Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story
2017 rundown and an Ex that came back
njlady:
--- Quote from: Apalm831 on June 26, 2018, 05:17:55 PM ---I was fully up front with him about that and it seemed to push him away even farther.
I have asked Kisha if this changes things and she won't look back into it, she just tells me I need to wait to see how things unfold.
I don't really trust anyone else to read for me so I just have to wait. That's where I'm at right now.
--- End quote ---
I had someone that I loved very much leave me out of the blue. He came back. It does happen. Your being depressed is natural and yes, I would expect that would drive him further away. He already showed you that he runs away rather than deal.
The downside of my guy coming back was that I didn't fully trust him any more. I still loved him, but I was wary. I also resented that he wasn't there for some major life events (like the death of one of my parents) while we were separated. I never looked at him the same again. It wasn't too long before I couldn't stand the sight of him.
When he comes back, make sure you really want him back after he did this to you. He didn't talk to you or try to work through this together. He cut and ran.
ladya:
wow! so sorry this is happening. i think sometimes we aren't meant to know everything. even if she did know about this beforehand, it would've just made her depressed and paranoid leading up to it and could've made things worse had she not know. stay strong. I hope everything works out for you. just try to focus on the outcome you want and stay grounded. stay busy to keep your mind off of it (as much as possible at least). we're here for you if you need anything.
sawthelight:
--- Quote from: njlady on June 26, 2018, 05:57:19 PM ---
--- Quote from: Apalm831 on June 26, 2018, 05:17:55 PM ---I was fully up front with him about that and it seemed to push him away even farther.
I have asked Kisha if this changes things and she won't look back into it, she just tells me I need to wait to see how things unfold.
I don't really trust anyone else to read for me so I just have to wait. That's where I'm at right now.
--- End quote ---
I had someone that I loved very much leave me out of the blue. He came back. It does happen. Your being depressed is natural and yes, I would expect that would drive him further away. He already showed you that he runs away rather than deal.
The downside of my guy coming back was that I didn't fully trust him any more. I still loved him, but I was wary. I also resented that he wasn't there for some major life events (like the death of one of my parents) while we were separated. I never looked at him the same again. It wasn't too long before I couldn't stand the sight of him.
When he comes back, make sure you really want him back after he did this to you. He didn't talk to you or try to work through this together. He cut and ran.
--- End quote ---
Agree!
ladya:
--- Quote from: njlady on June 26, 2018, 05:57:19 PM ---
--- Quote from: Apalm831 on June 26, 2018, 05:17:55 PM ---I was fully up front with him about that and it seemed to push him away even farther.
I have asked Kisha if this changes things and she won't look back into it, she just tells me I need to wait to see how things unfold.
I don't really trust anyone else to read for me so I just have to wait. That's where I'm at right now.
--- End quote ---
I had someone that I loved very much leave me out of the blue. He came back. It does happen. Your being depressed is natural and yes, I would expect that would drive him further away. He already showed you that he runs away rather than deal.
The downside of my guy coming back was that I didn't fully trust him any more. I still loved him, but I was wary. I also resented that he wasn't there for some major life events (like the death of one of my parents) while we were separated. I never looked at him the same again. It wasn't too long before I couldn't stand the sight of him.
When he comes back, make sure you really want him back after he did this to you. He didn't talk to you or try to work through this together. He cut and ran.
--- End quote ---
this happened to me as well and i can relate greatly to the resent part. i have to say that the whole experience taught me the only person you can 100% percent count on is yourself. everyone disappoints you at some point and they might not even have had it as their intention. i'm sure i've disappointed some people as well. its just human nature. i also found men are really not good at being emotionally supportive. they feel like they might be more of a burden and just cause more pain being there and its better to just not come around because they don't know what to say or do. instead of doing something wrong they just don't do anything. especially if they genuinely love you, they may feel like you'll just hate them even more if they mess things up any more than it already is. just my experience and what men have told me. I have had many guy friends throughout the years and some of them were amazing partners. if something happened after the break up some said they would reach out if something tragic happened and others said they wouldn't because they love them and don't want to keep them from their happiness so even if they would want to reach out they wouldn't because they feel like it would bring up the hurt all over again.
sawthelight:
It's true, men just don't know. When I had a close relative pass last year, POI knew and he kind of disappeared for over a week...then reached out with a hope you're doing better text. I had hoped he would have reached out sooner, but he just said he was giving me "my time"...
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