Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

My Warning To You All

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WinterElf:
thank you all for the responses. I do feel like going to therapy.  I know i messed up and it is because of my anxiety. 

In the last fight, some gay guy (this guy mostly have crushes on straight men who cant stand him)  who has a crush on my POI really got to my insecurities and accused my POI of being a fckboy.  I didnt know at the time just how much he liked me POI and how he  didnt want to see us together.  I just will never forget the look of satisfaction on his face when he heard about me and the POI breaking things off.  The gay guy who gave me the awful advice is evil and was doing a lot of stuff behind my back that i have just found out about. I trusted him. 

I reacted on what he said and also with the psychic readings, it made me really insecure.

I asked him some stuff and then it blew out of proportion.  But on his end, he never put as much into the relationship as i did which made me suspicious.  Even if my POI was not right for me, I feel powerless. I at least wanted things to go based on my judgement and not have allowed myself to be influenced by others.

All I can say now is that i messed up in 2 ways

Taking the advice of psychics
Taking the advice of people who i should not have trusted in the first place

helloworld:

--- Quote from: THEDUDE on June 23, 2019, 05:08:48 PM ---From a guys perspective ( And I don't know how bad this blow out was)  Maybe just call, ask to go for a drink and apologize, again I dont know how bad it is. But I got tired of waiting to hear from someone so I reached out and it seems to have put things on track.   Sometimes it's good to put the power back in your hands.  And if he's not receptive, fuck him! Find someone more awesome who makes you happy all the time and doesn't make you doubt things.

Just my two cents.

--- End quote ---

@THEDUDE great advice! One of the best ever. I cannot agree more.

I do the same - after a blow out happens I first wait for a few days (say 2-3 for things to cool down) or if the guy hasn't communicated with me in 2-3 days, then I reach out to the guy, apologize if it's my mistake and if it's not my mistake, I ask to meet or do a call (I don't like texts since things get lost in translation over text) to talk about what's going on. By doing so, almost always, I have received closure.

Whether the guy responds or not, it's a win-win for me because I feel liberated. In most cases, I must say the guy responds and we hash out things amicably and decide if we want to move forward. In the case a guy doesn't respond, I sign him off as a classless guy who is not worthy of my time. It's hard initially but this strategy has made my life so much better.

I think the more we wait for a guy to reach out (I have been there done that), the more we think about what we could have not said, done better, etc. We over analyze the situation and thereby create anxiety for ourselves which in a weird way gets us more attached to the guy despite the lack of contact. By reaching out within 2-3 days to get answers/closure, emotions don't get out of control as much. It still hurts if the guy doesn't respond but I would rather know sooner than later so I can deal with the pain and move on.

WinterElf:
I finally reached out to him.  He apologized and said he was sorry and that he didnt remember calling me that name and said that he is in the hospital now and will be back in my area tomorrow. He apologized a lot which i appreciate and i feel better about BUT I dont like how i had to reach out to him and how he said he doesnt remember saying that. 

I am getting tired of this mess though.

pisceandream:

--- Quote from: WinterElf on June 23, 2019, 09:11:45 PM ---I finally reached out to him.  He apologized and said he was sorry and that he didnt remember calling me that name and said that he is in the hospital now and will be back in my area tomorrow. He apologized a lot which i appreciate and i feel better about BUT I dont like how i had to reach out to him and how he said he doesnt remember saying that. 

I am getting tired of this mess though.

--- End quote ---

This eats me up because you have so much power but you're too energetically drained to see it. You're actually WITH this person. He didn't call because he was in the hospital, and he apologized to you. Sounds like you're still with him too despite picking fights.

Relax, this was meant for you. That's why it's still happening. Focus on other things for a while and regain your power. You're exactly where you want to be, you just have to see it.

WinterElf:
i wish i had seen this earlier. i am drained seriously.  it is so bad.  after every reading i feel more tired .... and then i got so insecure that i did something stupid but he is still talking to me. however not sure if he will s till be talking to me when he finds out what i did. ouch

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