The Psychic Reviews

Potpourri Boards => Addicted to Psychics => Topic started by: russianred on January 13, 2020, 02:52:51 AM

Title: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 13, 2020, 02:52:51 AM
Anyone up to do a one week pause with me on calling?

New week this week and I'm resolving not to call this week.  I'm not ready to say I never want to call again, or that I won't call for the rest of the month.

I checked my credit card statement and really need to stop.  And my situation is such that there really isn't anything more to say at this time, whereas there had been a lot of things happening recently that triggered my binges.

But I'd like to make it to next Sunday without calling.  Anyone want to commit with me?  We can post in here to keep each other accountable.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: Yaz88 on January 13, 2020, 03:01:28 AM
Anyone up to do a one week pause with me on calling?

New week this week and I'm resolving not to call this week.  I'm not ready to say I never want to call again, or that I won't call for the rest of the month.

I checked my credit card statement and really need to stop.  And my situation is such that there really isn't anything more to say at this time, whereas there had been a lot of things happening recently that triggered my binges.

But I'd like to make it to next Sunday without calling.  Anyone want to commit with me?  We can post in here to keep each other accountable.

You can count me in.  I can’t promise that I’ll post in here a lot, since my newest thing is to log out of the forum. 
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 13, 2020, 03:52:03 AM
Great!  Anyone else?

I'm hoping to post in here each night to report how I did.  So for this was day one of no readings.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: sexyp on January 13, 2020, 11:47:08 AM
can i start tomorrow as i have a reading approved today with someone really hard to get hold of
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: beachgal214 on January 14, 2020, 12:06:33 AM
Count me in, Russian!!  Was triggered today pretty good and staying strong!!
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 14, 2020, 12:26:18 AM

Yes... ok... I need help closing my account. Currently on hold with keen to close account... read rant below


I’ve been in and out of binges! And after hearing on and off reviews about a reader,  i haven’t read with before, I was going to put my last credit card limit in someone and I found myself strongly pausing, “why?” They’re not my messiah of solution  problem solver... it’s just going to repeat the same pattern with other psychics of ups and down... I feel like I’m re- living ground hogs day but with my emotions and on psychics and on poi. If I’m lucid enough to know this is not working... then just stop. But I have a hard time... I do know for today I want to stop.

Yes, that's pretty much it.  If I felt more at peace after calling, then it actually MIGHT be worth all the money, but I don't.  I like the "for today I want to stop." It's hard to commit to stopping forever or sometimes even more than a day, but one day at a time, we can hopefully call LESS.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: devangk3 on January 14, 2020, 02:14:57 AM
I had this addiction since August 2019, went into negative balance, max out cards and so on

The only way to cure this addiction which worked for me is 3 ways

1) Think that whatever you want is happening but imagine you are creating an obstacle in the energy to go-ahead and manifest because when psychics tell you the timeframe and outcome it becomes expected and outcome pushes further and may prevent it from happening

2) I used to message 5-6 Psychics in a day from work in the washroom, lunch in the evening, had so much anxiety if someone says the outcome not wanted to hear I used to call others till I get to hear what I want and after a while I feel an urge to message someone again, the only way it can be stopped is reducing frequency of messaging them from 5 I went to 3, 2 and 1 per day followed by 1 in 2 days till I got controlled and stopped

3) Delete app if you calling from the phone

Been there done that

Hope it helps !!
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 14, 2020, 03:09:22 AM
I caved and called today too.  Not a binge, but not ideal.

Tomorrow is a new day.  I'll try again.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: Yaz88 on January 14, 2020, 04:15:09 AM
Maybe instead of calling, press pause, go back and re-read transcripts or notes or listen to any recorded calls and journal what you learned from the reading about yourself.  You know, thoughts and reflections, how the reading made you feel and why it made you feel that way.  Instead of the focus being on a POI or whatever, make it a more self-centric reflection.  I think we can learn quite a bit from each experience life has to offer and this entire forum, whether actively or passively participating, certainly qualifies as an experience.  It’s actually a group therapy session.  Two readers have picked up on this forum in general readings likening it to a spiritual group or circle where we share different techniques to handle stressful situations and where we exchange information.  At first I had no idea that this is what they were referring to and I kept thinking I’d join some secret society or something.  So, do your best to use this time in your life to learn more about you and what you can glean about yourself from past readings. 
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 14, 2020, 05:59:44 PM
It's hard because I do think that I have had some good come out of readings (in terms of reframing situations, giving me confidence, things like that), so I don't like the idea of never calling or blocking the site or deleting my account.  I suppose it's a little like an alcoholic who just wants one drink.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: Sunshine75 on January 14, 2020, 11:49:37 PM
I had this addiction since August 2019, went into negative balance, max out cards and so on

The only way to cure this addiction which worked for me is 3 ways

1) Think that whatever you want is happening but imagine you are creating an obstacle in the energy to go-ahead and manifest because when psychics tell you the timeframe and outcome it becomes expected and outcome pushes further and may prevent it from happening

2) I used to message 5-6 Psychics in a day from work in the washroom, lunch in the evening, had so much anxiety if someone says the outcome not wanted to hear I used to call others till I get to hear what I want and after a while I feel an urge to message someone again, the only way it can be stopped is reducing frequency of messaging them from 5 I went to 3, 2 and 1 per day followed by 1 in 2 days till I got controlled and stopped

3) Delete app if you calling from the phone

Been there done that

Hope it helps !!

There is finally a way to block websites on iPhone. Sigh... ok new day, new way. (However, this is annoying cause knowing me I’ll unblock a million times... Maybe I can have someone I trust like my sister enter a code that I don’t know so only she can unblock it?)


https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.imore.com/how-block-specific-websites-being-accessed-safari-iphone-and-ipad%3famp

Overall I’m feeling so depressed ... I’m going to buy some magnesium I hear that’s good for anxiety

CALM Transdermal Magnesium has done wonders for me, really, and works quick! https://www.amazon.com/Natural-Vitality-Cream-Calm/dp/B01F44T0WK
 
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: Yaz88 on January 15, 2020, 03:44:06 AM
Ok... I officially have 25 hrs from chatting with a psychic! And counting! Whew! ... I hate this. Of course I unblocked keen, then I felt my self salivating at who I want to read with but have no money. Ugh, re blocked the site. Headed to yoga... which I also hate! Because it’s heated and I’m hungry yet if I eat I’ll want to vomit cause the heat is so intense... I really hate this type of yoga, it’s not bikram (which if you like watching leaving neverland then I recommend this documentary: you cry at the abuse) but I also know I’m working with mental blocks and if I’m resenting a yoga class then I think it means it’s pent emotions that need out. Solution: exercise.
Damn it I really hate this class

Nice job!!!!
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 15, 2020, 04:39:41 AM
Going to try again tomorrow (Wednesday).  Confident that this time I can get through a day of no readings, even from trusted readers and favorites.  As I've posted a few times, if there weren't readers I really enjoy speaking to, it would be easier.  I've posted a few times that getting readings doesn't really take away the anxiety because I still worry about the outcome.  Overall that's true, but I'll admit that there are some readers who do give me a sense of peace, albeit only temporarily. So, it's hard.  If I could afford to have a 20 minute conversation with an advisor I know I like every day, I honestly think I would.

Passing along this tip - write down what your advisor says during the reading and put the total price next to it.  One thing that has helped me a bit is making sure that I do this.  Otherwise, all the readings blended together and I couldn't remember anything, including what I paid for it.  Another perk is that when I feel like I want to call, I have a document I can go back and re-read that somewhat satisfies the urge.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: sexyp on January 15, 2020, 04:49:03 PM
day 2 and doing fine. i think I will actually go for a longer than one week pause until I read with Yona then I am off psychics for the next 6months
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 15, 2020, 09:27:43 PM
Just gotta get through a few more hours and I'll have had a call-free day.

I really believe I know all I can at this moment in time.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 16, 2020, 03:22:58 AM
I made it to today... day 2. ..49hrs or whatever

The same muddled thoughts as before, but then started to re listen to illuminatingjoy on making lists of wins... and I’m working on that list. It helps. Again just lots of little moments of a feeling anxious and choice to either dwell on it, or just stop and do something else, to shift or not give in that further feeds anxiety

I've been doing a lot of acceptance-based work...
I try to accept that I don't understand my POI's actions and probably never will.
I try to accept that I feel anxiety.
I try to accept that I feel sad.

Fighting my emotions makes it even harder and sucks more energy... "I shouldn't feel sad," "I shouldn't feel anxious"... those kinds of statements in my brain just make everything worse.

I do feel sad, anxious, upset... and that's OK.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: Yaz88 on January 16, 2020, 03:40:08 AM
I made it to today... day 2. ..49hrs or whatever

The same muddled thoughts as before, but then started to re listen to illuminatingjoy on making lists of wins... and I’m working on that list. It helps. Again just lots of little moments of a feeling anxious and choice to either dwell on it, or just stop and do something else, to shift or not give in that further feeds anxiety

Great job!  I swear, the longer you go without getting a reading the better you will feel.  It really does get easier.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 17, 2020, 11:30:01 PM
I've still made some calls this week.  So much for my accountability having started this thread.  Not binging at least, but not what I want.  I still wanted to post this because I think it's important that we celebrate smaller victories and show some compassion with ourselves, too.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 18, 2020, 05:03:57 AM
Working on day 4...
 I feel like after all the good I did yesterday I had an emotional tantrum, gave into intrigue and gave into drinking then sleeping the day. So new day today, just keep getting up. Have I called or chatted? ... sigh no. And that matters too! I am worth investing this time back into me.

Congrats!  A lot better than my week.

I didn't have a great evening.  I need to examine WHY I am calling before doing so.  Tonight I read with some people who were new to me, and the readings were just terrible. Absolutely no new information, the readers didn't even sound that into it.  Just throwing money away.  Pointless.  I don't feel any better or worse other than I'm upset at the money I just threw away today.  It's sickening.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 19, 2020, 04:42:34 AM
Oh gosh, no apologies necessary!

I'm glad that you are not calling and happy this thread helped you in a way.  Congrats!!

Today was a good day for me.  I came to terms with the amount of money I've been spending over the last couple of months and made a plan for paying it off.

I'm just done for a while calling readers who are new to me, even if this forum likes them.  I felt so sickened last night after I tried a few new people who just sucked for me despite their glowing reputations and reviews.  (Most didn't give negative predictions -- they just didn't feel in tune with anything.)

I'm OK with some calls to a very small handful of readers I already know I like.  I do benefit from the guidance of a select few.  But I need to reduce the amount of times I'm calling them and the duration of my calls.

The LOA stuff is great, I agree, I think mainly because it feels like we are releasing some of that need to control (which is why I get readings) and rather putting it into trust.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 20, 2020, 04:26:16 AM
You're doing great, Pink.  I had a good day too.  I don't know how any additional reading at this juncture is going to enhance my understanding of the situation.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: beachgal214 on January 20, 2020, 01:36:37 PM
you both are doing awesome!!! I was where you are not too long ago! I did not do well in my initial or even second time around "no reading months". but now I am SO much further than I thought was possible in the depths of my "using" of the advisors!!  you will get there!!

pink that is awesome about the work outs!! I am new into that too and I do love it for my mind

social media is such an evil thing isn't it?  that is the thing I am trying to break habit on too.  it's hard.  but I limit that a lot.  mostly bc I know POI checks to see when I'm on ... and sick as it is my ego "I'm so busy I dont have time to check in on. you" is driving this one.

I want to g et to where I dont GAF if he sees that I went on FB bc I'm literally in such a good place mentally that there's no games to have with myself...

but.. my progress on psychic is HUGE and I am grateful for that every day!  I know I can do anything and I am on the right track!!  each day a new day for progress in any area we are struggling! 
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 20, 2020, 08:15:01 PM
It really is one day at a time with this.  I understand.

Still feeling no need for a reading.  To reaffirm this, I looked at my recent transactions in Keen.  Can't believe I spent almost $200 on a reading a few days ago with someone who is well-regarded that did NOTHING for me.  Felt no connection, positive prediction (but I don't trust predictions anyway, so what's the point), didn't do anything to make me feel more empowered.  Just threw that money away.  It makes me sick.

I'm pinching pennies until my my credit card statement window closes and it's all because of Keen.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: Yaz88 on January 20, 2020, 09:50:50 PM
I’m throwing all of my readings into the garbage.  I take notes.  Quite often, I read these notes.  A certain prediction made by Kisha kind of had my hopes up that a really awesome and motivated new guy was coming into my life. This guy loves traveling to beautiful beaches, he is very authentic and we will love this about each other.  We communicate wonderfully and we are both leaders and problem solvers. It just dawned on me that I think she was talking about my friend Nick, who I really don’t feel romantic towards.  I’m quite certain it’s Nick, actually.  Yeah, we do have the great relationship she predicted, and there is a mutual zest for life, I’m just not zesty about him in a romantic way.  Ugh.  Just so over all of this.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: Arigirl on January 20, 2020, 09:55:18 PM
I’m throwing all of my readings into the garbage.  I take notes.  Quite often, I read these notes.  A certain prediction made by Kisha kind of had my hopes up that a really awesome and motivated new guy was coming into my life. This guy loves traveling to beautiful beaches, he is very authentic and we will love this about each other.  We communicate wonderfully and we are both leaders and problem solvers. It just dawned on me that I think she was talking about my friend Nick, who I really don’t feel romantic towards.  I’m quite certain it’s Nick, actually.  Yeah, we do have the great relationship she predicted, and there is a mutual zest for life, I’m just not zesty about him in a romantic way.  Ugh.  Just so over all of this.

I don't know this for certain because my predictions haven't passed yet, but I do have an inkling that she mixes up people and might assign descriptions of one person to another. My hopes were crushed  by certain realizations recently too
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: Yaz88 on January 20, 2020, 10:06:49 PM
I’m throwing all of my readings into the garbage.  I take notes.  Quite often, I read these notes.  A certain prediction made by Kisha kind of had my hopes up that a really awesome and motivated new guy was coming into my life. This guy loves traveling to beautiful beaches, he is very authentic and we will love this about each other.  We communicate wonderfully and we are both leaders and problem solvers. It just dawned on me that I think she was talking about my friend Nick, who I really don’t feel romantic towards.  I’m quite certain it’s Nick, actually.  Yeah, we do have the great relationship she predicted, and there is a mutual zest for life, I’m just not zesty about him in a romantic way.  Ugh.  Just so over all of this.

I don't know this for certain because my predictions haven't passed yet, but I do have an inkling that she mixes up people and might assign descriptions of one person to another. My hopes were crushed  by certain realizations recently too

Yeah.  This isn’t good.  At all.  I’m sorry you are going through this too.  It’s very annoying, because what she wrote in the e-mail reading is true, just not in the way she thought or had me thinking. :-(
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: Fidget1028 on January 20, 2020, 10:28:38 PM
I’m throwing all of my readings into the garbage.  I take notes.  Quite often, I read these notes.  A certain prediction made by Kisha kind of had my hopes up that a really awesome and motivated new guy was coming into my life. This guy loves traveling to beautiful beaches, he is very authentic and we will love this about each other.  We communicate wonderfully and we are both leaders and problem solvers. It just dawned on me that I think she was talking about my friend Nick, who I really don’t feel romantic towards.  I’m quite certain it’s Nick, actually.  Yeah, we do have the great relationship she predicted, and there is a mutual zest for life, I’m just not zesty about him in a romantic way.  Ugh.  Just so over all of this.

I don't know this for certain because my predictions haven't passed yet, but I do have an inkling that she mixes up people and might assign descriptions of one person to another. My hopes were crushed  by certain realizations recently too

Yeah.  This isn’t good.  At all.  I’m sorry you are going through this too.  It’s very annoying, because what she wrote in the e-mail reading is true, just not in the way she thought or had me thinking. :-(

She's not good with love predictions. I only use her for career and non romantic relationships.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 22, 2020, 03:42:24 AM
Had another no reading day.

Sometimes a thought will enter into my mind -- if I don't call, then I won't KNOW.  But really, do I feel like I know what's going to happen because of the readings?  No, I don't.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: midwest60 on January 22, 2020, 03:52:19 AM
One thing you may want to try is to find another means that can help you grow or provide new insight on your life challenges.  If you think about it, you have been calling psychics to fill you with peace of mind or knowledge about the future or a person. Trying to abstain from readings when you have had so much instruction and words from psychics is pretty much a cold turkey effect.  At some point, anyone would want to fill that void.  So, ask yourself, what is that void?  Is it satisfaction from someone else, POI?   I hope that doesn't sound preachy....I have been in your shoes and have found it really takes a project, hobby, or some type of quest to keep my readings at bay.   For me, the only reason I have called is out of anxiety and not necessarily to predict the future. If I can get a handle on the anxiety, then I can turn my direction and focus to accomplishing something else.  I hope that helps.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: midwest60 on January 22, 2020, 04:17:48 AM
Wow, Pinkemena!  That's fantastic that you have gone so long without a reading!  I admire your tenacity....you are stronger than you think you are. 
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 22, 2020, 04:28:29 AM
One thing you may want to try is to find another means that can help you grow or provide new insight on your life challenges.  If you think about it, you have been calling psychics to fill you with peace of mind or knowledge about the future or a person. Trying to abstain from readings when you have had so much instruction and words from psychics is pretty much a cold turkey effect.  At some point, anyone would want to fill that void.  So, ask yourself, what is that void?  Is it satisfaction from someone else, POI?   I hope that doesn't sound preachy....I have been in your shoes and have found it really takes a project, hobby, or some type of quest to keep my readings at bay.   For me, the only reason I have called is out of anxiety and not necessarily to predict the future. If I can get a handle on the anxiety, then I can turn my direction and focus to accomplishing something else.  I hope that helps.

When you say you call out of anxiety but not to predict the future, what do you mean by that?  I'm so curious about all of our psychological experiences and how they relate to us getting readings.

I call out of anxiety, too... I call for reassurance that everything will be fine in the future with POI because I don't trust that it will be (and that I will be OK if it isn't), which stems from anxiety.  Anxiety makes me want to be "on guard" so that I'm prepared for what is going to happen.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: midwest60 on January 22, 2020, 01:07:34 PM

"When you say you call out of anxiety but not to predict the future, what do you mean by that?  I'm so curious about all of our psychological experiences and how they relate to us getting readings.

I call out of anxiety, too... I call for reassurance that everything will be fine in the future with POI because I don't trust that it will be (and that I will be OK if it isn't), which stems from anxiety.  Anxiety makes me want to be "on guard" so that I'm prepared for what is going to happen."


When I wrote that I call out of anxiety and not for the future I am referencing the need to have immediate reassurance over something when I know how everything will end. I have been in a waiting game at my work as the structure of the company is changing. I already know my job is safe but I have been anxiously waiting for 8 months to see if I will have more responsibility, etc. I can figure out that things will change, but I get anxious and impatient waiting for it all to unfold.  Of course, after prayer and not calling psychics, everything unfolds just when I least expect it!
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: Lovefash67 on January 22, 2020, 01:17:44 PM


When you say you call out of anxiety but not to predict the future, what do you mean by that?  I'm so curious about all of our psychological experiences and how they relate to us getting readings.

I call out of anxiety, too... I call for reassurance that everything will be fine in the future with POI because I don't trust that it will be (and that I will be OK if it isn't), which stems from anxiety.  Anxiety makes me want to be "on guard" so that I'm prepared for what is going to happen.
[/quote]


When I wrote that I call out of anxiety and not for the future I am referencing the need to have immediate reassurance over something when I know how everything will end. I have been in a waiting game at my work as the structure of the company is changing. I already know my job is safe but I have been anxiously waiting for 8 months to see if I will have more responsibility, etc. I can figure out that things will change, but I get anxious and impatient waiting for it all to unfold.  Of course, after prayer and not calling psychics, everything unfolds just when I least expect it!
[/quote]

Midwest I can totally relate to how you feel. I too call because I am anxious though I have gotten better. I now get one or two readings every month or every other month but there are moments through the day that I get anxious and need reassurance that everything will be okay. My anxiety sometime is off the chain that I cant really think of a possible outcome I just automatically think negative because I am so anxious and I am expecting the worse. Yona has even picked this up about me several times and expressed that I am on track but part of me still feels anxious especially when I have to wait for things. I am still waiting on my promotion at work, I have taken my civil service test in September which means the scores is going to come out soon but the longer I wait the more anxious and impatient I get. I am also anxious about POI I keep thinking if he wants me he would have made a move even though he has expressed that he trying to find himself and balance in his life which was verified by Yona and Lady P but I keep thinking about other peoples situations and search the internet and I just get anxious that it will turnout bad and there's nothing bad really happening with POI and I . We talk every day and occasionally we have difference in opinions but he has been consistent with communication. I just still get anxious worrying about how long this is going to take, if he's going to go back to his (gf hes on a break with), if he is going to pick me, etc.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: midwest60 on January 22, 2020, 01:32:15 PM
Lovefash67, I am glad you are focusing on your career and have other outlets to focus on to take your mind off anxiety.  For me, i attend a great church and am always on the go with my job. I barely have enough time anymore to remain anxious.  Or, i go for a run or long walk. 

I think I must be one of the older folks on this site as my time has come and gone in terms of waiting on or caring about POI's.  I figure I wasted most of my adult life waiting on men to make up their mind what they wanted. And then, if that indecisive person did pick me....I was no longer interested because I felt he would change his mind again.  I did find a great guy who didn't have to think about what it was that he wanted and knew who he was...but that was later in life.  I hope you get the clarity you need in all aspects of your life soon.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: midwest60 on January 25, 2020, 01:15:13 AM
Is this the longest you have gone without a reading?  If so, congrats!!!

Also, not all is lost that you got a reading. Now, the challenge is not to go on a binge.

Proud of what you have accomplished thus far!
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: LucyDiamond on January 25, 2020, 07:24:28 PM
How is everybody doing? I have had a *drumroll* month pause from readings! I am thrilled but some things have been happening at work and with POI and I am getting that urge again. I am pleased to say a month off is a really big deal for me though.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 26, 2020, 12:46:49 AM
Ugh ugh ugh

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh

Yeah I called and felt so depressed. Still am, worried that I’ll alway be this way. What I heard too wasn’t even in my favor nor satisfying...

So again. Tomorrow? Do I try? I heard this saying for every hundred times we fall you get up another thousand more times... and I know that part is true, but for now I kinda want to stay down before I think of even getting up again

Congrats on making it that long.  Is your goal to be totally reading free?  What were the circumstances of your call?

For me, I don't want to completely stop readings.  I just don't want to binge anymore or call new readers (which is usually part of a binge for me).  There are a couple of readers who I feel add value to my life, and I'm not ready to completely stop reading with them.

I've drastically reduced the calls and feel OK with it right now.  I mostly just don't like feeling out of control and like I HAVE to call.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: Solitude_Soul on January 26, 2020, 01:07:34 AM
I agree with russianred.. Its ok to get a reading once in a while but binging is really a problem. Binging is more of losing control of ourselves and the situation and we end up trying different readers and blowing up money. More readings adds more confusion and does mess up with our head.



Ugh ugh ugh

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh

Yeah I called and felt so depressed. Still am, worried that I’ll alway be this way. What I heard too wasn’t even in my favor nor satisfying...

So again. Tomorrow? Do I try? I heard this saying for every hundred times we fall you get up another thousand more times... and I know that part is true, but for now I kinda want to stay down before I think of even getting up again

Congrats on making it that long.  Is your goal to be totally reading free?  What were the circumstances of your call?

For me, I don't want to completely stop readings.  I just don't want to binge anymore or call new readers (which is usually part of a binge for me).  There are a couple of readers who I feel add value to my life, and I'm not ready to completely stop reading with them.

I've drastically reduced the calls and feel OK with it right now.  I mostly just don't like feeling out of control and like I HAVE to call.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: LucyDiamond on January 26, 2020, 10:22:59 PM
For me, I was using readings to manage my anxiety. I was spending so much money every month and that was adding to my anxiety. I have decided that I will plan my readings in advance (once a month) like I would plan a trip to the salon or something. That way, I know that they are there to look forward to. I have my favorite psychic and will be sticking to them only. That can be tricky because I will read about someone here and want to try them. However, I have my go-to and it makes sense to keep it consistent as I am happy with her.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 27, 2020, 12:05:33 AM
For me, I was using readings to manage my anxiety. I was spending so much money every month and that was adding to my anxiety. I have decided that I will plan my readings in advance (once a month) like I would plan a trip to the salon or something. That way, I know that they are there to look forward to. I have my favorite psychic and will be sticking to them only. That can be tricky because I will read about someone here and want to try them. However, I have my go-to and it makes sense to keep it consistent as I am happy with her.

You have a great point about how the money spent just adds to anxiety.  I am at the point where I feel such anxiety over every little decision I make in my relationship unless I consult with a reader.  I can't function like this and need to believe in myself and my ability to make decisions more!

Today I only left two readers in my favorites (one who I feel genuinely helps me to put things in proper perspective without sugarcoating, one who I feel is genuinely gifted) and am not looking through the listings.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 30, 2020, 12:58:54 AM
Congrats on closing your account.  I tried that once before but went back.  I now don't want to close my account entirely but just read very occasionally.

I'd love to get a reading tonight.  The unknown is driving me crazy.  I have to keep telling myself that a reading with someone new is not going to give me any peace, and I don't have the money.  I've narrowed down my go-to readers, and it hasn't been long enough since I spoke with them.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on January 31, 2020, 04:33:06 AM
I am writing this as much for myself as I am for you, Pink.

First, I'm sorry that you were blocked by a trusted reader. I feel that's such a slap in the face.  At the very least, I feel like the reader could send an explanation of why she's making that choice.  Some of us have spent hundreds on a reader; I do think they owe us some basic kindness and courtesy as a result.

We simply have to find a way to put these POIs out of our heads.  We have to.  I have let a complicated relationship consume my life for six months.  A significant proportion of my waking thoughts are devoted to him and what will happen with him.  I can completely relate to what you wrote about feeling flaky.  I find that tasks have been taking me twice as long to complete and I can't concentrate on anything because my brain is consumed with POI.  Sometimes I don't have the energy to focus on cleaning or anything except HIM and readings about HIM.  This has gone on for half a year now.  I'm tired of it.  I feel like I have lost myself in this situation.  Along with thousands of dollars.  All for a guy who is most definitely not spending the same amount of energy (or money) on me.

Today was the first day I felt some fog being lifted from my brain.

So, Pink, I'm sorry that you are binging and hurting.  I don't know what to say other than you deserve a relationship with someone who does not make you binge. Who makes you feel safe and secure.  Everyone here does.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on February 01, 2020, 05:43:08 AM
They go on doing what they want to do while we keep trying to figure it out or fix it or find closure.

Still Tired, thank you so much for your post.  I loved all of it and am going to save it to read in the future.  This line in particular really hit me.  In the last few days, I have been just sick thinking of how selfish POI has been.  For months, his actions have evinced only an interest in making himself comfortable.  My needs have always taken a backseat, and the idea of him calling psychics to see how I'M doing is absolutely laughable.

The hardest part of my situation is that HE set some expectations in our relationship through his words that have not been followed through on.  The main reason why I would call was trying to get insight on was, "How can someone who says these things not follow through on them?  Did he really mean what he said?" But the reality is that it doesn't matter how he feels or didn't feel or why he said those things. I don't understand POI, but one thing I DO know is that he is NOT obsessing about how his actions and words have made ME feel.

I absolutely refuse to continue to call about him.  I'm done.

It's been said many times before on this board but any relationship where one is constantly calling psychics to feel secure rather than feeling that security from the other person probably has some serious issues.

This relationship has been a huge learning experience for me.  I'm not opposed to all readings, but if and when I start binging about another POI, that's a sign the POI is not right for me.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: beachgal214 on February 01, 2020, 01:02:02 PM
loved both of those posts. so much truth. the line that stood out to me was past a certain point we are doing it to ourselves.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on February 01, 2020, 04:38:27 PM
The problem was I wasn't paying attention to how I felt at all, because I was focused on him. And I didn't notice how he was focused on himself too. He was certainly aware of how I felt and how his actions affected me, and he was empathetic towards me, but at the same time he continued doing things that were centered on himself instead of the relationship. He was just really good at smoothing things over so I would go along with it.

Exactly the same here. I have been so focused on him and he has been so focused on himself for months and months.  I feel sick over essentially enabling it to some extent.  I've been focused on him to the point that I've been calling psychics for insight so I can better understand him.  For whatever reason (character flaw, weak, indecisive, continued third-party involvement, selfishness... it doesn't matter), he is unable to give me what I need.  For a long time I subconsciously saw that as a reflection on me.  "If I am just more understanding, then he will..." etc. But it's not.  He is the one with the problem, and I no longer want to try to understand it or get "insight" (either on my own or with psychics) into it because it is just sapping my energy.

Maybe he will be in a better place in the future where he is less self-focused and our timelines will match up.  Maybe not.

I told him a month ago that we needed to take a break, but for the last month, I've been still mentally entangled in the situation.  For the last few days, I am finally feeling detached and free.  I don't owe this man anything, including understanding and patience, when he has given so little to me.

This conversation is very healing for me, thank you, ST.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on February 01, 2020, 04:46:25 PM
I recently started learning about narcissists & something called "future faking" where they make all these promises to keep you tied in with them but except never follow through on any of it. Last night I told him that after all these things that have happened & what he put me through that I am no longer in love with him. In fact I'm battling hating him at the moment. He takes no responsibility & has no accountability for the pain that he has caused. It's much easier for him to project & push the load into others. The only way at this point I'd ever want to see or talk to him again is if he gives me a sincere & heartfelt apology. At this point however I'm not sure he's capable.

Rinny, I'm sorry about the debt.  It will take me several credit card cycles to completely pay off my January statement due to a binge.  The fact that it was over this guy makes me so sick.

I think actual Narcissistic Personality Disorder is quite rare, but I think that a lot of us have had experiences with men who say what feels good for them in the moment without having the will to back it up... who are self-centered, immature... yet there is something between us and the guys that still feels special and makes us call and wonder.  I will say I haven't really experienced the type of connection I felt with my guy before.  It makes me sad to walk away from that.  But what good is it if I'm constantly denying my own needs and anxious to the point of binging?
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on February 01, 2020, 04:56:13 PM
I know I want to update but I keep trying ... and I dunno what to say it just feels like rants.
I am resolved to move from ex though. I see my brain wants to villain-ize? him. One reader said he’s is seeing multiple ppl- that did make me feel better but not. “Well it’s her problem not mine” - ugh, I can’t even confirm that. All I know is I don’t like who I was when I was chasing him. And I’m done with being that person that pines for him, that calls psychics, that gets anxious... I just want to be done with that life... however, what I left here to pick up are unpaid bills, and no job, and crippling anxiety that wakes me at 3am. Trying to carry on... well I feel empty. Like I dunno if I like pizza anymore or hot chocolate- no, that a lie love those things... yet, something about me feels I’m not the same and what I liked before is well I dunno.
I have the no hope theory about my ex. Yet there is still one more psychic I do want to call... but I kinda feel what she may say... soooo if I know that then why bother? Save my money close the accounts.
Depressed but moving forward,
Pink

For me, viewing him as undesirable in light of all of his negative qualities he's displayed actually does help me to get some real fact-based (as opposed to emotion-based) perspective.  So if it helps you to do that or to villainize him, then go for it.

I know part of it is coming to terms with our own actions in all of this.  Like for me - how did I enable his self-centeredness for so long?  Was I "duped" with nice words that didn't line up to his actions?  How did think that binging was going to finally give me the ability to make sense of all of this?

The answer has been within us all along -- for many of us, the answer is that the man (or woman) simply is not able to give us what we need, at least right now.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on February 01, 2020, 07:14:38 PM
I think when you get readings on people like that, the psychics see the future they promised us rather than the one that will actually happen. Whether they read it from the POI's mind, your mind, or maybe it's like it just becomes a thoughtform floating out there somewhere and they tap into it. The psychics don't know it is not a real future.

That's interesting!  Yes, that makes sense.

I looked up "future faking" and it sounds more "puppetmaster"-y than what I think my POI was doing (your mileage may vary).  I think it takes a true narcissist to consciously say things with absolutely no feelings behind them and an intent to get what he wants in the present.  In my situation, I think my guy DOES, on some level, mean what he says and WOULD like those things with me -- but lacks (at least as of February 1, 2020) the will to take certain steps to make said things happen.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on February 01, 2020, 07:18:00 PM
For whatever reason (character flaw, weak, indecisive, continued third-party involvement, selfishness... it doesn't matter), he is unable to give me what I need.  For a long time I subconsciously saw that as a reflection on me.  "If I am just more understanding, then he will..." etc. But it's not.

I did the same thing. I thought if only I could be more this, more that, it would change things. I tried everything and nothing changed. He is who he is.

The sad thing is my ex told me he couldn't give me what I needed, and I didn't listen.

I'm glad if anything I say helps you and you are so welcome. That's what I stick around this forum for, I can't stand to see anyone else go through what I went through. I was stuck for so long and finding this forum ultimately helped me break out of the pattern.

Yes, your words have been tremendously helpful for me!  And honestly, my guy has told me that several times, too.  That I deserve better.  That he can't give me what I need right now.  He also says he hopes that at some point he will be able to be with me, but I cannot put my life on hold any longer.  It's not even just about dating other people, it's about this grip he's had on my brain and thoughts for months.  No more.

PS: I actually tried to send you a private message to elaborate on things a bit further and ask you a few things but it says you don't accept them.  Is that intentional?
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on February 08, 2020, 09:35:11 PM
I'm sorry, Pink.  Hopefully next week is better for you.

I really believe that letting go is something that you have to naturally come to and can't be forced.  Try not to call the best you can.  I slip up too... but try to use whatever line works best for you -- he isn't spending money on psychics about me, I don't have the money for this, frequent reads might actually be impeding progress...
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on February 12, 2020, 10:06:50 PM
I don't have borderline personality disorder, but I struggle with other things and can relate to the EXTREME emotional reactions that come with BPD.

The "checking in" is an anxiety response in order to try to get "ahead" of what we assume will be bad news.  I get that too.

Congrats on a good interview and holding off from calling for a few days.  One day at a time.
Title: Re: Anyone up for one week pause?
Post by: russianred on February 19, 2020, 01:45:21 AM
One thing I've been doing is forcing myself to take a pause before I get a reading.  Usually it's an impulse that will pass if I say "let me wait for 10 minutes" before deciding.