The Psychic Reviews
Relationship Psychology Discussions => The Vent => Topic started by: dasaninot on October 15, 2019, 12:04:45 AM
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Hands up if the man who broke you, cheated on you, disrespect you, abused you, ghosted you, etc. actually is fearful because your connection was so deep, and they're not ready to commit or they're scared of such grandiose, once-in-a-lifetime feelings.
Even when they couldn't care enough about you to take two seconds to say it's over or not, two seconds to think before cheating, two seconds to think about reaching out to express all those deep feelings they've harbored for a year....after they ghosted you.
Hands up if the man you've inquired about is working on himself, working on his feelings, his finances, something is bothering him with family, something at work is stressing him...
Even if he's a bum who couldn't care less about his finances or working on himself.
Hands up if anytime you've brought up a third party it's because they were interfering with his life, and they were clingy and he didn't want them but he wanted you.
Even when he can't stand that person so much that they're devoting their time to them, and don't have two seconds to reach out to you.
I've heard all these things a million times, over and over, about every POI I've ever had. Every POI who never returned, every POI who was happy with someone else or few of those someone elses. I've gotten wiser over the years. But I feel these aren't common to just me, but I'm noticing patterns on here.
There has never been one person who ever picked up on the past. I never provide information so I don't say if someone is a new interest or an ex. Shouldn't a legit psychic know that? Do they need more time to focus if they don't? Here take my money! If you know everything else but the basics, how can I trust you?
Anyway, rant over. I look at the facts. Facts are if someone *has all these superb feelings* and *thinks the world of you*, how are they so far away? Detached? Living their life? Not caring if you're even alive?
C'mon ladies. We all know it deep down inside. A man who wants you shows it. It's 2019. Love isn't some Shakespearean play. If someone wants to be with you, they will.
Let's pick ourselves up and gain back our power. The truth is cold, but the lies will burn you into ashes.
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yes! to almost all of them. when I first slid down the psychic slide, I found myself calling obsessively trying to figure out what was going on in the mind of an ex, who had ghosted me after dating for 9 months (the ghosting came out of nowhere, we were doing fine, so I thought.. and boom.. never heard from him again?) all of the readers told me that he was entering a spiritual awakening, he's never felt the intensity that we have together before, that he's afraid to approach me because too much time had gone by, that he knows I deserve better, I intimidate him, blah blah they all gave fairy tale predictions that he would return a better version of himself and that he would be back shortly always giving the 3 week mark on keen, of course JUST past the timeframe you can leave a review.. the worst of these was Kellys tarot, she would ALWAYS say that he's thinking about me, working on himself, and that in 3 weeks she sees him reaching out.. thank GOD I found this forum and that readers can sometimes bs us..
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yes! to almost all of them. when I first slid down the psychic slide, I found myself calling obsessively trying to figure out what was going on in the mind of an ex, who had ghosted me after dating for 9 months (the ghosting came out of nowhere, we were doing fine, so I thought.. and boom.. never heard from him again?) all of the readers told me that he was entering a spiritual awakening, he's never felt the intensity that we have together before, that he's afraid to approach me because too much time had gone by, that he knows I deserve better, I intimidate him, blah blah they all gave fairy tale predictions that he would return a better version of himself and that he would be back shortly always giving the 3 week mark on keen, of course JUST past the timeframe you can leave a review.. the worst of these was Kellys tarot, she would ALWAYS say that he's thinking about me, working on himself, and that in 3 weeks she sees him reaching out.. thank GOD I found this forum and that readers can sometimes bs us..
I'm so sorry about the ghosting. Cowards. True cowards who need to grow some balls. If I ever run into the one person who ghosted me once, I'd flat out call him a coward and tell him to grow a pair AGAIN even though I roll myself at being so stupid to believe anything. Just like you, it came out of nowhere. I can't believe I waited 10 months for him to return, and I was actually over him quickly after because what he did made me angry. Then I got to calling psychics and boom, pretty much obsessed.
I'm glad I found this forum too, but I also see its negatives. I feel like there are many people still blind and being told these things and they will believe them because a) the outcome is positive b) they make you feel good and c) can't be verified because all these things are in relation to what goes on in someone's head.
So I feel like people are really forcing these outcomes even when time-frames pass. And then they will praise a reader here without giving too many specifics, and then you try them out and you're like (what! how?). I don't know, just a theory. I feel like this forum is great but it may likely fuel my reading purchases if I don't control myself. It's so easy to see a new thread with great comments and want to try a psychic out, and then you do, you're underwhelmed and you understand they were praised only because they likely said some fairy-tales or kept it neutral so it didn't seem like an embellished reading but still gave a good outcome. Or basically said nothing that can be validated, but it could apply to many people.
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I don’t know. I mean, yes, many of the readers used the excuses you mentioned. My POI didn’t cheat, things got complicated between us overnight (literally), he said he wasn’t in a position to be in a relationship (true), told me he had things he needed to work on (also true), and then disappeared without a trace. For the first three months I listened to the readers that he was overcoming obstacles, really trying to get his shit together, working on healing, how much he missed me blah blah blah. I texted him a few times like three months after the disappearing act, nice texts, to which he didn’t respond. Then five months after the disappearing act, I sent another text that wasn’t mean or nice, but clearly showed my displeasure at his silence. Still no response. Then one day, I just woke up. I can’t say which reading triggered this. But, I really don’t care what the hell is going on in his life. I don’t care if his entire world blew up. If someone who was your friend texts you, you text them back. We are grown ass adults. You don’t hide, you confront the situation and handle it. That’s what you do when you respect someone. So now, in my mind, he’s just not worth it. Perhaps someday our paths will cross again and he’ll explain to me why he went silent. But in the meantime, I’m not holding my breath. I always keep an open mind and I’m not one to hold a grudge, but I also know what kind of behavior I find acceptable, and that THIS is not acceptable. Memories do fade in time, and time does heal all wounds. So hang in there, but don’t deny yourself your own worth.
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I sort of feel that way about Yona. She's super hyped up, and I'm sure she's predicted tons of things for many people, but for me I found my reading with her to be quite cryptic. She said very general and vague things regarding my boyfriend, and yeah she said that we would work out and that things would eventually be good between us, but she predicted all things that could have applied to any of our interactions. One thing she predicted was "there will be breakthroughs and understandings, in a different location than where you live." I asked if it was Mexico, since we had a trip planned that weekend, she said no, someplace else, but I'm not familiar with it. This could have applied to any of the subsequent trips we had planned? overall I felt underwhelmed after waiting six weeks to read with her. However, I've found a couple of really solid readers, who I absolutely love from this forum! there's one reader who gets our dynamics down to a tee, she can even tell me how our interactions unfold. She's told me when I need to reach out during arguments, and when I need to be stubborn and allow him to reach out. she's never been wrong.
I felt the exact same way as you regarding the ghosting thing. it sucked, but it made it super easy to move on. After he ghosted me, I started seeing my current boyfriend, and we've been together a year and a half. So, all things considered, he did me a favor haha
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I don’t know. I mean, yes, many of the readers used the excuses you mentioned. My POI didn’t cheat, things got complicated between us overnight (literally), he said he wasn’t in a position to be in a relationship (true), told me he had things he needed to work on (also true), and then disappeared without a trace. For the first three months I listened to the readers that he was overcoming obstacles, really trying to get his shit together, working on healing, how much he missed me blah blah blah. I texted him a few times like three months after the disappearing act, nice texts, to which he didn’t respond. Then five months after the disappearing act, I sent another text that wasn’t mean or nice, but clearly showed my displeasure at his silence. Still no response. Then one day, I just woke up. I can’t say which reading triggered this. But, I really don’t care what the hell is going on in his life. I don’t care if his entire world blew up. If someone who was your friend texts you, you text them back. We are grown ass adults. You don’t hide, you confront the situation and handle it. That’s what you do when you respect someone. So now, in my mind, he’s just not worth it. Perhaps someday our paths will cross again and he’ll explain to me why he went silent. But in the meantime, I’m not holding my breath. I always keep an open mind and I’m not one to hold a grudge, but I also know what kind of behavior I find acceptable, and that THIS is not acceptable. Memories do fade in time, and time does heal all wounds. So hang in there, but don’t deny yourself your own worth.
I don’t think there’s any excuse for ignoring someone (unless you’ve clearly told them you don’t want to talk anymore). Ignoring a message when you know that person cares about you is such a childish thing to do - the least you could do is tell them you’re done and give them some closure.
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When did you have that reading with her?
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I don’t know. I mean, yes, many of the readers used the excuses you mentioned. My POI didn’t cheat, things got complicated between us overnight (literally), he said he wasn’t in a position to be in a relationship (true), told me he had things he needed to work on (also true), and then disappeared without a trace. For the first three months I listened to the readers that he was overcoming obstacles, really trying to get his shit together, working on healing, how much he missed me blah blah blah. I texted him a few times like three months after the disappearing act, nice texts, to which he didn’t respond. Then five months after the disappearing act, I sent another text that wasn’t mean or nice, but clearly showed my displeasure at his silence. Still no response. Then one day, I just woke up. I can’t say which reading triggered this. But, I really don’t care what the hell is going on in his life. I don’t care if his entire world blew up. If someone who was your friend texts you, you text them back. We are grown ass adults. You don’t hide, you confront the situation and handle it. That’s what you do when you respect someone. So now, in my mind, he’s just not worth it. Perhaps someday our paths will cross again and he’ll explain to me why he went silent. But in the meantime, I’m not holding my breath. I always keep an open mind and I’m not one to hold a grudge, but I also know what kind of behavior I find acceptable, and that THIS is not acceptable. Memories do fade in time, and time does heal all wounds. So hang in there, but don’t deny yourself your own worth.
I don’t think there’s any excuse for ignoring someone (unless you’ve clearly told them you don’t want to talk anymore). Ignoring a message when you know that person cares about you is such a childish thing to do - the least you could do is tell them you’re done and give them some closure.
Exactly. It’s inconsiderate for someone to hold you in limbo. So if anything, I’ve lost respect for this guy. It’s just so distasteful.
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Here's the thing. My latest POI I'm convinced he had commitment issues with me too and liked me at one point, but the way things ended he was really nasty about things. He knows I hate being ignored and he did it as a punishment during arguments. If he told me leave him alone he needs space I always respected it, or if he was done fine I can't stalk or harass him into staying in contact with me. But he ignored me the last time we ever had contact after an argument. I sent him a couple of messages asking to please let me know what is going on as I'm confused and hate not knowing what's happening and he would come on read them and say nothing but not delete me off of his social media or block me. So for that I can't really ever forgive him no matter what as that was spiteful after the connection we had and I really was the first person to come in and treat him right after not such a great upbringing. Like Girly1998 said, it's childish and nasty and immature. Some people may say well you should get the message by him ignoring you.. I disagree. If he said straight up he's done and leave him alone then I would take that and try my best to move on. To ignore me... I may be wrong but others have told me, friends and readers it's leaving me in limbo on purpose for when it suits him to come back in. He doesn't want to say move on leave me alone and regret it for incase he needs to come back later. I don't know if that's true but in most cases guys have always been honest or at least blocked me so I got the message. This guy? It's like he disappeared off of the face of the earth. I'm in the same situation, confused, angry, hurt and disappointed. I specifically told the guy please tell me I promise I won't get mad at you but I'd like to know what's happening here and nope. Nothing. Yet an empath is still trying to tell me he plans to pop back into my life and still has feelings and thinks about me. I disagree, how can you do that to someone you care about? I'm hurting and angry. Completely agree with Girly1998 on this one. It's just spiteful.
Edited to add that POI has done this before. He ignored me for 5 or so days and then pops his head up with excuses as though nothing happened.
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So a question for the ladies...would sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???
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So a question for the ladies...would sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???
I would always give each guy a chance I meet. You can't tar everyone with the same brush or it'll never work out from the get go. Like if you get cheated on by someone, you can't assume everyone will and then go on to become clingy, possessive insecure and subsequently push the other person away. I certainly wouldn't basically throw someone else under a train and run off to protect myself but hurt them. That's selfish.
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Here's the thing. My latest POI I'm convinced he had commitment issues with me too and liked me at one point, but the way things ended he was really nasty about things. He knows I hate being ignored and he did it as a punishment during arguments. If he told me leave him alone he needs space I always respected it, or if he was done fine I can't stalk or harass him into staying in contact with me. But he ignored me the last time we ever had contact after an argument. I sent him a couple of messages asking to please let me know what is going on as I'm confused and hate not knowing what's happening and he would come on read them and say nothing but not delete me off of his social media or block me. So for that I can't really ever forgive him no matter what as that was spiteful after the connection we had and I really was the first person to come in and treat him right after not such a great upbringing. Like Girly1998 said, it's childish and nasty and immature. Some people may say well you should get the message by him ignoring you.. I disagree. If he said straight up he's done and leave him alone then I would take that and try my best to move on. To ignore me... I may be wrong but others have told me, friends and readers it's leaving me in limbo on purpose for when it suits him to come back in. He doesn't want to say move on leave me alone and regret it for incase he needs to come back later. I don't know if that's true but in most cases guys have always been honest or at least blocked me so I got the message. This guy? It's like he disappeared off of the face of the earth. I'm in the same situation, confused, angry, hurt and disappointed. I specifically told the guy please tell me I promise I won't get mad at you but I'd like to know what's happening here and nope. Nothing. Yet an empath is still trying to tell me he plans to pop back into my life and still has feelings and thinks about me. I disagree, how can you do that to someone you care about? I'm hurting and angry. Completely agree with Girly1998 on this one. It's just spiteful.
Edited to add that POI has done this before. He ignored me for 5 or so days and then pops his head up with excuses as though nothing happened.
Star, it really is the worst, isn’t it? Yes, a male intuitive who I trust, told me the same thing. If he was done and had moved on, he’d tell you. The issue is that my POI was my friend and he never struck me as someone who’d play games or lead someone on. The confusion is what caused me to start calling psychics, which really made moving on so much harder. Anyway, in Kisha’s last e-mail reading she pegged the situation and said in the colder months she saw me separating from this guy and stated why So I copied and pasted it and texted it to him. That was my way of saying bye. I needed closure.
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Here's the thing. My latest POI I'm convinced he had commitment issues with me too and liked me at one point, but the way things ended he was really nasty about things. He knows I hate being ignored and he did it as a punishment during arguments. If he told me leave him alone he needs space I always respected it, or if he was done fine I can't stalk or harass him into staying in contact with me. But he ignored me the last time we ever had contact after an argument. I sent him a couple of messages asking to please let me know what is going on as I'm confused and hate not knowing what's happening and he would come on read them and say nothing but not delete me off of his social media or block me. So for that I can't really ever forgive him no matter what as that was spiteful after the connection we had and I really was the first person to come in and treat him right after not such a great upbringing. Like Girly1998 said, it's childish and nasty and immature. Some people may say well you should get the message by him ignoring you.. I disagree. If he said straight up he's done and leave him alone then I would take that and try my best to move on. To ignore me... I may be wrong but others have told me, friends and readers it's leaving me in limbo on purpose for when it suits him to come back in. He doesn't want to say move on leave me alone and regret it for incase he needs to come back later. I don't know if that's true but in most cases guys have always been honest or at least blocked me so I got the message. This guy? It's like he disappeared off of the face of the earth. I'm in the same situation, confused, angry, hurt and disappointed. I specifically told the guy please tell me I promise I won't get mad at you but I'd like to know what's happening here and nope. Nothing. Yet an empath is still trying to tell me he plans to pop back into my life and still has feelings and thinks about me. I disagree, how can you do that to someone you care about? I'm hurting and angry. Completely agree with Girly1998 on this one. It's just spiteful.
Edited to add that POI has done this before. He ignored me for 5 or so days and then pops his head up with excuses as though nothing happened.
Star, it really is the worst, isn’t it? Yes, a male intuitive who I trust, told me the same thing. If he was done and had moved on, he’d tell you. The issue is that my POI was my friend and he never struck me as someone who’d play games or lead someone on. The confusion is what caused me to start calling psychics, which really made moving on so much harder. Anyway, in Kisha’s last e-mail reading she pegged the situation and said in the colder months she saw me separating from this guy and stated why So I copied and pasted it and texted it to him. That was my way of saying bye. I needed closure.
It is quite spiteful imo, and if he came back I could never trust him again to be simply honest. The damage is now done. And my POI is actively on dating sites as I've seen his profile come up, yet supposedly that's him avoiding me and trying to forget about me. It's been 5 months for me too.
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Here's the thing. My latest POI I'm convinced he had commitment issues with me too and liked me at one point, but the way things ended he was really nasty about things. He knows I hate being ignored and he did it as a punishment during arguments. If he told me leave him alone he needs space I always respected it, or if he was done fine I can't stalk or harass him into staying in contact with me. But he ignored me the last time we ever had contact after an argument. I sent him a couple of messages asking to please let me know what is going on as I'm confused and hate not knowing what's happening and he would come on read them and say nothing but not delete me off of his social media or block me. So for that I can't really ever forgive him no matter what as that was spiteful after the connection we had and I really was the first person to come in and treat him right after not such a great upbringing. Like Girly1998 said, it's childish and nasty and immature. Some people may say well you should get the message by him ignoring you.. I disagree. If he said straight up he's done and leave him alone then I would take that and try my best to move on. To ignore me... I may be wrong but others have told me, friends and readers it's leaving me in limbo on purpose for when it suits him to come back in. He doesn't want to say move on leave me alone and regret it for incase he needs to come back later. I don't know if that's true but in most cases guys have always been honest or at least blocked me so I got the message. This guy? It's like he disappeared off of the face of the earth. I'm in the same situation, confused, angry, hurt and disappointed. I specifically told the guy please tell me I promise I won't get mad at you but I'd like to know what's happening here and nope. Nothing. Yet an empath is still trying to tell me he plans to pop back into my life and still has feelings and thinks about me. I disagree, how can you do that to someone you care about? I'm hurting and angry. Completely agree with Girly1998 on this one. It's just spiteful.
Edited to add that POI has done this before. He ignored me for 5 or so days and then pops his head up with excuses as though nothing happened.
Star, it really is the worst, isn’t it? Yes, a male intuitive who I trust, told me the same thing. If he was done and had moved on, he’d tell you. The issue is that my POI was my friend and he never struck me as someone who’d play games or lead someone on. The confusion is what caused me to start calling psychics, which really made moving on so much harder. Anyway, in Kisha’s last e-mail reading she pegged the situation and said in the colder months she saw me separating from this guy and stated why So I copied and pasted it and texted it to him. That was my way of saying bye. I needed closure.
It is quite spiteful imo, and if he came back I could never trust him again to be simply honest. The damage is now done. And my POI is actively on dating sites as I've seen his profile come up, yet supposedly that's him avoiding me and trying to forget about me. It's been 5 months for me too.
I agree that the trust is gone. There was a point when this could have been salvaged, but now it’s too damaged to be repaired. All they needed to do was respond and say the truth, whatever it may be.
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Here's the thing. My latest POI I'm convinced he had commitment issues with me too and liked me at one point, but the way things ended he was really nasty about things. He knows I hate being ignored and he did it as a punishment during arguments. If he told me leave him alone he needs space I always respected it, or if he was done fine I can't stalk or harass him into staying in contact with me. But he ignored me the last time we ever had contact after an argument. I sent him a couple of messages asking to please let me know what is going on as I'm confused and hate not knowing what's happening and he would come on read them and say nothing but not delete me off of his social media or block me. So for that I can't really ever forgive him no matter what as that was spiteful after the connection we had and I really was the first person to come in and treat him right after not such a great upbringing. Like Girly1998 said, it's childish and nasty and immature. Some people may say well you should get the message by him ignoring you.. I disagree. If he said straight up he's done and leave him alone then I would take that and try my best to move on. To ignore me... I may be wrong but others have told me, friends and readers it's leaving me in limbo on purpose for when it suits him to come back in. He doesn't want to say move on leave me alone and regret it for incase he needs to come back later. I don't know if that's true but in most cases guys have always been honest or at least blocked me so I got the message. This guy? It's like he disappeared off of the face of the earth. I'm in the same situation, confused, angry, hurt and disappointed. I specifically told the guy please tell me I promise I won't get mad at you but I'd like to know what's happening here and nope. Nothing. Yet an empath is still trying to tell me he plans to pop back into my life and still has feelings and thinks about me. I disagree, how can you do that to someone you care about? I'm hurting and angry. Completely agree with Girly1998 on this one. It's just spiteful.
Edited to add that POI has done this before. He ignored me for 5 or so days and then pops his head up with excuses as though nothing happened.
Star, it really is the worst, isn’t it? Yes, a male intuitive who I trust, told me the same thing. If he was done and had moved on, he’d tell you. The issue is that my POI was my friend and he never struck me as someone who’d play games or lead someone on. The confusion is what caused me to start calling psychics, which really made moving on so much harder. Anyway, in Kisha’s last e-mail reading she pegged the situation and said in the colder months she saw me separating from this guy and stated why So I copied and pasted it and texted it to him. That was my way of saying bye. I needed closure.
It is quite spiteful imo, and if he came back I could never trust him again to be simply honest. The damage is now done. And my POI is actively on dating sites as I've seen his profile come up, yet supposedly that's him avoiding me and trying to forget about me. It's been 5 months for me too.
I agree that the trust is gone. There was a point when this could have been salvaged, but now it’s too damaged to be repaired. All they needed to do was respond and say the truth, whatever it may be.
I quite agree. I've always been one to respect when someone says they're done and leave them alone in relationships, no matter how painful it is I would respect and block and leave then be. And fair enough if the guy tried saying he is done and I didn't listen and kept harassing him and going crazy, but to ask someone what's going on and nothing - is just mean. And if they come back you'll always wonder why, their motives. Is it because they aren't getting things elsewhere that they did with you, or it took them to see other women to suddenly realise what they felt for you and their mistakes? Hmm...
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So a question for the ladies...would sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???
I would always give each guy a chance I meet. You can't tar everyone with the same brush or it'll never work out from the get go. Like if you get cheated on by someone, you can't assume everyone will and then go on to become clingy, possessive insecure and subsequently push the other person away. I certainly wouldn't basically throw someone else under a train and run off to protect myself but hurt them. That's selfish.
Same. I’ve never avoided someone for the fear of being hurt. I’ve had insecurities in relationships due to past experiences but I just ask for reassurance instead of running off.
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So a question for the ladies...would sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???
I would always give each guy a chance I meet. You can't tar everyone with the same brush or it'll never work out from the get go. Like if you get cheated on by someone, you can't assume everyone will and then go on to become clingy, possessive insecure and subsequently push the other person away. I certainly wouldn't basically throw someone else under a train and run off to protect myself but hurt them. That's selfish.
Same. I’ve never avoided someone for the fear of being hurt. I’ve had insecurities in relationships due to past experiences but I just ask for reassurance instead of running off.
I'll always be upfront too and say look I'm wary because I've been hurt, let's take things slowly with each other and not rush into anything. If I feel like I can't do it I will be frank always and say it isn't for me and I don't want to waste the person's time, because that's what I'd hope for someone to do to me.
I have had a guy argue with me, block me then a month later come back and apologise for his actions and how it was too soon for him and he got scared as he wasn't ready and I appreciated that a bit more, as it was a month and for men it can take big balls to say they are sorry... But after 3 months I really begin to lose any sympathy.
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Always hated these answers and it took me a long time to realise it’s all bullshit.
I’ve recently become involved with a guy that is constant and admits his fears for our connection and how scared it makes him.
So he sees me as worth it and makes so much time to express himself
So don’t listen. Sit with what makes you comfortable. Never hold on be
Cause a psychic says you should.
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So a question for the ladies...would sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???
Yes. I’ve had poi’s full on. Promises made to be let down. Then when a genuine guy came along my anxiety sent me to bed. I couldn’t cope. I almost ran away. Still on that verge of it too.
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So a question for the ladies...would sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???
Yes. I’ve had poi’s full on. Promises made to be let down. Then when a genuine guy came along my anxiety sent me to bed. I couldn’t cope. I almost ran away. Still on that verge of it too.
I agree that fear can keep people from accepting / stepping toward something and someone good for them. I know in my case that when I am in a mode of healing from a relationship I just simply can't open myself to a new one... it just takes the time it takes and I do think there is a chunk of time when I am completely unavailable. I have held men out that I thought might really hurt me, and I have likely given others mixed messages, on one hand wanting to let them in and on the other not fully trusting, and therefore holding back a lot.
I have been on the other end of that dynamic as well, where someone else gave me very mixed messages, and this had a lot to do with my calling psychics. One particular man I called about -- I got the 'he's got feelings, but is too scared' line many times. I do believe there was truth to that because he opened up about a past relationship that really crushed him, and also talked about how he didn't really want to fall in love again. And here's where the rub lies; I had a wise intuitive tell me -- early on when I met this particular guy" You need to get it into your head, scared means unavailable."
It took 3 more years of my own stubbornness to realize that was true. I kept thinking I could show that guy that I was "safe" and good for him, and solid, etc. But at the end of the day, if what psychics were telling me was true and he was scared of his feelings... it didn't really matter what I did because that was his stuff to work through. Having been through that, I don't think I'd even hold on to someone who was "too scared" again, unless they were super open, consistent and actively working through that fear (as in @loulou's case).
Last thought: I think sometimes people don't recognize what holds them back as fear. I think that's why many men and women gravitate toward dysfunctional, abusive or simply banal relationships. Those may feel safer (to someone who is afraid to have their heart broken) because of some underlying, subconscious beliefs. For example, if someone goes back to an abusive relationship, it may be that he/she feels a level of familiarity and therefore control in it. By contrast, a prospective relationship where the other person is treating them with kindness and respect may feel so foreign it's scary.
Does this make sense? I am by no means trying to make excuses for bad behaviour ... my main point is that peoples' psyches are pretty complex and if someone is genuinely too afraid for a healthy relationship, you take a big risk in trying to heal them and convince them otherwise.
I didn't mean for this to be such a long post... hope it's helpful.
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I think we're delving into important psychology topics here. It is important to acknowledge that we're all different from person to person (irrelevant of gender), but males and females do have some common themes.
Males generally do tend to bury their emotions and not explode, if they haven't moved on, until later.
Females generally tend to accept their hurt head on, and long-term move on faster if they're able to move on.
Although I would say if someone is in a relationship with another, after you, then those "he's afraid of commitment" comments are so invalid. And when you tell them that how could he be afraid when he's in a relationship? They all start to spew the whole "oh, she's clingy, he can't get rid of her, etc." Point is they are not anti-committal, they just don't want to commit to you.
The only time you can believe that whole argument is when they ran away within like a month of dating, and proceed to date around from person to person. That could be argued they're a f*cukboi, they're simply looking for fun and lied pretending to be serious, or they're anti-committal and afraid.
If someone just disappears after months of dating or a year in a relationship, let's cross them off ladies. They're not anti-committal. They're not going through things. Either something changed and they lost feelings, or they never had anything strong enough to stick and lied. Men lie all the time. Men throw "I love you" around like it's nothing. And men find someone new and are enticed and they grow colder with you and hotter with them. If they just disappear without saying goodbye, they're a spineless coward who doesn't deserve you. Let's think of it as a favor to us, that it happened when it did and not even later on. Don't waste more of your time and heart thinking about these scums. Don't waste your hard-earned money filling scammer pockets with matters of the heart.
Not every man is anti-committal. Maybe college years and shortly after college, and it's mostly because they want to have fun and date around and be free. Most men commit. Commitment doesn't mean marriage, it simply means being faithful in a relationship with one person. I hate how these psychics throw that generalization around simply because it's convenient for them. They want you weak, and attached, and hanging on and waiting for a guy because it means more chances of you returning to them.
We all know the psychic longing is hard to defeat after it becomes habit, but we can do it. It only takes 2 months to break a habit completely. Let's wean off, at least on subjects that have disappeared and aren't worth our time or money.
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I do think that some men get scared of commitment or getting hurt but in their eyes admitting to that is a sign of weakness, so they see it as better to run or have short constant flings than anything stable. With women we tend to be more emotional and take it personally, absorb it in as us being the problem or what did we do wrong, etc. It would be easier to have a man be honest sometimes lol.
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So a question for the ladies...would sheer fear of being hurt again or not being healed from the last guy that hurt you and having a hard time trusting that a man who was treating you right be enough to make you fear actually stepping forward to explore the connection???
No. I'm great at recognizing behavior patters and saying "no" and "goodbye" to people that don't suit me or aren't good for me. If I'm getting hurt, I'm putting a stop to the relationship. I don't punish new people for the actions of others. That's living in the past, not being able to let go and not learning from your experiences. Some people love to be the perpetual victim with what every man/woman has done to them. I'm sorry, but after something happens once .. maybe even twice, you should be able to recognize the red flags and make an exit BEFORE you get hurt. You learn a lesson from what happened and move forward with new knowledge and to new experiences.
If I meet a man that I like and he is holding on to what some other woman did .... well he can hang on to those memories because he sure as hell isn't going to be allowed to waste my time. I prefer my men to live in the present, not the past. I'm not interested in someone who makes perpetual bad choices and lacks self-awareness. I have no desire to "fix" them.
If you are dealing with a woman who is evading rather than evolving; asking herself "what red flags did I miss?", "what have I learned to watch out for", "how can I prevent this from happening again?", "what do I know now that I didn't before?" and a thousand other productive questions and instead just sits there like a broken toy, walk. They aren't good relationship material.