Hands up if you've ever been told this....

[Girly1998]

So a question for the ladies...wo uld sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???

I would always give each guy a chance I meet. You can't tar everyone with the same brush or it'll never work out from the get go. Like if you get cheated on by someone, you can't assume everyone will and then go on to become clingy, possessive insecure and subsequentl y push the other person away. I certainly wouldn't basically throw someone else under a train and run off to protect myself but hurt them. That's selfish.

Same. I’ve never avoided someone for the fear of being hurt. I’ve had insecuritie s in relationshi ps due to past experiences but I just ask for reassurance instead of running off.

[Star_01]

So a question for the ladies...wo uld sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???

I would always give each guy a chance I meet. You can't tar everyone with the same brush or it'll never work out from the get go. Like if you get cheated on by someone, you can't assume everyone will and then go on to become clingy, possessive insecure and subsequentl y push the other person away. I certainly wouldn't basically throw someone else under a train and run off to protect myself but hurt them. That's selfish.

Same. I’ve never avoided someone for the fear of being hurt. I’ve had insecuritie s in relationshi ps due to past experiences but I just ask for reassurance instead of running off.

I'll always be upfront too and say look I'm wary because I've been hurt, let's take things slowly with each other and not rush into anything. If I feel like I can't do it I will be frank always and say it isn't for me and I don't want to waste the person's time, because that's what I'd hope for someone to do to me.

I have had a guy argue with me, block me then a month later come back and apologise for his actions and how it was too soon for him and he got scared as he wasn't ready and I appreciated that a bit more, as it was a month and for men it can take big balls to say they are sorry... But after 3 months I really begin to lose any sympathy.

[Loulou]

Always hated these answers and it took me a long time to realise it’s all ****.

I’ve recently become involved with a guy that is constant and admits his fears for our connection and how scared it makes him.

So he sees me as worth it and makes so much time to express himself

So don’t listen.  Sit with what makes you comfortable . Never hold on be
Cause a psychic says you should.

[Loulou]

So a question for the ladies...wo uld sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???

Yes. I’ve had poi’s full on. Promises made to be let down.  Then when a genuine guy came along my anxiety sent me to bed.  I couldn’t cope.  I almost ran away.  Still on that verge of it too. 

[doubleoh8]

So a question for the ladies...wo uld sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???

Yes. I’ve had poi’s full on. Promises made to be let down.  Then when a genuine guy came along my anxiety sent me to bed.  I couldn’t cope.  I almost ran away.  Still on that verge of it too.

I agree that fear can keep people from accepting / stepping toward something and someone good for them. I know in my case that when I am in a mode of healing from a relationshi p I just simply can't open myself to a new one... it just takes the time it takes and I do think there is a chunk of time when I am completely unavailable . I have held men out that I thought might really hurt me, and I have likely given others mixed messages, on one hand wanting to let them in and on the other not fully trusting, and therefore holding back a lot.

I have been on the other end of that dynamic as well, where someone else gave me very mixed messages, and this had a lot to do with my calling psychics. One particular man I called about -- I got the 'he's got feelings, but is too scared' line many times. I do believe there was truth to that because he opened up about a past relationshi p that really crushed him, and also talked about how he didn't really want to fall in love again. And here's where the rub lies; I had a wise intuitive tell me -- early on when I met this particular guy" You need to get it into your head, scared means unavailable ."

It took 3 more years of my own stubbornnes s to realize that was true. I kept thinking I could show that guy that I was "safe" and good for him, and solid, etc. But at the end of the day, if what psychics were telling me was true and he was scared of his feelings... it didn't really matter what I did because that was his stuff to work through. Having been through that, I don't think I'd even hold on to someone who was "too scared" again, unless they were super open, consistent and actively working through that fear (as in @loulou's case).

Last thought: I think sometimes people don't recognize what holds them back as fear. I think that's why many men and women gravitate toward dysfunction al, abusive or simply banal relationshi ps. Those may feel safer (to someone who is afraid to have their heart broken) because of some underlying, subconsciou s beliefs. For example, if someone goes back to an abusive relationshi p, it may be that he/she feels a level of familiarity and therefore control in it. By contrast, a prospective relationshi p where the other person is treating them with kindness and respect may feel so foreign it's scary.

Does this make sense? I am by no means trying to make excuses for bad behaviour ... my main point is that peoples' psyches are pretty complex and if someone is genuinely too afraid for a healthy relationshi p, you take a big risk in trying to heal them and convince them otherwise.

I didn't mean for this to be such a long post... hope it's helpful.

[dasaninot]

I think we're delving into important psychology topics here. It is important to acknowledge that we're all different from person to person (irrelevant of gender), but males and females do have some common themes.

Males generally do tend to bury their emotions and not explode, if they haven't moved on, until later.
Females generally tend to accept their hurt head on, and long-term move on faster if they're able to move on.

Although I would say if someone is in a relationshi p with another, after you, then those "he's afraid of commitment" comments are so invalid. And when you tell them that how could he be afraid when he's in a relationshi p? They all start to spew the whole "oh, she's clingy, he can't get rid of her, etc." Point is they are not anti-committal, they just don't want to commit to you.

The only time you can believe that whole argument is when they ran away within like a month of dating, and proceed to date around from person to person. That could be argued they're a f*cukboi, they're simply looking for fun and lied pretending to be serious, or they're anti-committal and afraid.

If someone just disappears after months of dating or a year in a relationshi p, let's cross them off ladies. They're not anti-committal. They're not going through things. Either something changed and they lost feelings, or they never had anything strong enough to stick and lied. Men lie all the time. Men throw "I love you" around like it's nothing. And men find someone new and are enticed and they grow colder with you and hotter with them. If they just disappear without saying goodbye, they're a spineless coward who doesn't deserve you. Let's think of it as a favor to us, that it happened when it did and not even later on. Don't waste more of your time and heart thinking about these scums. Don't waste your hard-earned money filling scammer pockets with matters of the heart.

Not every man is anti-committal. Maybe college years and shortly after college, and it's mostly because they want to have fun and date around and be free. Most men commit. Commitment doesn't mean marriage, it simply means being faithful in a relationshi p with one person. I hate how these psychics throw that generalizat ion around simply because it's convenient for them. They want you weak, and attached, and hanging on and waiting for a guy because it means more chances of you returning to them.

We all know the psychic longing is hard to defeat after it becomes habit, but we can do it. It only takes 2 months to break a habit completely. Let's wean off, at least on subjects that have disappeared and aren't worth our time or money.

[Star_01]

I do think that some men get scared of commitment or getting hurt but in their eyes admitting to that is a sign of weakness, so they see it as better to run or have short constant flings than anything stable. With women we tend to be more emotional and take it personally, absorb it in as us being the problem or what did we do wrong, etc. It would be easier to have a man be honest sometimes lol.

[njlady]

So a question for the ladies...wo uld sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???

No.  I'm great at recognizing behavior patters and saying "no" and "goodbye" to people that don't suit me or aren't good for me.  If I'm getting hurt, I'm putting a stop to the relationshi p. I don't punish new people for the actions of others.  That's living in the past, not being able to let go and not learning from your experiences .  Some people love to be the perpetual victim with what every man/woman has done to them.  I'm sorry, but after something happens once .. maybe even twice, you should be able to recognize the red flags and make an exit BEFORE you get hurt.  You learn a lesson from what happened and  move forward with new knowledge and to new experiences .

If I meet a man that I like and he is holding on to what some other woman did .... well he can hang on to those memories because he sure as hell isn't going to be allowed to waste my time.  I prefer my men to live in the present, not the past. I'm not interested in someone who makes perpetual bad choices and lacks self-awareness. I have no desire to "fix" them.

If you are dealing with a woman who is evading rather than evolving; asking herself "what red flags did I miss?", "what have I learned to watch out for", "how can I prevent this from happening again?", "what do I know now that I didn't before?"  and a thousand other productive questions and instead just sits there like a broken toy, walk.  They aren't good relationshi p material.