The Psychic Reviews
Relationship Psychology Discussions => My Story => Topic started by: smoothie88 on December 01, 2018, 10:53:00 AM
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I’m not sure where to post this question so just give this a go here.
How does the psychic ability actually work, this including the no tool channelers and the tarot readers. How much of the POI’s mind/feelings that they can actually REALLY read because they have no connection to the POI instead the connection is with us (email/phone/in person), who they are doing the reading for. Could the reading be totally biased from our point of view?
Let me be specific, so every single readers I spoke with confirmed the POI has feelings for me he is torn/heartbroken to leave me and there is huge chemistry between us and he can’t let go emotionally etc. But I’m wondering IS IT REALLY? Or its because they are reading this as a reflection of how I feel and view the situation, basically they’re reading my subconscious mind, and not what the POI actually thinks?
Could this be the reason why none of us ever have a reading where the psychic say the POI doesn’t love you? Has ANYONE at all here ever have a reading where they say nope there’s no feeling? LOL.
And perhaps this is also why even though there’s “strong feeling” but the fucker never ever come back and reconcile with us or confront us with his feelings. Because in reality maybe there’s just no feeling at all, and we have been strung along and drag our suffering out for so so so long NOT because of any special connection with the POI but because of these psychic readings.
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In my case, I was and still am convinced that my POI never loved me. I always felt absolutely used. My go to's, who have been 95% accurate with everything over the last 5 years, have told me that he has feelings. HOWEVER, in the very beginning of our relationship, Aries told me that he did NOT love me but had some feelings of admiration but it wasn't love. I knew she was right cause I felt it in my gut. But, over the years, the feelings apparently grew, cause at this time, both of my go to's tell me that there's love there, dude just has some deep rooted issues to work out. So, in answer to your question, yes I've been told someone did not love me. I've also been told opposite (that he does have feelings) of what my conscious and subconscious thoughts and feelings are. With that said, I do not feel that these readings are a reflection of how you are feeling or what you're thinking. BUT, that is also pending on who you read with as to whether they are real or not, and also if they are connecting with you.
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In my case, I was and still am convinced that my POI never loved me. I always felt absolutely used. My go to's, who have been 95% accurate with everything over the last 5 years, have told me that he has feelings. HOWEVER, in the very beginning of our relationship, Aries told me that he did NOT love me but had some feelings of admiration but it wasn't love. I knew she was right cause I felt it in my gut. But, over the years, the feelings apparently grew, cause at this time, both of my go to's tell me that there's love there, dude just has some deep rooted issues to work out. So, in answer to your question, yes I've been told someone did not love me. I've also been told opposite (that he does have feelings) of what my conscious and subconscious thoughts and feelings are. With that said, I do not feel that these readings are a reflection of how you are feeling or what you're thinking. BUT, that is also pending on who you read with as to whether they are real or not, and also if they are connecting with you.
The thing is though (if it's okay for me to say) if your gut is screaming something at you, it doesn't matter what reader says what - people should always listen to their gut. If you people feel for example in your gut he ain't coming back then he probably isn't. If you feel he doesn't have feelings for you and his behaviour demonstrates that, then I'd go off of what's more logical and obvious. I've been told so many things by readers which just aren't true :-\
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I’m not sure where to post this question so just give this a go here.
How does the psychic ability actually work, this including the no tool channelers and the tarot readers. How much of the POI’s mind/feelings that they can actually REALLY read because they have no connection to the POI instead the connection is with us (email/phone/in person), who they are doing the reading for. Could the reading be totally biased from our point of view?
Let me be specific, so every single readers I spoke with confirmed the POI has feelings for me he is torn/heartbroken to leave me and there is huge chemistry between us and he can’t let go emotionally etc. But I’m wondering IS IT REALLY? Or its because they are reading this as a reflection of how I feel and view the situation, basically they’re reading my subconscious mind, and not what the POI actually thinks?
Could this be the reason why none of us ever have a reading where the psychic say the POI doesn’t love you? Has ANYONE at all here ever have a reading where they say nope there’s no feeling? LOL.
And perhaps this is also why even though there’s “strong feeling” but the fucker never ever come back and reconcile with us or confront us with his feelings. Because in reality maybe there’s just no feeling at all, and we have been strung along and drag our suffering out for so so so long NOT because of any special connection with the POI but because of these psychic readings.
Here's where I'm going to make no sense; I believe that readers can feel what others are feeling (telepathy, empath etc), but I'm skeptical of my situation where they all say he has feelings and cares for me. I'm like, come on, now. Let's not be daft.
Have you ever been past a stranger and felt sudden sadness around them, or an angry feeling for no reason ? Lots of us have the abilities to be empathic. The better readings I've had are actually via email compared to voice or chat on Keen. Which is odd in my eyes - how can someone connect so well by not seeing you or hearing your voice? Kisha's email reading was accurate and a guy I just read with from Etsy and he hasn't met me before, hasn't heard my voice and he picked up the situation well - even the important part which other top readers (including Kisha) didn't pick up.
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I've had psychics tell me he is not thinking about me, he is happy in a relationship. Granted that was the 1% of psychics that I read with.
So you do get negative answers from psychics every now and then...just have to go to a lot of them and believe me, you'll get the negative readings that hit you like a ton of bricks lol.
Yes it's true that they can pick up on what you believe and feel. Also they can make stuff up. Nothing has been 100% true in terms of what any psychics have said to me. Which makes me believe that a lot of it is guess work, some of it is some talent and intuitive abilities, but often it's guessing and also people can change their mind, nobody can tell the future.
I doubted a lot about POI's feelings towards me. Always back and forth. I've had a few spiritual psychics tell me: what do you feel in your heart? Forget about what is happening or not happening, what is the energy that you feel?
People can love you for a lifetime and they may or may not act on that.
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I've had psychics tell me he is not thinking about me, he is happy in a relationship. Granted that was the 1% of psychics that I read with.
So you do get negative answers from psychics every now and then...just have to go to a lot of them and believe me, you'll get the negative readings that hit you like a ton of bricks lol.
Yes it's true that they can pick up on what you believe and feel. Also they can make stuff up. Nothing has been 100% true in terms of what any psychics have said to me. Which makes me believe that a lot of it is guess work, some of it is some talent and intuitive abilities, but often it's guessing and also people can change their mind, nobody can tell the future.
I doubted a lot about POI's feelings towards me. Always back and forth. I've had a few spiritual psychics tell me: what do you feel in your heart? Forget about what is happening or not happening, what is the energy that you feel?
People can love you for a lifetime and they may or may not act on that.
Hmm, but isn't it funny how all of these guys love us but "won't act upon it"? If a man really loves you, he will do the right actions to come forth. I think that's just excuses from readers. Yes occasionally the guy does care about someone but he has his issues going on whether commitment or being afraid to come forward first, etc. But realistically if someone loves you, they'd do something about it.
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I've had psychics tell me he is not thinking about me, he is happy in a relationship. Granted that was the 1% of psychics that I read with.
So you do get negative answers from psychics every now and then...just have to go to a lot of them and believe me, you'll get the negative readings that hit you like a ton of bricks lol.
Yes it's true that they can pick up on what you believe and feel. Also they can make stuff up. Nothing has been 100% true in terms of what any psychics have said to me. Which makes me believe that a lot of it is guess work, some of it is some talent and intuitive abilities, but often it's guessing and also people can change their mind, nobody can tell the future.
I doubted a lot about POI's feelings towards me. Always back and forth. I've had a few spiritual psychics tell me: what do you feel in your heart? Forget about what is happening or not happening, what is the energy that you feel?
People can love you for a lifetime and they may or may not act on that.
Hmm, but isn't it funny how all of these guys love us but "won't act upon it"? If a man really loves you, he will do the right actions to come forth. I think that's just excuses from readers. Yes occasionally the guy does care about someone but he has his issues going on whether commitment or being afraid to come forward first, etc. But realistically if someone loves you, they'd do something about it.
I agree. They should definitely do something about it. But then I guess it's the choice of the person who gets the reading...they can choose to move on, or to wait. I think at some point if there is no coming forward from POI, everybody moves on. There is nothing else to do.
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I've had psychics tell me he is not thinking about me, he is happy in a relationship. Granted that was the 1% of psychics that I read with.
So you do get negative answers from psychics every now and then...just have to go to a lot of them and believe me, you'll get the negative readings that hit you like a ton of bricks lol.
Yes it's true that they can pick up on what you believe and feel. Also they can make stuff up. Nothing has been 100% true in terms of what any psychics have said to me. Which makes me believe that a lot of it is guess work, some of it is some talent and intuitive abilities, but often it's guessing and also people can change their mind, nobody can tell the future.
I doubted a lot about POI's feelings towards me. Always back and forth. I've had a few spiritual psychics tell me: what do you feel in your heart? Forget about what is happening or not happening, what is the energy that you feel?
People can love you for a lifetime and they may or may not act on that.
Hmm, but isn't it funny how all of these guys love us but "won't act upon it"? If a man really loves you, he will do the right actions to come forth. I think that's just excuses from readers. Yes occasionally the guy does care about someone but he has his issues going on whether commitment or being afraid to come forward first, etc. But realistically if someone loves you, they'd do something about it.
I agree. They should definitely do something about it. But then I guess it's the choice of the person who gets the reading...they can choose to move on, or to wait. I think at some point if there is no coming forward from POI, everybody moves on. There is nothing else to do.
Exactly.
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A couple of you ladies have mentioned about trusting our gut feelings or our intuitions. But how do you distinguish intuition vs insecurity or intuition vs hopes/dreams.
Reason I said this: what if what you thought was your intuition telling you he’s done and has no love for you just turns out to be insecurity or sometimes your self-protection mechanism as your brain is trying to kill any false hope and protect yourself from further hurt?
Or opposite situation when your “intuition” tells you he still loves you he has his struggle he will come around etc but turns out it’s just your false hopes/dreams taking over?
In my case, since the moment he broke up with me in August until perhaps a week ago, my “intuition” my “gut feelings” told me it’s not done yet, he’s struggling, he’s hurt, he’s in pain, he’s not happy with her. I even convinced myself by pointing out all the evidence (or so I thought, it could be just me reading too much into things) the way how he’s so grumpy around me as if he’s trying to mask his pain, he’s spending extra time at work even weekends (instead of going home to her). (Yes if you haven’t read my other posts, I work with this man, see him daily, “lucky” me!).
But you know what, he’s somewhere in South America now going on a birthday trip with her and I bet my “intuition” was just false hopes and dreams, he’s probably having the best time of his life right now while pathetically I still call psychics to hear them telling me that “he’s torn”, “he’s the victim of his responsibility”, “he doesn’t want to be apart from you ”, “he his feelings/huge chemistry for you”. And this is all the credible ones, QoC18, Kisha, Shelly.
Because the truth is, if he wants you ENOUGH, you will know it, he will come and get you. Period. Men are simple/straightforward.
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My gut feeling is very honest, very honest. I (at first) find it hard to distinguish between gut feeling and worrying because where I'm so negative - it's easily mistaken for that instead of intuition. A gut feeling is something you cannot shake off.. You can get drunk with friends, watch any TV programme you enjoy, be around people you love - but it's still niggling inside of you for a long time. And yes for me it literally feels like the feeling is coming from my gut so strongly. I've had gut feelings many times, usually gut feelings for me are bad.. I had a bad gut feeling about my ex and I chose to ignore it, and I thought to myself "well how come all of these readers say he cares and is coming back?". But there's something that happened to me that made me question gut feelings and even free will vs destiny. If you'd like to know, I'm happy to PM you it. But honestly, I always always trust my gut.. I ignored it all of these months and decided to surpress my intuition, and I'm paying the price. I never pay attention to my gut and I need to begin to.
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Another way for me to explain it is; gut feeling for me literally reminds me of when you've eaten something dodgy or you have a stomach ache, because the feeling actually comes from your gut and it's a feeling you just can't shake off. Like I said, you can do anything and that feeling won't go. Like when you feel sick and have a stomach ache and you want the pain to go and it won't, gut feeling is that constantly twingy feeling in the pit of your gut.. When you know, you'll know.
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[quote
Because the truth is, if he wants you ENOUGH, you will know it, he will come and get you. Period. Men are simple/straightforward.
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Actually I dont think it's that simple for anyone! especially for men! There are many reasons why even if they have feelings for us, even if those feelings are strong they may choose to ignore them and NOT come back or come after us! Men are VERY different than women emotionally!
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[quote
Because the truth is, if he wants you ENOUGH, you will know it, he will come and get you. Period. Men are simple/straightforward.
Actually I dont think it's that simple for anyone! especially for men! There are many reasons why even if they have feelings for us, even if those feelings are strong they may choose to ignore them and NOT come back or come after us! Men are VERY different than women emotionally!
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I agree that some men will push their feelings down and not do anything about it, some have commitment issues and some are like little boys at heart. But I disagree that over 90% of these men, our POI's and exes on here all love us but won't do anything about it. It's funny how over 95% of men apparently care but won't do much about it supposedly.. All men are different. Some men are feminine in nature being ashamed and shy of rejection etc, and others are tough and if they want something - will go after it.
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Hell, sometimes even the tough ones won't go after the thing they want deep down inside due to pride, ego, and arrogance. They lack humility.
Men are not black and white. Back in the day, maybe they were a bit more black and white, I don't even know. But at this point in time, it seems they're even more complicated than us women. It seems to me that us women seem to know exactly what we want and even attempt to go after it, whereas, these men seem to be confused much of the time. I'm not saying ALL men or ALL women, just many of both.
And yeah, sometimes one can confuse their "intuition" with "trust issues". Some are insecure but what is insecurity? Most of the time, it's just having a hard time trusting a person and most of the time that trust issue is derived from said person somehow betraying you. Betrayal comes in many forms. It can be so simple as that person didn't wash the car on Saturday as they said they would. Now you can't trust the person will do as they say. It can be so simple as when you were talking to the person expressing you had a bad day at work, and they just respond with "sorry to hear" then change the subject. It doesn't always include cheating.
Sometimes some of us just have low self esteem as well and need someone who's going to help build that, rather than display behaviors and execute certain treatments toward us that makes it even worse.
Men are very complicated.
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I don't understand men.. This is going to sound bad written down online, but my POI was a little possessive in our relationship.. So for him to have gone this long without contact, I can't understand.. I would have thought that he would be worrying I'd be moving on and would have done something by now to prevent it or see what I'm upto.
I don't buy men not reaching out because I think they would do anything to prevent you from moving on.. He's surely scared to lose you, some men have a reason to make contact like in my case but I won't say the reason on the board. There isn't alot of excuse. If you love someone why would you go around your life surpressing feelings for someone but dating others? Surely something in you must go "I really can't avoid her, I miss her and I've tried everything but can't move on". I think it's an excuse readers make that he cares but won't reach out. I also think it's something people are saying to themselves to make themselves feel better. "Aww he loves me, but he doesn't want to reach out to me". If it makes you feel better than think that. At the end of the day, none of us know what our POI's and exes are like except the person themselves. So Law and Smoothie, only you two know what he's like.. If he really did care for you, if he has commitment issues so he would be scared to reach out first. Every case is different.
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Could this be the reason why none of us ever have a reading where the psychic say the POI doesn’t love you? Has ANYONE at all here ever have a reading where they say nope there’s no feeling? LOL.
I was dealing with ex poi.. and the following said he is not worth it..
In 2014 I first met him but i was in a cool of relationship.
Stephanie’s guided tarot - she said he has a phobia in relationships and will never want to be committed. He’s a player and don’t waste time on him. Stick with the other guy I was waiting for.
The other guy came back in 2014 and we were in a relationship until 2016. In 2016 he passed away unexpectedly so I came close again with the ex poi. But he was very deceiving.
Moira of psychic source - no he’s not good for me. She said it in a very firm and direct way and the call ended after 1 minute.
Sweetheart tarot - she said this guy is not a good person and she will not waste my money on him. Please don’t ever call about him again.
Stephanie’s guided tarot - said he’s not good for me and she will not say he is just to make me feel better.
Christy of psychic source (? - can’t remember exact name) - she didn’t like him at all.
Spiritual advisor and Aries institution was the closest. They said communication will increase but will never be a relationship. I found out something about him so I stop communicating. That’s when he contacted me everyday for 2 months straight.
Basically the guy was a jerk and is a player. They were correct. He is afraid of relationship because his long term gf who he proposed to dumped him.
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I don't understand men.. This is going to sound bad written down online, but my POI was a little possessive in our relationship.. So for him to have gone this long without contact, I can't understand.. I would have thought that he would be worrying I'd be moving on and would have done something by now to prevent it or see what I'm upto.
I don't buy men not reaching out because I think they would do anything to prevent you from moving on.. He's surely scared to lose you, some men have a reason to make contact like in my case but I won't say the reason on the board. There isn't alot of excuse. If you love someone why would you go around your life surpressing feelings for someone but dating others? Surely something in you must go "I really can't avoid her, I miss her and I've tried everything but can't move on". I think it's an excuse readers make that he cares but won't reach out. I also think it's something people are saying to themselves to make themselves feel better. "Aww he loves me, but he doesn't want to reach out to me". If it makes you feel better than think that. At the end of the day, none of us know what our POI's and exes are like except the person themselves. So Law and Smoothie, only you two know what he's like.. If he really did care for you, if he has commitment issues so he would be scared to reach out first. Every case is different.
At some point, the dude does come to the conclusion that he misses a person and loves a person but doesn't act upon it for certain reasons. The biggest reason being, they love their own wants/needs more. Love and relationships require a certain amount of sacrifice from both parties in many different ways. It also comes with responsibilities toward another person in so much as, now you have their heart and you are responsible for not breaking it, you are responsible for keeping your word, not lying, remaining loyal, fighting any other urges one may have that only freedom from a serious relationship allows.
A man can date a bunch of people and not become emotionally attached. They can date someone for a year without becoming emotionally attached. To them, it isn't a "serious" relationship. He can also love you, but not be ready to "commit" to you and loves his freedom more at that time. Some men can love you but feel they need to accomplish other things first in their lives and cannot put energy into a relationship. There's so many reasons but it doesn't mean love can't exist. It just means that there are different depths of love and it also depends on what phase in life that person is in.
Love and relationships definitely aren't black and white. Hell, seems more gray than anything lol.
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I don't understand men.. This is going to sound bad written down online, but my POI was a little possessive in our relationship.. So for him to have gone this long without contact, I can't understand.. I would have thought that he would be worrying I'd be moving on and would have done something by now to prevent it or see what I'm upto.
I don't buy men not reaching out because I think they would do anything to prevent you from moving on.. He's surely scared to lose you, some men have a reason to make contact like in my case but I won't say the reason on the board. There isn't alot of excuse. If you love someone why would you go around your life surpressing feelings for someone but dating others? Surely something in you must go "I really can't avoid her, I miss her and I've tried everything but can't move on". I think it's an excuse readers make that he cares but won't reach out. I also think it's something people are saying to themselves to make themselves feel better. "Aww he loves me, but he doesn't want to reach out to me". If it makes you feel better than think that. At the end of the day, none of us know what our POI's and exes are like except the person themselves. So Law and Smoothie, only you two know what he's like.. If he really did care for you, if he has commitment issues so he would be scared to reach out first. Every case is different.
At some point, the dude does come to the conclusion that he misses a person and loves a person but doesn't act upon it for certain reasons. The biggest reason being, they love their own wants/needs more. Love and relationships require a certain amount of sacrifice from both parties in many different ways. It also comes with responsibilities toward another person in so much as, now you have their heart and you are responsible for not breaking it, you are responsible for keeping your word, not lying, remaining loyal, fighting any other urges one may have that only freedom from a serious relationship allows.
A man can date a bunch of people and not become emotionally attached. They can date someone for a year without becoming emotionally attached. To them, it isn't a "serious" relationship. He can also love you, but not be ready to "commit" to you and loves his freedom more at that time. Some men can love you but feel they need to accomplish other things first in their lives and cannot put energy into a relationship. There's so many reasons but it doesn't mean love can't exist. It just means that there are different depths of love and it also depends on what phase in life that person is in.
Love and relationships definitely aren't black and white. Hell, seems more gray than anything lol.
Thank you for explaining this to me, I'm young still and am new to all of this with men.. But I think in my experience so far of men if they really do love you, they won't want any freedom if that makes sense. A couple of readers have been saying that to me about my ex, and if anything I'm the one who wanted freedom because my ex was possessive and quite needy at times. Then when next moment he was backing away and saying I was being full on.. I've met some guys before who act immature and do the drinking and doing things to impress their friends and all that immature shit, but when it comes to ladies if they really like someone they don't want "freedom". They want to be serious with the woman. The thing is, I'd rather these readers were more realistic and honest and said "he might have feelings for you, but he wants his freedom and he isn't coming back", than "yes he loves you, but let him mess about and he's going to realise and come your way".
I can understand with Mr commitment-phobe because he wants someone but is scared to commit, so he's back and forth with them and doesn't want to get hurt. But when readers say "he's enjoying his freedom", then I am skeptical of that. I am enjoying being single and not putting up with crap, but I also if I meet someone and we connect I would put the relationship and connection over freedom.
And say for example if a man does want his freedom, and it's been a year though and he's still got for example Mrs Philosopher on his mind.. Surely in a year's time, he's going to think - "I really miss Miss Philosopher, I can't shake her out of my mind and I'll drop a text to see how she's getting on"?
I've talked to guys in the past not looking for a commitment, being honest for an ego boost to see what's out there and get compliments from guys and attention, but then liked someone unexpectedly and decided to pursue it. The only thing I can understand is commitment-phobes.
What I really mean is - like in my case, if you and the ex aren't in contact and he's dating other women but not connecting with them (as all the readers say 🙄), then surely he's going to get bored because he realises he still loves YOU and has no interests to these other women or his "freedom".
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I don't understand men.. This is going to sound bad written down online, but my POI was a little possessive in our relationship.. So for him to have gone this long without contact, I can't understand.. I would have thought that he would be worrying I'd be moving on and would have done something by now to prevent it or see what I'm upto.
I don't buy men not reaching out because I think they would do anything to prevent you from moving on.. He's surely scared to lose you, some men have a reason to make contact like in my case but I won't say the reason on the board. There isn't alot of excuse. If you love someone why would you go around your life surpressing feelings for someone but dating others? Surely something in you must go "I really can't avoid her, I miss her and I've tried everything but can't move on". I think it's an excuse readers make that he cares but won't reach out. I also think it's something people are saying to themselves to make themselves feel better. "Aww he loves me, but he doesn't want to reach out to me". If it makes you feel better than think that. At the end of the day, none of us know what our POI's and exes are like except the person themselves. So Law and Smoothie, only you two know what he's like.. If he really did care for you, if he has commitment issues so he would be scared to reach out first. Every case is different.
At some point, the dude does come to the conclusion that he misses a person and loves a person but doesn't act upon it for certain reasons. The biggest reason being, they love their own wants/needs more. Love and relationships require a certain amount of sacrifice from both parties in many different ways. It also comes with responsibilities toward another person in so much as, now you have their heart and you are responsible for not breaking it, you are responsible for keeping your word, not lying, remaining loyal, fighting any other urges one may have that only freedom from a serious relationship allows.
A man can date a bunch of people and not become emotionally attached. They can date someone for a year without becoming emotionally attached. To them, it isn't a "serious" relationship. He can also love you, but not be ready to "commit" to you and loves his freedom more at that time. Some men can love you but feel they need to accomplish other things first in their lives and cannot put energy into a relationship. There's so many reasons but it doesn't mean love can't exist. It just means that there are different depths of love and it also depends on what phase in life that person is in.
Love and relationships definitely aren't black and white. Hell, seems more gray than anything lol.
Thank you for explaining this to me, I'm young still and am new to all of this with men.. But I think in my experience so far of men if they really do love you, they won't want any freedom if that makes sense. A couple of readers have been saying that to me about my ex, and if anything I'm the one who wanted freedom because my ex was possessive and quite needy at times. Then when next moment he was backing away and saying I was being full on.. I've met some guys before who act immature and do the drinking and doing things to impress their friends and all that immature shit, but when it comes to ladies if they really like someone they don't want "freedom". They want to be serious with the woman. The thing is, I'd rather these readers were more realistic and honest and said "he might have feelings for you, but he wants his freedom and he isn't coming back", than "yes he loves you, but let him mess about and he's going to realise and come your way".
I can understand with Mr commitment-phobe because he wants someone but is scared to commit, so he's back and forth with them and doesn't want to get hurt. But when readers say "he's enjoying his freedom", then I am skeptical of that. I am enjoying being single and not putting up with crap, but I also if I meet someone and we connect I would put the relationship and connection over freedom.
And say for example if a man does want his freedom, and it's been a year though and he's still got for example Mrs Philosopher on his mind.. Surely in a year's time, he's going to think - "I really miss Miss Philosopher, I can't shake her out of my mind and I'll drop a text to see how she's getting on"?
I've talked to guys in the past not looking for a commitment, being honest for an ego boost to see what's out there and get compliments from guys and attention, but then liked someone unexpectedly and decided to pursue it. The only thing I can understand is commitment-phobes.
What I really mean is - like in my case, if you and the ex aren't in contact and he's dating other women but not connecting with them (as all the readers say 🙄), then surely he's going to get bored because he realises he still loves YOU and has no interests to these other women or his "freedom".
You're right in a sense about the whole freedom thing. Because, you can still have freedom whilst in a relationship. It isn't about restriction which is how a lot of men and even women can see it. However, on the flip side of that token, one person's definition of freedom may not be the same as another person's. It takes emotional maturity and wisdom to understand that a relationship doesn't mean lack of freedom. Some men want to play the field for awhile before settling down. A lot of times, I've seen it sooooooooooo many times, that a man will leave a good woman so he can go off and "sow his wild oats" and be completely free of relationship responsibilities and then after he's done, and ready to commit and settle down, he remembers that good woman and returns to her. Unfortunately, in many cases, he loses out cause she's moved on, BUT that isn't always the case.
I know it's difficult to fully understand. A lot of times, the woman will be further ahead when it comes to emotional maturity then most men. It's sort of like kids and parents. When we're first born and throughout our toddler and preteen years, we are attached to our parents (usually) but then when we hit teenage years and throughout the entire duration of our 20s, we sort of just want to go explore, figure out who we are, learn what we want and what we don't want, experience many things without the direction and protection of our parents. But then, after the age of 30, we start to return to wanting to have a closer relationship with our parents and have learned many things.
So, you see, it's really similar in relationships. I understand it gets really frustrating and sometimes very hard to understand the dynamics of human growth. Some of us were just born with more maturity and wisdom, whereas others, must learn through life experiences, trial and error.
None of what I said is going to make you feel better or take away any grief or pain. I understand that. Just trying to help shed a bit of light on what could possibly be going on.
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I don't understand men.. This is going to sound bad written down online, but my POI was a little possessive in our relationship.. So for him to have gone this long without contact, I can't understand.. I would have thought that he would be worrying I'd be moving on and would have done something by now to prevent it or see what I'm upto.
I don't buy men not reaching out because I think they would do anything to prevent you from moving on.. He's surely scared to lose you, some men have a reason to make contact like in my case but I won't say the reason on the board. There isn't alot of excuse. If you love someone why would you go around your life surpressing feelings for someone but dating others? Surely something in you must go "I really can't avoid her, I miss her and I've tried everything but can't move on". I think it's an excuse readers make that he cares but won't reach out. I also think it's something people are saying to themselves to make themselves feel better. "Aww he loves me, but he doesn't want to reach out to me". If it makes you feel better than think that. At the end of the day, none of us know what our POI's and exes are like except the person themselves. So Law and Smoothie, only you two know what he's like.. If he really did care for you, if he has commitment issues so he would be scared to reach out first. Every case is different.
At some point, the dude does come to the conclusion that he misses a person and loves a person but doesn't act upon it for certain reasons. The biggest reason being, they love their own wants/needs more. Love and relationships require a certain amount of sacrifice from both parties in many different ways. It also comes with responsibilities toward another person in so much as, now you have their heart and you are responsible for not breaking it, you are responsible for keeping your word, not lying, remaining loyal, fighting any other urges one may have that only freedom from a serious relationship allows.
A man can date a bunch of people and not become emotionally attached. They can date someone for a year without becoming emotionally attached. To them, it isn't a "serious" relationship. He can also love you, but not be ready to "commit" to you and loves his freedom more at that time. Some men can love you but feel they need to accomplish other things first in their lives and cannot put energy into a relationship. There's so many reasons but it doesn't mean love can't exist. It just means that there are different depths of love and it also depends on what phase in life that person is in.
Love and relationships definitely aren't black and white. Hell, seems more gray than anything lol.
Thank you for explaining this to me, I'm young still and am new to all of this with men.. But I think in my experience so far of men if they really do love you, they won't want any freedom if that makes sense. A couple of readers have been saying that to me about my ex, and if anything I'm the one who wanted freedom because my ex was possessive and quite needy at times. Then when next moment he was backing away and saying I was being full on.. I've met some guys before who act immature and do the drinking and doing things to impress their friends and all that immature shit, but when it comes to ladies if they really like someone they don't want "freedom". They want to be serious with the woman. The thing is, I'd rather these readers were more realistic and honest and said "he might have feelings for you, but he wants his freedom and he isn't coming back", than "yes he loves you, but let him mess about and he's going to realise and come your way".
I can understand with Mr commitment-phobe because he wants someone but is scared to commit, so he's back and forth with them and doesn't want to get hurt. But when readers say "he's enjoying his freedom", then I am skeptical of that. I am enjoying being single and not putting up with crap, but I also if I meet someone and we connect I would put the relationship and connection over freedom.
And say for example if a man does want his freedom, and it's been a year though and he's still got for example Mrs Philosopher on his mind.. Surely in a year's time, he's going to think - "I really miss Miss Philosopher, I can't shake her out of my mind and I'll drop a text to see how she's getting on"?
I've talked to guys in the past not looking for a commitment, being honest for an ego boost to see what's out there and get compliments from guys and attention, but then liked someone unexpectedly and decided to pursue it. The only thing I can understand is commitment-phobes.
What I really mean is - like in my case, if you and the ex aren't in contact and he's dating other women but not connecting with them (as all the readers say 🙄), then surely he's going to get bored because he realises he still loves YOU and has no interests to these other women or his "freedom".
You're right in a sense about the whole freedom thing. Because, you can still have freedom whilst in a relationship. It isn't about restriction which is how a lot of men and even women can see it. However, on the flip side of that token, one person's definition of freedom may not be the same as another person's. It takes emotional maturity and wisdom to understand that a relationship doesn't mean lack of freedom. Some men want to play the field for awhile before settling down. A lot of times, I've seen it sooooooooooo many times, that a man will leave a good woman so he can go off and "sow his wild oats" and be completely free of relationship responsibilities and then after he's done, and ready to commit and settle down, he remembers that good woman and returns to her. Unfortunately, in many cases, he loses out cause she's moved on, BUT that isn't always the case.
I know it's difficult to fully understand. A lot of times, the woman will be further ahead when it comes to emotional maturity then most men. It's sort of like kids and parents. When we're first born and throughout our toddler and preteen years, we are attached to our parents (usually) but then when we hit teenage years and throughout the entire duration of our 20s, we sort of just want to go explore, figure out who we are, learn what we want and what we don't want, experience many things without the direction and protection of our parents. But then, after the age of 30, we start to return to wanting to have a closer relationship with our parents and have learned many things.
So, you see, it's really similar in relationships. I understand it gets really frustrating and sometimes very hard to understand the dynamics of human growth. Some of us were just born with more maturity and wisdom, whereas others, must learn through life experiences, trial and error.
None of what I said is going to make you feel better or take away any grief or pain. I understand that. Just trying to help shed a bit of light on what could possibly be going on.
Thank you for explaining. Men coming back once the woman has moved on seems to be common, but I never have had an ex come back before. However, it appears to happen often. Men seem to think that we will wait forever on them and we are stagnant in our lives like a statue for them, lol. If my ex comes back after playing about, I'm sorry but that's really disrespectful and I'm not going to be walked all over like that. If he comes back and says he wasn't ready, he was scared and was honest and said he was scared of the C word, I could accept more.
I think in my case, the guy has commitment issues from when I've spoken to you privately and probably finds it easier to hop to girls and block them after a while of contacting. As much as I didn't get much with Psych Shelly, she told me he's like the kid in the sweetshop licking the lollies but he isn't meeting any of them. It's all online communication and he makes excuses when it comes to meeting up. I don't know what's true, but obviously he hasn't been in a monk in all of this time and he's seen at least someone. I definitely think it's more to do with trouble of commitment but I could be wrong as I'm not a doctor.
But yeah when it comes to freedom, I think there's a thin veil between that and the commitment phobia. I think what's acceptable is some of our men don't want to commit and prefer to come to us, see other women, come to us so they're not getting hurt and can't commit to anyone.. But it's not about wanting the best of both worlds of freedom and playing about putting into any hole lol, I don't think that's good enough personally.
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I think your guy is just young and yes, has commitment issues due to his lack of emotional maturity. That isn't to say that he will not mature at some point and get a clue. Just saying that maybe that's where he's at now in his life. Hell, I know some dudes that are still that way in their 40s lol. I think commitment phobia comes from a few things. One is, a fear of being hurt. If your guy or any guy for that matter has been heartbroken and burned in the past, it's very hard for them to commit again due to that heartbreak. It will happen that they will eventually commit, but it may be a while.
There are also some men that enjoy the comfort and security of the relationship, but don't want the responsibilities that come with said relationship. They want to do what they want to do without having to consider someone else, but at the same time they want to keep the comfort and security of a stable relationship. At the end of the day, it's selfish behavior. That's the gist of it. Selfishness is emotional immaturity at its finest.
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I think your guy is just young and yes, has commitment issues due to his lack of emotional maturity. That isn't to say that he will not mature at some point and get a clue. Just saying that maybe that's where he's at now in his life. Hell, I know some dudes that are still that way in their 40s lol. I think commitment phobia comes from a few things. One is, a fear of being hurt. If your guy or any guy for that matter has been heartbroken and burned in the past, it's very hard for them to commit again due to that heartbreak. It will happen that they will eventually commit, but it may be a while.
There are also some men that enjoy the comfort and security of the relationship, but don't want the responsibilities that come with said relationship. They want to do what they want to do without having to consider someone else, but at the same time they want to keep the comfort and security of a stable relationship. At the end of the day, it's selfish behavior. That's the gist of it. Selfishness is emotional immaturity at its finest.
See (again) readings are confusing because some readers said that my ex partner has NPD traits and will never change. I will say he does have traits of that, but it's not extreme like another ex had. Some said he won't ever be able to be consistent. I won't go into details but most people who act up usually had a bad childhood and that's the case here. My POI and yours has the same star sign and yours is older obviously, and perhaps mine when he's your guys age might still be the same. Leanne Halyburton told me that she wouldn't be surprised if he gets a woman pregnant within the next 18 months and another reader said it once. He's certainly unstable - I know guys, why should I care for someone like this.
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Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.
Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunately that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailability as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectations in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding.
I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentionally, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness. I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitarian side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.
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Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.
Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunately that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailability as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectations in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding.
I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentionally, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness. I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitarian side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.
I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationship before me and my relationship with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..
Something that he did which is classic narcissistic behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationship he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.
I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality. I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologist) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.
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People with NPD are literally immature in a way they won't ever grow out of. Very unlikely anyway. They get stuck developmentally around the age of 5-6 years old. When a person can't ever take accountability or apologize or show remorse that's a very bad sign. And combined with jealousy and possesiveness, all kinds of things could go wrong with that. Star1 you might really dodge a bullet if you lose this guy.
Thanks Still Tired. I completely agree - someone can be immatue, but still accept and apologise if they have done something wrong. If he is not able to apologise or at least show remorse at even his age, then it is worrying. He very much is someone who can't take the blame and always shifts it onto someone else. That is not healthy and I'm beginning to realise it all more, now. The fact he hasn't come forward to check I'm okay or say sorry or anything shows that he still is in that "it's all your fault, but never mine" phase.
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I'm 100 percent sure that psychics can't pick up feeling, why then do they tell everyone of us they the same stock line he had deep feeling for you but he/she scary/afraid or because of fear.
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@psychicgirl: I never got that stock line. I was always told that my ex was just extremely selfish and that he wanted things on his terms and no other way, which is actually true.
@star1 and stilltired: Mine never has apologized for anything. Like, nothing at all. He'd run around an actual apology and justify his shitty behavior somehow and make excuses. There was only one time when he said "I don't know why I do some of the stuff I do. I'm just an idiot I guess" and he'd victimize himself rather than apologize in an attempt to make me feel sorry for him, which I typically did. Sometimes just because a person keeps contact with you, doesn't even mean they're doing it for the purpose of checking on you either. In my case, I feel it's been kept up for his own selfish reasons in an attempt to keep me in the background for the just in case cause he knows nothing ever turns out the way his delusional mind thinks it will. At this point though, I don't even care much anymore and it feels to me like I'm sort of keeping him in the background instead because I still care for him as a human and wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him, even though I've felt I did in times of anger. I'm not angry anymore. I'm just focusing on me and looking forward to the new.
I think stilltired is right star1. Perhaps you really did dodge a bullet on that one. To be fair, I can't say that he will never ever change. I will say though, that the selfishness is probably just part of his personality/character and that may never change. Mine was very territorial with me for many years. He still says things to this day to try to feed me a fish hook to prevent me from fully moving on. Only thing is, he doesn't know that it's not working anymore lol. Perhaps mine is also a narc but a more passive type rather than aggressive type. He's only territorial when he doesn't have a new person distracting him. Then when it fizzles out after a month or so, he's back trying to get me in the web again. It's a pattern that is so clear to me now. I think maybe you're lucky he hasn't strung you along like that as it's emotionally tortuous and takes much longer to get through and heal from. I still can't say that one day he won't grow up, but it's highly probable that he isn't gonna be good for you in the long run anyway because of certain personality/character traits that most likely will never resolve.
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Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.
Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunately that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailability as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectations in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding.
I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentionally, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness. I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitarian side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.
I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationship before me and my relationship with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..
Something that he did which is classic narcissistic behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationship he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.
I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality. I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologist) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.
The reason I say immaturity at this point, is because he's very very young. It would be unfair of me to say that he'll remain the same forever because I don't know that. I'm also not a psychologist that has interviewed this person or attempted to treat him lol. I had a really really shitty childhood, was in foster homes, beaten, kidnapped and raped by two strangers, all kinds of things that I won't post here. However, I made a choice to not succumb to my past. I've made every effort to heal and become better than that. I did not inflict any kind of verbal and emotional abuse onto my son, which I went through daily. I stopped that cycle. Do I have some residual issues from my past? Absolutely. But I chose not to become the alcoholic, drug addict, criminal, depressed 24/7 etc. I wanted to be better than that and use my pain for the good of others. It's like two kids who both grow up in the same household with alcoholic parents. One grows up to be a drug addict and alcoholic and the other becomes a successful business owner. We all have choices. As for narcs, I've researched a lot on them as well and they CAN be helped with extensive psychotherapy. Unfortunately, most don't get that help though. I try to look at things fairly. Yes there are some that cannot be helped because proper help is not sought after. There are some that do get helped.
You said you recognized the same sort of patterns in his past relationship and he victimized himself. Mine did the same in his 10 year marriage. He made his ex wife out to be a monster. That is until I read through tons of emails between them because I was curious what lead to the divorce. He had the same exact patterns and habits in his marriage that he has displayed with me over the last 5 years. This is what tells me he's probably not going to ever change until he loses everything and everyone and even then he still may not ever change and just think he's a victim and that nobody wants to be with him, as Kisha told me he would lol. She said he recognized some of his shitty behaviors but was too lazy to make any changes. I guess that makes sense because he hasn't been FORCED to make any changes cause he always has someone there helping him. He's gotta be living out of his car with nothing to get it I think, but even then, he has a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude. Idk. It's all way too much stress than it's worth anymore. Maybe you really did dodge a bullet as stilltired said.
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Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.
Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunately that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailability as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectations in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding.
I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentionally, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness. I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitarian side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.
I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationship before me and my relationship with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..
Something that he did which is classic narcissistic behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationship he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.
I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality. I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologist) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.
The reason I say immaturity at this point, is because he's very very young. It would be unfair of me to say that he'll remain the same forever because I don't know that. I'm also not a psychologist that has interviewed this person or attempted to treat him lol. I had a really really shitty childhood, was in foster homes, beaten, kidnapped and raped by two strangers, all kinds of things that I won't post here. However, I made a choice to not succumb to my past. I've made every effort to heal and become better than that. I did not inflict any kind of verbal and emotional abuse onto my son, which I went through daily. I stopped that cycle. Do I have some residual issues from my past? Absolutely. But I chose not to become the alcoholic, drug addict, criminal, depressed 24/7 etc. I wanted to be better than that and use my pain for the good of others. It's like two kids who both grow up in the same household with alcoholic parents. One grows up to be a drug addict and alcoholic and the other becomes a successful business owner. We all have choices. As for narcs, I've researched a lot on them as well and they CAN be helped with extensive psychotherapy. Unfortunately, most don't get that help though. I try to look at things fairly. Yes there are some that cannot be helped because proper help is not sought after. There are some that do get helped.
You said you recognized the same sort of patterns in his past relationship and he victimized himself. Mine did the same in his 10 year marriage. He made his ex wife out to be a monster. That is until I read through tons of emails between them because I was curious what lead to the divorce. He had the same exact patterns and habits in his marriage that he has displayed with me over the last 5 years. This is what tells me he's probably not going to ever change until he loses everything and everyone and even then he still may not ever change and just think he's a victim and that nobody wants to be with him, as Kisha told me he would lol. She said he recognized some of his shitty behaviors but was too lazy to make any changes. I guess that makes sense because he hasn't been FORCED to make any changes cause he always has someone there helping him. He's gotta be living out of his car with nothing to get it I think, but even then, he has a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude. Idk. It's all way too much stress than it's worth anymore. Maybe you really did dodge a bullet as stilltired said.
We will always carry parts from our childhood whether we realise it or not. For example you could feel like the strongest person in the world, but without realising it could be scared of violence and something within you sets off an alarm bell when you see fighting, you could be really defensive and quick to get angry or to argue because it's a form of protection (I'm not saying these are you, it's an example), allowing men to abuse and treat them abhorrently.. Of course everything that happens to us builds us. It's all about subconscious and we don't even realise we are doing it. We all have faults within us, like flaws. Perhaps some of those flaws are caused by what happened to us in our childhood.
I have to say to be very very honest that I find it very concerning that the readers told you that your guy isn't abusive or bad and he's just selfish. That's worrying because from things you've said on the board and to me, it's clear abuse. And for readers to say "oh poor him, he's going through alot right now" - they shouldn't make excuses for his behaviour like they did with me. So lots of women probably are in abusive relationships without really realising it..
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Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.
Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunately that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailability as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectations in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding.
I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentionally, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness. I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitarian side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.
I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationship before me and my relationship with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..
Something that he did which is classic narcissistic behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationship he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.
I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality. I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologist) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.
The reason I say immaturity at this point, is because he's very very young. It would be unfair of me to say that he'll remain the same forever because I don't know that. I'm also not a psychologist that has interviewed this person or attempted to treat him lol. I had a really really shitty childhood, was in foster homes, beaten, kidnapped and raped by two strangers, all kinds of things that I won't post here. However, I made a choice to not succumb to my past. I've made every effort to heal and become better than that. I did not inflict any kind of verbal and emotional abuse onto my son, which I went through daily. I stopped that cycle. Do I have some residual issues from my past? Absolutely. But I chose not to become the alcoholic, drug addict, criminal, depressed 24/7 etc. I wanted to be better than that and use my pain for the good of others. It's like two kids who both grow up in the same household with alcoholic parents. One grows up to be a drug addict and alcoholic and the other becomes a successful business owner. We all have choices. As for narcs, I've researched a lot on them as well and they CAN be helped with extensive psychotherapy. Unfortunately, most don't get that help though. I try to look at things fairly. Yes there are some that cannot be helped because proper help is not sought after. There are some that do get helped.
You said you recognized the same sort of patterns in his past relationship and he victimized himself. Mine did the same in his 10 year marriage. He made his ex wife out to be a monster. That is until I read through tons of emails between them because I was curious what lead to the divorce. He had the same exact patterns and habits in his marriage that he has displayed with me over the last 5 years. This is what tells me he's probably not going to ever change until he loses everything and everyone and even then he still may not ever change and just think he's a victim and that nobody wants to be with him, as Kisha told me he would lol. She said he recognized some of his shitty behaviors but was too lazy to make any changes. I guess that makes sense because he hasn't been FORCED to make any changes cause he always has someone there helping him. He's gotta be living out of his car with nothing to get it I think, but even then, he has a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude. Idk. It's all way too much stress than it's worth anymore. Maybe you really did dodge a bullet as stilltired said.
We will always carry parts from our childhood whether we realise it or not. For example you could feel like the strongest person in the world, but without realising it could be scared of violence and something within you sets off an alarm bell when you see fighting, you could be really defensive and quick to get angry or to argue because it's a form of protection (I'm not saying these are you, it's an example), allowing men to abuse and treat them abhorrently.. Of course everything that happens to us builds us. It's all about subconscious and we don't even realise we are doing it. We all have faults within us, like flaws. Perhaps some of those flaws are caused by what happened to us in our childhood.
I have to say to be very very honest that I find it very concerning that the readers told you that your guy isn't abusive or bad and he's just selfish. That's worrying because from things you've said on the board and to me, it's clear abuse. And for readers to say "oh poor him, he's going through alot right now" - they shouldn't make excuses for his behaviour like they did with me. So lots of women probably are in abusive relationships without really realising it..
I agree with you. That's why I'm currently studying the subconscious and ways to change it lol. I don't know if it will work but I'm gonna give it a shot. Yes, I do have certain defense mechanisms still at play from my past. I have massive trust problems, like to the extreme. I also do have temper problems even though I've chilled out a lot from what I used to be, it's still there and comes up from time to time. So, you're right. I just believe stuff can be healed and changed, maybe not every last piece of it, but some of it at least. Kisha told me he's super selfish, but means well, but just isn't in a position to change his life and that he's not serving any purpose for my highest good. Shelly straight up calls him a narc and continuously asks me wtf I want anything to do with him. Lol. Aliza, she also said he's got narc tendencies. My biggest problem to my own demise is, for whatever stupid reason, I keep thinking I can help change people. I do live in denial at times. I admit that. I try my best to snap into reality. It just takes me some time.
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Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.
Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunately that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailability as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectations in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding.
I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentionally, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness. I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitarian side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.
I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationship before me and my relationship with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..
Something that he did which is classic narcissistic behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationship he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.
I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality. I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologist) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.
The reason I say immaturity at this point, is because he's very very young. It would be unfair of me to say that he'll remain the same forever because I don't know that. I'm also not a psychologist that has interviewed this person or attempted to treat him lol. I had a really really shitty childhood, was in foster homes, beaten, kidnapped and raped by two strangers, all kinds of things that I won't post here. However, I made a choice to not succumb to my past. I've made every effort to heal and become better than that. I did not inflict any kind of verbal and emotional abuse onto my son, which I went through daily. I stopped that cycle. Do I have some residual issues from my past? Absolutely. But I chose not to become the alcoholic, drug addict, criminal, depressed 24/7 etc. I wanted to be better than that and use my pain for the good of others. It's like two kids who both grow up in the same household with alcoholic parents. One grows up to be a drug addict and alcoholic and the other becomes a successful business owner. We all have choices. As for narcs, I've researched a lot on them as well and they CAN be helped with extensive psychotherapy. Unfortunately, most don't get that help though. I try to look at things fairly. Yes there are some that cannot be helped because proper help is not sought after. There are some that do get helped.
You said you recognized the same sort of patterns in his past relationship and he victimized himself. Mine did the same in his 10 year marriage. He made his ex wife out to be a monster. That is until I read through tons of emails between them because I was curious what lead to the divorce. He had the same exact patterns and habits in his marriage that he has displayed with me over the last 5 years. This is what tells me he's probably not going to ever change until he loses everything and everyone and even then he still may not ever change and just think he's a victim and that nobody wants to be with him, as Kisha told me he would lol. She said he recognized some of his shitty behaviors but was too lazy to make any changes. I guess that makes sense because he hasn't been FORCED to make any changes cause he always has someone there helping him. He's gotta be living out of his car with nothing to get it I think, but even then, he has a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude. Idk. It's all way too much stress than it's worth anymore. Maybe you really did dodge a bullet as stilltired said.
We will always carry parts from our childhood whether we realise it or not. For example you could feel like the strongest person in the world, but without realising it could be scared of violence and something within you sets off an alarm bell when you see fighting, you could be really defensive and quick to get angry or to argue because it's a form of protection (I'm not saying these are you, it's an example), allowing men to abuse and treat them abhorrently.. Of course everything that happens to us builds us. It's all about subconscious and we don't even realise we are doing it. We all have faults within us, like flaws. Perhaps some of those flaws are caused by what happened to us in our childhood.
I have to say to be very very honest that I find it very concerning that the readers told you that your guy isn't abusive or bad and he's just selfish. That's worrying because from things you've said on the board and to me, it's clear abuse. And for readers to say "oh poor him, he's going through alot right now" - they shouldn't make excuses for his behaviour like they did with me. So lots of women probably are in abusive relationships without really realising it..
I agree with you. That's why I'm currently studying the subconscious and ways to change it lol. I don't know if it will work but I'm gonna give it a shot. Yes, I do have certain defense mechanisms still at play from my past. I have massive trust problems, like to the extreme. I also do have temper problems even though I've chilled out a lot from what I used to be, it's still there and comes up from time to time. So, you're right. I just believe stuff can be healed and changed, maybe not every last piece of it, but some of it at least. Kisha told me he's super selfish, but means well, but just isn't in a position to change his life and that he's not serving any purpose for my highest good. Shelly straight up calls him a narc and continuously asks me wtf I want anything to do with him. Lol. Aliza, she also said he's got narc tendencies. My biggest problem to my own demise is, for whatever stupid reason, I keep thinking I can help change people. I do live in denial at times. I admit that. I try my best to snap into reality. It just takes me some time.
Unfortunately, it's hard to change a person, let alone a narc (which is almost impossible). A narcissist has to realise that they are one with the issues, and they never do. They have to realise that they're the problem, and it's always someone else's fault - but don't you dare say it's theirs. I can't believe I'm saying this, But Shelly is talking sense to you, there.
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Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.
Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunately that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailability as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectations in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding.
I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentionally, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness. I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitarian side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.
I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationship before me and my relationship with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..
Something that he did which is classic narcissistic behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationship he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.
I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality. I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologist) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.
The reason I say immaturity at this point, is because he's very very young. It would be unfair of me to say that he'll remain the same forever because I don't know that. I'm also not a psychologist that has interviewed this person or attempted to treat him lol. I had a really really shitty childhood, was in foster homes, beaten, kidnapped and raped by two strangers, all kinds of things that I won't post here. However, I made a choice to not succumb to my past. I've made every effort to heal and become better than that. I did not inflict any kind of verbal and emotional abuse onto my son, which I went through daily. I stopped that cycle. Do I have some residual issues from my past? Absolutely. But I chose not to become the alcoholic, drug addict, criminal, depressed 24/7 etc. I wanted to be better than that and use my pain for the good of others. It's like two kids who both grow up in the same household with alcoholic parents. One grows up to be a drug addict and alcoholic and the other becomes a successful business owner. We all have choices. As for narcs, I've researched a lot on them as well and they CAN be helped with extensive psychotherapy. Unfortunately, most don't get that help though. I try to look at things fairly. Yes there are some that cannot be helped because proper help is not sought after. There are some that do get helped.
You said you recognized the same sort of patterns in his past relationship and he victimized himself. Mine did the same in his 10 year marriage. He made his ex wife out to be a monster. That is until I read through tons of emails between them because I was curious what lead to the divorce. He had the same exact patterns and habits in his marriage that he has displayed with me over the last 5 years. This is what tells me he's probably not going to ever change until he loses everything and everyone and even then he still may not ever change and just think he's a victim and that nobody wants to be with him, as Kisha told me he would lol. She said he recognized some of his shitty behaviors but was too lazy to make any changes. I guess that makes sense because he hasn't been FORCED to make any changes cause he always has someone there helping him. He's gotta be living out of his car with nothing to get it I think, but even then, he has a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude. Idk. It's all way too much stress than it's worth anymore. Maybe you really did dodge a bullet as stilltired said.
We will always carry parts from our childhood whether we realise it or not. For example you could feel like the strongest person in the world, but without realising it could be scared of violence and something within you sets off an alarm bell when you see fighting, you could be really defensive and quick to get angry or to argue because it's a form of protection (I'm not saying these are you, it's an example), allowing men to abuse and treat them abhorrently.. Of course everything that happens to us builds us. It's all about subconscious and we don't even realise we are doing it. We all have faults within us, like flaws. Perhaps some of those flaws are caused by what happened to us in our childhood.
I have to say to be very very honest that I find it very concerning that the readers told you that your guy isn't abusive or bad and he's just selfish. That's worrying because from things you've said on the board and to me, it's clear abuse. And for readers to say "oh poor him, he's going through alot right now" - they shouldn't make excuses for his behaviour like they did with me. So lots of women probably are in abusive relationships without really realising it..
I agree with you. That's why I'm currently studying the subconscious and ways to change it lol. I don't know if it will work but I'm gonna give it a shot. Yes, I do have certain defense mechanisms still at play from my past. I have massive trust problems, like to the extreme. I also do have temper problems even though I've chilled out a lot from what I used to be, it's still there and comes up from time to time. So, you're right. I just believe stuff can be healed and changed, maybe not every last piece of it, but some of it at least. Kisha told me he's super selfish, but means well, but just isn't in a position to change his life and that he's not serving any purpose for my highest good. Shelly straight up calls him a narc and continuously asks me wtf I want anything to do with him. Lol. Aliza, she also said he's got narc tendencies. My biggest problem to my own demise is, for whatever stupid reason, I keep thinking I can help change people. I do live in denial at times. I admit that. I try my best to snap into reality. It just takes me some time.
Unfortunately, it's hard to change a person, let alone a narc (which is almost impossible). A narcissist has to realise that they are one with the issues, and they never do. They have to realise that they're the problem, and it's always someone else's fault - but don't you dare say it's theirs. I can't believe I'm saying this, But Shelly is talking sense to you, there.
Yeah I know she is. It just takes me time to let go of the fantasy I built in my head. To let go of the hopes, dreams, ideas, that I had. 5 years is a long time. All the signs were there but I really thought it all had to do with the location issue. However, since he's left this last time and been gone 7 months and it really looked like it was going to work out this time thanks to his narc mother, I got to see what it's really been all about. The other times he left, it was like obvious and a given it would fail and he was only gone for 2 to 3 months each time and he had no help. Like I said, this time, it was like a guarantee he'd remain there for a long time but as soon as the help stops, he's fucked unless he finds some female to get involved with and live with before it runs out but I have a feeling it's about to run out very very soon. Like, within the next couple months and now he can't even work because he has health problems (the hernia) and still hasn't scheduled a surgery for it and has no insurance to pay for it. I see how things are about to turn out, just as everyone said it would. However, if someone really loves you, distance isn't going to interfere, especially after 5 years of being together, because he could have visited me the same as he had visited his kids in the past (albeit not often) and he could have waited for me to relocate IF that's what I decided to do. There would have been SOME way to work it out. So, he did me a favor by showing me this. I will thank him for it someday.
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Here's the thing. Your guy is really really young. I believe everyone has the potential to change pending their life experiences etc. He still has a lot of life yet to live and I'm not going to say he won't or can't change. Psychics cannot tell us if someone will ever change or not. It's not a fair assumption. However, it really might take a very long time for changes to occur.
Yes, both are the same star signs and unfortunately that particular star sign is prone to selfishness and emotional unavailability as well as very slow progress as far as maturity goes. However, both have the choice to reflect and change some stuff but other stuff is just part of who they are. I wouldn't be able to tell you which part is which though lol. Like my dad was the same star sign as our POIs, but he was super generous, very very loyal, worked his ass off and was never a leech. He wasn't a cheater either. However, his temper was disgusting and he was very abusive and emotionally over the top selfish. My boss is another one that is the same star sign as our POIs, he's married and has been for 20 years, no kids, refuses to get divorced, he's an attorney with his own business, however, he has constant affairs. He says he doesn't love his wife but won't get divorced cause "she might kill herself" but really, it's because he's a divorce attorney and knows she'll take him to the cleaner financially so he's sooooooooo selfish that he will stay married, keep his wife miserable, and just have affairs. He also has expectations in these affairs in that he wants the mistress to be faithful and be emotionally invested all whilst he remains married. His insanity and flawed logic is derived from his over the top selfishness. Selfishness is truly blinding.
I think there's a fine line between NPD and just plain out super selfish. If someone is going out to purposely harm another and just uses the hell out of you purposely and intentionally, then yeah, that's NPD. However, if a person is simply sooooooo selfish and because of their selfishness, they make selfish decisions which causes hurt and pain on others, but it isn't with the direct intent on purposely hurting you to make themselves feel better, then I don't think that's NPD. I think that's more of a "character disorder" and they are just on the extreme end of selfishness. I think that's the case in your case. I also think that's the case with mine. I don't feel intuitively that it's purposeful or intentional, I just think said person is over the top selfish. I've seen another humanitarian side to said person a lot of times. And, I'm sure you've seen a giving nature in yours. Narcs aren't giving in any way, shape, or form.
I actually do think that my ex has alot of NPD, I've done alot of research on it when a reader called my POI it once and I didn't know the meaning of the word. He matched up to almost all of them except cheating. He has hurt me alot and the way he hasn't shown any remorse for his actions says alot to me. I also notice a pattern with him from his last relationship before me and my relationship with him. He is always self victimising and it was all her fault, he was so good he did no wrong he is a really good partner. He hates admitting fault for things and for him to not come forward and apologise or check I'm okay after how things were last left is a reflector that he probably won't change in that area of never admitting to being wrong. That is unhealthy and an eggshell type of guy right there. I'm slowly realising now I'm moving on. Everything is always someone else's fault. Whether it's his Mum. Dad. Partner. The pet cat or dog or parrot or neighbour. It's never his fault. He could commit a murder and have blood on his hands and he would say someone framed him..
Something that he did which is classic narcissistic behaviour is deflecting. So he would say for example, poor me. My ex was controlling with me, she didn't allow me to talk to any female friends and made me block them, I bought her some jewellery and it wasn't the right colour so she got mad. Well in our relationship he began to show signs like that with me. I have spoken to a reader who told me that this guy until he gets major help will not change and he's going to drag anyone down who comes into his life with him until he gets some serious therapy. She also picked up on his defective "it wasn't me" behaviour.
I was seeing a guy last year at a bad time. I won't go into details here but the guy hurt me and a month later he came back to apologise to me a month later for his actions. With this man, I never got that and he did cause me alot of hurt. And with saying sorry, you don't always have to say the words you're sorry. You can do things around it like send a text asking how someone is and acting like nothing has happened (which is what my ex did), if you owe them something to return it, and other ways around saying sorry like that. He probably is mostly immature, but I think alot of his behaviour is set in him. Even Kisha said there is something in his personality but she isn't sure what... Jealous and possessive people very rarely change. And people with low self esteem. I always will have a low self esteem even if I get married to the most handsome man with the loveliest house and lots of money. I am a firm believer that your childhood makes you. So if you have a shitty childhood, I think alot of the behaviour will set with the person like in your and our POI's case. Almost everyone I've met has got issued to this day because of how tough their childhood was. I think it's very easy to say to someone as a reader that the guy is immature and is that and this. Likewise I don't think all behaviour can be blamed on immaturity, I think lots of it is down to personality. I also think it can be dangerous when a woman could be dealing with a abusive guy for them to tell her he's just going through an immature phase. I think it is very hard (unless a psychologist) to determine if it's immaturity or set in them.
The reason I say immaturity at this point, is because he's very very young. It would be unfair of me to say that he'll remain the same forever because I don't know that. I'm also not a psychologist that has interviewed this person or attempted to treat him lol. I had a really really shitty childhood, was in foster homes, beaten, kidnapped and raped by two strangers, all kinds of things that I won't post here. However, I made a choice to not succumb to my past. I've made every effort to heal and become better than that. I did not inflict any kind of verbal and emotional abuse onto my son, which I went through daily. I stopped that cycle. Do I have some residual issues from my past? Absolutely. But I chose not to become the alcoholic, drug addict, criminal, depressed 24/7 etc. I wanted to be better than that and use my pain for the good of others. It's like two kids who both grow up in the same household with alcoholic parents. One grows up to be a drug addict and alcoholic and the other becomes a successful business owner. We all have choices. As for narcs, I've researched a lot on them as well and they CAN be helped with extensive psychotherapy. Unfortunately, most don't get that help though. I try to look at things fairly. Yes there are some that cannot be helped because proper help is not sought after. There are some that do get helped.
You said you recognized the same sort of patterns in his past relationship and he victimized himself. Mine did the same in his 10 year marriage. He made his ex wife out to be a monster. That is until I read through tons of emails between them because I was curious what lead to the divorce. He had the same exact patterns and habits in his marriage that he has displayed with me over the last 5 years. This is what tells me he's probably not going to ever change until he loses everything and everyone and even then he still may not ever change and just think he's a victim and that nobody wants to be with him, as Kisha told me he would lol. She said he recognized some of his shitty behaviors but was too lazy to make any changes. I guess that makes sense because he hasn't been FORCED to make any changes cause he always has someone there helping him. He's gotta be living out of his car with nothing to get it I think, but even then, he has a sense of entitlement rather than gratitude. Idk. It's all way too much stress than it's worth anymore. Maybe you really did dodge a bullet as stilltired said.
We will always carry parts from our childhood whether we realise it or not. For example you could feel like the strongest person in the world, but without realising it could be scared of violence and something within you sets off an alarm bell when you see fighting, you could be really defensive and quick to get angry or to argue because it's a form of protection (I'm not saying these are you, it's an example), allowing men to abuse and treat them abhorrently.. Of course everything that happens to us builds us. It's all about subconscious and we don't even realise we are doing it. We all have faults within us, like flaws. Perhaps some of those flaws are caused by what happened to us in our childhood.
I have to say to be very very honest that I find it very concerning that the readers told you that your guy isn't abusive or bad and he's just selfish. That's worrying because from things you've said on the board and to me, it's clear abuse. And for readers to say "oh poor him, he's going through alot right now" - they shouldn't make excuses for his behaviour like they did with me. So lots of women probably are in abusive relationships without really realising it..
I agree with you. That's why I'm currently studying the subconscious and ways to change it lol. I don't know if it will work but I'm gonna give it a shot. Yes, I do have certain defense mechanisms still at play from my past. I have massive trust problems, like to the extreme. I also do have temper problems even though I've chilled out a lot from what I used to be, it's still there and comes up from time to time. So, you're right. I just believe stuff can be healed and changed, maybe not every last piece of it, but some of it at least. Kisha told me he's super selfish, but means well, but just isn't in a position to change his life and that he's not serving any purpose for my highest good. Shelly straight up calls him a narc and continuously asks me wtf I want anything to do with him. Lol. Aliza, she also said he's got narc tendencies. My biggest problem to my own demise is, for whatever stupid reason, I keep thinking I can help change people. I do live in denial at times. I admit that. I try my best to snap into reality. It just takes me some time.
Unfortunately, it's hard to change a person, let alone a narc (which is almost impossible). A narcissist has to realise that they are one with the issues, and they never do. They have to realise that they're the problem, and it's always someone else's fault - but don't you dare say it's theirs. I can't believe I'm saying this, But Shelly is talking sense to you, there.
Yeah I know she is. It just takes me time to let go of the fantasy I built in my head. To let go of the hopes, dreams, ideas, that I had. 5 years is a long time. All the signs were there but I really thought it all had to do with the location issue. However, since he's left this last time and been gone 7 months and it really looked like it was going to work out this time thanks to his narc mother, I got to see what it's really been all about. The other times he left, it was like obvious and a given it would fail and he was only gone for 2 to 3 months each time and he had no help. Like I said, this time, it was like a guarantee he'd remain there for a long time but as soon as the help stops, he's fucked unless he finds some female to get involved with and live with before it runs out but I have a feeling it's about to run out very very soon. Like, within the next couple months and now he can't even work because he has health problems (the hernia) and still hasn't scheduled a surgery for it and has no insurance to pay for it. I see how things are about to turn out, just as everyone said it would. However, if someone really loves you, distance isn't going to interfere, especially after 5 years of being together, because he could have visited me the same as he had visited his kids in the past (albeit not often) and he could have waited for me to relocate IF that's what I decided to do. There would have been SOME way to work it out. So, he did me a favor by showing me this. I will thank him for it someday.
MP I'm glad that you're beginning to toughen up on this man and begin to give no fucks about him anymore. Yes - he probably will have his life come down on him as karma for how he's treated you and others. He will come running to you as you're his source who is always there at his beck and call in the past, then when you help him he will go running again. I don't think he has the capacity (although I'm not a psychologist) to realise what he's done and how he's treated you as I have had my experiences with a guy like this for a long time. They never realise how good you were for them - well they do, but they manipulate that. Think of the smiling devil emoji. He's laughing, but he won't be laughing when you finally put your foot down. Then it's off to find the next woman who will do everything he wishes for. It's a horrendous cycle.. His Mother being a narc means he has no true experience and never was taught how to treat women in life, he probably is scared of them deep down so treats them like shit to either get back at women, or because he is wary of them. Not that that's any excuse.. I had an awful childhood and know basic morals of how to act in a relationship.
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Unfortunately, it's hard to change a person, let alone a narc (which is almost impossible). A narcissist has to realise that they are one with the issues, and they never do. They have to realise that they're the problem, and it's always someone else's fault - but don't you dare say it's theirs.
Yup, that's narcissism in a nutshell. It's pretty much bulletproof against self-reflection. And tends to suck in people who DO reflect on themselves, who are capable of growing and changing and healing their own issues. They try to heal themselves by proxy through other people who are capable of reflection. They will actually try to push you to do "wrong" things where they can blame you and say you did it and then tell you what the problem is. And you know they are really just talking about themselves but they will never see it.
That's what this guy did with me, and even more so the guy before him. I helped him out after asking me for it, and he threw it against me and said it was my choice to help etc. That's what I mean - it's never their fault. Don't you dare say it is. A good book I read is called "Why Is It Always About You?", Miss Philosopher - it explains about narc parents, too, and how it rubs off on the child.. It's an American book, it was insightful.
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Unfortunately, it's hard to change a person, let alone a narc (which is almost impossible). A narcissist has to realise that they are one with the issues, and they never do. They have to realise that they're the problem, and it's always someone else's fault - but don't you dare say it's theirs.
Yup, that's narcissism in a nutshell. It's pretty much bulletproof against self-reflection. And tends to suck in people who DO reflect on themselves, who are capable of growing and changing and healing their own issues. They try to heal themselves by proxy through other people who are capable of reflection. They will actually try to push you to do "wrong" things where they can blame you and say you did it and then tell you what the problem is. And you know they are really just talking about themselves but they will never see it.
That's what this guy did with me, and even more so the guy before him. I helped him out after asking me for it, and he threw it against me and said it was my choice to help etc. That's what I mean - it's never their fault. Don't you dare say it is. A good book I read is called "Why Is It Always About You?", Miss Philosopher - it explains about narc parents, too, and how it rubs off on the child.. It's an American book, it was insightful.
@star1: Holy shit I totally forgot about that! My current one said the same shit to me. I helped him so much, gave him a place to stay, roof over his head, let him use my vehicle before his mommy gave him her car, bought him his gun and uniform for his law enforcement job that he blew. Then he left, came back, bought him another gun and uniform for armed security that he blew again. Bought him interview clothes. I can go on and on and on and on with all the help I've given him and he had the balls to tell me that he never asked me for any help, which is true, but he knew I had a kind heart so he manipulated me anyway. Then when his mom set him up at her cousin's house (an older male who was married etc.) and didn't ask him to pay his way there etc just to get a job and get out on his own, he told me his cousin was giving him "real help" without expecting anything in return. Well, sorry asshole, I didn't own multiple properties like your cousin and have a shit ton in my savings account and own my own home etc. I was barely making it yet sacrificed to give to you and yeah I wanted you to hold down your own weight and be a fucking PARTNER not a manchild that I'd have to care for ffs. Omg that just made me so angry thinking about it. I had completely forgotten that part. That's just a small fraction of it. When my dad was laying in my living room dying from metastatic cancer and was already unconscious, I was trying to sit next to him the entire time and hold his hand and say all the things I never got to say etc. Meanwhile, this asshole called my ex was upset and called me outside to tell me that he felt I wasn't paying enough attention to him and appreciating his presence there with me and how he felt my dad and I had "emotional incest" because I shouldn't be grieving as much as I was over his death. My dad was there for me like a fucking rock my entire life no matter what and it was very hard to know that I would no longer have that one person in my life like that. My mother is a narc so I never did have her. When my dad died, that was it for me. Part of me left with him. This was last year in August. Then, after my dad passed, this asshole got upset because I was grieving and didn't want to know about it. I got this necklace with my dad's fingerprint on it and this asshole got upset because I was wearing it in a picture he took of us together and didn't want others to think it was a necklace he got me. I could go on and on and on with the stories. I'm actually almost done writing my book about it. It was that damn traumatizing. Don't ask me why I kept waiting for him to reconcile. I don't have a proper logical answer. Part of the abuse cycle I guess. Nevertheless I'm much much better now. Sorry for the rant. Your comment just brought back some things I had tried to forget.
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@stilltired: Found him on youtube. Gonna watch his videos. Thank you!
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Unfortunately, it's hard to change a person, let alone a narc (which is almost impossible). A narcissist has to realise that they are one with the issues, and they never do. They have to realise that they're the problem, and it's always someone else's fault - but don't you dare say it's theirs.
Yup, that's narcissism in a nutshell. It's pretty much bulletproof against self-reflection. And tends to suck in people who DO reflect on themselves, who are capable of growing and changing and healing their own issues. They try to heal themselves by proxy through other people who are capable of reflection. They will actually try to push you to do "wrong" things where they can blame you and say you did it and then tell you what the problem is. And you know they are really just talking about themselves but they will never see it.
That's what this guy did with me, and even more so the guy before him. I helped him out after asking me for it, and he threw it against me and said it was my choice to help etc. That's what I mean - it's never their fault. Don't you dare say it is. A good book I read is called "Why Is It Always About You?", Miss Philosopher - it explains about narc parents, too, and how it rubs off on the child.. It's an American book, it was insightful.
@star1: Holy shit I totally forgot about that! My current one said the same shit to me. I helped him so much, gave him a place to stay, roof over his head, let him use my vehicle before his mommy gave him her car, bought him his gun and uniform for his law enforcement job that he blew. Then he left, came back, bought him another gun and uniform for armed security that he blew again. Bought him interview clothes. I can go on and on and on and on with all the help I've given him and he had the balls to tell me that he never asked me for any help, which is true, but he knew I had a kind heart so he manipulated me anyway. Then when his mom set him up at her cousin's house (an older male who was married etc.) and didn't ask him to pay his way there etc just to get a job and get out on his own, he told me his cousin was giving him "real help" without expecting anything in return. Well, sorry asshole, I didn't own multiple properties like your cousin and have a shit ton in my savings account and own my own home etc. I was barely making it yet sacrificed to give to you and yeah I wanted you to hold down your own weight and be a fucking PARTNER not a manchild that I'd have to care for ffs. Omg that just made me so angry thinking about it. I had completely forgotten that part. That's just a small fraction of it. When my dad was laying in my living room dying from metastatic cancer and was already unconscious, I was trying to sit next to him the entire time and hold his hand and say all the things I never got to say etc. Meanwhile, this asshole called my ex was upset and called me outside to tell me that he felt I wasn't paying enough attention to him and appreciating his presence there with me and how he felt my dad and I had "emotional incest" because I shouldn't be grieving as much as I was over his death. My dad was there for me like a fucking rock my entire life no matter what and it was very hard to know that I would no longer have that one person in my life like that. My mother is a narc so I never did have her. When my dad died, that was it for me. Part of me left with him. This was last year in August. Then, after my dad passed, this asshole got upset because I was grieving and didn't want to know about it. I got this necklace with my dad's fingerprint on it and this asshole got upset because I was wearing it in a picture he took of us together and didn't want others to think it was a necklace he got me. I could go on and on and on with the stories. I'm actually almost done writing my book about it. It was that damn traumatizing. Don't ask me why I kept waiting for him to reconcile. I don't have a proper logical answer. Part of the abuse cycle I guess. Nevertheless I'm much much better now. Sorry for the rant. Your comment just brought back some things I had tried to forget.
"Then, after my dad passed, this asshole got upset because I was grieving and didn't want to know about it." what a lovely guy he is.. Honestly this guy all he ever seems to care about by the sounds of things is himself. I'm sorry to be rude about your POI, but he lacks any compassion for people. Most people would typically understand the death of a parent and be there for and comfort their partner. And sorry if my comment brought up some things that remind you of parts to your situation that you wanted to forget about.
And Still Tired - thanks, I'll check out the link. Thank you for sharing.
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@star1: Unfortunately, you're right.
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From a reader perspective 90% are cold readers and will tell you he has or had feelings for you to make you feel better and honestly is probably very true, its not easy to hear "This dude does not love you or like you, he is using you for attention, nothing more."
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From a reader perspective 90% are cold readers and will tell you he has or had feelings for you to make you feel better and honestly is probably very true, its not easy to hear "This dude does not love you or like you, he is using you for attention, nothing more."
I agree 95 percent of the time your poi not into you anymore but they tell us what we wanted to hear.
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I feel like 99% of these so called "psychics" are just a complete joke. They say general things, ask prompting questions to fish for info, not to mention the same things, for almost everyone, and 9 times out of 10 give you a positive outcome that never happens. Some readers will automatically give you a negative outcome if you are calling about an ex, but most readers will only tell you what you want to hear because you aren't going to want to call them back if they make you feel worse afterwards. That's what reading is actually all about...the temporary relief you feel when you get off the phone and are reassured that things will be ok, when in fact I have only seen things work out the way people want on here once, maybe twice.
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I feel like 99% of these so called "psychics" are just a complete joke. They say general things, ask prompting questions to fish for info, not to mention the same things, for almost everyone, and 9 times out of 10 give you a positive outcome that never happens. Some readers will automatically give you a negative outcome if you are calling about an ex, but most readers will only tell you what you want to hear because you aren't going to want to call them back if they make you feel worse afterwards. That's what reading is actually all about...the temporary relief you feel when you get off the phone and are reassured that things will be ok, when in fact I have only seen things work out the way people want on here once, maybe twice.
It is a drug look at the review on the so call psychics on keen it self, thanks you calm me down and put my mind at ease. Huge out come that happen is like winning a power ball lottery tickets.
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Ohh If I see another review along the lines of "thank you, you've put my mind at ease" I will bang my head in the wall. And the sad reality is that these naive and vulnerable people keep coming back to the same scam psychics because they "just felt at ease". When I see many reviews like that and not actual validation of predictions I pass that reader. But all these naive and desperate people keep on asking these frauds and the reader doesn't stop giving fairytales and scamming people further. It's a cycle that is hard to stop, sadly. And by the time they wake-up from their "dream", it's too late to leave feedback.
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Ohh If I see another review along the lines of "thank you, you've put my mind at ease" I will bang my head in the wall. And the sad reality is that these naive and vulnerable people keep coming back to the same scam psychics because they "just felt at ease". When I see many reviews like that and not actual validation of predictions I pass that reader. But all these naive and desperate people keep on asking these frauds and the reader doesn't stop giving fairytales and scamming people further. It's a cycle that is hard to stop, sadly. And by the time they wake-up from their "dream", it's too late to leave feedback.
Yea I rarely seen reviews that said prediction come true, or thanks he come back. I always see waiting for prediction to come true or you put my mind at ease.