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Joining the lent bandwagon

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Mina:
I’m working thru day 5
And there’s been a lot of “valleys”

However, I am grateful because no I’m not working it alone… I know there are others here, and that great Force. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. And thank you for those who have reached out!

This time has also been about putting down obsessive manifesting techniques. And yes some have worked and some have given me “okay” manifestations but the manifestations I had not only God with me, but blessed them, on top. Those are rock solid, good. That truly felt like “he who made the stars calls me by his name.” I felt so seen and I was absolutely not forgotten. And I didn’t have to affirm “I am chosen” or “I am enough”; it was miracle!

I think it’s gets so twisted. My biggest fear has been okay God I surrender this person to you; I fear you’re going to take them away. But I do think my desires and God’s desire are on the same coin. But you can’t exactly focus on your way? Or your will? Ppl in manifesting Neville Goddard groups justify this one claiming God gives us desires … well true; but we’re molded from it. So for me at this start of this my prayers were: May my desires and Gods desire meet… to now “okay God I’m ready, your desires your will be done. Can I trust you?” And that’s huge step for me

I think one of my favorite qualities by the person I have for - was just how seen I felt in that relationship… and since November I have felt “yes I can see me”  I can give me those things… but I also am learning to tune into that force that he who made the stars calls me by his name. That’s the force that sees me more.

And reflecting on an advisor who gave me terrible news, can’t verify it, could be true, could be not, then hung up… ugh! So many of those moments… it hurts, and I don’t do alone… I guess this is surrendering.

Mina:
Whew
I was so exhausted yesterday! For about 3 days I’ve been getting in line for an advisor and then listen to a Catholic inspirational talk… and then get out of the line, close my account, and cry to ground.

It is truly exhausting! My body feels tired and soul just feels like fighting.

It started to lift because I got some movement for work, as far as, paperwork goes. So I just submitted the paperwork- I reminded myself if I get this job it’s by the grace of God. Surrender. And if I don’t it’s by grace God to trust I will be provided for. Surrender

I then found some news about mutual friend/acquaintance who passed away who knows my current ex … ugh both my exes. 😑 And my heart is heavy because I don’t think I was liked much by this person, yet I wanted their approval so bad. I then learned about vanity: Vanity Is the inordinate preoccupation of what ppl think me… and that’s what I do with manifesting or psychics; try to figure out ppl actions, thoughts, intentions and fit myself to where I could fit… and that’s so exhausting too. My ppl pleasing I must admit have been vain efforts.

I reached out to friend to confess how this feel… they asked if I would use this as an excuse to reach out to any of my exes… and at first I definitely wanted to but I see now no. I didn’t even want to say anything but I felt to say something short to social community. I continue my prayers for this person who passed away, and loved ones who were touched by this person life. And again surrender

But it doesn’t feel heavy like yesterday
I don’t feel tempted to ask about funeral services, go fund me stuff, or ask if my exes will reach out … it hurts but I feel stronger that I can surrender a little bit more trust

I felt it was really important to share that YES how exhausting it is to quit, feel like I failed but try again.

To truly surrender my manifesting “wills”, and my reassurance with psychics. That I keep breaking and no it is not easy… but I do find peace focusing on the cross of Jesus and knowing that no I cannot do it alone; it is by God’s grace.


I truly believe my will and God’s are on the same coin of life; so when it seems like God says no it does not mean my desires do not matter God, or I am being punished, or it’s being taken away from me. It is to lean in, for God is truly close to brokenhearted. Your desires and mine are very precious to God, to let myself (and maybe you; if you’re open to) have God access all of it. So I again I give my will, my resentment, my vanity seeking, my joy, my shortcomings, my joy, my sadness, my love, my hate, my exhaustion and my strengths … again all of me, to God and trust in that grace.

Notacrystalfreak:
How did this post get 7000 views

Mina:

--- Quote from: Notacrystalfreak on April 20, 2024, 03:04:49 PM ---How did this post get 7000 views

--- End quote ---

🤷🏻‍♀️😳😅

I did notice a high count… on my side it reads 6333 ish views?

I’ve also been meaning to update this post because I do I feel I grew.

But they’re controversial subjects. Let me see if I can sum up it:

Overall, I didn’t stop talking to psychics but have weened down a lot. I just have one go to … I have tried some others but they’re not really ones I can talk to more than once a month, and again would prefer to just stop

Im considering converting Catholicism, and going to RCIA classes. (Of all things seriously 😳?!! … yes)

I have found so much comfort with hallow app, ascension present talks on YouTube, father Mike homilies, and praying the rosary. (My mother does not approve. She is a hard Baptist and views that praying to Mary a form of idolatry. But I don’t view it that way. And all I want is to join the worship of the Eucharist (I guess in Christian terms is known as Communion- you have no idea how much I crave that grape blood of Jesus, body wafers  😆. But in all seriousness, I have truly missed this so deeply))

What is sticking is I have laid down manifesting, law of attraction, law of assumptions ideologies, etc … this is controversial because some ppl prefer this route to ween themselves off of psychics  -but after years with manifesting coaches, courses, I just feel done. Do I think manifesting is a type of spellcasting, or demonic- kind of? Sorta… yes, no 🤷🏻‍♀️, it’s complicated and controversial… but it’s not a route I want to follow currently and possibly anymore.

But also have I really 🤨 stopped spellcasting? 😅 … because I’m currently praying this 54 day novena I’m on day 19 for the original intention of reconciliation with my ex… and um on day 9 I did talk to my ex and had this kind of beautiful closure, that’s really hard to put into words. If anything I feel praying this novena has helped me accept things and move on… dang I got 45 more days of 20-30 min daily prayer, I kinda feel I already have my answers and response to this. But I really enjoyed my 40+ day commitment and I feel praying the rosary has given me me strength and been an outlet of my overwhelming emotions when I focus upon on “thy mysteries” or what have you

I hope I have summed this up
Probably not
But um for me I need a spiritual grounding that fills my cup and I wasn’t getting spells, or psychic, or manifestation 

Mina:
I meant in the context of …welp:
I can move on to next moment

And I forget this might sound like foreign vague mindfulness description like “happiness” or “how does one attain happiness?”

But for me it means I can just drop all my worries: if I will or won’t get back with my ex, worry if I can or can’t stop calling psychics, worry if I do or don’t love them, stop looking for ways to get them back, or chase them, worrying about how the future will turn out… I can just focus on the present moment at hand (and to my surprise fully!)

But yes I am finding my attachment to my ex is less. I’m not scared if I do get fully over them, or don’t. It’s not a burden I carry alone.

For example so many times I would go to work thinking about my ex, or planning how after work who could I call as my psychic, and will they be online? But instead I’m finding that when I’m at work, I feel present and happy, I can fully be in the moment and my thoughts in the back burner are not in the front. They’re truly in the back.

I can just “move on”
That’s what praying the rosary, focusing on the cross, and lent has brought to me. Don’t get me wrong I started very raw and distraught but I just feel so even keel

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