The Psychic Reviews
Relationship Psychology Discussions => The Vent => Topic started by: mystery123 on October 18, 2017, 04:05:38 AM
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I am sorry it's not a psychic or reading related question but I didn't know where else to ask this as I can't discuss it with any of my girlfriends or family..
How do you guys deal with when you see your POI with someone else? Or you know he has chosen someone else over you? how do you deal with the pain?
I truly want to let go now. I am tired of feeling hurt and trapped in this emotion. For once I want to feel free of him, his thoughts, and be with someone who wants me and cares for me. It's almost like I am friends with the pain of rejection now, but I can't stop hoping for him to come back. How do I stop hoping?
The idea of going out and meeting new people right now is scary and I am not even sure how to do that -- not an extrovert. I can't do online dating- just too intimidating for me.
All the readers said he will come forward, travel more, be more open (Yona, Aries, Dawn, Christina, and a bunch--and maybe my fault for getting so many readings). This past weekend i saw he is traveling but to meet this other girl he liked which he told me about too. So yea they picked up his activities but not for me?! which means his feelings are also not for me.. And regardless of this girl he has never committed to me in two years, he has been fine with "sleepovers" but that's it, I don't know why I fell in love with such a jerk. It's my mistake to let this happen and keep myself hoping despite of what was happening. So I really want to open my eyes to reality and stop living in the psychic world where they tell me that he likes me.
I can't do this anymore, in 28 years this is the first time I feel crippled.. any advice on how to let go of pain, move on for good would be great?
I have read plenty of articles online but seeking some real person advice since I feel I know you guys! Thanks!
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It is difficult yes. And it is easier said than done, but I consider myself rather strong mentally in this aspect, even though I dont know why he is still on the mind (even if so negatively).
Why dont you please think like this? He cares about someone else, he chose someone else, he wants her not me, he cares how she feels not how I feel!...
If he places importance on another woman over me, that is when the doors are permanently closed off from your end too.
I dont like alphafemale in general coz her prediction on a simple immediate career Q didnt manifest, but she had once told me that I wont let him behave the way he does, and will not tolerate the nonsense- she was so right on that one.
When he was willing to demote me down to only "friends", and became defensive on being just that, I severed all forms of contact with him. I put my foot down, and did not allow the nonsensical behaviour from him. By friends, he could have had the option of having many women present in his life as "friends" without having to commit. Why would I have allowed that?
That said, is he not on my mind? He is, sadly, but I do not allow positive thoughts i.e. all I think about is he cares about someone else (which I suspect he does), he does not think highly enough of me to pursue me (and thats his choice).
If he has to be in my mind without my control for the type of connection it is, I will ensure I try best to drive him away, by thinking negative. Why allow myself to be tortured by this feeling of him pursuing someone else?..
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He was in it for sex. Why would he buy the cow if he was always able to get the milk for free? You deserve better. Why would you want a man who doesn’t want you? What is it really, that you like/love about him?
As hard as it may be, force yourself to meet other people. If you really want to move on from this guy, do whatever it takes even if it’s a drag. Online dating (and trying other ways to meet people) cannot be as bad as being stuck on someone who doesn’t want you.
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Cut off all contact as much as you can...
I remember reading some posts of yours and I thought you said a lot of readers gave you negative outcomes with this guy?
Seriously, though I’m so sorry you are going through this, just look ahead and not back. No contact is the only way.
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Cut off all contact as much as you can...
I remember reading some posts of yours and I thought you said a lot of readers gave you negative outcomes with this guy?
Seriously, though I’m so sorry you are going through this, just look ahead and not back. No contact is the only way.
I actually recommend watching Matthew Hussey's videos -
Start here "UNREQUITED LOVE IS BULLS**T!"
https://web.facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey/videos/1496088253743573/?_rdc=1&_rdr
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Sounds like it was a FWB situation, you wound up getting feelings for more and he didn't. Really sorry that happened. Like others have said, erasing him and moving on is the best thing you can do.
I've been in your shoes, but worse. Mine was a real love relationship. Long story short, she MARRIED someone else. First thing I did was delete everything connected to her. This helped me get over it faster, but it WAS somebody I loved so it didn't happen overnight. Funny thing is, now this is a person I wouldn't even want today, she wouldn't even be my type and realizing that really helped in the long run. So personal evolution has a strong impact on our past outlook and can help us heal or affirm our position.
As for not trying online dating, as a woman, I don't see the intimidation. That online dating field is totally slanted in your favor. There are a ton more men than women there, and men pretty much always make the first move. You'll have tons to choose from. Even women considered "the least attractive" get offers. I would definitely consider it in the future if I were you. I say future though because you're not ready to be dating right now. You need to get 100% over this situation. It's never a good idea to date when you're not 100% through a current situation, someone usually winds up getting hurt and it tends to be the new person getting hit with all your past baggage.
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Thank you so much everyone! I needed to hear all of this. Yea, I always knew what his intentions were so he is not a bad person, but I guess I was hoping for the unexpected. His behavior would sweeten tremendously on and off and then with readers saying he likes you, I thought a miracle would happen. Guess not.
@sawthelight- yea that was in April, aries, fairie moon and sweethearts tarot asked me to let go as they dont see anything.. but we again got back together for two weeks in june so I disregarded their reading. When i read with them in August September then they said the opposite— he likes you and will come forward. So I started hoping for that.
But you all are right, I need to respect myself more to let him go. I should have known better then and now, but I definitely deserve better. Not this kind of back and forth. And it’s also a good point to look at myself and see what do i want. Why and how did I get into this place. Why would I fall in love with someone who doesn’t want me and have made it clear several times. I need to stand up for myself. I don’t need to beg for a relationship.
I need to take a break or stop taking readings especially when I know that they don’t read me but someone else.
I can’t thank you guys enough!!! Nothing was rude or anything, i sincerely needed someone to shake me, wake me up and slap me out of it. I will watch that video as well and maybe try online dating once I feel healed from this situation.
I will come back to it whenever repeating patterns...so thank you all again! and now feel like I am not alone and I can do this!! I need to stop living in my head and in my imaginary “relationship”
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aww good luck to you. It's a hard realization. One never knows what the future holds, but in the meantime, live your life and move ahead as best as possible. :D
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Thank you!!
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Thank you so much everyone! I needed to hear all of this. Yea, I always knew what his intentions were so he is not a bad person, but I guess I was hoping for the unexpected. His behavior would sweeten tremendously on and off and then with readers saying he likes you, I thought a miracle would happen. Guess not.
@sawthelight- yea that was in April, aries, fairie moon and sweethearts tarot asked me to let go as they dont see anything.. but we again got back together for two weeks in june so I disregarded their reading. When i read with them in August September then they said the opposite— he likes you and will come forward. So I started hoping for that.
But you all are right, I need to respect myself more to let him go. I should have known better then and now, but I definitely deserve better. Not this kind of back and forth. And it’s also a good point to look at myself and see what do i want. Why and how did I get into this place. Why would I fall in love with someone who doesn’t want me and have made it clear several times. I need to stand up for myself. I don’t need to beg for a relationship.
I need to take a break or stop taking readings especially when I know that they don’t read me but someone else.
I can’t thank you guys enough!!! Nothing was rude or anything, i sincerely needed someone to shake me, wake me up and slap me out of it. I will watch that video as well and maybe try online dating once I feel healed from this situation.
I will come back to it whenever repeating patterns...so thank you all again! and now feel like I am not alone and I can do this!! I need to stop living in my head and in my imaginary “relationship”
I have been where you are...and I always hoped things would change. they did a bit, but never enough, and it was only way after I moved ahead, that I realized I'm glad things didn't work out the way I wanted them to at the time, because something so much better was around the corner. Sound corny and cheesy, but it's true!
You ever hear the expression, "don't make someone a priority when they only make you an option"...that's my motto in life.
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Don't run from the pain or deny it. Go into it full force. Grieve it, journal, cry. Denying your true feelings only stuffs them down, you need to let it out. It's okay to be upset and mad at hurt and angry, for as long as you need to be.
Accept the reality. What you resist persists. Once you fully accept what is happening now, it won't hurt you. The reason you are upset is because you resist the reality of what is. Acceptance will set you free.
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sawthelight, tangential to the main topic but this is so true! This now-faded POI of mine once tried to demote me to just friends so that he could keep communicating with these other women in his life. I am so glad I put my foot down, and did not give in, instead severed all forms of contact till date (except one msg). I was only the option for him, not the priority. If I were everything to him, we would have been together.
Thank you so much everyone! I needed to hear all of this. Yea, I always knew what his intentions were so he is not a bad person, but I guess I was hoping for the unexpected. His behavior would sweeten tremendously on and off and then with readers saying he likes you, I thought a miracle would happen. Guess not.
@sawthelight- yea that was in April, aries, fairie moon and sweethearts tarot asked me to let go as they dont see anything.. but we again got back together for two weeks in june so I disregarded their reading. When i read with them in August September then they said the opposite— he likes you and will come forward. So I started hoping for that.
But you all are right, I need to respect myself more to let him go. I should have known better then and now, but I definitely deserve better. Not this kind of back and forth. And it’s also a good point to look at myself and see what do i want. Why and how did I get into this place. Why would I fall in love with someone who doesn’t want me and have made it clear several times. I need to stand up for myself. I don’t need to beg for a relationship.
I need to take a break or stop taking readings especially when I know that they don’t read me but someone else.
I can’t thank you guys enough!!! Nothing was rude or anything, i sincerely needed someone to shake me, wake me up and slap me out of it. I will watch that video as well and maybe try online dating once I feel healed from this situation.
I will come back to it whenever repeating patterns...so thank you all again! and now feel like I am not alone and I can do this!! I need to stop living in my head and in my imaginary “relationship”
I have been where you are...and I always hoped things would change. they did a bit, but never enough, and it was only way after I moved ahead, that I realized I'm glad things didn't work out the way I wanted them to at the time, because something so much better was around the corner. Sound corny and cheesy, but it's true!
You ever hear the expression, "don't make someone a priority when they only make you an option"...that's my motto in life.
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I will also implement this one. I have a lot of issues where I feel he did me injustice and everything, but I dont come to terms with the feelings, or think about what and why I feel this way from A to Z. I think I should so it too, I need to do this to let all of this go.
Don't run from the pain or deny it. Go into it full force. Grieve it, journal, cry. Denying your true feelings only stuffs them down, you need to let it out. It's okay to be upset and mad at hurt and angry, for as long as you need to be.
Accept the reality. What you resist persists. Once you fully accept what is happening now, it won't hurt you. The reason you are upset is because you resist the reality of what is. Acceptance will set you free.
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Oh boy, this is hard to do! For me, I was right where you are, wanting to stop pining over this particular POI and move on with my life. I got to the point I really thought something was wrong with me because it's not normal to hang on to someone that clearly has moved on and call psychics obsessively spending thousands of dollars. First off, I truly believe calling psychics keeps you hanging on. It's an addiction. I do believe there is something to your thought about being comfortable in your pain. So, long story short, slowly the feeling of wanting to get my shit together and move on becamee stronger and stronger and I started googling "how to deal with rejection and move on" type of things. I ended up finding a woman named Susan Anderson who has a whole program on dealing with rejection and abandonment. I finally had found what I had been looking for. It totally resonated with me. For me, I've had rejection and abandonment issues since I was a child but for some, it may not come out until adulthood and one situation can bring it out. Anyway, that may or may not be your issue but her workbook really helps with letting go and getting over the current rejection you are feeling. Google her and see if her stuff resonates with you. If not, maybe something else will help. I think when we obsess over anything and can't let go, there's an underlying issue we aren't dealing with. We aren't crazy people. We are human beings who have been hurt and want to be loved. Some people handle things better than others. For me, Susan Anderson has been working. I haven't called a psychic in about a month maybe, I'm not keeping track. I have no desire to. I am not pining over this asshole that "rejected" me who didn't even deserve me in the first place and wasn't even GOOD for me!
I hope you start feeling better and stronger soon. I know what you are feeling very well and it sucks.
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Oh boy, this is hard to do! For me, I was right where you are, wanting to stop pining over this particular POI and move on with my life. I got to the point I really thought something was wrong with me because it's not normal to hang on to someone that clearly has moved on and call psychics obsessively spending thousands of dollars. First off, I truly believe calling psychics keeps you hanging on. It's an addiction. I do believe there is something to your thought about being comfortable in your pain. So, long story short, slowly the feeling of wanting to get my shit together and move on becamee stronger and stronger and I started googling "how to deal with rejection and move on" type of things. I ended up finding a woman named Susan Anderson who has a whole program on dealing with rejection and abandonment. I finally had found what I had been looking for. It totally resonated with me. For me, I've had rejection and abandonment issues since I was a child but for some, it may not come out until adulthood and one situation can bring it out. Anyway, that may or may not be your issue but her workbook really helps with letting go and getting over the current rejection you are feeling. Google her and see if her stuff resonates with you. If not, maybe something else will help. I think when we obsess over anything and can't let go, there's an underlying issue we aren't dealing with. We aren't crazy people. We are human beings who have been hurt and want to be loved. Some people handle things better than others. For me, Susan Anderson has been working. I haven't called a psychic in about a month maybe, I'm not keeping track. I have no desire to. I am not pining over this asshole that "rejected" me who didn't even deserve me in the first place and wasn't even GOOD for me!
I hope you start feeling better and stronger soon. I know what you are feeling very well and it sucks.
Great post Baypark
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I can't thank you guys enough for each and every post! I feel stronger today by just knowing that I am not alone, crazy, obsessive person and this is somewhat normal... just telling myself that it's okay to feel sad and it may take some or lot of time to get over and simply the decision that I don't want him for good has actually helped me a lot in a weird way, like I am free of some baggage.
I do have the tendency to block out and numb myself if I experience or anticipate hurt, maybe I should work on not doing that and letting it all out like you guys said.
It's been a spiral for me. I have been trying to let go since beginning of this year, but I think I was never honest, otherwise wouldn't be calling psychics. I think I really hit rock bottom last few weeks/months. Today, first time I could feel it inside and could resonate with "I don't want him, if he doesn't want me and he can go to hell for all I care" .. like I just feel it in my bones whereas before I would say it but deep down still hoping for him to love me.
I have Susan Anderson's audio book- from Abandonment to Healing. I never finished it, I will start it again. I definitely do have rejection issues- thanks to my alcoholic dad! But at least now I know and can work towards healing these patterns.
Enjoyed the Mathhew Hussey video as well, it's a good idea to look at it like that.
In a weird way I am actually excited about and looking forward to get over this guy. I hope I can keep up my high spirits, and even if not, then I know it's okay to be low too. It shall too pass.
Thanks again, guys!
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All of member's ideas were cool, baypark1 your statement in particular the comfortable in your pain part. I will remember this part since it resonates with my situation. Infact I believe that I would rather want to feel comfortable in the pain I feel when I think how he behaves, than the other way round, where I read with psychics over and over to try to relieve the pain (instead of feeling it in that eventually helps in letting go for good).
Oh boy, this is hard to do! For me, I was right where you are, wanting to stop pining over this particular POI and move on with my life. I got to the point I really thought something was wrong with me because it's not normal to hang on to someone that clearly has moved on and call psychics obsessively spending thousands of dollars. First off, I truly believe calling psychics keeps you hanging on. It's an addiction. I do believe there is something to your thought about being comfortable in your pain. So, long story short, slowly the feeling of wanting to get my shit together and move on becamee stronger and stronger and I started googling "how to deal with rejection and move on" type of things. I ended up finding a woman named Susan Anderson who has a whole program on dealing with rejection and abandonment. I finally had found what I had been looking for. It totally resonated with me. For me, I've had rejection and abandonment issues since I was a child but for some, it may not come out until adulthood and one situation can bring it out. Anyway, that may or may not be your issue but her workbook really helps with letting go and getting over the current rejection you are feeling. Google her and see if her stuff resonates with you. If not, maybe something else will help. I think when we obsess over anything and can't let go, there's an underlying issue we aren't dealing with. We aren't crazy people. We are human beings who have been hurt and want to be loved. Some people handle things better than others. For me, Susan Anderson has been working. I haven't called a psychic in about a month maybe, I'm not keeping track. I have no desire to. I am not pining over this asshole that "rejected" me who didn't even deserve me in the first place and wasn't even GOOD for me!
I hope you start feeling better and stronger soon. I know what you are feeling very well and it sucks.
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I'm accepting the reality that anyone who decides to leave your life after you reveal who you are/how you feel is a person who just showed you they don't belong in your life.
My personal issue though, is that people that leave my life never really leave. They seem to like to hang around in the shadows acting as if nothing is wrong. It's a bizarre thing that I've never understood and maybe never will. My current POI is doing that exact same thing. Someone told me it's because the people have a lot of respect for me and feel like going away entirely would let me down and they don't want to disappoint me. I laughed at that not because I don't believe it could be possibly true, but because what really disappoints me is people hanging around like nothing happened. In that situation, I'd rather you just disappeared.
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Hm. That kind of happens to me too. Not even kind of... it does. AND a lot of readers I talk to speak about how much the person in question respects me... Interesting.
I tend to think of it not so much as being about the person not wanting to disappoint me, and more about them having a feeling there is value in the connection and not wanting to give it up, but at the same time not really being willing to rise up and over their own challenges. Not that I am so great, but I do have high standards of behaviour for myself and others in my life... and I think that can be a bit daunting. Do you think that comes up for you, Seeker?
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Do you think that comes up for you, Seeker?
I think this part just made me finally understand:
... more about them having a feeling there is value in the connection and not wanting to give it up, but at the same time not really being willing to rise up and over their own challenges.
Wow. I believe that's exactly what's been happening. That makes a ton of sense. Very wise doubleoh8.
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Do you think that comes up for you, Seeker?
I think this part just made me finally understand:
... more about them having a feeling there is value in the connection and not wanting to give it up, but at the same time not really being willing to rise up and over their own challenges.
Wow. I believe that's exactly what's been happening. That makes a ton of sense. Very wise doubleoh8.
Great! i think I am having a mini-epiphany of my own. More on this in a little while... I have to step out but I found your post helpful too, Seeker.
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I have been where you are...and I always hoped things would change. they did a bit, but never enough, and it was only way after I moved ahead, that I realized I'm glad things didn't work out the way I wanted them to at the time, because something so much better was around the corner. Sound corny and cheesy, but it's true!
same happened to me with a past POI. so glad it didn’t work out because after I moved on, an amazing person came into my life.
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I have been where you are...and I always hoped things would change. they did a bit, but never enough, and it was only way after I moved ahead, that I realized I'm glad things didn't work out the way I wanted them to at the time, because something so much better was around the corner. Sound corny and cheesy, but it's true!
same happened to me with a past POI. so glad it didn’t work out because after I moved on, an amazing person came into my life.
gives me hope :) thank you!
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I am sorry it's not a psychic or reading related question but I didn't know where else to ask this as I can't discuss it with any of my girlfriends or family..
How do you guys deal with when you see your POI with someone else? Or you know he has chosen someone else over you? how do you deal with the pain?
I truly want to let go now. I am tired of feeling hurt and trapped in this emotion. For once I want to feel free of him, his thoughts, and be with someone who wants me and cares for me. It's almost like I am friends with the pain of rejection now, but I can't stop hoping for him to come back. How do I stop hoping?
The idea of going out and meeting new people right now is scary and I am not even sure how to do that -- not an extrovert. I can't do online dating- just too intimidating for me.
All the readers said he will come forward, travel more, be more open (Yona, Aries, Dawn, Christina, and a bunch--and maybe my fault for getting so many readings). This past weekend i saw he is traveling but to meet this other girl he liked which he told me about too. So yea they picked up his activities but not for me?! which means his feelings are also not for me.. And regardless of this girl he has never committed to me in two years, he has been fine with "sleepovers" but that's it, I don't know why I fell in love with such a jerk. It's my mistake to let this happen and keep myself hoping despite of what was happening. So I really want to open my eyes to reality and stop living in the psychic world where they tell me that he likes me.
I can't do this anymore, in 28 years this is the first time I feel crippled.. any advice on how to let go of pain, move on for good would be great?
I have read plenty of articles online but seeking some real person advice since I feel I know you guys! Thanks!
It feels impossible, but you can and will be able to let you. I have a very hard time letting go and I've hung on to people for several long months when they were long gone. The first step is honestly putting your mind to it and putting yourself out there, and yes that means meeting and dating new people. I think you'd be surprised if you gave online dating a try. I've met lots of normal and cool people through dating websites and I know people personally who have married people they have met through dating sites. It's a much easier way to meet people than to try to be at the right place at the right time and hope you will accidentally meet someone. You met this guy somehow at one point, so you are perfectly able to meet others as well.
I was stuck on a guy who I was calling about after months of him completely ignoring me, and I finally got back on a dating site and I'm now dating someone new and I feel so much better. I've practically forgotten about the last guy completely. It can be discouraging at first because you'll go on dates with people you don't click with, but you just don't give up.
Readers like Aries and Lady P told me that the guy I was calling about would come back, and Aries said we would be in a committed relationship by winter months. I even talked to several "famous" psychics and it costed a few hundred dollars to read with them, and they had long waiting lists, and they all say the guy would come back by the summer. It's almost November and I haven't spoken to him since April. I tried dozens of readers, and most of them were readers who other people said got predictions right for them, and nothing panned out for me at all. You seriously can't put your life on hold and wait for this guy because of what the psychics say. I called and waited months over 2 different guys total between 2016 and 2017 and nothing ever happened with either of them. I know predictions do pan out for some people but I can bet you it's nothing but a coincidence.
I absolutely feel your pain and heart ache, and you deserve love and happiness in your life, and it will come to you, but it's not going to be with this guy. I learned that the hard way and I almost attempted suicide in June because of the situation. Things do get better, I promise..
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It feels impossible, but you can and will be able to let you. I have a very hard time letting go and I've hung on to people for several long months when they were long gone. The first step is honestly putting your mind to it and putting yourself out there, and yes that means meeting and dating new people. I think you'd be surprised if you gave online dating a try. I've met lots of normal and cool people through dating websites and I know people personally who have married people they have met through dating sites. It's a much easier way to meet people than to try to be at the right place at the right time and hope you will accidentally meet someone. You met this guy somehow at one point, so you are perfectly able to meet others as well.
I was stuck on a guy who I was calling about after months of him completely ignoring me, and I finally got back on a dating site and I'm now dating someone new and I feel so much better. I've practically forgotten about the last guy completely. It can be discouraging at first because you'll go on dates with people you don't click with, but you just don't give up.
Readers like Aries and Lady P told me that the guy I was calling about would come back, and Aries said we would be in a committed relationship by winter months. I even talked to several "famous" psychics and it costed a few hundred dollars to read with them, and they had long waiting lists, and they all say the guy would come back by the summer. It's almost November and I haven't spoken to him since April. I tried dozens of readers, and most of them were readers who other people said got predictions right for them, and nothing panned out for me at all. You seriously can't put your life on hold and wait for this guy because of what the psychics say. I called and waited months over 2 different guys total between 2016 and 2017 and nothing ever happened with either of them. I know predictions do pan out for some people but I can bet you it's nothing but a coincidence.
I absolutely feel your pain and heart ache, and you deserve love and happiness in your life, and it will come to you, but it's not going to be with this guy. I learned that the hard way and I almost attempted suicide in June because of the situation. Things do get better, I promise..
Thank you! I can feel the difference in me just by accepting that it will never work out. I do feel lighter. I will give online dating another shot and this time be more open.. thank again, it's comforting to know that others understand you and have been able to move past this situation!
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I am sorry it's not a psychic or reading related question but I didn't know where else to ask this as I can't discuss it with any of my girlfriends or family..
How do you guys deal with when you see your POI with someone else?
Don't bring him up except for a therapist,
Don't get readings on him which only fuel the fire and you get fed an alternate reality instead of dealing with the real world.
Don't talk to him, look for him and don't hook up with him.
Deal with the fact everyone gets rejected. Everyone. This isn't about you and if you have a problem with rejection, it's really not about him either.
Thank you! It was just comforting and reaffirming to read what you wrote. Pumped me up to stay on the path I am on and accepting rejection and that it’s okay!