I can relate to this too. How long have you been out of contact? My boyfriend (or whatever he even is these days) and I have been back and forth since we were kids - 12 years. I know he loves me. But he is an active heroin addict. Not even a recovering one. He literally does heroin on a daily basis. So as badly as I love the guy, and I’m sure deep down somewhere he does love me, unfortunately if he isn’t willing to work on himself then there is nothing more I can do. It is heartbreaking. I wish I could force him to see what he’s doing to his life, but unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. The fact I want him to get clean pushes him away. He thinks I’m controlling him, which I believe is probably normal for somebody with an addiction, trying to get rid of whatever is interrupting their high. But like you, I will continue to focus on my kids and work, and try not to take things personally.
Hugs to you too xx