How does it work? *warning, very cynical view here*

[whskers]

Could this be the reason why none of us ever have a reading where the psychic say the POI doesn’t love you? Has ANYONE at all here ever have a reading where they say nope there’s no feeling? LOL.

I was dealing with ex poi.. and the following said he is not worth it..

In 2014 I first met him but i was in a cool of relationshi p.

Stephanie’s guided tarot - she said he has a phobia in relationshi ps and will never want to be committed. He’s a player and don’t waste time on him. Stick with the other guy I was waiting for.

The other guy came back in 2014 and we were in a relationshi p until 2016. In 2016 he passed away unexpectedl y so I came close again with the ex poi. But he was very deceiving.

Moira of psychic source - no he’s not good for me. She said it in a very firm and direct way and the call ended after 1 minute.
Sweetheart tarot - she said this guy is not a good person and she will not waste my money on him. Please don’t ever call about him again.
Stephanie’s guided tarot - said he’s not good for me and she will not say he is just to make me feel better.
Christy of psychic source  (? - can’t remember exact name) - she didn’t like him at all.
Spiritual advisor and Aries institution was the closest. They said communicati on will increase but will never be a relationshi p. I found out something about him so I stop communicati ng. That’s when he contacted me everyday for 2 months straight.

Basically the guy was a jerk and is a player. They were correct. He is afraid of relationshi p because his long term gf who he proposed to dumped him.

[Miss Philosopher]

I don't understand men.. This is going to sound bad written down online, but my POI was a little possessive in our relationshi p.. So for him to have gone this long without contact, I can't understand. . I would have thought that he would be worrying I'd be moving on and would have done something by now to prevent it or see what I'm upto.

I don't buy men not reaching out because I think they would do anything to prevent you from moving on.. He's surely scared to lose you, some men have a reason to make contact like in my case but I won't say the reason on the board. There isn't alot of excuse. If you love someone why would you go around your life surpressing feelings for someone but dating others? Surely something in you must go "I really can't avoid her, I miss her and I've tried everything but can't move on". I think it's an excuse readers make that he cares but won't reach out. I also think it's something people are saying to themselves to make themselves feel better. "Aww he loves me, but he doesn't want to reach out to me". If it makes you feel better than think that. At the end of the day, none of us know what our POI's and exes are like except the person themselves. So Law and Smoothie, only you two know what he's like.. If he really did care for you, if he has commitment issues so he would be scared to reach out first. Every case is different.

At some point, the dude does come to the conclusion that he misses a person and loves a person but doesn't act upon it for certain reasons. The biggest reason being, they love their own wants/needs more. Love and relationshi ps require a certain amount of sacrifice from both parties in many different ways. It also comes with responsibil ities toward another person in so much as, now you have their heart and you are responsible for not breaking it, you are responsible for keeping your word, not lying, remaining loyal, fighting any other urges one may have that only freedom from a serious relationshi p allows.

A man can date a bunch of people and not become emotionally attached. They can date someone for a year without becoming emotionally attached. To them, it isn't a "serious" relationshi p. He can also love you, but not be ready to "commit" to you and loves his freedom more at that time. Some men can love you but feel they need to accomplish other things first in their lives and cannot put energy into a relationshi p. There's so many reasons but it doesn't mean love can't exist. It just means that there are different depths of love and it also depends on what phase in life that person is in.

Love and relationshi ps definitely aren't black and white. Hell, seems more gray than anything lol.

[star1]

I don't understand men.. This is going to sound bad written down online, but my POI was a little possessive in our relationshi p.. So for him to have gone this long without contact, I can't understand. . I would have thought that he would be worrying I'd be moving on and would have done something by now to prevent it or see what I'm upto.

I don't buy men not reaching out because I think they would do anything to prevent you from moving on.. He's surely scared to lose you, some men have a reason to make contact like in my case but I won't say the reason on the board. There isn't alot of excuse. If you love someone why would you go around your life surpressing feelings for someone but dating others? Surely something in you must go "I really can't avoid her, I miss her and I've tried everything but can't move on". I think it's an excuse readers make that he cares but won't reach out. I also think it's something people are saying to themselves to make themselves feel better. "Aww he loves me, but he doesn't want to reach out to me". If it makes you feel better than think that. At the end of the day, none of us know what our POI's and exes are like except the person themselves. So Law and Smoothie, only you two know what he's like.. If he really did care for you, if he has commitment issues so he would be scared to reach out first. Every case is different.

At some point, the dude does come to the conclusion that he misses a person and loves a person but doesn't act upon it for certain reasons. The biggest reason being, they love their own wants/needs more. Love and relationshi ps require a certain amount of sacrifice from both parties in many different ways. It also comes with responsibil ities toward another person in so much as, now you have their heart and you are responsible for not breaking it, you are responsible for keeping your word, not lying, remaining loyal, fighting any other urges one may have that only freedom from a serious relationshi p allows.

A man can date a bunch of people and not become emotionally attached. They can date someone for a year without becoming emotionally attached. To them, it isn't a "serious" relationshi p. He can also love you, but not be ready to "commit" to you and loves his freedom more at that time. Some men can love you but feel they need to accomplish other things first in their lives and cannot put energy into a relationshi p. There's so many reasons but it doesn't mean love can't exist. It just means that there are different depths of love and it also depends on what phase in life that person is in.

Love and relationshi ps definitely aren't black and white. Hell, seems more gray than anything lol.

Thank you for explaining this to me, I'm young still and am new to all of this with men.. But I think in my experience so far of men if they really do love you, they won't want any freedom if that makes sense. A couple of readers have been saying that to me about my ex, and if anything I'm the one who wanted freedom because my ex was possessive and quite needy at times. Then when next moment he was backing away and saying I was being full on.. I've met some guys before who act immature and do the drinking and doing things to impress their friends and all that immature shit, but when it comes to ladies if they really like someone they don't want "freedom". They want to be serious with the woman. The thing is, I'd rather these readers were more realistic and honest and said "he might have feelings for you, but he wants his freedom and he isn't coming back", than "yes he loves you, but let him mess about and he's going to realise and come your way".

I can understand with Mr commitment-phobe because he wants someone but is scared to commit, so he's back and forth with them and doesn't want to get hurt. But when readers say "he's enjoying his freedom", then I am skeptical of that. I am enjoying being single and not putting up with crap, but I also if I meet someone and we connect I would put the relationshi p and connection over freedom.

And say for example if a man does want his freedom, and it's been a year though and he's still got for example Mrs Philosopher on his mind.. Surely in a year's time, he's going to think - "I really miss Miss Philosopher, I can't shake her out of my mind and I'll drop a text to see how she's getting on"?

I've talked to guys in the past not looking for a commitment, being honest for an ego boost to see what's out there and get compliments from guys and attention, but then liked someone unexpectedl y and decided to pursue it. The only thing I can understand is commitment-phobes.


What I really mean is - like in my case, if you and the ex aren't in contact and he's dating other women but not connecting with them (as all the readers say 🙄), then surely he's going to get bored because he realises he still loves YOU and has no interests to these other women or his "freedom".

[Miss Philosopher]

I don't understand men.. This is going to sound bad written down online, but my POI was a little possessive in our relationshi p.. So for him to have gone this long without contact, I can't understand. . I would have thought that he would be worrying I'd be moving on and would have done something by now to prevent it or see what I'm upto.

I don't buy men not reaching out because I think they would do anything to prevent you from moving on.. He's surely scared to lose you, some men have a reason to make contact like in my case but I won't say the reason on the board. There isn't alot of excuse. If you love someone why would you go around your life surpressing feelings for someone but dating others? Surely something in you must go "I really can't avoid her, I miss her and I've tried everything but can't move on". I think it's an excuse readers make that he cares but won't reach out. I also think it's something people are saying to themselves to make themselves feel better. "Aww he loves me, but he doesn't want to reach out to me". If it makes you feel better than think that. At the end of the day, none of us know what our POI's and exes are like except the person themselves. So Law and Smoothie, only you two know what he's like.. If he really did care for you, if he has commitment issues so he would be scared to reach out first. Every case is different.

At some point, the dude does come to the conclusion that he misses a person and loves a person but doesn't act upon it for certain reasons. The biggest reason being, they love their own wants/needs more. Love and relationshi ps require a certain amount of sacrifice from both parties in many different ways. It also comes with responsibil ities toward another person in so much as, now you have their heart and you are responsible for not breaking it, you are responsible for keeping your word, not lying, remaining loyal, fighting any other urges one may have that only freedom from a serious relationshi p allows.

A man can date a bunch of people and not become emotionally attached. They can date someone for a year without becoming emotionally attached. To them, it isn't a "serious" relationshi p. He can also love you, but not be ready to "commit" to you and loves his freedom more at that time. Some men can love you but feel they need to accomplish other things first in their lives and cannot put energy into a relationshi p. There's so many reasons but it doesn't mean love can't exist. It just means that there are different depths of love and it also depends on what phase in life that person is in.

Love and relationshi ps definitely aren't black and white. Hell, seems more gray than anything lol.

Thank you for explaining this to me, I'm young still and am new to all of this with men.. But I think in my experience so far of men if they really do love you, they won't want any freedom if that makes sense. A couple of readers have been saying that to me about my ex, and if anything I'm the one who wanted freedom because my ex was possessive and quite needy at times. Then when next moment he was backing away and saying I was being full on.. I've met some guys before who act immature and do the drinking and doing things to impress their friends and all that immature shit, but when it comes to ladies if they really like someone they don't want "freedom". They want to be serious with the woman. The thing is, I'd rather these readers were more realistic and honest and said "he might have feelings for you, but he wants his freedom and he isn't coming back", than "yes he loves you, but let him mess about and he's going to realise and come your way".

I can understand with Mr commitment-phobe because he wants someone but is scared to commit, so he's back and forth with them and doesn't want to get hurt. But when readers say "he's enjoying his freedom", then I am skeptical of that. I am enjoying being single and not putting up with crap, but I also if I meet someone and we connect I would put the relationshi p and connection over freedom.

And say for example if a man does want his freedom, and it's been a year though and he's still got for example Mrs Philosopher on his mind.. Surely in a year's time, he's going to think - "I really miss Miss Philosopher, I can't shake her out of my mind and I'll drop a text to see how she's getting on"?

I've talked to guys in the past not looking for a commitment, being honest for an ego boost to see what's out there and get compliments from guys and attention, but then liked someone unexpectedl y and decided to pursue it. The only thing I can understand is commitment-phobes.


What I really mean is - like in my case, if you and the ex aren't in contact and he's dating other women but not connecting with them (as all the readers say 🙄), then surely he's going to get bored because he realises he still loves YOU and has no interests to these other women or his "freedom".

You're right in a sense about the whole freedom thing. Because, you can still have freedom whilst in a relationshi p. It isn't about restriction which is how a lot of men and even women can see it. However, on the flip side of that token, one person's definition of freedom may not be the same as another person's. It takes emotional maturity and wisdom to understand that a relationshi p doesn't mean lack of freedom. Some men want to play the field for awhile before settling down. A lot of times, I've seen it soooooooooo o many times, that a man will leave a good woman so he can go off and "sow his wild oats" and be completely free of relationshi p responsibil ities and then after he's done, and ready to commit and settle down, he remembers that good woman and returns to her. Unfortunate ly, in many cases, he loses out cause she's moved on, BUT that isn't always the case.

I know it's difficult to fully understand. A lot of times, the woman will be further ahead when it comes to emotional maturity then most men. It's sort of like kids and parents. When we're first born and throughout our toddler and preteen years, we are attached to our parents (usually) but then when we hit teenage years and throughout the entire duration of our 20s, we sort of just want to go explore, figure out who we are, learn what we want and what we don't want, experience many things without the direction and protection of our parents. But then, after the age of 30, we start to return to wanting to have a closer relationshi p with our parents and have learned many things.

So, you see, it's really similar in relationshi ps. I understand it gets really frustrating and sometimes very hard to understand the dynamics of human growth. Some of us were just born with more maturity and wisdom, whereas others, must learn through life experiences, trial and error.

None of what I said is going to make you feel better or take away any grief or pain. I understand that. Just trying to help shed a bit of light on what could possibly be going on.

[star1]

I don't understand men.. This is going to sound bad written down online, but my POI was a little possessive in our relationshi p.. So for him to have gone this long without contact, I can't understand. . I would have thought that he would be worrying I'd be moving on and would have done something by now to prevent it or see what I'm upto.

I don't buy men not reaching out because I think they would do anything to prevent you from moving on.. He's surely scared to lose you, some men have a reason to make contact like in my case but I won't say the reason on the board. There isn't alot of excuse. If you love someone why would you go around your life surpressing feelings for someone but dating others? Surely something in you must go "I really can't avoid her, I miss her and I've tried everything but can't move on". I think it's an excuse readers make that he cares but won't reach out. I also think it's something people are saying to themselves to make themselves feel better. "Aww he loves me, but he doesn't want to reach out to me". If it makes you feel better than think that. At the end of the day, none of us know what our POI's and exes are like except the person themselves. So Law and Smoothie, only you two know what he's like.. If he really did care for you, if he has commitment issues so he would be scared to reach out first. Every case is different.

At some point, the dude does come to the conclusion that he misses a person and loves a person but doesn't act upon it for certain reasons. The biggest reason being, they love their own wants/needs more. Love and relationshi ps require a certain amount of sacrifice from both parties in many different ways. It also comes with responsibil ities toward another person in so much as, now you have their heart and you are responsible for not breaking it, you are responsible for keeping your word, not lying, remaining loyal, fighting any other urges one may have that only freedom from a serious relationshi p allows.

A man can date a bunch of people and not become emotionally attached. They can date someone for a year without becoming emotionally attached. To them, it isn't a "serious" relationshi p. He can also love you, but not be ready to "commit" to you and loves his freedom more at that time. Some men can love you but feel they need to accomplish other things first in their lives and cannot put energy into a relationshi p. There's so many reasons but it doesn't mean love can't exist. It just means that there are different depths of love and it also depends on what phase in life that person is in.

Love and relationshi ps definitely aren't black and white. Hell, seems more gray than anything lol.

Thank you for explaining this to me, I'm young still and am new to all of this with men.. But I think in my experience so far of men if they really do love you, they won't want any freedom if that makes sense. A couple of readers have been saying that to me about my ex, and if anything I'm the one who wanted freedom because my ex was possessive and quite needy at times. Then when next moment he was backing away and saying I was being full on.. I've met some guys before who act immature and do the drinking and doing things to impress their friends and all that immature shit, but when it comes to ladies if they really like someone they don't want "freedom". They want to be serious with the woman. The thing is, I'd rather these readers were more realistic and honest and said "he might have feelings for you, but he wants his freedom and he isn't coming back", than "yes he loves you, but let him mess about and he's going to realise and come your way".

I can understand with Mr commitment-phobe because he wants someone but is scared to commit, so he's back and forth with them and doesn't want to get hurt. But when readers say "he's enjoying his freedom", then I am skeptical of that. I am enjoying being single and not putting up with crap, but I also if I meet someone and we connect I would put the relationshi p and connection over freedom.

And say for example if a man does want his freedom, and it's been a year though and he's still got for example Mrs Philosopher on his mind.. Surely in a year's time, he's going to think - "I really miss Miss Philosopher, I can't shake her out of my mind and I'll drop a text to see how she's getting on"?

I've talked to guys in the past not looking for a commitment, being honest for an ego boost to see what's out there and get compliments from guys and attention, but then liked someone unexpectedl y and decided to pursue it. The only thing I can understand is commitment-phobes.


What I really mean is - like in my case, if you and the ex aren't in contact and he's dating other women but not connecting with them (as all the readers say 🙄), then surely he's going to get bored because he realises he still loves YOU and has no interests to these other women or his "freedom".

You're right in a sense about the whole freedom thing. Because, you can still have freedom whilst in a relationshi p. It isn't about restriction which is how a lot of men and even women can see it. However, on the flip side of that token, one person's definition of freedom may not be the same as another person's. It takes emotional maturity and wisdom to understand that a relationshi p doesn't mean lack of freedom. Some men want to play the field for awhile before settling down. A lot of times, I've seen it soooooooooo o many times, that a man will leave a good woman so he can go off and "sow his wild oats" and be completely free of relationshi p responsibil ities and then after he's done, and ready to commit and settle down, he remembers that good woman and returns to her. Unfortunate ly, in many cases, he loses out cause she's moved on, BUT that isn't always the case.

I know it's difficult to fully understand. A lot of times, the woman will be further ahead when it comes to emotional maturity then most men. It's sort of like kids and parents. When we're first born and throughout our toddler and preteen years, we are attached to our parents (usually) but then when we hit teenage years and throughout the entire duration of our 20s, we sort of just want to go explore, figure out who we are, learn what we want and what we don't want, experience many things without the direction and protection of our parents. But then, after the age of 30, we start to return to wanting to have a closer relationshi p with our parents and have learned many things.

So, you see, it's really similar in relationshi ps. I understand it gets really frustrating and sometimes very hard to understand the dynamics of human growth. Some of us were just born with more maturity and wisdom, whereas others, must learn through life experiences, trial and error.

None of what I said is going to make you feel better or take away any grief or pain. I understand that. Just trying to help shed a bit of light on what could possibly be going on.

Thank you for explaining. Men coming back once the woman has moved on seems to be common, but I never have had an ex come back before. However, it appears to happen often. Men seem to think that we will wait forever on them and we are stagnant in our lives like a statue for them, lol. If my ex comes back after playing about, I'm sorry but that's really disrespectf ul and I'm not going to be walked all over like that. If he comes back and says he wasn't ready, he was scared and was honest and said he was scared of the C word, I could accept more.

I think in my case, the guy has commitment issues from when I've spoken to you privately and probably finds it easier to hop to girls and block them after a while of contacting. As much as I didn't get much with Psych Shelly, she told me he's like the kid in the sweetshop licking the lollies but he isn't meeting any of them. It's all online communicati on and he makes excuses when it comes to meeting up. I don't know what's true, but obviously he hasn't been in a monk in all of this time and he's seen at least someone. I definitely think it's more to do with trouble of commitment but I could be wrong as I'm not a doctor.


But yeah when it comes to freedom, I think there's a thin veil between that and the commitment phobia. I think what's acceptable is some of our men don't want to commit and prefer to come to us, see other women, come to us so they're not getting hurt and can't commit to anyone.. But it's not about wanting the best of both worlds of freedom and playing about putting into any hole lol, I don't think that's good enough personally.

[Miss Philosopher]

I think your guy is just young and yes, has commitment issues due to his lack of emotional maturity. That isn't to say that he will not mature at some point and get a clue. Just saying that maybe that's where he's at now in his life. Hell, I know some dudes that are still that way in their 40s lol. I think commitment phobia comes from a few things. One is, a fear of being hurt. If your guy or any guy for that matter has been heartbroken and burned in the past, it's very hard for them to commit again due to that heartbreak. It will happen that they will eventually commit, but it may be a while.

There are also some men that enjoy the comfort and security of the relationshi p, but don't want the responsibil ities that come with said relationshi p. They want to do what they want to do without having to consider someone else, but at the same time they want to keep the comfort and security of a stable relationshi p. At the end of the day, it's selfish behavior. That's the gist of it. Selfishness is emotional immaturity at its finest.

[star1]

I think your guy is just young and yes, has commitment issues due to his lack of emotional maturity. That isn't to say that he will not mature at some point and get a clue. Just saying that maybe that's where he's at now in his life. Hell, I know some dudes that are still that way in their 40s lol. I think commitment phobia comes from a few things. One is, a fear of being hurt. If your guy or any guy for that matter has been heartbroken and burned in the past, it's very hard for them to commit again due to that heartbreak. It will happen that they will eventually commit, but it may be a while.

There are also some men that enjoy the comfort and security of the relationshi p, but don't want the responsibil ities that come with said relationshi p. They want to do what they want to do without having to consider someone else, but at the same time they want to keep the comfort and security of a stable relationshi p. At the end of the day, it's selfish behavior. That's the gist of it. Selfishness is emotional immaturity at its finest.

See (again) readings are confusing because some readers said that my ex partner has NPD traits and will never change.  I will say he does have traits of that, but it's not extreme like another ex had. Some said he won't ever be able to be consistent. I won't go into details but most people who act up usually had a bad childhood and that's the case here. My POI and yours has the same star sign and yours is older obviously, and perhaps mine when he's your guys age might still be the same. Leanne Halyburton told me that she wouldn't be surprised if he gets a woman pregnant within the next 18 months and another reader said it once. He's certainly unstable - I know guys, why should I care for someone like this.

[Miss Philosopher]

Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.

Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunate ly that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailabil ity as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectation s in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness . Selfishness is truly blinding.

I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentional ly, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness . I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitaria n side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.

[star1]

Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.

Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunate ly that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailabil ity as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectation s in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness . Selfishness is truly blinding.

I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentional ly, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness . I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitaria n side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.

I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationshi p before me and my relationshi p with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..

Something that he did which is classic narcissisti c behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationshi p he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.

I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality . I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologis t) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.

[star1]

People with NPD are literally immature in a way they won't ever grow out of. Very unlikely anyway. They get stuck development ally around the age of 5-6 years old. When a person can't ever take accountabil ity or apologize or show remorse that's a very bad sign. And combined with jealousy and possesivene ss, all kinds of things could go wrong with that. Star1 you might really dodge a bullet if you lose this guy.

Thanks Still Tired. I completely agree - someone can be immatue, but still accept and apologise if they have done something wrong. If he is not able to apologise or at least show remorse at even his age, then it is worrying. He very much is someone who can't take the blame and always shifts it onto someone else. That is not healthy and I'm beginning to realise it all more, now. The fact he hasn't come forward to check I'm okay or say sorry or anything shows that he still is in that "it's all your fault, but never mine" phase.

[psychic girls]

I'm 100 percent sure that psychics can't pick up feeling, why then do they tell everyone of us they the same stock line he had deep feeling for you but he/she scary/afraid or because of fear.

[Miss Philosopher]

@psychicgirl: I never got that stock line. I was always told that my ex was just extremely selfish and that he wanted things on his terms and no other way, which is actually true.

@star1 and stilltired: Mine never has apologized for anything. Like, nothing at all. He'd run around an actual apology and justify his shitty behavior somehow and make excuses. There was only one time when he said "I don't know why I do some of the stuff I do. I'm just an idiot I guess" and he'd victimize himself rather than apologize in an attempt to make me feel sorry for him, which I typically did. Sometimes just because a person keeps contact with you, doesn't even mean they're doing it for the purpose of checking on you either. In my case, I feel it's been kept up for his own selfish reasons in an attempt to keep me in the background for the just in case cause he knows nothing ever turns out the way his delusional mind thinks it will. At this point though, I don't even care much anymore and it feels to me like I'm sort of keeping him in the background instead because I still care for him as a human and wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him, even though I've felt I did in times of anger. I'm not angry anymore. I'm just focusing on me and looking forward to the new.

I think stilltired is right star1. Perhaps you really did dodge a bullet on that one. To be fair, I can't say that he will never ever change. I will say though, that the selfishness is probably just part of his personality/character and that may never change. Mine was very territorial with me for many years. He still says things to this day to try to feed me a fish hook to prevent me from fully moving on. Only thing is, he doesn't know that it's not working anymore lol. Perhaps mine is also a narc but a more passive type rather than aggressive type. He's only territorial when he doesn't have a new person distracting him. Then when it fizzles out after a month or so, he's back trying to get me in the web again. It's a pattern that is so clear to me now. I think maybe you're lucky he hasn't strung you along like that as it's emotionally tortuous and takes much longer to get through and heal from. I still can't say that one day he won't grow up, but it's highly probable that he isn't gonna be good for you in the long run anyway because of certain personality/character traits that most likely will never resolve.

[Miss Philosopher]

Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.

Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunate ly that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailabil ity as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectation s in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness . Selfishness is truly blinding.

I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentional ly, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness . I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitaria n side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.

I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationshi p before me and my relationshi p with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..

Something that he did which is classic narcissisti c behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationshi p he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.

I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality . I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologis t) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.

The reason I say immaturity at this point, is because he's very very young. It would be unfair of me to say that he'll remain the same forever because I don't know that. I'm also not a psychologis t that has interviewed this person or attempted to treat him lol. I had a really really shitty childhood, was in foster homes, beaten, kidnapped and raped by two strangers, all kinds of things that I won't post here. However, I made a choice to not succumb to my past. I've made every effort to heal and become better than that. I did not inflict any kind of verbal and emotional abuse onto my son, which I went through daily. I stopped that cycle. Do I have some residual issues from my past? Absolutely. But I chose not to become the alcoholic, drug addict, criminal, depressed 24/7 etc. I wanted to be better than that and use my pain for the good of others. It's like two kids who both grow up in the same household with alcoholic parents. One grows up to be a drug addict and alcoholic and the other becomes a successful business owner. We all have choices. As for narcs, I've researched a lot on them as well and they CAN be helped with extensive psychothera py. Unfortunate ly, most don't get that help though. I try to look at things fairly. Yes there are some that cannot be helped because proper help is not sought after. There are some that do get helped.

You said you recognized the same sort of patterns in his past relationshi p and he victimized himself. Mine did the same in his 10 year marriage. He made his ex wife out to be a monster. That is until I read through tons of emails between them because I was curious what lead to the divorce. He had the same exact patterns and habits in his marriage that he has displayed with me over the last 5 years. This is what tells me he's probably not going to ever change until he loses everything and everyone and even then he still may not ever change and just think he's a victim and that nobody wants to be with him, as Kisha told me he would lol. She said he recognized some of his shitty behaviors but was too lazy to make any changes. I guess that makes sense because he hasn't been FORCED to make any changes cause he always has someone there helping him. He's gotta be living out of his car with nothing to get it I think, but even then, he has a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude. Idk. It's all way too much stress than it's worth anymore. Maybe you really did dodge a bullet as stilltired said.

[star1]

Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.

Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunate ly that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailabil ity as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectation s in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness . Selfishness is truly blinding.

I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentional ly, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness . I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitaria n side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.

I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationshi p before me and my relationshi p with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..

Something that he did which is classic narcissisti c behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationshi p he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.

I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality . I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologis t) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.

The reason I say immaturity at this point, is because he's very very young. It would be unfair of me to say that he'll remain the same forever because I don't know that. I'm also not a psychologis t that has interviewed this person or attempted to treat him lol. I had a really really shitty childhood, was in foster homes, beaten, kidnapped and raped by two strangers, all kinds of things that I won't post here. However, I made a choice to not succumb to my past. I've made every effort to heal and become better than that. I did not inflict any kind of verbal and emotional abuse onto my son, which I went through daily. I stopped that cycle. Do I have some residual issues from my past? Absolutely. But I chose not to become the alcoholic, drug addict, criminal, depressed 24/7 etc. I wanted to be better than that and use my pain for the good of others. It's like two kids who both grow up in the same household with alcoholic parents. One grows up to be a drug addict and alcoholic and the other becomes a successful business owner. We all have choices. As for narcs, I've researched a lot on them as well and they CAN be helped with extensive psychothera py. Unfortunate ly, most don't get that help though. I try to look at things fairly. Yes there are some that cannot be helped because proper help is not sought after. There are some that do get helped.

You said you recognized the same sort of patterns in his past relationshi p and he victimized himself. Mine did the same in his 10 year marriage. He made his ex wife out to be a monster. That is until I read through tons of emails between them because I was curious what lead to the divorce. He had the same exact patterns and habits in his marriage that he has displayed with me over the last 5 years. This is what tells me he's probably not going to ever change until he loses everything and everyone and even then he still may not ever change and just think he's a victim and that nobody wants to be with him, as Kisha told me he would lol. She said he recognized some of his shitty behaviors but was too lazy to make any changes. I guess that makes sense because he hasn't been FORCED to make any changes cause he always has someone there helping him. He's gotta be living out of his car with nothing to get it I think, but even then, he has a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude. Idk. It's all way too much stress than it's worth anymore. Maybe you really did dodge a bullet as stilltired said.

We will always carry parts from our childhood whether we realise it or not. For example you could feel like the strongest person in the world, but without realising it could be scared of violence and something within you sets off an alarm bell when you see fighting, you could be really defensive and quick to get angry or to argue because it's a form of protection (I'm not saying these are you, it's an example), allowing men to abuse and treat them abhorrently .. Of course everything that happens to us builds us. It's all about subconsciou s and we don't even realise we are doing it. We all have faults within us, like flaws. Perhaps some of those flaws are caused by what happened to us in our childhood.

I have to say to be very very honest that I find it very concerning that the readers told you that your guy isn't abusive or bad and he's just selfish. That's worrying because from things you've said on the board and to me, it's clear abuse. And for readers to say "oh poor him, he's going through alot right now" - they shouldn't make excuses for his behaviour like they did with me. So lots of women probably are in abusive relationshi ps without really realising it..

[Miss Philosopher]

Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.

Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunate ly that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailabil ity as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectation s in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness . Selfishness is truly blinding.

I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentional ly, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness . I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitaria n side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.

I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationshi p before me and my relationshi p with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..

Something that he did which is classic narcissisti c behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationshi p he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.

I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality . I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologis t) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.

The reason I say immaturity at this point, is because he's very very young. It would be unfair of me to say that he'll remain the same forever because I don't know that. I'm also not a psychologis t that has interviewed this person or attempted to treat him lol. I had a really really shitty childhood, was in foster homes, beaten, kidnapped and raped by two strangers, all kinds of things that I won't post here. However, I made a choice to not succumb to my past. I've made every effort to heal and become better than that. I did not inflict any kind of verbal and emotional abuse onto my son, which I went through daily. I stopped that cycle. Do I have some residual issues from my past? Absolutely. But I chose not to become the alcoholic, drug addict, criminal, depressed 24/7 etc. I wanted to be better than that and use my pain for the good of others. It's like two kids who both grow up in the same household with alcoholic parents. One grows up to be a drug addict and alcoholic and the other becomes a successful business owner. We all have choices. As for narcs, I've researched a lot on them as well and they CAN be helped with extensive psychothera py. Unfortunate ly, most don't get that help though. I try to look at things fairly. Yes there are some that cannot be helped because proper help is not sought after. There are some that do get helped.

You said you recognized the same sort of patterns in his past relationshi p and he victimized himself. Mine did the same in his 10 year marriage. He made his ex wife out to be a monster. That is until I read through tons of emails between them because I was curious what lead to the divorce. He had the same exact patterns and habits in his marriage that he has displayed with me over the last 5 years. This is what tells me he's probably not going to ever change until he loses everything and everyone and even then he still may not ever change and just think he's a victim and that nobody wants to be with him, as Kisha told me he would lol. She said he recognized some of his shitty behaviors but was too lazy to make any changes. I guess that makes sense because he hasn't been FORCED to make any changes cause he always has someone there helping him. He's gotta be living out of his car with nothing to get it I think, but even then, he has a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude. Idk. It's all way too much stress than it's worth anymore. Maybe you really did dodge a bullet as stilltired said.

We will always carry parts from our childhood whether we realise it or not. For example you could feel like the strongest person in the world, but without realising it could be scared of violence and something within you sets off an alarm bell when you see fighting, you could be really defensive and quick to get angry or to argue because it's a form of protection (I'm not saying these are you, it's an example), allowing men to abuse and treat them abhorrently .. Of course everything that happens to us builds us. It's all about subconsciou s and we don't even realise we are doing it. We all have faults within us, like flaws. Perhaps some of those flaws are caused by what happened to us in our childhood.

I have to say to be very very honest that I find it very concerning that the readers told you that your guy isn't abusive or bad and he's just selfish. That's worrying because from things you've said on the board and to me, it's clear abuse. And for readers to say "oh poor him, he's going through alot right now" - they shouldn't make excuses for his behaviour like they did with me. So lots of women probably are in abusive relationshi ps without really realising it..

I agree with you. That's why I'm currently studying the subconsciou s and ways to change it lol. I don't know if it will work but I'm gonna give it a shot. Yes, I do have certain defense mechanisms still at play from my past. I have massive trust problems, like to the extreme. I also do have temper problems even though I've chilled out a lot from what I used to be, it's still there and comes up from time to time. So, you're right. I just believe stuff can be healed and changed, maybe not every last piece of it, but some of it at least. Kisha told me he's super selfish, but means well, but just isn't in a position to change his life and that he's not serving any purpose for my highest good. Shelly straight up calls him a narc and continuousl y asks me wtf I want anything to do with him. Lol. Aliza, she also said he's got narc tendencies. My biggest problem to my own demise is, for whatever stupid reason, I keep thinking I can help change people. I do live in denial at times. I admit that. I try my best to snap into reality. It just takes me some time.