Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Frustrated and broke!

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sawthelight:

--- Quote from: Still tired on May 06, 2018, 11:29:03 PM ---
--- Quote from: Deedee on May 06, 2018, 08:59:47 PM ---The full story about this guy is, we became really good friends at work. We talk about our personal lives a lot, he has a brutal ex wife who he still has to deal with because of their son and at times he’s said he wouldn’t ever want to be in a relationship ever again. But at the same time he flirts with me treats me nice, seems to care about me and was there for me a lot. The signs and body language is all there that he likes me.
--- End quote ---

Maybe you already have the answers you need . You know he likes you, he is attracted to you, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship. He may change his mind about that, or he might not. You might be his first choice if he does change his mind.

A lot of us have probably said or thought things like this when we were feeling bad about a past relationship. And it could be just be a passing mood you were feeling that day, or it can be something you change your mind about with time or with meeting someone new.

But look at it this way,  would you ever say this to someone (or in their hearing) if you think there is any possibility that you might want a relationship with them? And if a man says this to a woman, it might mean he would like to go to bed with you but not have any strings attached.

People usually tell us who they are and what they want, if we pay attention. If we get mixed signals, it shows they are conflicted inside. Whatever the conflict is, it is something they have to work out on their own and then decide what they want. There is not much you can do about it. It's hard because you feel what is there and want to do something to take it forward.

Under the circumstances, if you did get involved with him, what is likely to happen is it would go well for awhile. But as that early buzz wears off, his doubts will probably resurface. He may run hot and cold, or he might pull away. It will be like the way things are now, but exponentially more confusing and hurtful.

If he works through his problems on his own and then approaches you, the chances are much better that it will work out. But from what you already know about him, there are some red flags there no matter what. It doesn't mean he's a bad guy or anything like that, but it is risky to get involved with someone who is saying these things to you.

If you want to know where things stand with him, you could talk to him about dating or relationships in general and maybe ask him..."Remember when you were telling me you don't know if you ever want to be in a relationship again? Do you still feel that way?" His response to this would probably tell you everything you need to know.

--- End quote ---

Great great post tired

Deedee:
You’re absolutely right, still tired. I need to regroup. This habit needs to be broken. I probably would have already moved on to someone who was consistent with me and let’s me know they’re into me instead of hanging on to predictions and time frames that never happened. Now this month and June he’s going to tell me how he feels according to the readings. I somehow don’t see it happening. I need to take a step back. I think these readings may have amplified my feelings for him and make me anxious and second guess myself any time I talk to him.
If I could do it all over again I would never had a single reading. Time to stop “waiting” as I was told to do because he’s going to tell me “soon” and get out there and find a guy who will appreciate me for who I am.

Hillcam:

--- Quote from: Deedee on May 07, 2018, 01:38:09 AM ---You’re absolutely right, still tired. I need to regroup. This habit needs to be broken. I probably would have already moved on to someone who was consistent with me and let’s me know they’re into me instead of hanging on to predictions and time frames that never happened. Now this month and June he’s going to tell me how he feels according to the readings. I somehow don’t see it happening. I need to take a step back. I think these readings may have amplified my feelings for him and make me anxious and second guess myself any time I talk to him.
If I could do it all over again I would never had a single reading. Time to stop “waiting” as I was told to do because he’s going to tell me “soon” and get out there and find a guy who will appreciate me for who I am.

--- End quote ---

You’re right. Getting readings keeps us all holding on to unhealthy relationships. Easier said than done but try to cut back, do things that make you feel good about yourself. Self love should come first and it’ll bring a man that you deserve.

maroonlight:

--- Quote from: Deedee on May 07, 2018, 01:38:09 AM ---You’re absolutely right, still tired. I need to regroup. This habit needs to be broken. I probably would have already moved on to someone who was consistent with me and let’s me know they’re into me instead of hanging on to predictions and time frames that never happened. Now this month and June he’s going to tell me how he feels according to the readings. I somehow don’t see it happening. I need to take a step back. I think these readings may have amplified my feelings for him and make me anxious and second guess myself any time I talk to him.
If I could do it all over again I would never had a single reading. Time to stop “waiting” as I was told to do because he’s going to tell me “soon” and get out there and find a guy who will appreciate me for who I am.

--- End quote ---

I'm going to say this, at some point the truth needs to come out, and yes that may mean you need to ask him and find out for yourself. We've all been here with the countless readings and timeframes that pass with no results. If you want to drop the readings and get closure, I think you should just bring it up. If he says he does not want to date you, then you have validation that the readers are completely full of BS and there's no reason to waste anymore money on them, as there isn't either way. That happened to me on two different guys, and I've called several about a 3rd one that is still pending, it's a pretty complicated story though.

Each time you call, you're going to get a different and farther time frame than before, regardless. The readings just keep you holding on to something that may potentially never happen. I would just calmly approach the situation and tell him and see how he responds. I wish you luck in this matter.

njlady:

--- Quote from: Deedee on May 06, 2018, 08:59:47 PM ---We talk about our personal lives a lot, he has a brutal ex wife who he still has to deal with because of their son and at times he’s said he wouldn’t ever want to be in a relationship ever again.

--- End quote ---

Sweetie, he's told you all you need to know.  He's not a healthy choice of a partner.  It doesn't matter if he is into you or not.   He's a non-starter.

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