Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story
How does it work? *warning, very cynical view here*
whskers:
--- Quote from: smoothie88 on December 01, 2018, 10:53:00 AM ---
Could this be the reason why none of us ever have a reading where the psychic say the POI doesn’t love you? Has ANYONE at all here ever have a reading where they say nope there’s no feeling? LOL.
--- End quote ---
I was dealing with ex poi.. and the following said he is not worth it..
In 2014 I first met him but i was in a cool of relationship.
Stephanie’s guided tarot - she said he has a phobia in relationships and will never want to be committed. He’s a player and don’t waste time on him. Stick with the other guy I was waiting for.
The other guy came back in 2014 and we were in a relationship until 2016. In 2016 he passed away unexpectedly so I came close again with the ex poi. But he was very deceiving.
Moira of psychic source - no he’s not good for me. She said it in a very firm and direct way and the call ended after 1 minute.
Sweetheart tarot - she said this guy is not a good person and she will not waste my money on him. Please don’t ever call about him again.
Stephanie’s guided tarot - said he’s not good for me and she will not say he is just to make me feel better.
Christy of psychic source (? - can’t remember exact name) - she didn’t like him at all.
Spiritual advisor and Aries institution was the closest. They said communication will increase but will never be a relationship. I found out something about him so I stop communicating. That’s when he contacted me everyday for 2 months straight.
Basically the guy was a jerk and is a player. They were correct. He is afraid of relationship because his long term gf who he proposed to dumped him.
Miss Philosopher:
--- Quote from: star1 on December 01, 2018, 11:15:46 PM ---I don't understand men.. This is going to sound bad written down online, but my POI was a little possessive in our relationship.. So for him to have gone this long without contact, I can't understand.. I would have thought that he would be worrying I'd be moving on and would have done something by now to prevent it or see what I'm upto.
I don't buy men not reaching out because I think they would do anything to prevent you from moving on.. He's surely scared to lose you, some men have a reason to make contact like in my case but I won't say the reason on the board. There isn't alot of excuse. If you love someone why would you go around your life surpressing feelings for someone but dating others? Surely something in you must go "I really can't avoid her, I miss her and I've tried everything but can't move on". I think it's an excuse readers make that he cares but won't reach out. I also think it's something people are saying to themselves to make themselves feel better. "Aww he loves me, but he doesn't want to reach out to me". If it makes you feel better than think that. At the end of the day, none of us know what our POI's and exes are like except the person themselves. So Law and Smoothie, only you two know what he's like.. If he really did care for you, if he has commitment issues so he would be scared to reach out first. Every case is different.
--- End quote ---
At some point, the dude does come to the conclusion that he misses a person and loves a person but doesn't act upon it for certain reasons. The biggest reason being, they love their own wants/needs more. Love and relationships require a certain amount of sacrifice from both parties in many different ways. It also comes with responsibilities toward another person in so much as, now you have their heart and you are responsible for not breaking it, you are responsible for keeping your word, not lying, remaining loyal, fighting any other urges one may have that only freedom from a serious relationship allows.
A man can date a bunch of people and not become emotionally attached. They can date someone for a year without becoming emotionally attached. To them, it isn't a "serious" relationship. He can also love you, but not be ready to "commit" to you and loves his freedom more at that time. Some men can love you but feel they need to accomplish other things first in their lives and cannot put energy into a relationship. There's so many reasons but it doesn't mean love can't exist. It just means that there are different depths of love and it also depends on what phase in life that person is in.
Love and relationships definitely aren't black and white. Hell, seems more gray than anything lol.
star1:
--- Quote from: Miss Philosopher on December 01, 2018, 11:36:24 PM ---
--- Quote from: star1 on December 01, 2018, 11:15:46 PM ---I don't understand men.. This is going to sound bad written down online, but my POI was a little possessive in our relationship.. So for him to have gone this long without contact, I can't understand.. I would have thought that he would be worrying I'd be moving on and would have done something by now to prevent it or see what I'm upto.
I don't buy men not reaching out because I think they would do anything to prevent you from moving on.. He's surely scared to lose you, some men have a reason to make contact like in my case but I won't say the reason on the board. There isn't alot of excuse. If you love someone why would you go around your life surpressing feelings for someone but dating others? Surely something in you must go "I really can't avoid her, I miss her and I've tried everything but can't move on". I think it's an excuse readers make that he cares but won't reach out. I also think it's something people are saying to themselves to make themselves feel better. "Aww he loves me, but he doesn't want to reach out to me". If it makes you feel better than think that. At the end of the day, none of us know what our POI's and exes are like except the person themselves. So Law and Smoothie, only you two know what he's like.. If he really did care for you, if he has commitment issues so he would be scared to reach out first. Every case is different.
--- End quote ---
At some point, the dude does come to the conclusion that he misses a person and loves a person but doesn't act upon it for certain reasons. The biggest reason being, they love their own wants/needs more. Love and relationships require a certain amount of sacrifice from both parties in many different ways. It also comes with responsibilities toward another person in so much as, now you have their heart and you are responsible for not breaking it, you are responsible for keeping your word, not lying, remaining loyal, fighting any other urges one may have that only freedom from a serious relationship allows.
A man can date a bunch of people and not become emotionally attached. They can date someone for a year without becoming emotionally attached. To them, it isn't a "serious" relationship. He can also love you, but not be ready to "commit" to you and loves his freedom more at that time. Some men can love you but feel they need to accomplish other things first in their lives and cannot put energy into a relationship. There's so many reasons but it doesn't mean love can't exist. It just means that there are different depths of love and it also depends on what phase in life that person is in.
Love and relationships definitely aren't black and white. Hell, seems more gray than anything lol.
--- End quote ---
Thank you for explaining this to me, I'm young still and am new to all of this with men.. But I think in my experience so far of men if they really do love you, they won't want any freedom if that makes sense. A couple of readers have been saying that to me about my ex, and if anything I'm the one who wanted freedom because my ex was possessive and quite needy at times. Then when next moment he was backing away and saying I was being full on.. I've met some guys before who act immature and do the drinking and doing things to impress their friends and all that immature shit, but when it comes to ladies if they really like someone they don't want "freedom". They want to be serious with the woman. The thing is, I'd rather these readers were more realistic and honest and said "he might have feelings for you, but he wants his freedom and he isn't coming back", than "yes he loves you, but let him mess about and he's going to realise and come your way".
I can understand with Mr commitment-phobe because he wants someone but is scared to commit, so he's back and forth with them and doesn't want to get hurt. But when readers say "he's enjoying his freedom", then I am skeptical of that. I am enjoying being single and not putting up with crap, but I also if I meet someone and we connect I would put the relationship and connection over freedom.
And say for example if a man does want his freedom, and it's been a year though and he's still got for example Mrs Philosopher on his mind.. Surely in a year's time, he's going to think - "I really miss Miss Philosopher, I can't shake her out of my mind and I'll drop a text to see how she's getting on"?
I've talked to guys in the past not looking for a commitment, being honest for an ego boost to see what's out there and get compliments from guys and attention, but then liked someone unexpectedly and decided to pursue it. The only thing I can understand is commitment-phobes.
What I really mean is - like in my case, if you and the ex aren't in contact and he's dating other women but not connecting with them (as all the readers say 🙄), then surely he's going to get bored because he realises he still loves YOU and has no interests to these other women or his "freedom".
Miss Philosopher:
--- Quote from: star1 on December 01, 2018, 11:49:35 PM ---
--- Quote from: Miss Philosopher on December 01, 2018, 11:36:24 PM ---
--- Quote from: star1 on December 01, 2018, 11:15:46 PM ---I don't understand men.. This is going to sound bad written down online, but my POI was a little possessive in our relationship.. So for him to have gone this long without contact, I can't understand.. I would have thought that he would be worrying I'd be moving on and would have done something by now to prevent it or see what I'm upto.
I don't buy men not reaching out because I think they would do anything to prevent you from moving on.. He's surely scared to lose you, some men have a reason to make contact like in my case but I won't say the reason on the board. There isn't alot of excuse. If you love someone why would you go around your life surpressing feelings for someone but dating others? Surely something in you must go "I really can't avoid her, I miss her and I've tried everything but can't move on". I think it's an excuse readers make that he cares but won't reach out. I also think it's something people are saying to themselves to make themselves feel better. "Aww he loves me, but he doesn't want to reach out to me". If it makes you feel better than think that. At the end of the day, none of us know what our POI's and exes are like except the person themselves. So Law and Smoothie, only you two know what he's like.. If he really did care for you, if he has commitment issues so he would be scared to reach out first. Every case is different.
--- End quote ---
At some point, the dude does come to the conclusion that he misses a person and loves a person but doesn't act upon it for certain reasons. The biggest reason being, they love their own wants/needs more. Love and relationships require a certain amount of sacrifice from both parties in many different ways. It also comes with responsibilities toward another person in so much as, now you have their heart and you are responsible for not breaking it, you are responsible for keeping your word, not lying, remaining loyal, fighting any other urges one may have that only freedom from a serious relationship allows.
A man can date a bunch of people and not become emotionally attached. They can date someone for a year without becoming emotionally attached. To them, it isn't a "serious" relationship. He can also love you, but not be ready to "commit" to you and loves his freedom more at that time. Some men can love you but feel they need to accomplish other things first in their lives and cannot put energy into a relationship. There's so many reasons but it doesn't mean love can't exist. It just means that there are different depths of love and it also depends on what phase in life that person is in.
Love and relationships definitely aren't black and white. Hell, seems more gray than anything lol.
--- End quote ---
Thank you for explaining this to me, I'm young still and am new to all of this with men.. But I think in my experience so far of men if they really do love you, they won't want any freedom if that makes sense. A couple of readers have been saying that to me about my ex, and if anything I'm the one who wanted freedom because my ex was possessive and quite needy at times. Then when next moment he was backing away and saying I was being full on.. I've met some guys before who act immature and do the drinking and doing things to impress their friends and all that immature shit, but when it comes to ladies if they really like someone they don't want "freedom". They want to be serious with the woman. The thing is, I'd rather these readers were more realistic and honest and said "he might have feelings for you, but he wants his freedom and he isn't coming back", than "yes he loves you, but let him mess about and he's going to realise and come your way".
I can understand with Mr commitment-phobe because he wants someone but is scared to commit, so he's back and forth with them and doesn't want to get hurt. But when readers say "he's enjoying his freedom", then I am skeptical of that. I am enjoying being single and not putting up with crap, but I also if I meet someone and we connect I would put the relationship and connection over freedom.
And say for example if a man does want his freedom, and it's been a year though and he's still got for example Mrs Philosopher on his mind.. Surely in a year's time, he's going to think - "I really miss Miss Philosopher, I can't shake her out of my mind and I'll drop a text to see how she's getting on"?
I've talked to guys in the past not looking for a commitment, being honest for an ego boost to see what's out there and get compliments from guys and attention, but then liked someone unexpectedly and decided to pursue it. The only thing I can understand is commitment-phobes.
What I really mean is - like in my case, if you and the ex aren't in contact and he's dating other women but not connecting with them (as all the readers say 🙄), then surely he's going to get bored because he realises he still loves YOU and has no interests to these other women or his "freedom".
--- End quote ---
You're right in a sense about the whole freedom thing. Because, you can still have freedom whilst in a relationship. It isn't about restriction which is how a lot of men and even women can see it. However, on the flip side of that token, one person's definition of freedom may not be the same as another person's. It takes emotional maturity and wisdom to understand that a relationship doesn't mean lack of freedom. Some men want to play the field for awhile before settling down. A lot of times, I've seen it sooooooooooo many times, that a man will leave a good woman so he can go off and "sow his wild oats" and be completely free of relationship responsibilities and then after he's done, and ready to commit and settle down, he remembers that good woman and returns to her. Unfortunately, in many cases, he loses out cause she's moved on, BUT that isn't always the case.
I know it's difficult to fully understand. A lot of times, the woman will be further ahead when it comes to emotional maturity then most men. It's sort of like kids and parents. When we're first born and throughout our toddler and preteen years, we are attached to our parents (usually) but then when we hit teenage years and throughout the entire duration of our 20s, we sort of just want to go explore, figure out who we are, learn what we want and what we don't want, experience many things without the direction and protection of our parents. But then, after the age of 30, we start to return to wanting to have a closer relationship with our parents and have learned many things.
So, you see, it's really similar in relationships. I understand it gets really frustrating and sometimes very hard to understand the dynamics of human growth. Some of us were just born with more maturity and wisdom, whereas others, must learn through life experiences, trial and error.
None of what I said is going to make you feel better or take away any grief or pain. I understand that. Just trying to help shed a bit of light on what could possibly be going on.
star1:
--- Quote from: Miss Philosopher on December 02, 2018, 12:16:12 AM ---
--- Quote from: star1 on December 01, 2018, 11:49:35 PM ---
--- Quote from: Miss Philosopher on December 01, 2018, 11:36:24 PM ---
--- Quote from: star1 on December 01, 2018, 11:15:46 PM ---I don't understand men.. This is going to sound bad written down online, but my POI was a little possessive in our relationship.. So for him to have gone this long without contact, I can't understand.. I would have thought that he would be worrying I'd be moving on and would have done something by now to prevent it or see what I'm upto.
I don't buy men not reaching out because I think they would do anything to prevent you from moving on.. He's surely scared to lose you, some men have a reason to make contact like in my case but I won't say the reason on the board. There isn't alot of excuse. If you love someone why would you go around your life surpressing feelings for someone but dating others? Surely something in you must go "I really can't avoid her, I miss her and I've tried everything but can't move on". I think it's an excuse readers make that he cares but won't reach out. I also think it's something people are saying to themselves to make themselves feel better. "Aww he loves me, but he doesn't want to reach out to me". If it makes you feel better than think that. At the end of the day, none of us know what our POI's and exes are like except the person themselves. So Law and Smoothie, only you two know what he's like.. If he really did care for you, if he has commitment issues so he would be scared to reach out first. Every case is different.
--- End quote ---
At some point, the dude does come to the conclusion that he misses a person and loves a person but doesn't act upon it for certain reasons. The biggest reason being, they love their own wants/needs more. Love and relationships require a certain amount of sacrifice from both parties in many different ways. It also comes with responsibilities toward another person in so much as, now you have their heart and you are responsible for not breaking it, you are responsible for keeping your word, not lying, remaining loyal, fighting any other urges one may have that only freedom from a serious relationship allows.
A man can date a bunch of people and not become emotionally attached. They can date someone for a year without becoming emotionally attached. To them, it isn't a "serious" relationship. He can also love you, but not be ready to "commit" to you and loves his freedom more at that time. Some men can love you but feel they need to accomplish other things first in their lives and cannot put energy into a relationship. There's so many reasons but it doesn't mean love can't exist. It just means that there are different depths of love and it also depends on what phase in life that person is in.
Love and relationships definitely aren't black and white. Hell, seems more gray than anything lol.
--- End quote ---
Thank you for explaining this to me, I'm young still and am new to all of this with men.. But I think in my experience so far of men if they really do love you, they won't want any freedom if that makes sense. A couple of readers have been saying that to me about my ex, and if anything I'm the one who wanted freedom because my ex was possessive and quite needy at times. Then when next moment he was backing away and saying I was being full on.. I've met some guys before who act immature and do the drinking and doing things to impress their friends and all that immature shit, but when it comes to ladies if they really like someone they don't want "freedom". They want to be serious with the woman. The thing is, I'd rather these readers were more realistic and honest and said "he might have feelings for you, but he wants his freedom and he isn't coming back", than "yes he loves you, but let him mess about and he's going to realise and come your way".
I can understand with Mr commitment-phobe because he wants someone but is scared to commit, so he's back and forth with them and doesn't want to get hurt. But when readers say "he's enjoying his freedom", then I am skeptical of that. I am enjoying being single and not putting up with crap, but I also if I meet someone and we connect I would put the relationship and connection over freedom.
And say for example if a man does want his freedom, and it's been a year though and he's still got for example Mrs Philosopher on his mind.. Surely in a year's time, he's going to think - "I really miss Miss Philosopher, I can't shake her out of my mind and I'll drop a text to see how she's getting on"?
I've talked to guys in the past not looking for a commitment, being honest for an ego boost to see what's out there and get compliments from guys and attention, but then liked someone unexpectedly and decided to pursue it. The only thing I can understand is commitment-phobes.
What I really mean is - like in my case, if you and the ex aren't in contact and he's dating other women but not connecting with them (as all the readers say 🙄), then surely he's going to get bored because he realises he still loves YOU and has no interests to these other women or his "freedom".
--- End quote ---
You're right in a sense about the whole freedom thing. Because, you can still have freedom whilst in a relationship. It isn't about restriction which is how a lot of men and even women can see it. However, on the flip side of that token, one person's definition of freedom may not be the same as another person's. It takes emotional maturity and wisdom to understand that a relationship doesn't mean lack of freedom. Some men want to play the field for awhile before settling down. A lot of times, I've seen it sooooooooooo many times, that a man will leave a good woman so he can go off and "sow his wild oats" and be completely free of relationship responsibilities and then after he's done, and ready to commit and settle down, he remembers that good woman and returns to her. Unfortunately, in many cases, he loses out cause she's moved on, BUT that isn't always the case.
I know it's difficult to fully understand. A lot of times, the woman will be further ahead when it comes to emotional maturity then most men. It's sort of like kids and parents. When we're first born and throughout our toddler and preteen years, we are attached to our parents (usually) but then when we hit teenage years and throughout the entire duration of our 20s, we sort of just want to go explore, figure out who we are, learn what we want and what we don't want, experience many things without the direction and protection of our parents. But then, after the age of 30, we start to return to wanting to have a closer relationship with our parents and have learned many things.
So, you see, it's really similar in relationships. I understand it gets really frustrating and sometimes very hard to understand the dynamics of human growth. Some of us were just born with more maturity and wisdom, whereas others, must learn through life experiences, trial and error.
None of what I said is going to make you feel better or take away any grief or pain. I understand that. Just trying to help shed a bit of light on what could possibly be going on.
--- End quote ---
Thank you for explaining. Men coming back once the woman has moved on seems to be common, but I never have had an ex come back before. However, it appears to happen often. Men seem to think that we will wait forever on them and we are stagnant in our lives like a statue for them, lol. If my ex comes back after playing about, I'm sorry but that's really disrespectful and I'm not going to be walked all over like that. If he comes back and says he wasn't ready, he was scared and was honest and said he was scared of the C word, I could accept more.
I think in my case, the guy has commitment issues from when I've spoken to you privately and probably finds it easier to hop to girls and block them after a while of contacting. As much as I didn't get much with Psych Shelly, she told me he's like the kid in the sweetshop licking the lollies but he isn't meeting any of them. It's all online communication and he makes excuses when it comes to meeting up. I don't know what's true, but obviously he hasn't been in a monk in all of this time and he's seen at least someone. I definitely think it's more to do with trouble of commitment but I could be wrong as I'm not a doctor.
But yeah when it comes to freedom, I think there's a thin veil between that and the commitment phobia. I think what's acceptable is some of our men don't want to commit and prefer to come to us, see other women, come to us so they're not getting hurt and can't commit to anyone.. But it's not about wanting the best of both worlds of freedom and playing about putting into any hole lol, I don't think that's good enough personally.
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