Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story
How much time it too much time?
Star_01:
--- Quote from: Yaz88 on August 05, 2019, 04:45:44 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.
I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.
--- End quote ---
In principal, I have to agree with everything you have to say. However in practice, sometimes we just can’t seem to get over someone, can’t forget them, because we aren’t supposed to just yet. Before my current POI, there was another POI that I didn’t think I’d ever get over. Anytime I tried, his name (which is not common) would randomly appear or I’d hear a parent calling to their child who had that name. Other times, he’d resurface and the toxic wheel would once again start spinning. It took me 22 months to finally get over him. Eleven months from the last time I saw him, and 5 months from our last point of contact. Luckily, back then I had no idea about Keen or any of the other similar platforms. I would have bankrupted myself. Instead I’d go to a few local readers (who were all correct in hindsight) or spend hours listening to YouTube Tarot readers. Here’s the thing. My first POI served a purpose. Once I was able to understand that purpose, I was at peace. I also met my current POI, which helped me realize that there are other people who you can come to care about and be attracted to. Strangely enough, I recently reached out to my first POI, and he did respond. I have no desire to rekindle anything with him, but since he was such a huge influence in my spiritual journey and growth, my soul is content knowing that the energy between us has neutralized (it was the type of relationship with mountain peak highs and crying in a heap on the shower floor lows).
So sometimes, it’s not over because it isn’t supposed to be. I will say that for my second POI, I’m more inclined to move on because the life lessons I learned from POI #1 don’t need to be relearned. It’s time for balance, an equal give and take.
--- End quote ---
I know what you mean. One of my relationships was very toxic, I was being violently abused and verbally, aswell as being used. The ex would message me all sweet and lovely and I'd fall for it. Then it would be could I borrow some money or could you help me with something... Then I helped him and he started arguments or made excuses to go off again blocking me, making me look bad and return again unblocking me in the same cycle. I didn't get readings on him but I knew deep down that he did not care like everyone was saying too, but they were telling me to get rid and only I could do that when I had had enough. And 2 years on, one day I snapped and had had enough and blocked him for good. I felt like I needed to learn lessons and realise for myself.
Star_01:
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 05:07:11 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 05, 2019, 04:59:32 PM ---
--- Quote from: Yaz88 on August 05, 2019, 04:45:44 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.
I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.
--- End quote ---
In principal, I have to agree with everything you have to say. However in practice, sometimes we just can’t seem to get over someone, can’t forget them, because we aren’t supposed to just yet. Before my current POI, there was another POI that I didn’t think I’d ever get over. Anytime I tried, his name (which is not common) would randomly appear or I’d hear a parent calling to their child who had that name. Other times, he’d resurface and the toxic wheel would once again start spinning. It took me 22 months to finally get over him. Eleven months from the last time I saw him, and 5 months from our last point of contact. Luckily, back then I had no idea about Keen or any of the other similar platforms. I would have bankrupted myself. Instead I’d go to a few local readers (who were all correct in hindsight) or spend hours listening to YouTube Tarot readers. Here’s the thing. My first POI served a purpose. Once I was able to understand that purpose, I was at peace. I also met my current POI, which helped me realize that there are other people who you can come to care about and be attracted to. Strangely enough, I recently reached out to my first POI, and he did respond. I have no desire to rekindle anything with him, but since he was such a huge influence in my spiritual journey and growth, my soul is content knowing that the energy between us has neutralized (it was the type of relationship with mountain peak highs and crying in a heap on the shower floor lows).
So sometimes, it’s not over because it isn’t supposed to be. I will say that for my second POI, I’m more inclined to move on because the life lessons I learned from POI #1 don’t need to be relearned. It’s time for balance, an equal give and take.
--- End quote ---
I know what you mean. One of my relationships was very toxic, I was being violently abused and verbally, aswell as being used. The ex would message me all sweet and lovely and I'd fall for it. Then it would be could I borrow some money or could you help me with something... Then I helped him and he started arguments or made excuses to go off again blocking me, making me look bad and return again unblocking me in the same cycle. I didn't get readings on him but I knew deep down that he did not care like everyone was saying too, but they were telling me to get rid and only I could do that when I had had enough. And 2 years on, one day I snapped and had had enough and blocked him for good. I felt like I needed to learn lessons and realise for myself.
--- End quote ---
I get it too. It's not a cut high and dry and you're brand new the next day. It is a process and we all experience it a little differently. But it's the acceptance of needing the healing process to begin that a lot of people avoid. And we see stories of how people are in a cycle with their POI for years on this board. If you are having to ask yourself how long is too much time then it's already been too long.
--- End quote ---
I think we can all agree that at the time we are sad and desperate, and when we are out of it we can look back and think "pfft why didn't you get out of this situation sooner?". We all get told "oh just leave him", but it's easy for the person not in the situation and with all the feelings to say. I knew for a long time that the situation was toxic and unhappy but unhealthily, I stayed out of love and needing someone for the sake of it.
sawthelight:
I also should say..you can say something like if the person hasn't reached out in whatever amount of time, they don't care, etc....but I look at myself here, and I DO still care for my first POI, (even though I wish I didn't) and I haven't reached out...and won't. So, if you go by that theory, it's not a one size fits all type of scenario.
But I do get what you mean, it's just better to move on as best as possible and let life play out the way it's meant to....
Girly1998:
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 05, 2019, 04:59:32 PM ---
--- Quote from: Yaz88 on August 05, 2019, 04:45:44 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.
I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.
--- End quote ---
In principal, I have to agree with everything you have to say. However in practice, sometimes we just can’t seem to get over someone, can’t forget them, because we aren’t supposed to just yet. Before my current POI, there was another POI that I didn’t think I’d ever get over. Anytime I tried, his name (which is not common) would randomly appear or I’d hear a parent calling to their child who had that name. Other times, he’d resurface and the toxic wheel would once again start spinning. It took me 22 months to finally get over him. Eleven months from the last time I saw him, and 5 months from our last point of contact. Luckily, back then I had no idea about Keen or any of the other similar platforms. I would have bankrupted myself. Instead I’d go to a few local readers (who were all correct in hindsight) or spend hours listening to YouTube Tarot readers. Here’s the thing. My first POI served a purpose. Once I was able to understand that purpose, I was at peace. I also met my current POI, which helped me realize that there are other people who you can come to care about and be attracted to. Strangely enough, I recently reached out to my first POI, and he did respond. I have no desire to rekindle anything with him, but since he was such a huge influence in my spiritual journey and growth, my soul is content knowing that the energy between us has neutralized (it was the type of relationship with mountain peak highs and crying in a heap on the shower floor lows).
So sometimes, it’s not over because it isn’t supposed to be. I will say that for my second POI, I’m more inclined to move on because the life lessons I learned from POI #1 don’t need to be relearned. It’s time for balance, an equal give and take.
--- End quote ---
I know what you mean. One of my relationships was very toxic, I was being violently abused and verbally, aswell as being used. The ex would message me all sweet and lovely and I'd fall for it. Then it would be could I borrow some money or could you help me with something... Then I helped him and he started arguments or made excuses to go off again blocking me, making me look bad and return again unblocking me in the same cycle. I didn't get readings on him but I knew deep down that he did not care like everyone was saying too, but they were telling me to get rid and only I could do that when I had had enough. And 2 years on, one day I snapped and had had enough and blocked him for good. I felt like I needed to learn lessons and realise for myself.
--- End quote ---
That’s terrible, Star. Even if you did get readings on him, the likelihood of them telling you he’ll be back and you’ll be happy would be insane. I can’t imagine telling someone to stay with an abusive person. But, a person won’t leave until they’re ready. I’m glad you were able to walk away.
Star_01:
--- Quote from: Girly1998 on August 05, 2019, 05:17:01 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on August 05, 2019, 04:59:32 PM ---
--- Quote from: Yaz88 on August 05, 2019, 04:45:44 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on August 05, 2019, 03:32:40 PM ---Ok I’m about to come with the sledgehammer but if I learned anything in my ripe old age of 29, if your poi (guy or gal) does not make any attempt of reach out to you within 3 months (and that’s being generous) MOVE ON. This person is not “suffering” they are living their life without you at this point. Move on, move on, move on. They are not pining after you or giving you the time of day like you are giving them. They are not. Stop filling your head and tricking yourself to think they are because as humans we shield ourselves from the bad to cope with a loss. You need to feel to heal. Feel for your loss and then move on! Time is the most valuable thing on this planet, you will never get it back. Invest it in things and people who will invest in you. Set boundaries early in your relationships, and the person willing to put in the time and effort will be the one who wins your heart. I will say it here but I got my poi, we share a home together and build on our love everyday. The ONLY psychic to get big outcome predictions of what’s actually happening in my life right now was a known scammer. What does that tell you? Move on with your life friends. You only get one.
I’m stepping off my soapbox. Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.
--- End quote ---
In principal, I have to agree with everything you have to say. However in practice, sometimes we just can’t seem to get over someone, can’t forget them, because we aren’t supposed to just yet. Before my current POI, there was another POI that I didn’t think I’d ever get over. Anytime I tried, his name (which is not common) would randomly appear or I’d hear a parent calling to their child who had that name. Other times, he’d resurface and the toxic wheel would once again start spinning. It took me 22 months to finally get over him. Eleven months from the last time I saw him, and 5 months from our last point of contact. Luckily, back then I had no idea about Keen or any of the other similar platforms. I would have bankrupted myself. Instead I’d go to a few local readers (who were all correct in hindsight) or spend hours listening to YouTube Tarot readers. Here’s the thing. My first POI served a purpose. Once I was able to understand that purpose, I was at peace. I also met my current POI, which helped me realize that there are other people who you can come to care about and be attracted to. Strangely enough, I recently reached out to my first POI, and he did respond. I have no desire to rekindle anything with him, but since he was such a huge influence in my spiritual journey and growth, my soul is content knowing that the energy between us has neutralized (it was the type of relationship with mountain peak highs and crying in a heap on the shower floor lows).
So sometimes, it’s not over because it isn’t supposed to be. I will say that for my second POI, I’m more inclined to move on because the life lessons I learned from POI #1 don’t need to be relearned. It’s time for balance, an equal give and take.
--- End quote ---
I know what you mean. One of my relationships was very toxic, I was being violently abused and verbally, aswell as being used. The ex would message me all sweet and lovely and I'd fall for it. Then it would be could I borrow some money or could you help me with something... Then I helped him and he started arguments or made excuses to go off again blocking me, making me look bad and return again unblocking me in the same cycle. I didn't get readings on him but I knew deep down that he did not care like everyone was saying too, but they were telling me to get rid and only I could do that when I had had enough. And 2 years on, one day I snapped and had had enough and blocked him for good. I felt like I needed to learn lessons and realise for myself.
--- End quote ---
That’s terrible, Star. Even if you did get readings on him, the likelihood of them telling you he’ll be back and you’ll be happy would be insane. I can’t imagine telling someone to stay with an abusive person. But, a person won’t leave until they’re ready. I’m glad you were able to walk away.
--- End quote ---
Thank you so much, Girly1998. I did lose a couple of close friends over chosing him first but I don't regret it because I learned alot of lessons and at the time thought I deserved to be attacked and treated badly, it took me lots to look at how much low self esteem I had and how his behaviour was unacceptable. If anyone here has been physically hurt and is reading this, I strongly urge you to walk away because it does get worse and they are very clever at making you the person who "deserved it". You did nothing to deserve it even if you did wrong in the relationship he should walk away if he is unhappy, not push you about. I hope to God that nobody on here suffers with that. 💟
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