Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent
Were you able to salvage/rekindle after a bad breakup?
Fidget1028:
--- Quote from: Girly1998 on July 14, 2019, 05:15:17 PM ---
--- Quote from: Star_01 on July 14, 2019, 12:10:23 PM ---I've never had a ex return to me, ever. I feel like usually there's too much water under the bridge with an ex for things to ever be rekindled or move on like nothing's happened.
For example I was told that with my recent POI he will return, but I can't talk to him like nothing's happened after how he treated me and how long he has been out of contact. Things would need to be said and he wouldn't like this and after all the hurt and upset I could never forgive him.
It depends on how the relationship was like, ended, how bad things were and if the guy is fair and square. If he is narcy, then there's no hope of you being able to move on healthily as he will never see his faults and accept them. It depends if the guy is healthy or toxic, there's many factors involved... But like, 1% on this board get back with their exes and it's happily every after and smooth sailing.
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I feel like a lot of them come back in some way though. They just don’t work out for whatever reason. I have 3 exes and 2 have came back. I only gave one a 2nd chance and it was worse than the first time but we also didn’t work out what happened the 1st time, we just jumped in a thought time fixed everything. The 2nd one I would never go back but I never loved him either. My 3rd ex was very recent and I have a feeling it’s not 100% over but I also know it would have to be me approaching him. Our breakup was terrible and I was the one who made it that way.
I guess it the way the returning ex approaches it?
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I agree. All of my exes have come back. Some it was 10 years later. They all reappeared, but either I moved on or nothing changed so it never lead to any reconciliation.
Snow-white8:
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on July 14, 2019, 06:16:01 PM ---Yes- I was able to rekindle my relationship after we broke up for a month and a half. I had psychics tell me it was not going to work out long term, we are now engaged. But I think the key is and this is a no brainer, both parties must be willing and wanting to work at making the relationship work. If the desire is not there, there will be lack of communication and effort, and unfortunately things will not be resolved of why the breakup happened in the first place and you will find yourself in a vicious cycle. I read somewhere the sign of a relationship that is over is the lack of respect for the other person. So be honest with yourself, do you really want someone who you lost respect for or doesn’t respect you?
After I took a break from my relationship, I realized I had a lot of healing to do. I let go of the thought of us getting back together and focused on my life as a whole. I let go of pride and fear and approached him with only love and gratitude for the moment we shared together. I knew whatever the outcome was, I had accepted and let go. It was then that I was able to let in a new beginning with him and we both built up the relationship stronger than it was ever before but we both WORKED for it and continue to do so. I hope this can help someone. I’m not writing this to gloat but we turn to psychics to help guide us, to avoid disaster or to get some reassurance someone will be back. I believe each of us have the power to choose how we control our lives, choose yourself over everything else.
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Thank you so much for posting this and sharing Silverlightnmoom <3 Love love love this! Congratulations on the engagement <3 I resonate with this so much, and can relate. We only have control over ourselves, and we truly have to do the work to get ourselves in a good place, through healing, and focused on making our lives fulfilling, and growing, etc. so that we can show up in our relationships in a loving way. I did the same as you, accepted, let go, let go of pride and fear, and a new beginning came in where I am super grateful now for the connection. It took a lot longer than a month or two for me, but the process was very similar. I think your post will help others!
Girly1998:
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on July 14, 2019, 06:16:01 PM ---Yes- I was able to rekindle my relationship after we broke up for a month and a half. I had psychics tell me it was not going to work out long term, we are now engaged. But I think the key is and this is a no brainer, both parties must be willing and wanting to work at making the relationship work. If the desire is not there, there will be lack of communication and effort, and unfortunately things will not be resolved of why the breakup happened in the first place and you will find yourself in a vicious cycle. I read somewhere the sign of a relationship that is over is the lack of respect for the other person. So be honest with yourself, do you really want someone who you lost respect for or doesn’t respect you?
After I took a break from my relationship, I realized I had a lot of healing to do. I let go of the thought of us getting back together and focused on my life as a whole. I let go of pride and fear and approached him with only love and gratitude for the moment we shared together. I knew whatever the outcome was, I had accepted and let go. It was then that I was able to let in a new beginning with him and we both built up the relationship stronger than it was ever before but we both WORKED for it and continue to do so. I hope this can help someone. I’m not writing this to gloat but we turn to psychics to help guide us, to avoid disaster or to get some reassurance someone will be back. I believe each of us have the power to choose how we control our lives, choose yourself over everything else.
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I love this, it really is possible if you both are open and honest.
You said you reached out to him, were you the one who ended the relationship?
Girly1998:
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on July 14, 2019, 07:22:03 PM ---Thank you snow-white and girly!
I was the one who ended the relationship not because of anything he did. I had DEEP rooted trust issues that went back to childhood. I was single for 5 years before i met him and when things started to become serious, i started to become fearful of getting close to someone. It became a self fulfilling prophecy and i ended the relationship. Therapy helped a lot to overcome fear based reactions. I did reach out to him first pre-maturely, he was still hurt and let me tell you this man did NOT respond well. Instead of reacting negatively to his negativity. I let it go and didn’t respond. A few weeks later, he reached out to me and I took responsibility for my actions. I made myself vulnerable to him, while maintaining my strength through the act of accepting and letting go.
One thing I strongly encourage women to do is to really understand what their “walk away” scenarios are - then you communicate that to your significant other. So they know where your boundaries are. That means if your significant other continues to cheats on you, after they know that’s grounds for you to walk away, then they try to make it seem they putting in time and effort to make it “work,” I would be hella cautious.
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My most reason ex was single for 6 years and when I think that had a lot to do with our breakup. He told me he “just wanted to do his own thing” and that he wanted to think about it and I pushed to much, resulting in so so many problems. When I tell people that I think him being single for so long is probably a factor, I’m told I’m making excuses for him and that you don’t have to learn how to be in a relationship. I’m glad to see from your perspective that it is a reality.
ladya:
--- Quote from: Girly1998 on July 14, 2019, 07:52:01 PM ---
--- Quote from: Silverlightnmoom on July 14, 2019, 07:22:03 PM ---Thank you snow-white and girly!
I was the one who ended the relationship not because of anything he did. I had DEEP rooted trust issues that went back to childhood. I was single for 5 years before i met him and when things started to become serious, i started to become fearful of getting close to someone. It became a self fulfilling prophecy and i ended the relationship. Therapy helped a lot to overcome fear based reactions. I did reach out to him first pre-maturely, he was still hurt and let me tell you this man did NOT respond well. Instead of reacting negatively to his negativity. I let it go and didn’t respond. A few weeks later, he reached out to me and I took responsibility for my actions. I made myself vulnerable to him, while maintaining my strength through the act of accepting and letting go.
One thing I strongly encourage women to do is to really understand what their “walk away” scenarios are - then you communicate that to your significant other. So they know where your boundaries are. That means if your significant other continues to cheats on you, after they know that’s grounds for you to walk away, then they try to make it seem they putting in time and effort to make it “work,” I would be hella cautious.
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My most reason ex was single for 6 years and when I think that had a lot to do with our breakup. He told me he “just wanted to do his own thing” and that he wanted to think about it and I pushed to much, resulting in so so many problems. When I tell people that I think him being single for so long is probably a factor, I’m told I’m making excuses for him and that you don’t have to learn how to be in a relationship. I’m glad to see from your perspective that it is a reality.
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I think not everyone knows how to be or act in a relationship. It’s like with anything and you learn with experience. Some people are naturally better at it than others and can make any relationship work but not everyone is like that. That’s bs that you don’t have to learn how to be in a relationship. Sure you do then why is the divorce rate so high ? I think being alone after a while it becomes addicting and almost like a comfort zone where you don’t know how to be any other way and may take a while to get out of that habit. A person who’s never been social and never had friends , will he know how to act around people. Maybe, maybe not. The more you interact with people, the more you understand how they work.
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