to win me over despite me fighting it.  He finally has.  I have reconciliation predictions through autumn and even one for 4 years from now. Haha.  Im not resisting the present anymore and it feels good.

LivingInYellow:
Thank you so much for sharing your story Scarlora. I really appreciate it. It feels so strange that one person can have had this much of an effect on me. It's funny. I've tried Tinder and Plenty of Fish and nothing even feels right to me. Notning at all. Then again, I am scared of new people and the intention of others, so I'm probably not helping things along... Although I do feel like a lot of guys that I meet are not ready to settle down and say things that make me feel like I am just going to be taken advantage of. I have started counselling and I am going to try and keep up my sessions.

I would be grateful if you could share the Abandonment Recovery books. I definitely know that I feel abandoned and it sometimes feel like PTSD. I'm mourning and grieving over so many things that my heart wanted.

I feel like when I type that I am being dramatic, but it is genuinely how I feel (lol) and that is why starting therapy was important to me because I felt like I needed a place where I could just be sad and not be judged or considered crazy.

Hypnotherapy also sounds interesting, I will look into that! What did you seek when it came to hypnotherapy or did they evaluate you after you went in and spoke to them?

scarlora:
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson.  She has a workbook too that goes with it.  My hypnotherapy was expensive.  There were only 2 in my area and I felt most comfortable with the woman because she had gone thru a divorce and knew what messages I needed. My family and friends started to question why I wasnt moving on after a couple months, so that is when i turned to psychics.  Sometimes they helped more than counselors because they could explain the why he left and what he was feeling.  I still get readings but mostly to deal with custody and support things and my general worries for him. 

whskers:
I am proud of you two.  I think change should come from each one of us.  That realization that you want to move forward and is proactively doing something about it. :) Great job you guys!

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