Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

My Story - How No Contact Advice Got Me Into Depression

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helloworld:
Hi everyone,

I have been posting here recently but wanted to share my story in case it helps anyone. 7-8 years ago, a BF broke up with me and I couldn't handle the break up. I was super naive and started calling almost every psychic on keen randomly to get "answers". Almost 99% of psychics on keen told me the same thing -

- He loves you a lot and that has scared him
- This time apart is making him realize how much he misses you
- He is scared of losing himself to you so he pulled back, give him time to process
- He is scared of commitment but is getting over it and will commit to you
- He may be dating other women but you have nothing to worry because it only makes him realize how different you are
- There's karmic/soul connection
- Be patient
- If you believe it in your heart and have faith it will happen

... and my favorite,

- DO NOT CONTACT HIM, let him reach out

I listened to these psychics and didn't communicate with him for months and waited for HIM to contact me. This waiting period drove me crazy. I kept calling psychics every other day just to hear the exact same thing. They fed me fairytales and I naively believed them. I got into depression and couldn't think beyond. My social life, my personality and lot other things got affected. My friends and family were worried about me but didn't know what was going on because I didn't tell anyone anything. I thought if I would tell them, they wouldn't understand the "SOUL" connection the ex and I had and would tell me to move on and get real. That's why these keen psychics became my "confidantes" because I thought they could feel the connection and sure they made me believe so.

Fast forward, 10 months later, I had enough of nothing happening and I mustered enough courage to go against the NO CONTACT advice and reached out to my ex on his birthday. He responded in a few days with a sweet text. Then he texted again and I responded. I thought YAY we are back on track until he texted me saying he got engaged.

So after that experience, here's my lesson learned - I wish I hadn't listened to 99% of psychics telling me not to reach out. That waiting period made me so sick. Had I known better then, I could have prevented myself from self inflicted torture by contacting him sooner. I am not saying contact immediately after breaking up but maybe after 3-4 weeks to see if there's any reconciliation potential. I mean what's the worst case that could happen? He does not respond. That to me is an answer in itself but at least I would get some closure. Now I did reach out but only 10 months later and I got my closure but the damage had been done to my health.

Now I wonder if these psychics tell us not to contact because they know if we reach out to POI, most likely we will get our closure, one way or the other, which may result in us not calling these psychics again. That's why they tell us not to contact POI so that we keep checking in with readers to make sure everything is ok and/or to see if timelines have changed. Most of them sweet talk us and give us false hope but that hope is really nothing but a trap... to keep calling them.

I am not saying it's always best to contact because everyone's situation is different but if it is taking a serious toll on you, maybe it's better to contact and see what's going on. I know I got my closure after my ex told me he got engaged, it really hurt and I was miserable but I got my answer. I stopped calling a lot of the readers I would otherwise call weekly. It took me a year to heal and I went through therapy but at least I started the healing process. Can you imagine had I not reached out to him what could have happened? Maybe I would be waiting on him for another year or even more holding on to false hope given to me by 99% of the psychics.

Thankfully, I am less naive now, healthy again and bounced back with much better perspective. I am so grateful to be out of that phase so I wanted to share my story in case it helps.

Kate:
So sorry to hear of your story - I honestly think the best thing for all of us is to strictly limit how many psychics we call and start a healing process - no matter how hard, or how strong the connection. 

Did any of the psychics you called pick up on another woman?

mystery123:
Yea reading this broke my heart, I almost know how it feels when all the psychics say that the POI has feelings and to wait on it, but his actions say something different and he tells you he likes someone else.. it's devastating.. but I am so happy that you are back to being yourself and happy!

helloworld:

--- Quote from: mystery123 on September 03, 2017, 03:01:11 AM ---Yea reading this broke my heart, I almost know how it feels when all the psychics say that the POI has feelings and to wait on it, but his actions say something different and he tells you he likes someone else.. it's devastating.. but I am so happy that you are back to being yourself and happy!

--- End quote ---

Thank you. I am so sorry it's not the happiest of stories but the only reason I wanted to share my experience was because in hindsight I wish I had access to a forum such as this one that could help me keep it real.

Again, to each their own and every situation is different but this "no contact" advice in most cases is not the best. I mean if you haven't heard from a guy in 4 or more weeks and if the lack of contact is really bothering you then sending a casual text can't really hurt. If a guy were seriously thinking of reconciliation, he would be happy if the woman reached out and if he's done, then he's done and vice versa. I don't think one harmless text can be a deal breaker.

Just something I wish someone would have told me back then so I am voicing my thoughts.

Littl30ne:
Sometimes I think contacting is the best thing you can do because you will always get an answer based on that. A lot of psychics told me they didn't see my ex dating etc and one day I saw his picture w another woman at a wedding so obviously he moved on. The psychics aren't God they aren't going to be right 100% of the time.. that's why you should always contact if you feel like you need to. We are more powerful than we give ourselves credit for, never doubt your intuition as a woman 💖

Sorry you went through everything you told us about, I can definitely relate. I'm happy you have your clarity now and I wish you all the best!

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