Psychic Reviews
Potpourri Boards => About The Psychic Reviews => Topic started by: Cfisher on October 03, 2012, 07:15:46 AM
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I know that this is not a *Support* forum but many of us on here are also trying to let go of past hurts.
I'm curious to know how other people deal with their past hurts and let go of those relationships that aren't working out. I know for myself that I am having a difficult time with this and some relationships take longer to get over than others.
For those of you who have made the decision to just let go and move on with your life, what are you doing to make yourself feel better?
I know that positive affirmations help, but I'm losing my motivation to do them. I know that exercising regularly is great for me but can't seem to get on that band wagon. How do you motivate yourself to do those things that are really good for you? What motivates you in the first place and how do you guys get off your butts when in a slump?
@synergy: you've gone thru a lot and have clearly come out the other side feeling much better, what did you focus on while you were going thru it? Apart from completely stopping getting readings for starters, what other steps did you take to get yourself back into your happy place?
I'm looking for some tools here and every comment is welcome of what worked for you!
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Hi CFisher!
I think this is a great thread.
I have realized that it is just a process for everyone which gives me much empathy for those who are getting over 4 or 5 year relationships. I'm noticing it takes time.
For me, what has helped that I did recently was to write down all the crap that hurt me. I have it in a notebook and when I start to miss him, I look at it and am reminded why I deserve better.
I also have on my mirror at home, a few things:
*Remember: Every day that passes, you are one day closer to the man that is meant for you!
*The best revenge is making the best decision for yourself!
*She who laughs last, laughs longest - Sapphire told me this :)
Sometimes the what-if I would have stuck around to be his friend questions come up in my mind, but then I wise up and say nope - I deserve to be treated better and pursued.
I will not be demoted and go from being treated like #1 one day to being treated like an option, the next day.
A lot of self talk, reminding self, knowing that things will not always be this and that the pain will pass, oh and this website: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/
These are the things that help me. Oh also, sometimes I call my friends and say, "Remind me why I did what I did again? (walked away)"
I know my situation may be different as in the end, I had the chance to drop him, but deep down, I still wanted it to work.
Hope this helps some!
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I see nothing wrong with having a support section on this. Lots of people here are trying to move forward or are just dealing with a psychic addiction that they need help with.
There's nothing worse than having held onto a hope only to realise it's false. Trust me, I've been there. For me, I've found the best thing to do is to reimmerse myself in life to the point where there is no space to dwell on the issue. The thing is, we do tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the issue and internally dwelling on it. It's like your subconscious is constantly there.
For me, I've found the best thing to do is keep myself incredibly busy, usually with social activities. When other people are around and you're experiencing new things, you generally don't have time to let your conscious or subconscious go back to the relationship. Eventually it just sort of gets 'pushed out' of your mind and one day you end up going, wow, I haven't thought about this or so-and-s0 in ages.
Another thing that's great for clearing the mind and rebalancing yourself...a good, hard workout. I know it sounds ridiculous, but any weight-training class is immense. Anything where you have to push yourself works wonders because again, your mind has to focus fully on something else. Exercise also releases happy hormones.
Any change of lifestyle or scenery, anything that makes everything different from before helps.
when you retrain the mind, somehow the soul manages to catch up and restore itself.
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I like that JDD.
See - people would always tell me oh go make yourself busy, but it never worked. I was still always thinking about it or it was in the back of my mind. Uuuggghhh...hate the process.
Your explanation of it is perfect:
"when you retrain the mind, somehow the soul manages to catch up and restore itself."
Love this!
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thanks :)
It's not so much about keeping yourself busy as it is just getting a new start and keeping busy. I could keep myself busy at work and would probably become completely depressed. But if you start keeping busy with things you weren't doing before, then it really works because it removes you from the familiar and puts you in a new space in life that doesn't include the old one anymore. I'm currently doing that, so before I wasn't going out as much, I certainly wasn't making spontaneous weekend trips with friends...hello to amsterdam this weekend! The thought of not going puts me in a bad place because I'm like, darn it, I said I would do this for me, IAMGOING!!!
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I hate when people tell me " Do something for yourself. Have a spa day or do your nails."
But being around people when I was ready has helped me. It also got me out of the house and away from the phone so I could not call psychics.
I've read baggage reclaim every day since I found it. It really is a great site so I love when other people find it as empowering as I have.
It's a great dose of reality.
You're doing great tjoy :-)
I guess different things help different people. But I've found facing the reality of the situation and working through it and what part I played in it all has helped.
No easy or quick fix. Trial and error I guess.
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yeaaaaaaaaaa....go do something for yourself ended up being going out and meet loads of good looking dudes for me hahahaha
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@scorpiogirl, people always tell me that too re spa day etc!! I agree being around supportive friends etc. I stopped talking about it with my friends, but I am still processing the situation. I really hope it gets easier one day! I have been keeping myself busy, working out, socializing,,,but its always in the back of my mind. Especially the quiet moments at work, when I ask why did I choose this profession. :)
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@scorpiogirl, people always tell me that too re spa day etc!! I agree being around supportive friends etc. I stopped talking about it with my friends, but I am still processing the situation. I really hope it gets easier one day! I have been keeping myself busy, working out, socializing,,,but its always in the back of my mind. Especially the quiet moments at work, when I ask why did I choose this profession. :)
Yea I know what you mean about it being in the back of your mind. What do you do when you go to a spa? You're quiet. You lie there with nothing but your thoughts. I've found avoiding it is just not realistic.
Eventually my soul became so tired of being consumed by this jackass that I just couldn't think about it anymore. It's such a cliche but time truly is the only healer. But also you can't wallow in it.
Wallowing in it and dealing with it are different. In the latter case you're proactively sorting it out in your head. It does get better. I promise.
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Awww...thanks Scorpio!
Yes, I've found that only time heals - sucks!
But it helps to lean on each other - talking to people who really do understand and who are there to listen to you sort it out. I guess it's like I sort stuff out, then talk about it and it just helps to process through everything.
And then I may retract and have an "off" day, but my true friends are there to still listen and be there.
That support helps much.
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WOW! You guys are amazing!!! Thanks so much for the amazing energy you just zoomed through this thread you guys!
I'm a total *fake it till you make it* type, so no one in my day life has the foggiest idea what's going on on my end. And in truth, it's just better that way. It forces me to not talk about anything negative or dwell on anything at work.
@truelove - where do you get the motivation to get your butt to the gym? You know on those days where you really just DON'T WANT TO GO? Do you just suck it up and force yourself?
Although I'm a totally naturally positive person with a happy disposition, I can't even get motivated to go for a walk these days and it's still nice out!
So to help motivate yourself peeps, what do you do? Just suck it up and bloody go? How do you talk yourself into going when you are feeling lazy? Do I just have to completely SUCK IT UP and get off my butt and go? Self-talk?
My lack of motivation to do ANYTHING other than lay on the couch after work is seriously irritating me. This just isn't my style. But this flipping slump I'm in, just.... well, it really sucks :( And I'm trying so hard to shake it off. Maybe I need to try harder?
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Well I'm not truelove ( and I can't sleep!) but I'll answer. I go to the gym 5 times a week. I've lost 15 kg. Lots more to go.
The only thing that has ever made me get up and go out is that I feel worse having not gone, than when I have gone. When I don't go I feel guilty. I try to avoid the guilt at all costs :-)
The worst part is getting out the door. The days when I REALLY don't feel like going I grumble all through putting on my gym clothes and shoes. I sit on the bed contemplating NOT going. Then I put something bouncy on my ipod, something that makes me want to sing and dance. Makes me bounce right out the door and I sing and bounce all the way to the gym. By the time I've filled my water bottle, I'm ready to go because everyone around me is running and lifting and sweating.
When I'm done I'm hot and sweaty and my muscles hurt and I feel like I worked hard. I know that I'm that much closer to my goal. If nothing else, I can then lie on my couch and watch a movie guilt-free haha
I won't lie, exercise does NOT make me feel happy, but seeing my clothes getting bigger and my scale numbers getting small, do.
Also I don't want to be that stupid horrible, tired, old mess. If I'm going to be single, I'm going to be a hot single. I have a long way to go but for me my motivation is not letting them (him) win.
They're not sitting in a pile, or lying on the couch eating crap, watching a rom-com wondering what-if and when-is-she-coming-back. If you have nothing else to make you get up, for now make it about them not winning ;)
You just have to make yourself. No magic formula I'm afraid. I hate working out. But my muscles are so sore right now and I feel like I accomplished something today.
I've been thinking about starting a message board with exactly topics like these where we can motivate each other and not get in trouble for not doing the psychic stuff :-)
I need motivation too, even though the person who caused my psychic (and complete) meltdown is no longer an issue for me. I have my moments
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@scorpiogirl - you just made my day with your post. 5 days a week hey? If you can do 5 days a week pushing yourself when you really don't want to go, I think I can suck it up and start with today. A friend of mine is coming over tonight and we've decided to go for a brisk walk on the sea wall. It's a step in the right direction.
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Yep, you just make yourself go! It's painful the first few times lol, but then you start remembering how awesome you feel afterwards. Also making yourself go means ovecoming the defeatist feeling inside you so that makes you emotionally stronger as well.
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@scorpiogirl - couldn't have said it better, that is exactly the way to do it
@cfisher - walks, jogs, rent some bikes, yoga (but not the slow crap, you'll just end up having a nap on the floor), body pump (amazing)....oooh try bikram yoga-kicks your butt, but detoxes you and makes you feel amazing.
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YAY!
For sure you can do it. It's awesome to go with a friend. I started out walking too. First just around my apartment for 30 minutes 2-3 times a week.
I graduated to walking further and walking up steep hills. The first time I made it up the hill without stopping to catch my breath, I was so proud of myself. It makes you want to challenge yourself when you start noticing how well you're doing.
Let me know how the walk goes ;)
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Having a friend to do this with helps so much. I am a competitive endurance athlete. I've been in such a funk I rarely even walk these days. I did one event this year and luckily I went into it with a good attitude so I wasn't depressed at how poorly I did. 2 summers ago my schedule was more flexible and I was able to hook up with a girlfriend a couple of times a week. That doesn't happen anymore and I don't have the motivation to get myself out - though I did do better than last year.
I went to my T and discussed this because honestly I am disgusted with myself. He said that first off I've been through a lot, and secondly things do go in cycles and I should just consider this a rest cycle and not be quite so hard on myself. He's right of course. I think back to the times I kayaked all summer or roller bladed and I don't do as much of that anymore even when I am working out.
I did two things in September to help me - I officially joined a club that gives me access to more people. It's something I never thought I'd do but they get together all winter. Only downfall is that I wasn't able to make last week, tonight or next week for one particular workout so I feel like I'm falling off the bandwagon already - but this is work and I can't change it.
The other thing I did was buy a base training program for the winter. Another thing I've shunned as I hate working out inside during the winter, but I've been told by a friend who has this program, that the workouts are varied and it's not that hard to get through them mentally (physically is a whole other issue). And he builds in outside work too.
I'm hoping that spending money and having people hound me about meeting up with them will help.
I totally get where you are CF. I used to use workouts to keep me sane! Now I sit on the couch and think "I should get outside" - and I'll think that for 2 hours and still not do it.
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@Cfisher,
I agree with above posts. Prior to the on and off breakup cycles, I have always naturally been someone who was motivated to work out. But since this mess of a situation started in 2011, it was so hard to find motivation. My friend (love her to death) came over, pulled me out of bed and forced me to work out and walk 6 miles etc. It made me feel so much better. I have my days as well, when I can't motivate to do anything but just go home and veg. Now my friend and I always make it a priority to workout rather than grabbing food etc to catch up.
But like scorpiogirl, I figure if I am going to be single, then I want to be the best version of myself. Otherwise, I will be exactly the same place a year from now, but heavier and untoned. Also, to echo scorpiogirls statements, these idiots are not sitting at home feeling sorry for themselves.
I like the "bar method" work out. Its very empowering.
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Working out has saved my life, lol! I've lost a whopping 55 pounds since my ex and I split and I have 15 more to go to reach my ideal BMI. Obviously dieting was a huge part of that, too. My friend joined and I also have quite a few co-workers that belong to the same gym. It is sometimes a social event for me and with the health benefits seems to keep me fairly motivated. Besides, I'm digging the attention I'm getting. But, I have my days where I don't want to get off the couch AT ALL. Having a workout buddy definitely helps in those situations. At least for me it does. Her and I are at similar fitness levels so we're not competitive just very supportive of one another. I find I have a hard time getting to the gym but once I'm there its like the switch turns on and I'm ready to push myself. I like the new habits I'm forming and I'm not sure if I would have started if I were still with him. I win. \m/
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I wish I could take my precious reer end to the gym ;) never thought of going to the gym as a way to cope with what I am going through. Actually not a surprise the lazy person I am ;). So I started to listen to this hypnosis recording every night at bed, which is about ending a relationship. I am not saying it is working because I usually fall asleep in the first 3 minutes ;) but at least it is something that I am trying to do for myself ;)
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I wish I could take my precious reer end to the gym ;) never thought of going to the gym as a way to cope with what I am going through. Actually not a surprise the lazy person I am ;). So I started to listen to this hypnosis recording every night at bed, which is about ending a relationship. I am not saying it is working because I usually fall asleep in the first 3 minutes ;) but at least it is something that I am trying to do for myself ;)
I think you'd be surprised what you take in in your sleep. Even that moment in between sleep and awake, I sometimes feel like i have the most clarity.
Music also is a great tool for me. I don't listen to anything sad but I sing at the top of my lungs to my ipod or to youtube. I think my neighbours hate me because my voice is terrible :-)
But I read once that nobody can feel sad or down when they're singing. That's very true.
My other go-to is comedy. I love stand up or old comedy favourites. I have NOT watched The Vow or ... what is it ... the Lucky One or Lucky One.
I'm not sad anymore about that person but I know if I were to watch one of those movies or rehash The NOtebook, I would be worse off.
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Kickboxing is awesome!
I think my punching bag secretly hates me now... lol
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@tjoy! Baggage reclaim? Omg! Golden! Seriously golden! I fired your link off to a friend of mine and she fired it off to a whole bunch of her peeps. That site is absolutely the SHIT! Thank you so much!
I'm also happy to announce that since I started this thread I have began walking at 7pm for an hour every day. I have had some correspondence with other friends who have been through stuff as well and it has been immensely helpful for me. Even though you guys aren't here with me in my day life I cannot tell you how much the advice, comments and support from here is appreciated.
Now taking an hour long walk every day isn't amazing, but I'm working on it. Knowing that going to the gym etc. is sometimes a struggle for you guys but you still force yourself even though you really don't feel like it either is really helpful for forcing myself to at least get off the couch for an hour everyday.
One step at a time over here. My lack of motivation to move my body is simply appalling to me as I've been incredibly active my whole life from martial arts, sports, kickboxing, Muay Thai etc. But constantly getting these boy problem hits is really killing me! And I think I've had just about enough of it. From here on out, I'm focusing solely on ME. My health inside and out, getting back to my happy place, getting my energy up, feeling good about myself and what's good for me!
Thank you so much you guys for being a part of my world :)
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I think this is a fabulous thread. We all need a little bit of motivation sometimes.
I'd love to do kickboxing. Wish I had somewhere around here to do it.
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Cfisher - Seriously!! You're welcome! I know - It's like I hit a gold mine with that site.
I'm on there almost every day reading the articles and comments...It has honestly kept me at a place of strength constantly reminding me of what I've been dealing with.
I don't think my guy is exactly like some of those that are described, but he has displayed elements of said behavior and if his behavior hurt me - which it did - then that is enough!
It brings me back down to reality!
I am just sooooo glad that I made the decision I made and I'm not settling for less! Because he went there with marriage, measly contact attempts now are like breadcrumbs to me. He better come correct with a whole "loaf" to even get me to talk right now!
Haha - sorry, but just an example of how that site has really empowered me and helped me to realize I deserve better.
So glad it has helped you and others! ;)
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The comic relief is really helpful for me as well. I downloaded a bunch of Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy and Russell Peters (he's my fav! I've seen him live and he's amazing) he slams every culture out there fair and square! Ha ha! He's totally worth watching!
I too have looked into some hypnosis stuff and NLP with Richard bandler. I figure at this point anything and everything I can get my hands on is helpful!
I wish I could take my precious reer end to the gym ;) never thought of going to the gym as a way to cope with what I am going through. Actually not a surprise the lazy person I am ;). So I started to listen to this hypnosis recording every night at bed, which is about ending a relationship. I am not saying it is working because I usually fall asleep in the first 3 minutes ;) but at least it is something that I am trying to do for myself ;)
I think you'd be surprised what you take in in your sleep. Even that moment in between sleep and awake, I sometimes feel like i have the most clarity.
Music also is a great tool for me. I don't listen to anything sad but I sing at the top of my lungs to my ipod or to youtube. I think my neighbours hate me because my voice is terrible :-)
But I read once that nobody can feel sad or down when they're singing. That's very true.
My other go-to is comedy. I love stand up or old comedy favourites. I have NOT watched The Vow or ... what is it ... the Lucky One or Lucky One.
I'm not sad anymore about that person but I know if I were to watch one of those movies or rehash The NOtebook, I would be worse off.
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Tjoy-you are inspirational to me for your strength. Knowing that you deserve better and that you'll find it, well, it gives me some hope!
As for me? I had it pointed out that when I started on this site I was a bit more gregarious than now and that my posts have dimmed a bit. This wasn't a negative thing that was pointed out as its the complete truth.
I've decided to close out all hopes from the last one I was involved with. So now I'm in that healing process. Hence the blah coming out of me! It's tough to make a decision to walk away from someone you want, but the truth is, having contact with him was just making me feel terrible. A total roller coaster ride.
I have to take it one step and day at a time. But I'm feeling better every day. And things will continue to get better every day. Soon I'll be back to my old self and my energy levels will get back to normal. I hate that it's forced at this point, but me going through this process right now is better than the alternative of being stuck in the muck! Right?!??
Screw that shit. I'm done with the bullshit of waiting for things to change with him, which realistically won't happen in the near future.
Shmeh. Life. Ya gotta love how life throws the most messed up people into your pathway. Well, forget it. I won't be having it anymore. I dug myself into a hole and now I'm digging myself out of it. Clearly, I like dirt? Lol! Which reminds me, I need to have a shower now... Ok, maybe I am back to my dorky self. Lol
Cfisher - Seriously!! You're welcome! I know - It's like I hit a gold mine with that site.
I'm on there almost every day reading the articles and comments...It has honestly kept me at a place of strength constantly reminding me of what I've been dealing with.
I don't think my guy is exactly like some of those that are described, but he has displayed elements of said behavior and if his behavior hurt me - which it did - then that is enough!
It brings me back down to reality!
I am just sooooo glad that I made the decision I made and I'm not settling for less! Because he went there with marriage, measly contact attempts now are like breadcrumbs to me. He better come correct with a whole "loaf" to even get me to talk right now!
Haha - sorry, but just an example of how that site has really empowered me and helped me to realize I deserve better.
So glad it has helped you and others! ;)
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Aww...thanks hun! :)
Yea, I know what you mean about having contact with them. It does make it difficult and you find yourself holding on and clinging to that. I think it really hit me when I realized how dare this man go from marriage to friend?? overnight??
It doesn't make sense and is complete disrespect to me. Oh and also that he didn't apologize. huh?
Yea not acceptable.
It was a huge step for me to walk away and was not advisable from Kisha and Sapphire...but to be honest. I feel better now than how I would have felt if I was still in contact with him. I've officially started healing and we really do need that time away from them.
Maybe one day we can be friends, but not right now. It's a blow to my self respect to allow someone to stay in my life when he did what he did.
It's like, "oh ok, sure you broke my heart, but here, you deserve my friendship because you are just that great of a chap."
Nope - Wrong!
It is so hard to do right by you sometimes and sometimes, the best decision is what our mind and logic says than what our heart is screaming at the moment...but in the end, you will have your self respect and that my friend is nothing that man can take from you!
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The comic relief is really helpful for me as well. I downloaded a bunch of Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy and Russell Peters (he's my fav! I've seen him live and he's amazing) he slams every culture out there fair and square! Ha ha! He's totally worth watching!
I too have looked into some hypnosis stuff and NLP with Richard bandler. I figure at this point anything and everything I can get my hands on is helpful!
I wish I could take my precious reer end to the gym ;) never thought of going to the gym as a way to cope with what I am going through. Actually not a surprise the lazy person I am ;). So I started to listen to this hypnosis recording every night at bed, which is about ending a relationship. I am not saying it is working because I usually fall asleep in the first 3 minutes ;) but at least it is something that I am trying to do for myself ;)
I think you'd be surprised what you take in in your sleep. Even that moment in between sleep and awake, I sometimes feel like i have the most clarity.
Music also is a great tool for me. I don't listen to anything sad but I sing at the top of my lungs to my ipod or to youtube. I think my neighbours hate me because my voice is terrible :-)
But I read once that nobody can feel sad or down when they're singing. That's very true.
My other go-to is comedy. I love stand up or old comedy favourites. I have NOT watched The Vow or ... what is it ... the Lucky One or Lucky One.
I'm not sad anymore about that person but I know if I were to watch one of those movies or rehash The NOtebook, I would be worse off.
All my favourites! I love Russell Peters. I can watch Chris Rock all the time too haha. My favourite line to say to my brother (when he expects a pat on the back for something unremarkable) is "what? you want a cookie?" I crack myself up all the time time. He is less amused ;D
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@cfisher: I am listening to Steve g jones. On amazon they are 99 cents to listen to with amazon player! 8)
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@scorpiogirl - Russell, Russell? Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad!!! *with a manly Indian voice and a pointing at the person* bah ha ha ha ha!!! And he's such a proud Canadian! Love Russell peters! Seriously guys/ladies, if you want to laugh your ass off, download *Red, White and Brown* I saw him in concert for that one, way too funny!
@oby1konobie- sorry, I cannot for the life of me spell out your username! So I made a funny about it instead, Steve G. Jones, hypnotist. I think I will check that out actually. Thanks for the input!
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Looking back at my experiences, I would have told myself to not try and jump back into the dating game when I was still in love and hurting from my ex. It all ended in disaster and I narrowly escaped some terrible situation.
Stay alone, deal with your feelings and life no matter how long it takes, and get stronger in whatever way is good for you. Plan your life for you till you really are happy and ok again. Once you are, things will happen then! They do!
Baggage Reclaim is amazing, read it like a bible.
If you're wounded, you will never have a chance at being whole and well again until you heal...take all the time in the world to allow that to happen. It's the most important thing. The answers lie within yourself, not with readers or friends or anything. You can get info from books and help from forums and friends, but ultimately the healing will come from you.
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I just wanted to say thank you for posting about baggage reclaim. I feel like I've looked at the blog/site before but for whatever reason this time I was ready for the information. I started reading her book about the fantasy relationship and wow, that's got some powerful stuff in it, I'm hoping this 'reality check' will actually be one important piece of the puzzle that will lead me down a path of not choosing to continue to fuel a fantasy by getting readings that keep me 'hooked' in despite all evidence and common sense (and my own dreams and intuitions). At some point I'll share my positive and negative experiences with the readers I've used. Mostly psychics from CP but I've been getting readings for most of my life... Anyway, thank you, this book has been helpful and I've only just started it.
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Here's another one you may find helpful: www.lisaescott.com
She married a narsacisst control freak of a guy and got out of it and healed.
Many, many women on there have dealt with terrible guys and are on the path to healing. One step at a time, right?
Good luck and big hugs :)
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I can relate, esp the latter part. Thank you for this post......... :) I am going to try it!
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Aww...thanks hun! :)
Yea, I know what you mean about having contact with them. It does make it difficult and you find yourself holding on and clinging to that. I think it really hit me when I realized how dare this man go from marriage to friend?? overnight??
It doesn't make sense and is complete disrespect to me. Oh and also that he didn't apologize. huh?
Yea not acceptable.
It was a huge step for me to walk away and was not advisable from Kisha and Sapphire...but to be honest. I feel better now than how I would have felt if I was still in contact with him. I've officially started healing and we really do need that time away from them.
Maybe one day we can be friends, but not right now. It's a blow to my self respect to allow someone to stay in my life when he did what he did.
It's like, "oh ok, sure you broke my heart, but here, you deserve my friendship because you are just that great of a chap."
Nope - Wrong!
It is so hard to do right by you sometimes and sometimes, the best decision is what our mind and logic says than what our heart is screaming at the moment...but in the end, you will have your self respect and that my friend is nothing that man can take from you!
Gosh I know this is an old thread, but this post and others in it have resonated so much with me. I have been feeling the same exact way! I refuse to talk to this man now at all, I don't want to be his friend, nothing, UNLESS he comes thru with a big apology and some real stuff. And having him in my life was making me feel like crap anyway, so what the heck is the point???
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The way things played out with my previous ex - the one I got started calling psychics about back in 2007 when I signed up on Keen - after stonewalling me for over 3 years, suddenly he wanted to be friends with me, said he was going through a rough time and could really "use" a friend...I told him no, because you haven't been much of a friend to me. Rather than seeing it from my perspective, or apologizing, or at least taking it gracefully, he went in attack mode, and his last words to me before hanging up the phone were "you're dead to me."
Of course this was after most of the psychics had told me we would get back together, one had even told me we would start out being friends first so we could talk things over and gradually ease back into a relationship. In my mind though, all of that was conditional on him changing his abusive behavior and making amends for it. When I finally heard from him again I could tell he hadn't changed at all, and just wanted to go on blaming me for his behavior, so a friendship was totally out of the question, much less anything more.
I think some of these readers have a real blind spot to how these men really operate psychologically, it makes me question if they are in abusive relationships themselves, are themselves abusive, or are so lovesick over someone they want to be with that it distorts their entire perspective.
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This is a great post! Sorry, I am going over all the old posts today, but finding some real good links and information...
The thing which helped me heal is time and faith. I have to see my POI daily at work, and be nice with him even after the way he treated me.. it was super tough! I went into depression, would cry for hours, take days off, it was HORRIBLE! I feel sooooo better now and so proud of myself..
Am I over him? No, not really. I still do love him, but I don't want anything to do with him.. It's the love I have in my heart. He is not good for me, I realized it later and fell in love before..so I am not going to beat myself up for being in love, but I am just keeping this love in my heart and learning to being open to other possibilities..
Last year, my love for him was obsessive, I wanted him back in my life. I would get super upset if I will get the hint he is seeing someone else..but now it's opposite- I don't care what he does. I was and am honest, loving, caring..and sorry for you to have missed that!
EFT Tapping helped me tons! I joined a local meetup group and did videos on youtube by Brad Yates. Listened to Subliminal messages by Vortex Success and Rockstar affirmations. Sleep Hypnosis by Michael Sealy, etc.. all of it has changed my life for better. It was a slow process but such an amazing journey..
In fact, now I think, that my POI came to my life because I was meant to learn all this stuff and learn to love myself more.
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OH gosh I just started reading the baggagereclaim site and it's AMAZING. I'm glad someone recommended it.