Feeling frustrated and helpless

[allibai3]

So after seeing my ex last for whatever reason he seems distant.I got back home last week Sunday , he didnt text me to see if I got home safe.On Monday, I snapchatted him a picture and he replied.Tuesday and Wednesday nothing.Thursday I texted him saying so you were going to go the whole week without talking to me and he said I could say the same.I reminded him that i reached out to him on Monday he said oh yeah he forgot anyway he asked me how I felt after seeing him.I was honest and expressed that I was confused and scared because I was not sure if I want to put my heart on the line again and Im scared to get hurt.I wrote a two page text and all he said was I c I c. like really! I asked him if he had anything to say and he said that he knows what to say but doesnt know how to say it in the right way I told him to just say it and it doesnt matter if it sounds right.Pretty much that whole day I was trying to get him to express himself and he kept saying he doesnt know how to explain and would ignore my text .So, I gave up. I have not heard from him in almost three days.Ig he does not reach out today it will be three days.Im honestly going to tell him that we just need to move on because his lack of effort is really not making this situation or helping me feel secure about sticking with him.I am honestly so hurt by his actions.I spoke to Keisha last week and she said that he loves me but  we will not be in a relationship and she metioned distance .She probably is describing the way he is being distant right now.Lila Q  said he loves and we will be together  and that he has things that he is struggling with he wantsz to work through and he is also trying to establish himself financially and is having problems at home. Looking at this situation right now I feel frustrated because Im giving it all I got.I drove five hours to  see this man spent money on gas,toll, and hotel and I get nothing.I just want to give up.

[allibai3]

I will try .I guess i'm feeling anxious because I am use to a certain pattern from him which is texting me every other day so now that he is not doing it I feel anxious and of course Im still hurt from the break up so I am trying to heal and trust him as well but I will try to be patient.

Thank you fluttershy

[FaithnTrust]

Please forget readings, and listen to your gut, and listen to what this man is saying and what he is not saying...this is where your truth lies.

[Sooshi]

It seems that most of us have ended up in classic pursuer-distancer dynamics in our relationships and it is very hard to break out of that cycle when it becomes ingrained in our relationships.

[allibai3]

@tthmpsj lol yeah he works on the weekends sometimes and he has class so I had to go there .Yeah you are right Im not going to go after him or text him but when he does text me hes going to feel my fury because what hes doing is unacceptable. Ill be going to vegas on tuesday so I am a little happy.Thanks for your advice I appreciate it

[allibai3]

Please forget readings, and listen to your gut, and listen to what this man is saying and what he is not saying...this is where your truth lies.

Yeah I am waiting to get a refund from keen after that I will close my account

[allibai3]

It sounds like he read your message and heard you! That is a lot more than what my guy can do. My guy has shutdown, he is emotionally stunted and retarded! Like really retarded! I remember telling one ex mine "if you're busy just say so and acknowledge that and I'll back off" and he did, and it was so nice to give him that space and he felt safe to talk without judgement. My current guy can't even do that. And it's heart wrenching shattering, no matter how kind or sweet I try to be. Maybe he doesn't feel safe? Point is I can't make him reach out if he's not ready. He is emotionally not available to me and probably not even to himself. And I think it reflects to me too. I am not being emotionally supportive to myself. I am taking it so personal! When it doesn't have to be. My anxiety has me falsely believing me that I am not good enough for him. Is that true? I have to constantly remind myself that it's my wounded part that wants to fix a solution that has me feeling helpless. How Do I hold myself while I feel this gut wrenching helplessness? I don't know. But I'm praying. I'm also looking at my intention and it is out desperation. It's still not from loving place for me. It truly has to come from a loving place to hold my helplessness.

It sounds basic- but it sounds like when he is ready he'll get back to you.

My ex sounds the same way as your guy.Instead of him sayinf hey I am thinking give me space he will just not answer my text or he will disappear.Which is really immature and unfair to me. All the time we are only able to talk when he is ready.He has to be reay in order for us to discuss things which is not fai.I should not have to sit around build up my anxiety waiting for him to be ready.He needs to grow the eff up. It is so freaking frustrating and I agree that their behavior can make you feel insecure and start to think that there is something wrong with you.Its really challenging.

[tired of it all]

This all sounds so familiar...like times where I'd pour my heart out to a guy and get a really short reply in response...or NO response.  Having to wait until HE is ready to talk.  And god forbid I talk about my real feelings or ask about HIS real feelings because it might freak him out.  Actually, you know what all this really reminds me of?  Trying to have a conversation with either of my parents, which is like talking to a brick wall.  And that's where it all started.  I grew up feeling like I had to try hard all the time.  I don't even know what it's like to have someone really care about me on their own, spontaneously, without me having to go do something to "earn" it.