Author Topic: Has this happened to you?  (Read 1114 times)

Offline happyk

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 653
Re: Has this happened to you?
« Reply #15 on: April 18, 2019, 04:43:24 PM »
I think if something is meant to happen, it will... but life is funny and it usually does come to fruition when we least expect it.

However, there are some things that are meant to occur at a certain time, whether you expect it or not.

My opinion on this is - clinging to an expectation creates worry at best, and disappointment at worst.
Hold the space in your heart, knowing that good things will come, and let the universe do the rest of the work.

---

As far as 'letting go'... it's ok to talk yourself through whatever you are feeling. Try understanding why you feel the way you do without centering your reasoning around the other person.
When I've been in difficult situations, this helped me acknowledge and release whatever negative energies I was feeling or experiencing, and realize that while I cannot influence another person's actions that I could choose to react in a way that serves me.

Also, trying to make yourself let go of someone actually has the opposite effect in my opinion, because you end up attempting to suppress or ignore strong emotions that will eventually come back up.

Anyway, that's the best advice/insight I have, as it has worked for me. I hope it is helpful!

Hi Tacobelle, I think after all these readings we know not to hang on to anything but you know how difficult it is. And somedays, I don't even think good things are coming. it's good to be positive but I've seen the nicest people with shitty lives. Where's their universe? This is just a rhetorical question, but you know what I mean? I think we should always be prepared for the worst and just be realistic. Don't lose your sleep over something you can't help or try not to lose your sleep but since you agree destiny is real things that are supposed to happen happen anyways. And some of us like me with anxiety can't help worrying.

Offline tacobelle914

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 86
Re: Has this happened to you?
« Reply #16 on: April 18, 2019, 05:40:43 PM »
I think if something is meant to happen, it will... but life is funny and it usually does come to fruition when we least expect it.

However, there are some things that are meant to occur at a certain time, whether you expect it or not.

My opinion on this is - clinging to an expectation creates worry at best, and disappointment at worst.
Hold the space in your heart, knowing that good things will come, and let the universe do the rest of the work.

---

As far as 'letting go'... it's ok to talk yourself through whatever you are feeling. Try understanding why you feel the way you do without centering your reasoning around the other person.
When I've been in difficult situations, this helped me acknowledge and release whatever negative energies I was feeling or experiencing, and realize that while I cannot influence another person's actions that I could choose to react in a way that serves me.

Also, trying to make yourself let go of someone actually has the opposite effect in my opinion, because you end up attempting to suppress or ignore strong emotions that will eventually come back up.

Anyway, that's the best advice/insight I have, as it has worked for me. I hope it is helpful!

Hi Tacobelle, I think after all these readings we know not to hang on to anything but you know how difficult it is. And somedays, I don't even think good things are coming. it's good to be positive but I've seen the nicest people with shitty lives. Where's their universe? This is just a rhetorical question, but you know what I mean? I think we should always be prepared for the worst and just be realistic. Don't lose your sleep over something you can't help or try not to lose your sleep but since you agree destiny is real things that are supposed to happen happen anyways. And some of us like me with anxiety can't help worrying.

Hi happyk,

I realize a lot of things are waaaay easier said than done. Though I have methods or thought processes that work for me, it doesn't mean I don't have bad days, or doubts and worries that creep in, too.

Shitty things happen all the time to good people. Good things happen to shitty people.

To me, the trick is handling these things as they come.
 
This thread is about expectations... all I am saying is that while it may not necessarily change an outcome, focusing on/waiting for an expected event only adds to whatever anxiety you may be experiencing surrounding a situation (which makes everything much more generally unpleasant).

There is no reason to feel bad for being hopeful. Good things will happen in everyone's life, but if you wait every day for one good thing to happen you're going to miss everything else and only see the bad.
Managing expectations is just a way to keep you from being consumed by something specific that hasn't happened (either positive or negative).

I have been diagnosed with GAD, but I do my best to manage it by trying to reshape my thought process surrounding whatever is happening. I'm not always successful lol.

Anyway, it's kind of hard to express what I am trying to say in text form.

All I know is that the more I think about something happening in a specific way, the more anxious I get when it doesn't happen. So each day where I am expecting something that doesn't come to pass becomes a bad day. When I shift my focus to the present, knowing that good things are coming my way (eff whatever bad things come too, I'll deal with those when I have to) then it is a lot easier to enjoy life and basically shift my focus away from a fear or scarcity based mindset to a more grateful and balanced one.

Not proclaiming any miracles here, it's not easy and a lot of the time I have to listen to a crap ton of affirmations on YouTube to not obsess over something lol! Walking in nature helps me, too.

But I think allowing yourself to feel what you feel, processing it, and then choosing to focus on the positive things in your life right now is the only way I have learned to remain (somewhat) balanced in times of pain, chaos and fear/doubt.

Offline happyk

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 653
Re: Has this happened to you?
« Reply #17 on: April 18, 2019, 06:04:44 PM »
I think if something is meant to happen, it will... but life is funny and it usually does come to fruition when we least expect it.

However, there are some things that are meant to occur at a certain time, whether you expect it or not.

My opinion on this is - clinging to an expectation creates worry at best, and disappointment at worst.
Hold the space in your heart, knowing that good things will come, and let the universe do the rest of the work.

---

As far as 'letting go'... it's ok to talk yourself through whatever you are feeling. Try understanding why you feel the way you do without centering your reasoning around the other person.
When I've been in difficult situations, this helped me acknowledge and release whatever negative energies I was feeling or experiencing, and realize that while I cannot influence another person's actions that I could choose to react in a way that serves me.

Also, trying to make yourself let go of someone actually has the opposite effect in my opinion, because you end up attempting to suppress or ignore strong emotions that will eventually come back up.

Anyway, that's the best advice/insight I have, as it has worked for me. I hope it is helpful!

Hi Tacobelle, I think after all these readings we know not to hang on to anything but you know how difficult it is. And somedays, I don't even think good things are coming. it's good to be positive but I've seen the nicest people with shitty lives. Where's their universe? This is just a rhetorical question, but you know what I mean? I think we should always be prepared for the worst and just be realistic. Don't lose your sleep over something you can't help or try not to lose your sleep but since you agree destiny is real things that are supposed to happen happen anyways. And some of us like me with anxiety can't help worrying.

Hi happyk,

I realize a lot of things are waaaay easier said than done. Though I have methods or thought processes that work for me, it doesn't mean I don't have bad days, or doubts and worries that creep in, too.

Shitty things happen all the time to good people. Good things happen to shitty people.

To me, the trick is handling these things as they come.
 
This thread is about expectations... all I am saying is that while it may not necessarily change an outcome, focusing on/waiting for an expected event only adds to whatever anxiety you may be experiencing surrounding a situation (which makes everything much more generally unpleasant).

There is no reason to feel bad for being hopeful. Good things will happen in everyone's life, but if you wait every day for one good thing to happen you're going to miss everything else and only see the bad.
Managing expectations is just a way to keep you from being consumed by something specific that hasn't happened (either positive or negative).

I have been diagnosed with GAD, but I do my best to manage it by trying to reshape my thought process surrounding whatever is happening. I'm not always successful lol.

Anyway, it's kind of hard to express what I am trying to say in text form.

All I know is that the more I think about something happening in a specific way, the more anxious I get when it doesn't happen. So each day where I am expecting something that doesn't come to pass becomes a bad day. When I shift my focus to the present, knowing that good things are coming my way (eff whatever bad things come too, I'll deal with those when I have to) then it is a lot easier to enjoy life and basically shift my focus away from a fear or scarcity based mindset to a more grateful and balanced one.

Not proclaiming any miracles here, it's not easy and a lot of the time I have to listen to a crap ton of affirmations on YouTube to not obsess over something lol! Walking in nature helps me, too.

But I think allowing yourself to feel what you feel, processing it, and then choosing to focus on the positive things in your life right now is the only way I have learned to remain (somewhat) balanced in times of pain, chaos and fear/doubt.

So, belle. We're just doing basically the same thing. I'm not saying it's easier for you but you just seem to be more successful than I am. I'm not an ungrateful person, I am grateful and look at the good things in my life and but they are not enough. And my awareness of the lack of abundance is strong. I'd appreciate if you tell us how do you maintain that balance though. Thanks for sharing, Belle!

Offline tacobelle914

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 86
Re: Has this happened to you?
« Reply #18 on: April 18, 2019, 07:22:28 PM »
I think if something is meant to happen, it will... but life is funny and it usually does come to fruition when we least expect it.

However, there are some things that are meant to occur at a certain time, whether you expect it or not.

My opinion on this is - clinging to an expectation creates worry at best, and disappointment at worst.
Hold the space in your heart, knowing that good things will come, and let the universe do the rest of the work.

---

As far as 'letting go'... it's ok to talk yourself through whatever you are feeling. Try understanding why you feel the way you do without centering your reasoning around the other person.
When I've been in difficult situations, this helped me acknowledge and release whatever negative energies I was feeling or experiencing, and realize that while I cannot influence another person's actions that I could choose to react in a way that serves me.

Also, trying to make yourself let go of someone actually has the opposite effect in my opinion, because you end up attempting to suppress or ignore strong emotions that will eventually come back up.

Anyway, that's the best advice/insight I have, as it has worked for me. I hope it is helpful!

Hi Tacobelle, I think after all these readings we know not to hang on to anything but you know how difficult it is. And somedays, I don't even think good things are coming. it's good to be positive but I've seen the nicest people with shitty lives. Where's their universe? This is just a rhetorical question, but you know what I mean? I think we should always be prepared for the worst and just be realistic. Don't lose your sleep over something you can't help or try not to lose your sleep but since you agree destiny is real things that are supposed to happen happen anyways. And some of us like me with anxiety can't help worrying.

Hi happyk,

I realize a lot of things are waaaay easier said than done. Though I have methods or thought processes that work for me, it doesn't mean I don't have bad days, or doubts and worries that creep in, too.

Shitty things happen all the time to good people. Good things happen to shitty people.

To me, the trick is handling these things as they come.
 
This thread is about expectations... all I am saying is that while it may not necessarily change an outcome, focusing on/waiting for an expected event only adds to whatever anxiety you may be experiencing surrounding a situation (which makes everything much more generally unpleasant).

There is no reason to feel bad for being hopeful. Good things will happen in everyone's life, but if you wait every day for one good thing to happen you're going to miss everything else and only see the bad.
Managing expectations is just a way to keep you from being consumed by something specific that hasn't happened (either positive or negative).

I have been diagnosed with GAD, but I do my best to manage it by trying to reshape my thought process surrounding whatever is happening. I'm not always successful lol.

...........

So, belle. We're just doing basically the same thing. I'm not saying it's easier for you but you just seem to be more successful than I am. I'm not an ungrateful person, I am grateful and look at the good things in my life and but they are not enough. And my awareness of the lack of abundance is strong. I'd appreciate if you tell us how do you maintain that balance though. Thanks for sharing, Belle!

happyk - I see what you're saying.

So one thing that really really helps me is that I work next to a nature preserve/park and am able to walk for an hour during my break when it is nice out.

I LOVE nature, and I cannot count how many days that started off really rough got a bit better because I took the time to walk. In the beginning I'd walk and think about a million things, but in time I learned to take deep breaths when my thoughts were getting out of control, and focus on something nice (the clouds, a bird/animal, trees, etc.)

If I don't walk at lunch, I try to take a long walk with my dog after work. Basically, spending quiet time outdoors to just be silent and get away from overwhelming environments (like being alone in my bedroom with my thoughts) was a HUGE help to me. It's amazing how much putting one foot in front of the other can be a legitimate distraction and serve as a kind of meditative act. Sunshine also helps. :)

Moving the body and quieting the mind seems to be the equation that keeps me most consistently in-check.
After just walking for a while, I also took up Yoga, realizing that my sedentary job and lack of motivation were not great for my mental or physical health. I started slow and actually fell off of it for a few months, but now that I am back and getting in the swing of it again, it is really helpful. If nothing else, it gives me something to fill my evenings with... a pleasant distraction that does not require tons of socializing and is good for me in the long run.

I think you could substitute yoga for any hobby/activity, as long as it is something that you enjoy and does not drain your energy. Even better if it is good for you... but you do not want whatever you choose to feel like a chore. It may be rough motivating yourself from time to time, but you should choose something that makes you feel better once you've done it.

Meditating has also been helpful. Honestly, it is the thing I am the worst at, but I do try to meditate for about 10 minutes whenever I can. Guided meditations are often better for me, since I tend to get easily distracted. This has helped me get in touch with my own intuition. I try sometimes to just sit silently and listen to myself, and while sometimes nothing much happens... other times, I'll get insight into something.

If I am facing some type of challenge, these activities often help because I am able to spend some time enjoying/embracing my own company without forcing it or thinking about what I should/shouldn't be doing. Over time it has helped me have more conversations with myself and get to the root of some of my insecurities and fears, too.

There have even been times where I've gone walking in a park just so I could cry it out and felt ten times better for it. I'm not any type of expert but I've made a real effort to learn how to listen to myself and figure out the things that make me happy and feel at peace.

One of the biggest things, though, is learning to forgive myself for not being perfect. For having days where the fears I thought I healed come to the surface and fight for control. When I walk, or meditate, or do yoga, and then something happens and I'm crying 5 minutes later. I know I have the tools to make tomorrow a better day, so I don't beat myself up as much for being human. This is something I always have to relearn when in a bad place, but the knowledge is there and it really really helps me get back on track.

This has been a super long winded post, and there are many other little things that have helped me along the way. I hope that you can use some of what works for me in your situation. <3

Offline happyk

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 653
Re: Has this happened to you?
« Reply #19 on: April 19, 2019, 04:44:55 AM »
I think if something is meant to happen, it will... but life is funny and it usually does come to fruition when we least expect it.

However, there are some things that are meant to occur at a certain time, whether you expect it or not.

My opinion on this is - clinging to an expectation creates worry at best, and disappointment at worst.
Hold the space in your heart, knowing that good things will come, and let the universe do the rest of the work.

---

As far as 'letting go'... it's ok to talk yourself through whatever you are feeling. Try understanding why you feel the way you do without centering your reasoning around the other person.
When I've been in difficult situations, this helped me acknowledge and release whatever negative energies I was feeling or experiencing, and realize that while I cannot influence another person's actions that I could choose to react in a way that serves me.

Also, trying to make yourself let go of someone actually has the opposite effect in my opinion, because you end up attempting to suppress or ignore strong emotions that will eventually come back up.

Anyway, that's the best advice/insight I have, as it has worked for me. I hope it is helpful!

Hi Tacobelle, I think after all these readings we know not to hang on to anything but you know how difficult it is. And somedays, I don't even think good things are coming. it's good to be positive but I've seen the nicest people with shitty lives. Where's their universe? This is just a rhetorical question, but you know what I mean? I think we should always be prepared for the worst and just be realistic. Don't lose your sleep over something you can't help or try not to lose your sleep but since you agree destiny is real things that are supposed to happen happen anyways. And some of us like me with anxiety can't help worrying.

Hi happyk,

I realize a lot of things are waaaay easier said than done. Though I have methods or thought processes that work for me, it doesn't mean I don't have bad days, or doubts and worries that creep in, too.

Shitty things happen all the time to good people. Good things happen to shitty people.

To me, the trick is handling these things as they come.
 
This thread is about expectations... all I am saying is that while it may not necessarily change an outcome, focusing on/waiting for an expected event only adds to whatever anxiety you may be experiencing surrounding a situation (which makes everything much more generally unpleasant).

There is no reason to feel bad for being hopeful. Good things will happen in everyone's life, but if you wait every day for one good thing to happen you're going to miss everything else and only see the bad.
Managing expectations is just a way to keep you from being consumed by something specific that hasn't happened (either positive or negative).

I have been diagnosed with GAD, but I do my best to manage it by trying to reshape my thought process surrounding whatever is happening. I'm not always successful lol.

...........

So, belle. We're just doing basically the same thing. I'm not saying it's easier for you but you just seem to be more successful than I am. I'm not an ungrateful person, I am grateful and look at the good things in my life and but they are not enough. And my awareness of the lack of abundance is strong. I'd appreciate if you tell us how do you maintain that balance though. Thanks for sharing, Belle!

happyk - I see what you're saying.

So one thing that really really helps me is that I work next to a nature preserve/park and am able to walk for an hour during my break when it is nice out.

I LOVE nature, and I cannot count how many days that started off really rough got a bit better because I took the time to walk. In the beginning I'd walk and think about a million things, but in time I learned to take deep breaths when my thoughts were getting out of control, and focus on something nice (the clouds, a bird/animal, trees, etc.)

If I don't walk at lunch, I try to take a long walk with my dog after work. Basically, spending quiet time outdoors to just be silent and get away from overwhelming environments (like being alone in my bedroom with my thoughts) was a HUGE help to me. It's amazing how much putting one foot in front of the other can be a legitimate distraction and serve as a kind of meditative act. Sunshine also helps. :)

Moving the body and quieting the mind seems to be the equation that keeps me most consistently in-check.
After just walking for a while, I also took up Yoga, realizing that my sedentary job and lack of motivation were not great for my mental or physical health. I started slow and actually fell off of it for a few months, but now that I am back and getting in the swing of it again, it is really helpful. If nothing else, it gives me something to fill my evenings with... a pleasant distraction that does not require tons of socializing and is good for me in the long run.

I think you could substitute yoga for any hobby/activity, as long as it is something that you enjoy and does not drain your energy. Even better if it is good for you... but you do not want whatever you choose to feel like a chore. It may be rough motivating yourself from time to time, but you should choose something that makes you feel better once you've done it.

Meditating has also been helpful. Honestly, it is the thing I am the worst at, but I do try to meditate for about 10 minutes whenever I can. Guided meditations are often better for me, since I tend to get easily distracted. This has helped me get in touch with my own intuition. I try sometimes to just sit silently and listen to myself, and while sometimes nothing much happens... other times, I'll get insight into something.

If I am facing some type of challenge, these activities often help because I am able to spend some time enjoying/embracing my own company without forcing it or thinking about what I should/shouldn't be doing. Over time it has helped me have more conversations with myself and get to the root of some of my insecurities and fears, too.

There have even been times where I've gone walking in a park just so I could cry it out and felt ten times better for it. I'm not any type of expert but I've made a real effort to learn how to listen to myself and figure out the things that make me happy and feel at peace.

One of the biggest things, though, is learning to forgive myself for not being perfect. For having days where the fears I thought I healed come to the surface and fight for control. When I walk, or meditate, or do yoga, and then something happens and I'm crying 5 minutes later. I know I have the tools to make tomorrow a better day, so I don't beat myself up as much for being human. This is something I always have to relearn when in a bad place, but the knowledge is there and it really really helps me get back on track.

This has been a super long winded post, and there are many other little things that have helped me along the way. I hope that you can use some of what works for me in your situation. <3

Good going Tacobelle. I am glad your coping mechanism helps and that you are able to leave the house. I am in a slightly better place now but I've been in a point where I couldn't get out of the house. When someone would tell me to get out of the house or workout I wanted to punch them in the face. You know what really helps me? Pills. Not kidding. You need to do what it takes, right? I guess we all deal with things very differently. I hope someday I can cope with my issues the way do. Until then, hello zoloft!

Offline tacobelle914

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 86
Re: Has this happened to you?
« Reply #20 on: April 19, 2019, 01:44:28 PM »
happyk - I hear you! I got to a point years ago where I was in therapy and prescribed pills, but they did not work for me (they actually made me very rageful... no one else that I know has had that experience) so I kind of coasted along for years until I found some things that stuck. As you said- you need to do what it takes! At least you know what works for you right now, and that is a pretty big deal imo. :)

Offline Still tired

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1392
Re: Has this happened to you?
« Reply #21 on: April 19, 2019, 04:26:49 PM »
happyk - I hear you! I got to a point years ago where I was in therapy and prescribed pills, but they did not work for me (they actually made me very rageful... no one else that I know has had that experience) so I kind of coasted along for years until I found some things that stuck. As you said- you need to do what it takes! At least you know what works for you right now, and that is a pretty big deal imo. :)

I tried Prozac and Wellbutrin both as a teenager and both made me feel rage.

I have ADHD and a lot of things cause different reactions from other people, for instance caffeine makes me sleepy.

Offline happyk

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 653
Re: Has this happened to you?
« Reply #22 on: April 19, 2019, 05:49:55 PM »
happyk - I hear you! I got to a point years ago where I was in therapy and prescribed pills, but they did not work for me (they actually made me very rageful... no one else that I know has had that experience) so I kind of coasted along for years until I found some things that stuck. As you said- you need to do what it takes! At least you know what works for you right now, and that is a pretty big deal imo. :)

I tried Prozac and Wellbutrin both as a teenager and both made me feel rage.

I have ADHD and a lot of things cause different reactions from other people, for instance caffeine makes me sleepy.

I have ADHD too, coffee doesn't make me sleepy though but I know that's common. I am on Zoloft and Wellbutrin. I also take amlodipine for my hypertension. I've always had anger issues but these medications didn't affect any of my emotional issues negatively. I am alive and relatively happy only because of Zoloft and Wellbutrin. Therapy was a joke for me. One thing that helps me immensely temporarily is chakra healing/balancing.

 

anything