Author Topic: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/  (Read 5701 times)

Offline bstalling

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r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« on: February 04, 2020, 03:28:20 PM »
Its no secret that a lot of female posters here have problems with dating and relationships on this forum, which powers the attraction to psychics and readings. It's also true that dating has changed drastically over the past 10 to 15 years. Online dating, hook up culture, etc. I came across this sub recently and thought that some posters may find it helpful in regards to taking back their power in relationships and hopefully weaning themselves off readings.

I wish I had something like this when I was dating around, it would have helped my self-esteem greatly. Women don't often think they need to be strategic to get the results they desire, which I feel is unfortunate. Believe it or not, a lot of guys out there are just trash and probably only just want one thing from you. I think its much more helpful to actively look at the signs instead of calling a psychic to tell you whats going to happen or what they are really thinking. Just thought I would share.

Offline sparky

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2020, 02:08:26 AM »
I hate the current way of dating.  It is so much a hook up culture that it makes it hard to really meet anyone.  Hell half the girls I either match with or try to start conversation put about half effort into it.  I get it.  Why put a lot of work into something if you are getting bombarded from guys just trying to hook up.  It can make it exhausting to just weed out the meaningful ones.  Then you are just sick of it and wonder why you are even doing it.  So you barely look at the app or whatever.  The chance with someone that you could have a potentially meaningful relationship or even a life long one never got started.

I also think there is too much instant gratification in society.  We live with everything on our finger tips and I think that has translated to the dating world as well.  It is easy to just quickly go on to the next big thing when the current start to fizzle.  For the next thing to fizzle out just as fast.  With all of that causes more drama and then people reach out to psychics to wonder where their soulmate or whatever you may want to call it.  A psychic gives them an answer like they are coming soon.  So they put themselves back out there and repeat all the same mistakes I mentioned earlier for a while.  Then call the psychic again wondering why they haven't met them completing the never ending cycle.

Offline bstalling

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #2 on: February 05, 2020, 03:02:20 AM »
Yeah, I'm an older millennial, so I never really did the online dating thing. In my youth, it was still viewed as something weird to do compared to traditional dating. I have younger cousins that are almost forced to get on apps now because everyone else seems to be doing it. SMH Definitely agree about instant gratification. Don't know how society can turn that around when you can literally get anything you want with just the tap of your smart phone.

Offline summertimesnow

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2020, 10:43:27 PM »
At the risk of reviving a dead thread, I was looking through the forum to see if anyone shared current/modern day dating experiences and this is the closest I could find.
I am an older millennial as well but unfortunately I got stuck on the app date carousel. Been stuck since around 2016. That said, my online dating experience goes way back to pre-app era and I can tell you that the apps ruined it all, perhaps alongside a shift in culture in the last decade or so.
I had met my last ex which was a solid long term relationship on UK match. It was old school, emailing back and forth and then meeting up for lunch.
When I moved to the US, we broke up around end of '14/into '15-it was a drawn out process with us getting back together virtually for half a year, I tried OKC. Back in OKC it was old school  laptop/desktop based, and I think it was before Match Group bought everything and Tinderified it. back then, people typed up at least a paragraph worth messages. Or anyone worth your salt would.
I met s/o and dated him for a while-could have been the love of my life, was local, and my peer, life goals matched to the t, higher ed as well, but he hadn't moved on from a failed marriage (no kids) so it didn't go anywhere.
and thereafter apps surfaced and it's been 55 app 'meetups', on average 85 texting type 'relationships' per year.
When I first downloaded Tinder in '16 I was shocked at the abuse. on neither Match nor OKC in the old days had I gotten abuse. the worst in those times were fizzling convos or sparkless meetups. Now I experienced the whole gamut of abuse-unsolicited pics, first liners about sex, convos randomly turning into 'sit on my face' (at first I didn't know what this meant), and even seemingly polite dudes becoming aggressive bro idiots in a couple of days. One guy who works for my university asked me out to lunch. I never let anyone order me anything; always paid my own. but 2 hours after this lunch date I got a message from said dude asking me 'on a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate your libido' . when I called him out on it, I got the cliched 'you do know you were on tinder right' message as in 'you do know you are a who*'

I pity those people who end up on these apps after the failure of a successful marriage or relationship and  esp if they don't have their social networks.

Now I go back and forth between hinge and bumble, with a blase and jaded attitude. The abuse is less than on tinder but I am able to block the profile at the first sign. Recently, a guy in his early 40s so older than me , claiming to be wanting to settle down and knowing what he wants, branched off from a convo about how to pronounce foreign names to 'girls love the rolling rs, all that tongue action' .

So this is how it is nowadays. to be fair, I've had a handful of decent meetups, with not enough spark  or no spark to warrant another meetup but at least no abuse. so this is my mindset, I now think if it's a meetup without abuse or an offensive remark, I count that as success.

I get so annoyed with readers, even Yona, who pick up on these app dates and waste minutes of the reading giving info on a rando app guy or app rando, as I refer to them. One reading's entire layout had been dedicated to a sequence of app convos that I couldn't even quite identify-b/c all the guys sound the same, 'the fish photo' and the 'hey how's your day, how's your weekend, any fun plans, how's your x holiday' 'how was the lockdown' type questions. ad nauseaum.

Offline Natashanyc

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2020, 11:02:10 PM »
At the risk of reviving a dead thread, I was looking through the forum to see if anyone shared current/modern day dating experiences and this is the closest I could find.
I am an older millennial as well but unfortunately I got stuck on the app date carousel. Been stuck since around 2016. That said, my online dating experience goes way back to pre-app era and I can tell you that the apps ruined it all, perhaps alongside a shift in culture in the last decade or so.
I had met my last ex which was a solid long term relationship on UK match. It was old school, emailing back and forth and then meeting up for lunch.
When I moved to the US, we broke up around end of '14/into '15-it was a drawn out process with us getting back together virtually for half a year, I tried OKC. Back in OKC it was old school  laptop/desktop based, and I think it was before Match Group bought everything and Tinderified it. back then, people typed up at least a paragraph worth messages. Or anyone worth your salt would.
I met s/o and dated him for a while-could have been the love of my life, was local, and my peer, life goals matched to the t, higher ed as well, but he hadn't moved on from a failed marriage (no kids) so it didn't go anywhere.
and thereafter apps surfaced and it's been 55 app 'meetups', on average 85 texting type 'relationships' per year.
When I first downloaded Tinder in '16 I was shocked at the abuse. on neither Match nor OKC in the old days had I gotten abuse. the worst in those times were fizzling convos or sparkless meetups. Now I experienced the whole gamut of abuse-unsolicited pics, first liners about sex, convos randomly turning into 'sit on my face' (at first I didn't know what this meant), and even seemingly polite dudes becoming aggressive bro idiots in a couple of days. One guy who works for my university asked me out to lunch. I never let anyone order me anything; always paid my own. but 2 hours after this lunch date I got a message from said dude asking me 'on a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate your libido' . when I called him out on it, I got the cliched 'you do know you were on tinder right' message as in 'you do know you are a who*'

I pity those people who end up on these apps after the failure of a successful marriage or relationship and  esp if they don't have their social networks.

Now I go back and forth between hinge and bumble, with a blase and jaded attitude. The abuse is less than on tinder but I am able to block the profile at the first sign. Recently, a guy in his early 40s so older than me , claiming to be wanting to settle down and knowing what he wants, branched off from a convo about how to pronounce foreign names to 'girls love the rolling rs, all that tongue action' .

So this is how it is nowadays. to be fair, I've had a handful of decent meetups, with not enough spark  or no spark to warrant another meetup but at least no abuse. so this is my mindset, I now think if it's a meetup without abuse or an offensive remark, I count that as success.

I get so annoyed with readers, even Yona, who pick up on these app dates and waste minutes of the reading giving info on a rando app guy or app rando, as I refer to them. One reading's entire layout had been dedicated to a sequence of app convos that I couldn't even quite identify-b/c all the guys sound the same, 'the fish photo' and the 'hey how's your day, how's your weekend, any fun plans, how's your x holiday' 'how was the lockdown' type questions. ad nauseaum.

I feel like there’s a lot of guys who were just release from jail on these dating sites and I don’t need that kind of nonsense In my life so I never gave the apps the chance

Offline summertimesnow

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2020, 05:00:12 AM »
Thank you! Pretty similar experiences. I actually had met my recent ex in '11 by signing up for a 3 day trial on UK match and then emailing back and forth for a month after.
Likewise I'd met whom I thought was 'the one'-tall and dark as  you describe, dark eyes,, the POI that dominated all my readings from 2015-1017, who got me on the psychic forums!!! (but who has never appeared as a suit in Yona's cards), randomly when I logged on to OKC just a few months before they transitioned to the app format.

and thereafter it was downloading Tinder and the other apps and it's been the same story-I've 'gone out' on one off "dates" with 55 men.

Sadly I just do not have the networks to meet people through friends. My friends are my colleagues, and they're all paired off. When I first moved here, I had met people from other departments and it was a nice group to go out with but they all had long distance relationships or paired off with each other.

I tried dance classes before covid shut it down but again, it was just 90% female or couples.

In the past 2 years almost all of my 22 dates-if not all, I'd have to check my dataset-were from Hinge.

Yep, the jadedness gets to you and turns you off . I've become completely detached and cold,so much so that anyone on the app is rotten in my view and I'm constantly bracing against the next bad behavior.
« Last Edit: July 17, 2020, 05:02:50 AM by summertimesnow »

Offline Piggynose

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2020, 12:00:10 PM »
Dating apps are the worst! I’ve tried them and I’ve had the same experience, men just looking to hook up. I live in a smaller town and there just aren’t any good men available. I’m in my forties, so men my age are usually divorced with a bad taste in their mouth for a relationship and just don’t want a commitment. I’ve given up hope in meeting a kind man that wants a relationship and not just a hook up.

Offline Lys

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #7 on: August 01, 2020, 01:40:58 PM »
Same same lol. I’m 28 and I live in a city since 1 year  who I don’t know a lot of people.. I have no choice to be on dating app but I’m exhausted it’s always the same thing and the same faces lol. Because of the COVID I don’t know how I can meet someone now

Offline Piggynose

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #8 on: August 01, 2020, 02:11:51 PM »
You’re still young! Have You tried “meet up” it’s a way to meet people that are into the same hobbies/activities that you are into. It’s not necessarily a dating app. It’s a way to meet new people. I believe they even do trips. My town is way too small to do that but my best friend lives in a huge major city and she likes it. The one she does is for hiking.

Offline summertimesnow

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2020, 04:58:46 AM »
So for anyone who says that dating apps work and they found their current s.o: sure, but for some of us, it's a rinse repeat of the following experiences: ghosting, fizzling convos, insults, unicorn requests, breadcrumbing, submarines, and whatever fancy term the app execs coin to make it sound cute and inoffensive, just so they can get the ad money.
Here's a tally of my last half year of any 'love interests' off all the apps combined.

to preface; like Piggynose I am in a middle o nowhere town so the 'local' guys are those in the same town-they number to maybe 2 % . the rest are an hour away.

2 people of interest who stopped writing after drafting longish emails and countless more fizzled convos after 2-3 messages.
1 person who asked me out, canceled at the last minute and revealed he's polyamorous. He is colleagues with one of my distant colleagues but turned out he is bi, and a cross dresser, and poly, all of which I don't object to, but consider a turn off, sorry.
1 local person who seemed nice but whom I sadly couldn't get myself to meet up-so I'm the guilty party in breadcrumbing behavior here.
1 who was a local guy with whom I texted for 3 months , who still hadn't offered to meet 2 months past lockdown despite my innuendos-and whom  I just stopped writing back to.
1 person whose 1 pic was deceptively attractive but came across as creepy in 4-5 other pics, whose height kept on varying between 6 0 and 5 9 (big gap here, sorry. I am only 5 5'' but the fact is the guy was playing around with his height)-he also canceled on me a few times but I was hoping he would cancel.
about 10 people who converted a normal convo-on Hinge, supposedly the serious app,--into sex talk, or attempted to
1 phone call that went well after which the guy sent me a cartoon about 'getting it up' and when I tried to divert the convo back to normal talk about pop culture and the like proceeded to try to sex talk and then was appalled when I called him out on it.
a local guy who asked me to rate my libido.
and finally the local guy who seemed decent but who was clearly hung up on his ex-if that story is true-who stood me up twice..

What a viral petri dish. seems like these people on the apps are pests lacking cognition and intellect who just are programmed to be vermin, much like good old corona.

Offline Natashanyc

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2020, 05:28:25 AM »
Dating apps are a lil weird to me. I rather meet someone in person . From what I have seen ppl who have just been released from jail gravitate towards these sites to get them gradually comfortable with society. Also My neighbor uses a lot of online dating sites and has been robbed 4 times so please be careful everyone. Everyone on these sites isn’t bad that I’m sure but I rather meet someone elsewhere.

Offline Lys

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #11 on: August 11, 2020, 11:50:54 AM »
I was dating a lot last year. The majority on Tinder bumble or Hinge want nothing serious. And the majority after one date will ghost or before. I’m very very tired of this game to be honest. But with the Covid I don’t know how I can meet someone I don’t know a lot of people in my town

Offline wtg4soulmate

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2020, 11:30:04 PM »
Just an FYI - It's not much different from the guys point of view.  I laugh when a lady tells me that she's not interested in anyone more than a 30 min drive away.  I'll drive 2 hours to go to lunch.  30 min is local for me.  the other thing for me is that if it takes you 3 weeks to find 10 min to meet at a coffee shop just to see if there is chemistry face to face, then you probably aren't that interested in dating.  It's such a frustrating venture.


So for anyone who says that dating apps work and they found their current s.o: sure, but for some of us, it's a rinse repeat of the following experiences: ghosting, fizzling convos, insults, unicorn requests, breadcrumbing, submarines, and whatever fancy term the app execs coin to make it sound cute and inoffensive, just so they can get the ad money.
Here's a tally of my last half year of any 'love interests' off all the apps combined.

to preface; like Piggynose I am in a middle o nowhere town so the 'local' guys are those in the same town-they number to maybe 2 % . the rest are an hour away.

2 people of interest who stopped writing after drafting longish emails and countless more fizzled convos after 2-3 messages.
1 person who asked me out, canceled at the last minute and revealed he's polyamorous. He is colleagues with one of my distant colleagues but turned out he is bi, and a cross dresser, and poly, all of which I don't object to, but consider a turn off, sorry.
1 local person who seemed nice but whom I sadly couldn't get myself to meet up-so I'm the guilty party in breadcrumbing behavior here.
1 who was a local guy with whom I texted for 3 months , who still hadn't offered to meet 2 months past lockdown despite my innuendos-and whom  I just stopped writing back to.
1 person whose 1 pic was deceptively attractive but came across as creepy in 4-5 other pics, whose height kept on varying between 6 0 and 5 9 (big gap here, sorry. I am only 5 5'' but the fact is the guy was playing around with his height)-he also canceled on me a few times but I was hoping he would cancel.
about 10 people who converted a normal convo-on Hinge, supposedly the serious app,--into sex talk, or attempted to
1 phone call that went well after which the guy sent me a cartoon about 'getting it up' and when I tried to divert the convo back to normal talk about pop culture and the like proceeded to try to sex talk and then was appalled when I called him out on it.
a local guy who asked me to rate my libido.
and finally the local guy who seemed decent but who was clearly hung up on his ex-if that story is true-who stood me up twice..

What a viral petri dish. seems like these people on the apps are pests lacking cognition and intellect who just are programmed to be vermin, much like good old corona.

Offline maggs30

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #13 on: August 12, 2020, 12:47:21 AM »
My guy is about 30 minutes away. 4 months in he is at my house every other day. We met face to face within 5 days and I had seen him a second time within 3 days of that. Our largest gap was 12 days when he was really sick. Dating apps suck in general but I'm thankful I tried and met him.

Offline wtg4soulmate

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Re: r/FemaleDatingStrategy/
« Reply #14 on: August 12, 2020, 12:54:44 AM »
I dated a lady summer of 2019 that was 75 min drive and I had no issue going to her after work for dinner.  I'm a guy that loves to travel so if someone says 30 min is too far, then she won't like my lifestyle.  I drove to a city 9 hours away just for lunch once.  I love stuff like that.

My guy is about 30 minutes away. 4 months in he is at my house every other day. We met face to face within 5 days and I had seen him a second time within 3 days of that. Our largest gap was 12 days when he was really sick. Dating apps suck in general but I'm thankful I tried and met him.

 

anything