Author Topic: Goodbye  (Read 13869 times)

Offline Universal9

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #15 on: October 05, 2017, 03:30:24 PM »
I'd be careful of a lot of advice from Steve Harvey, a lot of it is questionable and rooted in playing on the emotions of desperate or deeply discouraged women. One also has to question the deeply misandric slants he takes, and although I realize he is targeting a female audience misandry certainly won't help the female-male dynamic as it just breeds into women the nonsense idea that men are less than them and other vitriol.

That said, I agree with this one bit of his, however before I throw the relationship away I would ask the guy straight up what the deal is. What women don't often realize is because men and women view things in differing ways a man may not recognize that at a specific moment something is important to a woman and that you were expecting a different outcome than the one the man provided you. I'm sure lots of relationships have broken up for just that one reason alone. If the woman verbalizes it (i.e. "why haven't you introduced me to your family?") and he still doesn't do it, then at that point you know something is wrong.

Whereas a man's primary source of love for a woman is her looks, women fall in love with men for different reasons. Looks is hardly at the top of the list, although it can be, it's just not the primary reason the way it is for men. Men do like women who are nice even if they cheated or dumped them previously. I know of a couple of situations like this and it’s something of a challenge to get that woman back and they look at themselves as one of the reasons why she left to begin with. It’s odd, but I know some loooong ass examples of this particular scenario.
I am curious, in these example you have known where the man thinks of this as sort of challenge and may be blames himself for her cheating on him, does these cases end up in a lasting marriage if any marriage at all? I am curious now.

Offline HornetKick

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #16 on: October 05, 2017, 03:34:04 PM »
You're totally right. It's a very unhealthy pattern to keep going back to someone who treats you badly, but it's something I've seen so many times now that I stopped even trying to inject the rational side into it. For some reason there are people who just want to stay in rollercoaster situations. My Father and Stepmother did it for 24 years until he passed away, and all that marriage was was cheating, lying, and arguing sun up and sun down. That marriage shouldn't have lasted 3 years, it was a war daily. But they kept coming back to each other.
Just crazy. I have a cousin who's father is married and not to his mother. (Joe) is married and had an affair (mistress) with another woman (my cousin's mother) and she had four kids by him. They all have the same father and Joe never left his wife. The wife knows and never left the husband. Some crazy women don't even go after the guy for child support, saying stupid stuff like he has other obligations. What about your's. Some people will makecontinue to make excuses for others irrationally.

Offline HornetKick

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #17 on: October 05, 2017, 03:40:24 PM »
I am curious, in these example you have known where the man thinks of this as sort of challenge and may be blames himself for her cheating on him, does these cases end up in a lasting marriage if any marriage at all? I am curious now.

Not in the examples that I know. I knew a married couple where the guy treated the ex who cheated on him better than the wife. The wife told me stories herself. He would go see his ex during a time when she was in the hospital, hang out with the ex for hours, but the ex left him for another man (which she didn’t marry) and she was a 2/10. That guy’s previous ex to the ex also left him for another man and he was still friends with her, continuing to treat the wife like crap. It didn’t make sense to me. They eventually divorced, but the wife still wanted to make it work. He was the one who decided he didn’t want to be married to her any more. I guess it was the one(s) that got away (in the back on his mind), and was the one he wanted the most. I can’t explain it. Relationships are more complex than math.

Offline HornetKick

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #18 on: October 05, 2017, 04:51:46 PM »
How about blocking your poi on FB. Just not knowing will eventually turn into just not caring what he does or who he sees, will be much more beneficial for you.

Offline HornetKick

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #19 on: October 05, 2017, 05:11:20 PM »
IKR. I have other FB alias as well, but it just takes time. I know when you're in something like I am currently. Time just seems so ginormous and you wish you were on the other side of it already....at least I do.


Offline Seeker

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #20 on: October 05, 2017, 06:11:03 PM »
How about blocking your poi on FB. Just not knowing will eventually turn into just not caring what he does or who he sees, will be much more beneficial for you.

This is what I'm building up to doing with my POI on the social media site we're both on. Just deleting her and blocking her.

I reached out to her in late May and told her how I felt + sent a connection invite, she then accepted the connection invite in mid June (still don't know what took her so long to decide to accept) but she never said a word in response to my opening up about how I felt about her. The funny part is, the site has a built-in stat app that shows me she reads everything I post on my page (not about her just about different subjects) but she never says a word. It's kinda creepy in a way that she's just hanging around reading all of my posts but not speaking  ???

People do weird things.

Offline Seeker

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #21 on: October 05, 2017, 08:03:52 PM »
Seeker, am sorry to hear she did not respond about how you felt; some response either way would have felt better to you... Why bother with social media sites if you can take it to personal messenger or whatsapp or something (if the opportunity presents itself)..
Coz anything we see on fb can trigger variety of reactions...as long as you know how to maneuver through those...

It wasn't on Facebook (can you believe I've never been an official member of Facebook!? :-), it's a different social media site. The site uses an instant messenger program, so every block of messages sent through the messenger gets sent to your email too. But if a person wants to respond the site or app you send a message through won't matter. Unfortunately, this site was literally the only way to contact her as she's not a member of any other site (she's a very private person), I didn't have her phone number anymore otherwise I would've just called her on the phone. I would've rather just saw her in person and told her face-to-face but that option wasn't available either as I don't know where she is.

At this point, I've come to terms with her not responding to the message where I opened up to her. However, what I'm not understanding is three-fold:

1. Why did she read the message, decide not to respond to it, but still accept the connection invitation? Makes no sense to me to do that, since if she didn't plan on saying anything why accept my invitation to connect? Why not just disappear entirely? (I actually would've preferred that).

2. What was she thinking in the 20 days it took her to accept my invitation?

3. Why is she creepily standing by reading all of my posts but not saying anything?

It's all just so strange.

I'd say this is an anomaly, but on a dating site back in July I sent an invite to connect with a lady in a closeby town, she accepted the request but then didn't say anything... bizarre. And the thing is, before you can accept a chat request on the site I was at, you have to see the person's picture and profile first so she obviously liked what she saw, but yet silence? Just bizarre. Even more bizarre, she's connected with me on the same site as my POI!

Only thing I can work out here is that when bizarre things like that happen the Universe has a different plan for you than the one you THINK you should have and it manifests itself through all sorts of things including the behaviors of others. I'm open and ready to accept what the Universe has for me, but time & waiting is a monster, even for someone with a lot of patience like me.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2017, 12:11:24 AM by Seeker »

Offline mystery123

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #22 on: October 05, 2017, 10:11:05 PM »
Seeker, am sorry to hear she did not respond about how you felt; some response either way would have felt better to you... Why bother with social media sites if you can take it to personal messenger or whatsapp or something (if the opportunity presents itself)..
Coz anything we see on fb can trigger variety of reactions...as long as you know how to maneuver through those...

It wasn't on Facebook (can you believe I've never been an official member of Facebook!? :-), it's a different social media site. The site uses an instant messenger program, so every block of messages sent through the messenger gets sent to your email too. But if a person wants to respond the site or app you send a message through won't matter. Unfortunately, this site was literally the only way to contact her as she's not a member of any other site (she's a very private person), I didn't have her phone number anymore otherwise I would've just called her on the phone. I would've rather just saw her in person and told her face-to-face but that option wasn't available either as I don't know where she is.

At this point, I've come to terms with her not responding to the message where I opened up to her. However, what I'm not understanding is two-fold:

1. Why did she read the message, decide not to respond to it, but still accept the connection invitation? Makes no sense to me to do that, since if she didn't plan on saying anything why accept my invitation to connect? Why not just disappear entirely? (I actually would've preferred that).

2. What was she thinking in the 20 days it took her to accept my invitation?

3. Why is she creepily standing by reading all of my posts but not saying anything?

It's all just so strange.

I'd say this is an anomaly, but on a dating site back in July I sent an invite to connect with a lady in a closeby town, she accepted the request but then didn't say anything... bizarre. And the thing is, before you can accept a chat request on the site I was at, you have to see the person's picture and profile first so she obviously liked what she saw, but yet silence? Just bizarre. Even more bizarre, she's connected with me on the same site as my POI!

Only thing I can work out here is that when bizarre things like that happen the Universe has a different plan for you than the one you THINK you should have and it manifests itself through all sorts of things including the behaviors of others. I'm open and ready to accept what the Universe has for me, but time & waiting is a monster, even for someone with a lot of patience like me.

Well I am guilty of that too— I will sometimes accept requests from guys but then I expect them to send a message first. lol

Offline Seeker

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #23 on: October 06, 2017, 08:13:45 AM »

Well I am guilty of that too— I will sometimes accept requests from guys but then I expect them to send a message first. lol

Guys pretty much expect it to be that way so it's not really a bad thing. It's just weird to have a chat request accepted, then you say something to the lady as harmless as "Hi, lovely lady, how are you today?" and you get silence.

Offline Seeker

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #24 on: October 06, 2017, 05:02:20 PM »
How about blocking your poi on FB. Just not knowing will eventually turn into just not caring what he does or who he sees, will be much more beneficial for you.

This is what I'm building up to doing with my POI on the social media site we're both on. Just deleting her and blocking her.

I reached out to her in late May and told her how I felt + sent a connection invite, she then accepted the connection invite in mid June (still don't know what took her so long to decide to accept) but she never said a word in response to my opening up about how I felt about her. The funny part is, the site has a built-in stat app that shows me she reads everything I post on my page (not about her just about different subjects) but she never says a word. It's kinda creepy in a way that she's just hanging around reading all of my posts but not speaking  ???

People do weird things.

And speaking of weird things, my POI has just now started 'liking' some of my posts at that site, lol. What is this lady doing???
« Last Edit: October 06, 2017, 05:04:10 PM by Seeker »

Offline Seeker

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #25 on: October 06, 2017, 06:57:45 PM »
Just saw your update now, if she has now started liking your posts, then, it is something positive indeed. However, I would wait till she responds to your message. This is so confusing! Cant put too much thought on likes but it is indication towards something positive so thats good..

Totally agree with you on the universe sending signs thing. I wish there is a way to decode those.

It is very confusing. My friends say the same thing, they don't understand what's happening either, a few have just chalked her up to be a weird person (which I know she kind of is but I actually liked that about her, lol).

To give a little background on her, she is very wary of relationships as she got burned really bad in the past. We talked about it. Psychic Paulina told me (and to Paulina's credit this was without me telling her anything about it) that she had a very bad betrayal in the past and it's hard now for her to see anyone as being different from that. Paulina said that she had been giving me signs that she liked me all along and her affection toward me was one, but she held back from going all the way because of her past situation as she's really scared and doesn't want it to happen to her again. Paulina also told me that over time she would still send out little signals and signs to me to let me know she still liked me and was thinking about me and that she would keep doing that until she built up enough inner strength to "come forward and tell you verbally how she feels".

So far, a lot of what Paulina said has been on point, but still, until/unless the message is replied to it doesn't really amount to much.

Before I contacted my POI, her name popped up a lot. But after a few days where she didn't reply to my message I was ready to move on as I assumed she wasn't interested. However, after that, her name started to pop up constantly on TV, and in advertisements with even greater intensity than before. I had to take it as a sign because her name is very unpopular on the list of popular American female names (it's not even in the Top 80, lol). You just won't see and hear uncommon names constantly like that, and I've always paid attention to names I hear as I've noticed in my life that certain names have had meanings to specific periods of my life, but this particular name is one I only heard one other time and that was of a character on a TV show I used to watch years ago. To suddenly keep hearing the name spoken and seeing it everywhere drove me nuts to the point where I was asking the Universe "I know you have a sense of humor, but can you put this one on the bench please?!?!?!?" ... It got so crazy that I'd be reading an obituary to find an old friend had passed away and suddenly to the right an article would pop up with my POI's name headlined. I'd go to a store and buy something, then need to return it a week later, I'd get a return receipt and lo and behold the service worker's name would be my POI's! LOL! Yeah, it was out of control. I still see her name pop up in odd places and situations, less frequent than before, but now it's more focused. For example, the name only pops up now around the subjects of dating, love, sex, and marriage. I've also noticed that before she does anything like accept an invite, read a post, or like a post, there is a temporary ramp up in the frequency of seeing/hearing her name, just like a recent ramp up and then came the like she sent.

Anyway, despite the current status, I'm not going to say anything to her. My position on this sort of thing is that once I've opened up to you the ball is now in your court. That said, this is a strange court. I know personally I wouldn't accept a connection invite, read all your posts, and then start liking them all of a sudden if I planned on never saying anything to you considering  that huge elephant still sitting in the room (the message), because all that would do is lead you on (unless she's the kind of person who enjoys doing that sort of thing which would be sad :-(  I've had lots of ladies over the years make advances and if I wasn't interested I didn't make any kind of friendly contact with them after that because I felt I'd just be leading them on which to me is a very evil thing to do.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2017, 07:01:58 PM by Seeker »

Offline sawthelight

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #26 on: October 06, 2017, 11:26:00 PM »
Hello Friends,

It has been quite a journey. I am done with psychic readings, while I did feel good temporarily and was given hope about things it looks like I wasted a lot of money. I don’t recommend any psychics at all, I wanted my POI back but he moved on and things are speeding up— he already introduced her to his family within 4 months while I actually dated him for 4 years and never met his family. I was gullible. That’s it he’s gone. I called him begrudgingly and it was clear as day he’s a stranger in my eyes... whichever psychic told me he will come back in 2 years Bc of unfinished business better be wrong because this asshole doesn’t deserve my time nor energy. Talk to your POI that’s how you know the truth, don’t be afraid it will push him/her away.. don’t be afraid to use your own intuition.

When someone in your life leaves let them go, it’s their loss... I’m learning this now and it’s sucks but it’s also relieving in a way. I will check this site time to time because I loved the positive affirmations and the camaraderie here. Thank you for all of your support & kind words when I was severely depressed. Wish you all the best 💖 Good luck! I will respond to some other boards shortly but I just wanted to say thank you to everyone again 😘


Little one,  I am so sorry for what you've gone through. No one really understands how low it feels until they've been there and lost so much money.  I'm glad you're moving forward and pray you are able to make peace with this. Best of luck to you

Well said! I agree good luck little one

Offline Seeker

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #27 on: October 10, 2017, 11:15:50 AM »

That's a very interesting story. Thank you for sharing that!

The way I look at it, the universe only sends the signs, whether the outcome turns out good or bad is a separate matter unless the signs themselves included pieces of the outcome in which case that gives us a chance to prepare. Most of the time, signs are too subtle or too unclear in intent for us to prepare so we receive the signs without knowing how it will all end up or what to do in the meantime.

One thing I've come to accept about life is that there are no real accidents. Everything that happens is in concert with the course of your life. We may not like the circumstances or the outcomes but most of that is simply ego driven where we think we "deserve" something "more" or "better" and then we expect the universe to give it to us. I myself am very much guilty of that flaw, but I'm improving daily.

Since I have no desire to contact my POI with my message left unanswered, this can't end badly for me. If she never answers I will be fine without her. Besides, if you've spent time around a person who made a move on you and you open up tell them how you feel and all they can do is lurk your posts every day online and never speak, it's pretty obvious something isn't quite right with that person as that's not at all a normal thing to do.
« Last Edit: December 20, 2017, 03:06:17 PM by Seeker »

Offline HornetKick

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #28 on: October 10, 2017, 03:38:11 PM »
That's a very interesting story. Thank you for sharing that!

The way I look at it, the universe only sends the signs, whether the outcome turns out good or bad is a separate matter unless the signs themselves included pieces of the outcome in which case that gives us a chance to prepare. Most of the time, signs are too subtle or too unclear in intent for us to prepare so we receive the signs without knowing how it will all end up or what to do in the meantime.

One thing I've come to accept about life is that there are no real accidents. Everything that happens is in concert with the course of your life. We may not like the circumstances or the outcomes but most of that is simply ego driven where we think we "deserve" something "more" or "better" and then we expect the universe to give it to us. I myself am very much guilty of that flaw, but I'm improving daily.

Since I have no desire to contact my POI with my message left unanswered, this can't end badly for me. If she never answers I will be fine without her. Besides, if you've spent time around a person who made a move on you and you open up tell them how you feel and all they can do is lurk your posts every day online and never speak, it's pretty obvious something isn't quite right with that person as that's not at all a normal thing to do.

Signs are sooooooo objective. I'm even starting to wean myself of using that kind of lingo anymore. Our interpretation of signs is a whole other story altogether. You're last comment is not necessarily true. I do get what you're saying though that if you've told someone how you feel and they don't reciprocate, then you really do have to look at it as if that's your answer or their lack of an answer means they are not interested, but Social Media is the new normal and lurking is what many people do now in this day and age.

Offline Seeker

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Re: Goodbye
« Reply #29 on: October 10, 2017, 04:06:15 PM »
The non-reciprocation I can understand, it's the accepting the connection invite, lurking, reading, and liking of posts in this type of circumstance that comes across as very bizarre to me. What makes it even more bizarre is that if when I checked her activity I noticed that in all the years she's been there she has never liked (or even commented) on anything besides my post, and at that site you can't erase your activity history there and the history goes all the way back to the day you sign up.

If that's the new normal I find that pretty scary. It would be like, if I saw you and turned you down (didn't reply to message) but kept hanging around you every day (lurking), listening to your conversations (reading), and even clapping when you say something I dig (hitting the like button), lol.

I could never do any of those things without feeling ultra weird.

If she has nothing to say ever I'm sure she'll disappear eventually.