Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent
Question
mystery123:
I can't thank you guys enough for each and every post! I feel stronger today by just knowing that I am not alone, crazy, obsessive person and this is somewhat normal... just telling myself that it's okay to feel sad and it may take some or lot of time to get over and simply the decision that I don't want him for good has actually helped me a lot in a weird way, like I am free of some baggage.
I do have the tendency to block out and numb myself if I experience or anticipate hurt, maybe I should work on not doing that and letting it all out like you guys said.
It's been a spiral for me. I have been trying to let go since beginning of this year, but I think I was never honest, otherwise wouldn't be calling psychics. I think I really hit rock bottom last few weeks/months. Today, first time I could feel it inside and could resonate with "I don't want him, if he doesn't want me and he can go to hell for all I care" .. like I just feel it in my bones whereas before I would say it but deep down still hoping for him to love me.
I have Susan Anderson's audio book- from Abandonment to Healing. I never finished it, I will start it again. I definitely do have rejection issues- thanks to my alcoholic dad! But at least now I know and can work towards healing these patterns.
Enjoyed the Mathhew Hussey video as well, it's a good idea to look at it like that.
In a weird way I am actually excited about and looking forward to get over this guy. I hope I can keep up my high spirits, and even if not, then I know it's okay to be low too. It shall too pass.
Thanks again, guys!
Universal9:
All of member's ideas were cool, baypark1 your statement in particular the comfortable in your pain part. I will remember this part since it resonates with my situation. Infact I believe that I would rather want to feel comfortable in the pain I feel when I think how he behaves, than the other way round, where I read with psychics over and over to try to relieve the pain (instead of feeling it in that eventually helps in letting go for good).
--- Quote from: Baypark1 on October 18, 2017, 10:21:16 PM ---
Oh boy, this is hard to do! For me, I was right where you are, wanting to stop pining over this particular POI and move on with my life. I got to the point I really thought something was wrong with me because it's not normal to hang on to someone that clearly has moved on and call psychics obsessively spending thousands of dollars. First off, I truly believe calling psychics keeps you hanging on. It's an addiction. I do believe there is something to your thought about being comfortable in your pain. So, long story short, slowly the feeling of wanting to get my shit together and move on becamee stronger and stronger and I started googling "how to deal with rejection and move on" type of things. I ended up finding a woman named Susan Anderson who has a whole program on dealing with rejection and abandonment. I finally had found what I had been looking for. It totally resonated with me. For me, I've had rejection and abandonment issues since I was a child but for some, it may not come out until adulthood and one situation can bring it out. Anyway, that may or may not be your issue but her workbook really helps with letting go and getting over the current rejection you are feeling. Google her and see if her stuff resonates with you. If not, maybe something else will help. I think when we obsess over anything and can't let go, there's an underlying issue we aren't dealing with. We aren't crazy people. We are human beings who have been hurt and want to be loved. Some people handle things better than others. For me, Susan Anderson has been working. I haven't called a psychic in about a month maybe, I'm not keeping track. I have no desire to. I am not pining over this asshole that "rejected" me who didn't even deserve me in the first place and wasn't even GOOD for me!
I hope you start feeling better and stronger soon. I know what you are feeling very well and it sucks.
--- End quote ---
Seeker:
I'm accepting the reality that anyone who decides to leave your life after you reveal who you are/how you feel is a person who just showed you they don't belong in your life.
My personal issue though, is that people that leave my life never really leave. They seem to like to hang around in the shadows acting as if nothing is wrong. It's a bizarre thing that I've never understood and maybe never will. My current POI is doing that exact same thing. Someone told me it's because the people have a lot of respect for me and feel like going away entirely would let me down and they don't want to disappoint me. I laughed at that not because I don't believe it could be possibly true, but because what really disappoints me is people hanging around like nothing happened. In that situation, I'd rather you just disappeared.
doubleoh8:
Hm. That kind of happens to me too. Not even kind of... it does. AND a lot of readers I talk to speak about how much the person in question respects me... Interesting.
I tend to think of it not so much as being about the person not wanting to disappoint me, and more about them having a feeling there is value in the connection and not wanting to give it up, but at the same time not really being willing to rise up and over their own challenges. Not that I am so great, but I do have high standards of behaviour for myself and others in my life... and I think that can be a bit daunting. Do you think that comes up for you, Seeker?
Seeker:
--- Quote from: doubleoh8 on October 20, 2017, 03:38:40 PM ---Do you think that comes up for you, Seeker?
--- End quote ---
I think this part just made me finally understand:
... more about them having a feeling there is value in the connection and not wanting to give it up, but at the same time not really being willing to rise up and over their own challenges.
Wow. I believe that's exactly what's been happening. That makes a ton of sense. Very wise doubleoh8.
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