The Psychic Reviews

Relationship Psychology Discussions => The Vent => Topic started by: sawthelight on May 17, 2018, 12:44:53 AM

Title: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: sawthelight on May 17, 2018, 12:44:53 AM
Do you guys think this is possible?

This guy I’m getting readings on, I know he cares...I know he likes me. I don’t, however see him making any comments that make me think he wants to persue a relationship...at least not directly.

So I’ve basically resigned myself that nothing will happen with him, despite all the readings telling me otherwise.

I don’t know if being friends is doable. I guess I can try but what do you guys think?

One time when I cut him off he got really upset, and he didn’t do anything (yet lol) to deserve that.
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: Hillcam on May 17, 2018, 01:39:17 AM
I’m in the same situation with my most recent POI. heard from him today and he said he’s unable to give me what I need from him but he still cares for me and wants me to be a part of his kid’s lives.

I don’t think it’s possible to be friends with someone you love. Maybe once you’ve stopped caring as much and wanting the relationship it’s possible, but for me, if I want to be with you and love you I can’t be your friend. It’s too hard to differentiate for me
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: alphabetsoup on May 17, 2018, 02:30:43 AM
You can be friends with someone you love, as long as they are not triggering you. If you are yearning for a relationship with POI and it's costing you, then you need to walk away.  Ask yourself, are you trying to get love from this person? If you are, then you can't be friends.  You have to be 100% alright with giving love and friendship and not expect anything in return.
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: scarlora on May 17, 2018, 02:42:17 AM
I'm nearly positive i would be over my ex if we didn't share kids.  I never had an issue getting over someone before, mostly because I could avoid them.  Then I became friends eith many of them a few months later when feelings were gone.
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: sawthelight on May 17, 2018, 02:38:46 PM
I’m in the same situation with my most recent POI. heard from him today and he said he’s unable to give me what I need from him but he still cares for me and wants me to be a part of his kid’s lives.

I don’t think it’s possible to be friends with someone you love. Maybe once you’ve stopped caring as much and wanting the relationship it’s possible, but for me, if I want to be with you and love you I can’t be your friend. It’s too hard to differentiate for me

Yea, I am kind of in the same boat :(

It's hard to imagine him not in my life, but painful to have him in it too.  I don't know how to distance myself without cutting him off completely.  It's hard situation. 
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: Hillcam on May 17, 2018, 04:19:11 PM
I’m in the same situation with my most recent POI. heard from him today and he said he’s unable to give me what I need from him but he still cares for me and wants me to be a part of his kid’s lives.

I don’t think it’s possible to be friends with someone you love. Maybe once you’ve stopped caring as much and wanting the relationship it’s possible, but for me, if I want to be with you and love you I can’t be your friend. It’s too hard to differentiate for me

Yea, I am kind of in the same boat :(

It's hard to imagine him not in my life, but painful to have him in it too.  I don't know how to distance myself without cutting him off completely.  It's hard situation.

My advice is to give it a shot. If you can’t imagine him being your life, there’s no harm in making an effort to be his friend. If after a couple of weeks if you’re finding it hard to set your feelings aside then reevaluate the situation. Good luck!
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: maroonlight on May 17, 2018, 10:59:11 PM
If you love him and you stay friends with him, I honestly think you are likely setting yourself up for heartbreak. It’s ultimately your decision and sure it could work out, but I’m most cases that I know of it makes it a lot harder to get over them emotionally and if they don’t want to date you and you stay friends with them, the day may come when they begin dating someone else.

So yeah, it’s not something I recommend when one person want more than the other one. If your already hooked on them, you’ll stay hooked on them because they are still vividly in your life.
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: sawthelight on May 18, 2018, 01:06:58 AM
If you love him and you stay friends with him, I honestly think you are likely setting yourself up for heartbreak. It’s ultimately your decision and sure it could work out, but I’m most cases that I know of it makes it a lot harder to get over them emotionally and if they don’t want to date you and you stay friends with them, the day may come when they begin dating someone else.

So yeah, it’s not something I recommend when one person want more than the other one. If your already hooked on them, you’ll stay hooked on them because they are still vividly in your life.

Sigh. You’re right
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: Hillcam on May 18, 2018, 02:56:15 AM
If you love him and you stay friends with him, I honestly think you are likely setting yourself up for heartbreak. It’s ultimately your decision and sure it could work out, but I’m most cases that I know of it makes it a lot harder to get over them emotionally and if they don’t want to date you and you stay friends with them, the day may come when they begin dating someone else.

So yeah, it’s not something I recommend when one person want more than the other one. If your already hooked on them, you’ll stay hooked on them because they are still vividly in your life.

Very true. :(
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: maroonlight on May 18, 2018, 12:17:01 PM
I'm not sure if men and women can really be friends at all. I used to think so but experience taught me otherwise. I think you can be friendly within certain limits but not really friends.

You can be friends if neither party is not attracted to one another. Otherwise yeah, it could be very hard.
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: sawthelight on May 18, 2018, 04:03:04 PM
I'm not sure if men and women can really be friends at all. I used to think so but experience taught me otherwise. I think you can be friendly within certain limits but not really friends.

You can be friends if neither party is not attracted to one another. Otherwise yeah, it could be very hard.

Yea, that's the big problem...we are so ridiculously attracted to each other, but I just feel it's not going to lead into any kind of relationship.  I guess in time we can see, but for now, I think my feelings are too strong to really be his friend.

The only good thing (kinda) is that I won't be seeing him as much anymore (we work in close proximity to each other and my company is moving elsewhere), so that might help distance me from this whole thing.  I hope, anyway.
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: maroonlight on May 18, 2018, 11:21:07 PM
I'm not sure if men and women can really be friends at all. I used to think so but experience taught me otherwise. I think you can be friendly within certain limits but not really friends.

You can be friends if neither party is not attracted to one another. Otherwise yeah, it could be very hard.

Yea, that's the big problem...we are so ridiculously attracted to each other, but I just feel it's not going to lead into any kind of relationship.  I guess in time we can see, but for now, I think my feelings are too strong to really be his friend.

The only good thing (kinda) is that I won't be seeing him as much anymore (we work in close proximity to each other and my company is moving elsewhere), so that might help distance me from this whole thing.  I hope, anyway.

If you haven't already talked to him about it, I think you should just calmly bring it up. If he doesn't give you the answer that you want, you can then distance yourself from him and move forward. Otherwise you're probably going to drive yourself crazy for more months to come.
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: maroonlight on May 18, 2018, 11:22:48 PM
I'm not sure if men and women can really be friends at all. I used to think so but experience taught me otherwise. I think you can be friendly within certain limits but not really friends.

You can be friends if neither party is not attracted to one another. Otherwise yeah, it could be very hard.

There is always sexual tension whether people think they are attracted or not. The only way it can work is when couples are friends with other couples and no one involved has any intention of leaving their partner. But even then you are playing with fire. If one or both are single then they will always be wondering if the other is interested or flirting or starting to have feelings for them. Unless you both state openly that there is no attraction and what kind of friendship is it anyway when you have to say that to each other?

I've had a couple of successful and drama-stress free friendships with men. Others have been people I see only as a friend but then they sexually approached me at one point so then it became awkward.

Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: Kate on May 18, 2018, 11:35:27 PM
I'm not sure if men and women can really be friends at all. I used to think so but experience taught me otherwise. I think you can be friendly within certain limits but not really friends.

You can be friends if neither party is not attracted to one another. Otherwise yeah, it could be very hard.

There is always sexual tension whether people think they are attracted or not. The only way it can work is when couples are friends with other couples and no one involved has any intention of leaving their partner. But even then you are playing with fire. If one or both are single then they will always be wondering if the other is interested or flirting or starting to have feelings for them. Unless you both state openly that there is no attraction and what kind of friendship is it anyway when you have to say that to each other?

I've had a couple of successful and drama-stress free friendships with men. Others have been people I see only as a friend but then they sexually approached me at one point so then it became awkward.

Most of my friends are men.... :-/ There's no sexual tension there... I call and see them regularly 
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: ladya on May 18, 2018, 11:53:32 PM
I'm not sure if men and women can really be friends at all. I used to think so but experience taught me otherwise. I think you can be friendly within certain limits but not really friends.

You can be friends if neither party is not attracted to one another. Otherwise yeah, it could be very hard.

There is always sexual tension whether people think they are attracted or not. The only way it can work is when couples are friends with other couples and no one involved has any intention of leaving their partner. But even then you are playing with fire. If one or both are single then they will always be wondering if the other is interested or flirting or starting to have feelings for them. Unless you both state openly that there is no attraction and what kind of friendship is it anyway when you have to say that to each other?

I've had a couple of successful and drama-stress free friendships with men. Others have been people I see only as a friend but then they sexually approached me at one point so then it became awkward.

Most of my friends are men.... :-/ There's no sexual tension there... I call and see them regularly

same. i feel i relate better to men than women. men have been far better friends to me throughout my life than females. i don't really have much luck with keeping female friendships. they always get weirdly competitive with me over time and try to bring me down or get clingy and dependent idk. i've been f'ked over by way too many - its been a weird pattern in my life so i just keep majority at acquaintance level and its been good that way.
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: Kate on May 19, 2018, 12:32:21 AM
I'm not sure if men and women can really be friends at all. I used to think so but experience taught me otherwise. I think you can be friendly within certain limits but not really friends.

You can be friends if neither party is not attracted to one another. Otherwise yeah, it could be very hard.

There is always sexual tension whether people think they are attracted or not. The only way it can work is when couples are friends with other couples and no one involved has any intention of leaving their partner. But even then you are playing with fire. If one or both are single then they will always be wondering if the other is interested or flirting or starting to have feelings for them. Unless you both state openly that there is no attraction and what kind of friendship is it anyway when you have to say that to each other?

I've had a couple of successful and drama-stress free friendships with men. Others have been people I see only as a friend but then they sexually approached me at one point so then it became awkward.

Most of my friends are men.... :-/ There's no sexual tension there... I call and see them regularly

same. i feel i relate better to men than women. men have been far better friends to me throughout my life than females. i don't really have much luck with keeping female friendships. they always get weirdly competitive with me over time and try to bring me down or get clingy and dependent idk. i've been f'ked over by way too many - its been a weird pattern in my life so i just keep majority at acquaintance level and its been good that way.

Yeah the same - I have a few male friends that I call almost daily.. they are all married, but I also have single male friends who I am very close to...my male friends know a lot about me.. I've told them all sorts of things that I have never told my female friends..
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: doubleoh8 on May 19, 2018, 05:30:40 AM
I think people are different -- and what might be impossible for some is possible for others.

I have always had male friends, as well as female. (I am straight, female, single and early 50s). Some of my male friends I've had for decades. Some are single, others are partnered. Occasionally, I have had a male friend who I was not interested in 'hit on me,' but in most cases we actually weathered the whole thing and most are still friends and still in my life. Three spring immediately to mind and all three are now married and I am friends with their wives too. There was one man I had to 'cut off' because he formed what I thought was an unhealthy obsession, but he wasn't a close friend -- more of an acquaintance. 

Curiously, I have had a couple of male friends who I believed myself to be in love with, but they were not into me. I was not very good at staying friends in those cases. I think that's because I got quite emotionally attached and couldn't handle it that well, whereas the men I refer to above may have been attracted physically but didn't form that kind of deep attachment. That or I have a giant ego and just don't handle rejection well at all:)

Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: maroonlight on May 19, 2018, 08:27:38 PM
I think people are different -- and what might be impossible for some is possible for others.

I have always had male friends, as well as female. (I am straight, female, single and early 50s). Some of my male friends I've had for decades. Some are single, others are partnered. Occasionally, I have had a male friend who I was not interested in 'hit on me,' but in most cases we actually weathered the whole thing and most are still friends and still in my life. Three spring immediately to mind and all three are now married and I am friends with their wives too. There was one man I had to 'cut off' because he formed what I thought was an unhealthy obsession, but he wasn't a close friend -- more of an acquaintance. 

Curiously, I have had a couple of male friends who I believed myself to be in love with, but they were not into me. I was not very good at staying friends in those cases. I think that's because I got quite emotionally attached and couldn't handle it that well, whereas the men I refer to above may have been attracted physically but didn't form that kind of deep attachment. That or I have a giant ego and just don't handle rejection well at all:)

If one or both people are above average in regards to their physical attractiveness, its completely human and normal for something like that to happen as humans are designed to be attracted to each other. I've had some male friends who I didn't have a compatible personality with for a romantic relationship and I think we both knew that regardless of whether we were physically attracted or not, we wouldn't be right for each other for a relationship.

With that being said, the instances where I've been hit on or they've tried to make a move on me, there was one guy who was married that I was not interested in so we stayed friends..other times it was too awkward to really keep talking to them. I didn't cut them off completely, but just didn't seek them out afterwards.

Unfortunately I once had a neighbor who I barely knew that had a very unhealthy obsession with me and probably hit on me over 20 times even though I told him over and over again that I was not interested. He lived right next door to me for 2 years. Now THAT was awkward.
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: Seeker on June 20, 2018, 09:22:09 PM
If you haven't told him how you feel, you need to do that. Life is too short to be in limbo.

If you have told him how you feel and the result was just being friends, then you need to cut this relationship off. You may even tell him why you're cutting it, but cutting it is the best option in that situation because all you're going to do is keep driving yourself crazy and spending money on psychics when the solution is free.

I can't speak for how women feel about being friendzoned, but trust me when I tell you that any man in the friendzone does NOT want to be there and you can bet almost always that the man is in that zone agonizing. We don't want to be your friend, at least not in the buddy-buddy sense, that's what we have other men for. With the exception of rare situations where there is no attraction, the men in your friendzone are not happy to be there no matter what they tell you or how you perceive them to be taking it well.
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: njlady on June 25, 2018, 12:10:57 PM
If you haven't told him how you feel, you need to do that. Life is too short to be in limbo.

If you have told him how you feel and the result was just being friends, then you need to cut this relationship off. You may even tell him why you're cutting it, but cutting it is the best option in that situation because all you're going to do is keep driving yourself crazy and spending money on psychics when the solution is free.

This.

Tell him.  He either wants to move forward or he doesn't.  Stop beating around the bush.
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: njlady on July 01, 2018, 10:58:27 AM
Do you guys think this is possible?

This guy I’m getting readings on, I know he cares...I know he likes me. I don’t, however see him making any comments that make me think he wants to persue a relationship...at least not directly.

So I’ve basically resigned myself that nothing will happen with him, despite all the readings telling me otherwise.

I don’t know if being friends is doable. I guess I can try but what do you guys think?

One time when I cut him off he got really upset, and he didn’t do anything (yet lol) to deserve that.

So did you tell him yet? 

You don't have him right now anyway.  If you tell him and get a no-go, you can always fall back on RS/RI and pulling away to have him see you in a different light and come forward.

But what if he says yes?  Think of the fun you'll have.
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: Seeker on July 01, 2018, 01:37:22 PM
What is "RS/RI"? I'm not familiar with that one.
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: njlady on July 01, 2018, 02:20:13 PM
What is "RS/RI"? I'm not familiar with that one.

Remote Seduction and Remote Influence
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: Seeker on July 01, 2018, 03:12:47 PM
^ Ah. Thank you  :)
Title: Re: Staying friends with someone you love
Post by: sawthelight on July 02, 2018, 03:04:30 PM
Do you guys think this is possible?

This guy I’m getting readings on, I know he cares...I know he likes me. I don’t, however see him making any comments that make me think he wants to persue a relationship...at least not directly.

So I’ve basically resigned myself that nothing will happen with him, despite all the readings telling me otherwise.

I don’t know if being friends is doable. I guess I can try but what do you guys think?

One time when I cut him off he got really upset, and he didn’t do anything (yet lol) to deserve that.

So did you tell him yet? 

You don't have him right now anyway.  If you tell him and get a no-go, you can always fall back on RS/RI and pulling away to have him see you in a different light and come forward.

But what if he says yes?  Think of the fun you'll have.

No, he's isn't the type of guy to respond well to pressure-also he knows how i feel but there is a distance issue with us, so things never really "took off" so to speak.

Definitely not going to be the one to initiate any kind of talks as to where this is all going, the ball is in his court now.  He knows how to reach me.  Not really my style anyway.

I'm not waiting around though, definitely keeping my options open, just no other real possibilities right now.