...

[greekgeek]

.

[sodapopcharm]

How long since you two last spoke?

[sodapopcharm]

I'd give it 24 hours. Is it possible he's thinking "haven't heard from her so she must be fine"? But I totally get your point. I'd want (and expect) my partner to check in if it was something potentially serious. I don't think you're overreacting, but maybe see if there's a good reason he didn't check in right away.

[Sooshi]

I'd be livid.

[ladya]

I wouldn't necessarily rush back home right away, would depend on the situation, how urgent it is vs. how important and/or expensive the trip is. I mean I can't travel like that, if I took a flight anywhere it would be a huge thing and I probably wouldn't be able to just jump on the next flight back. But I would definitely check back in and offer support.

Some people aren't good with that, not to make excuses but they are not mentally prepared to deal with the possibility of losing someone and they shut down. People can have really strange reactions to medical emergencies.

I would give it a chance first and find out if something happened that prevented them from talking to you.

agreed. people react differently in different situations. some don't know how to react so they don't react at all. i mean you should know him best and how he is in those situations. is it normal or abnormal for him to act that way you know. i wouldn't automatically jump to conclusions but id bring it up and see what he says. if its really bothering you then you should address it when he comes back.

[sunshineluv7]

I wouldn't rush home - that's overreacting. He's not a mind reader. He probably thinks you haven't found out yet because the normal, rational thing to do is simply tell him when you get the results. He's probably waiting on you instead of "have you heard yet? have you heard yet?" - guys are very rational.

[sunshineluv7]

Another thing - everyone handles stress differently - think back - is he an avoidant personality type? If so, this is totally normal for him, and just who he is. Gotta love all of someone, but it doesn't mean he doesn't care.

[HornetKick]

Sorry, I'd think he didn't/doesn't care. If he never heard for you and if you were passed out somewhere, wouldn't he want to check in..to see what's up after some time has past and he hasn't heard from you?

A rational person would call to check up on you since particularly he is so far away. How long does a text take? u ok? Three letters can be sent while one is on the toilet. Please don't start making excuses for his lack of empathy. If he were in your shoes, he would expect at least a text.

When you speak to him eventually, I'd love to know why he felt it wasn't necessary to contact you in any way.

as a side note: my personality abhors excuses, no matter where they are coming from.

[doubleoh8]

I agree with SunshineLuv,

If he has a very, very (2 very's) serious medical condition, he's probably not dismissing your "potential" issue, as much as he is familiar with the way it goes with diagnosis, misdiagnosis, and the waiting game. Who knows -- maybe he's busy, maybe he is expecting you to update him.... 

If you have an otherwise healthy and fulfilling relationship, I'd say just drop if and let things play out. If, on the other hand, there is a deeper reason you are wanting him to drop everything and fly home ... for example (not saying this is the case as of course I don't know, but IF) you feel he's not sensitive to your needs, doesn't pay enough attention, etc. then maybe use this as an opportunity for growth in your relationship -- in a positive way. This probably doesn't happen when you are livid, but once he's back and you are having a conversation you could address it with something like "I was really scared I might have {this issue} and I felt alone in it. I would have loved if you had reached out..." I don't know. I am not perfect at that ... but it seems like unless you already want to toss this relationship out, him not calling to check in one day is not enough reason to (IMO).

[HornetKick]

I agree with SunshineLuv,

If he has a very, very (2 very's) serious medical condition, he's probably not dismissing your "potential" issue, as much as he is familiar with the way it goes with diagnosis, misdiagnosis, and the waiting game. Who knows -- maybe he's busy, maybe he is expecting you to update him.... 

If you have an otherwise healthy and fulfilling relationship, I'd say just drop if and let things play out. If, on the other hand, there is a deeper reason you are wanting him to drop everything and fly home ... for example (not saying this is the case as of course I don't know, but IF) you feel he's not sensitive to your needs, doesn't pay enough attention, etc. then maybe use this as an opportunity for growth in your relationship -- in a positive way. This probably doesn't happen when you are livid, but once he's back and you are having a conversation you could address it with something like "I was really scared I might have {this issue} and I felt alone in it. I would have loved if you had reached out..." I don't know. I am not perfect at that ... but it seems like unless you already want to toss this relationship out, him not calling to check in one day is not enough reason to (IMO).

There are some good points to this post though. Does he have a history of flaking on you when something dire happens? If so, then know that is his personality and anything short of surgery will change this. You can try the stuff that is bolded above because going on the attack is not going to have the outcome you want. You have to talk about you and not play the blame game or point fingers (some shrink shit).

You'll have to wait and see which I find to be such bullshit when men are involved. Women are always second even when they are apparently first.

[HornetKick]

I just don't think it's difficult in any way to offer support. No one said anything about him hounding her about the results.
With technology in today's time, support is just a couple of clicks away. You don't have to be a scientist to figure that out.
Every smart phones comes with emojis.

[doubleoh8]

I agree with SunshineLuv,

If he has a very, very (2 very's) serious medical condition, he's probably not dismissing your "potential" issue, as much as he is familiar with the way it goes with diagnosis, misdiagnosis, and the waiting game. Who knows -- maybe he's busy, maybe he is expecting you to update him.... 

If you have an otherwise healthy and fulfilling relationship, I'd say just drop if and let things play out. If, on the other hand, there is a deeper reason you are wanting him to drop everything and fly home ... for example (not saying this is the case as of course I don't know, but IF) you feel he's not sensitive to your needs, doesn't pay enough attention, etc. then maybe use this as an opportunity for growth in your relationship -- in a positive way. This probably doesn't happen when you are livid, but once he's back and you are having a conversation you could address it with something like "I was really scared I might have {this issue} and I felt alone in it. I would have loved if you had reached out..." I don't know. I am not perfect at that ... but it seems like unless you already want to toss this relationship out, him not calling to check in one day is not enough reason to (IMO).

yes, it's two very's. wish i could divulge but public forum and all. i am still mulling. there will definitely be a conversation, just don't know how it will go. and you hit the nail on the head, while there has been great progress and we're in a good place, we've also had our troubles in the past so i'm not coming out of nowhere.

I say wait until you are in a better place (not angry) before you make any decisions about how to proceed / communicate. If you have made good progress, then maybe you can make more. I don't mean to read in between the lines but to me your reaction sounds a bit triggered and from what you're saying, it's not just about this incident. So, try to hold off and separate that out -- otherwise you will be over-reacting and may regret it. I.e. don't react in a way that brings up a whole lot of anger / hurt from the past and dumps it on this one situation.

[doubleoh8]

I agree with SunshineLuv,

If he has a very, very (2 very's) serious medical condition, he's probably not dismissing your "potential" issue, as much as he is familiar with the way it goes with diagnosis, misdiagnosis, and the waiting game. Who knows -- maybe he's busy, maybe he is expecting you to update him.... 

If you have an otherwise healthy and fulfilling relationship, I'd say just drop if and let things play out. If, on the other hand, there is a deeper reason you are wanting him to drop everything and fly home ... for example (not saying this is the case as of course I don't know, but IF) you feel he's not sensitive to your needs, doesn't pay enough attention, etc. then maybe use this as an opportunity for growth in your relationship -- in a positive way. This probably doesn't happen when you are livid, but once he's back and you are having a conversation you could address it with something like "I was really scared I might have {this issue} and I felt alone in it. I would have loved if you had reached out..." I don't know. I am not perfect at that ... but it seems like unless you already want to toss this relationship out, him not calling to check in one day is not enough reason to (IMO).

yes, it's two very's. wish i could divulge but public forum and all. i am still mulling. there will definitely be a conversation, just don't know how it will go. and you hit the nail on the head, while there has been great progress and we're in a good place, we've also had our troubles in the past so i'm not coming out of nowhere.

I say wait until you are in a better place (not angry) before you make any decisions about how to proceed / communicate. If you have made good progress, then maybe you can make more. I don't mean to read in between the lines but to me your reaction sounds a bit triggered and from what you're saying, it's not just about this incident. So, try to hold off and separate that out -- otherwise you will be over-reacting and may regret it. I.e. don't react in a way that brings up a whole lot of anger / hurt from the past and dumps it on this one situation.

doubleoh, i think you have me pegged. this is very much rooted in the past, even though we've never had this particular experience before.

To be honest, the more I go through my own trajectory (with psychic calling, not calling and with trying to understand other people and relationships) the more I think everything comes down to self-love. I mean all the answers to all the angst that we are facing and that makes us go on binges, stay in unfulfilling relationships, be unable to communicate our needs, being unable to separate what is our stuff from someone else, taking everything too personally... I'm talking to myself as much as to you, but I think learn to love yourself -- really love yourself -- and then how another person reacts / acts is not going to impact you and you'll be able to see with clarity what you need and then communicate without fear, and walk away without regret IF you get to the point you know that someone can't give it to you.

Greekgeek, I don't know your whole situation, but you've got this! Just look at what's at the bottom of your anger -- whether it's something inside this relationship or it goes even deeper -- and then get yourself clear and centred and, once you're ready, try communicating with your guy from a place of love... Then he has the opportunity to shift and step up more next time. And if he doesn't, and if you decide you've had enough at some point, you can decide that you want someone who can and walk away at that point. AND, you can know that his inability to be there (not saying he can't -- that's an if he can't) is not about you... it's his own stuff.

My two cents and best of luck to you. I think it's great you reached out here before you reacted. There are some good thoughts and support happening!

[doubleoh8]

Just wondering what you decided to do, and how it's going / went?

If you feel like sharing, of course.

[doubleoh8]

Great to hear. And that's nice that he is trying to make it up to you!