Relationship Psychology Discussions > My Story

Your POI will return, but you won't want him by then

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sawthelight:

--- Quote from: PrettyLittleLiz on November 29, 2017, 03:27:55 AM ---Great Post!!!!



--- Quote from: Angelina11 on November 29, 2017, 03:23:31 AM ---Alright guys, does that sound familiar, "he/she will return, but by then you will be over him/won't be interested/won't want him back/will be with someone else, etc" ??
Well, in 4 years I was calling regarding 2 guys. I've spent about 2.5 years longing for a loving relationship  with the first POI, in the end it didn't work and he dissapeared without explaining me anything; I've called him twice and then we exchanged a few texts in a course of 1 year after him dissapearing. I guess he didn't find stregth to say in plain english that things are not going to go anywhere between us, instead he first blamed work for keeping him  busy, then dissapeared...eventually through social media Ifound out he started dating another girl (they are no longer together). Anyway, I was crushed, depressed, mad at myself for believing psychics who told me that he has strong feelings for me and will contact me in a 3,5,11...you get the idea. But then a lot of them started to say that he will be back, but I will not be interested in him anymore - that definitely seemed impossible, eventually for 2 reasons: 1- that he will be back as I stopped believing he would, 2- that i will not want him. I was daydreaming about him nonstop, I was crazy about him, I could not stop thinking about him, even when I started seeing second POI, there was a part in me that still believed that my first POI was ideal. (Although, of course I undertand how we ourself can trick our own mind to hell and back, for example by believing in a thought that someone is IDEAL. No such thing exsit of course. My head was turned off then, it was overfloaded with emotions).

A few week ago, guess who is reaching out, my 1st POI. My jaw dropped, I could not stop staring at my phone it seemed unreal. I've started answering his texts. And HERE IS the magic, at this time I truly deeply do not give a f*ck about him. Moreover, I do not even have any negative emotions towards him at all and actually I wish him well and be happy with someone else. I've opened his social media and looked at him again and there was not a trace of ANY emotion that i felt towards him  - NONE! It was like I was staring at some nice looking guy, but that was about it.

I still do think that it was not correct of him to make romantic plans with me in words only to dissapear later without explanation, but at this time I am not even interested in trying to figure out why, let alone ask him what was the reason he behaved like that. So, anyway now i had a few light chats with him and I had no intention to make him feel hurt, and I definitely did not want him to feel rejected (because i know how hellishly painful it can be).
He asked me out and I was honest and strightforward and told him, "I don't think I'm still intereted even though I truly believe you are a great guy. I wish you to be happy". I meant those words. I had no interentions to leave him in obscurity, hoping for something... He did not answer anything for several days, so I assumed he got it and moved on, good for him...and here we go: today I get the whole email from him explaining himself, telling me how he had feelings towards me all this time and that now he is much more mature and wiser and capable of offering more than ever before...I am seating here and almost feel like it could be nice if I still felt something towards him, but now it is almost like, I was craving for vanilla ice-cream and thought only vanilla ice-cream could give me the biggest pleasure in the world....instead I end up having strawberry ice-cream and a lot of it...I am full of it and no longer hungry, let alone care about the flavors...
So ironic, I at that time when I was hurt and lost hope, I wished that one day he would regret that he did not put an effort to pursue me, but now I actually dont even feel any emotional satisfaction from him going after me. (Gosh, why when I was thursty there wasn't water there, and there is water when I no longer thursty?) 
Anyway, I am writing this to anyone who feel like YOU WILL NEVER GET OVER YOUR POI, that you will be forever scarred, that you will never get attracted to any other man, you will never like anyone as deeply as you did poi, etc. Believe me, YOU WILL!!! Yes, it will likely take time, it may take therapy, a lot of self-nuturing, growing..., but you will get over that Mr. Twister. I went through depression, I dropped out of my on-line Master's degree program, because i could not concentrate on studies because of my ex poi, I actually know what it is like to cry from morning till night (I've spent many weekends and nights on that), I can even laugh thinking about it now: I would naturally get a few breaks from crying, because my head would start to hurt and I had no tears left, just a face that looked like crying, lol and the next day i was not able to open my eyes fully - it looked like a bee stung me in both eyes ;D ;D ;D ;D
YOU WILL GET OVER IT!!! I know it may seem impossible now, but you will. I am still getting over my 2nd POI, but it is definitely not as devestating as healing after the 1st POI, although it also hurt, I know one day he will be just another ice-cream flavor I've had enjoyed.         

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Agreed!  I love this post!  Good for you girl!

Angelina11:
TTHANK YOU, GUYS!!! ;)

sawthelight:
So true how they come back when you no longer want them..isn't it?  Has happened to me so many times.  I look at pictures of my ex on FB and I feel zilch and I often think what the heck did I see in him??? :P :-[

Seeker:
2.5 years is a long time to be thinking about this and having it affect the course of your life. I feel really bad to hear that, but happy that you overcame it.

5 months was my limit for my current ex-POI. I think what helped me is that I was still out having fun while waiting on my POI. While having fun, it lessened my attachment to the outcome more and more to the point where it no longer mattered to me. It also made me realize all the red flags my POI had been sending me when we were together (and I ignored them because she was so sweet to me... and very hot) and still even when we had been apart all those months her bizarre social media behavior towards me showed another red flag. When every person I talked to told me her behaviors were weird and that she might be nuts, I had to eventually come to grips with that and accept that all of these people telling me this can't all be wrong.

The tough part was, she was really hot, lol. Certifiably, has a modeling contract with a local agency and everything. My brother and I joked about how crazy life is with these things. We live in an area where a lady that attractive and that successful is impossible to come by, and then she does and she turns out to be nuts. While your POI may not be nuts, over time you realized he wasn't right and the funny thing is that the very thing that makes us upset (their disappearance and silence) is often the very thing that brings us to the revelation that they're not right for us. It just sucks that it takes so much time first to reach that realization.

Seeker:

--- Quote from: Realist411 on December 06, 2017, 12:20:20 AM ---It doesn't seem far fetched to know that someone whose taking their sweet ass time will want you when you're over them.

it happens all the time.

And those people are the worst. They only want you back for their ego 99% of the time and probably not changed at all, but hate you've moved on.

These are typically self-absorbed egomaniacs who love playing games and once you move on, you've won that game and they don't like you're leveled up to a better person.

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Very well put. It's sad that people think playing games with others lives is okay to do. But in the end, they eventually pay a price for it.

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