Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story

Wait for contact or make contact?

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Girly1998:
For those waiting for/have waited for POI to come around- have you tried to initiate the communication? What was your approach? Did it go in your favor?

My situation is pretty tricky- we both have reasons to believe the other doesn’t want anything to do with each other.

Kisha brought up a male energy that has regrets and is hesitant/doesn’t now how to approach me, and also wants to provide an explanation on why they acted the way they did. She did not provide a timeframe because the energy was “lingering” and couldn’t see whether they would act on it or not. But I’m wondering if she may have  read my energy as his or if we are both just in the same mindset right now.

maggs30:
The approach would depend on how long there has been no contact and how it ended. With mine I ended up initiating contact after our fight. After 8 days I sent a meme about building a better future for yourself kind of inspirational thing. He immediately got the text but didn't reply and then i talked to him at work about 4 days later completely business related and it was like no fight had ever happened. So a few days later I showed up at his door and he pulled me into his apartment and we had our heart to heart talk. I'm a very impatient person though. It has been 3 days since then and I have not reached back out but I probably will in a few more days with something stupid again. If you reach out and he's not open I wouldn't push it. Thankfully mine is open but we ate pretty much in an ongoing thing that's rocky.

Cteebaby1:
Well I have a kid in my situationship. Ever since we have a fight he hasn’t reached out at all. I’ve been the once calling every week which I’m about to stop because every time we talk we still argue about the past. So this upcoming week I will not call anymore and see what happens

Sparkle002:
I’d say for those waiting on contact - curious why are you waiting? I’d call the poi up to put yourself out of the waiting misery. Ive seen some folks on the board that haven’t heard from their poi in up to a  year and are surprised they get engaged or married or something - (I honestly don’t see how it is a surprise when you have been out of contact for 365 days) but - Are we just waiting out of ego? Just curious.

I was in the situation 3 years ago..waiting on contact for 4 months. I did reach out first because I didn’t want to wait any longer (this was the first and LAST time I’ll wait on some contact smh).

Don’t let your ego get in the way if you want to know something straight up - what do you have to lose anyway? They aren’t around anyway. And then, please don’t fall in the trap where you find out that they have moved on, then keep calling readers for them to tell you that they will break up from their current significant other and come back ...it’s a terrible cycle that never ends positively.

Girly1998:

--- Quote from: Sparkle002 on July 28, 2019, 03:41:19 PM ---I’d say for those waiting on contact - curious why are you waiting? I’d call the poi up to put yourself out of the waiting misery. Ive seen some folks on the board that haven’t heard from their poi in up to a  year and are surprised they get engaged or married or something - (I honestly don’t see how it is a surprise when you have been out of contact for 365 days) but - Are we just waiting out of ego? Just curious.

I was in the situation 3 years ago..waiting on contact for 4 months. I did reach out first because I didn’t want to wait any longer (this was the first and LAST time I’ll wait on some contact smh).

Don’t let your ego get in the way if you want to know something straight up - what do you have to lose anyway? They aren’t around anyway. And then, please don’t fall in the trap where you find out that they have moved on, then keep calling readers for them to tell you that they will break up from their current significant other and come back ...it’s a terrible cycle that never ends positively.

--- End quote ---

I get this and would probably tell a friend the same thing. I think my reason is mainly ego. I know at this point a no response would hurt too much. I also kinda feel as if I’m not ready yet either? Like I imagine the conversation we would have if we got the chance to apologize to each other and it always results in me defending myself and pointing out what he did wrong lol. I think I still hold onto anger and if by some miracle he does want to reconcile- I don’t think I’m in the right place to put any energy into a relationship with him or anybody for that matter.

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