Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

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sunshineluv7:
I wouldn't rush home - that's overreacting. He's not a mind reader. He probably thinks you haven't found out yet because the normal, rational thing to do is simply tell him when you get the results. He's probably waiting on you instead of "have you heard yet? have you heard yet?" - guys are very rational. :)

sunshineluv7:
Another thing - everyone handles stress differently - think back - is he an avoidant personality type? If so, this is totally normal for him, and just who he is. Gotta love all of someone, but it doesn't mean he doesn't care. :)

HornetKick:
Sorry, I'd think he didn't/doesn't care. If he never heard for you and if you were passed out somewhere, wouldn't he want to check in..to see what's up after some time has past and he hasn't heard from you?

A rational person would call to check up on you since particularly he is so far away. How long does a text take? u ok? Three letters can be sent while one is on the toilet. Please don't start making excuses for his lack of empathy. If he were in your shoes, he would expect at least a text.

When you speak to him eventually, I'd love to know why he felt it wasn't necessary to contact you in any way.

as a side note: my personality abhors excuses, no matter where they are coming from.

doubleoh8:
I agree with SunshineLuv,

If he has a very, very (2 very's) serious medical condition, he's probably not dismissing your "potential" issue, as much as he is familiar with the way it goes with diagnosis, misdiagnosis, and the waiting game. Who knows -- maybe he's busy, maybe he is expecting you to update him.... 

If you have an otherwise healthy and fulfilling relationship, I'd say just drop if and let things play out. If, on the other hand, there is a deeper reason you are wanting him to drop everything and fly home ... for example (not saying this is the case as of course I don't know, but IF) you feel he's not sensitive to your needs, doesn't pay enough attention, etc. then maybe use this as an opportunity for growth in your relationship -- in a positive way. This probably doesn't happen when you are livid, but once he's back and you are having a conversation you could address it with something like "I was really scared I might have {this issue} and I felt alone in it. I would have loved if you had reached out..." I don't know. I am not perfect at that ... but it seems like unless you already want to toss this relationship out, him not calling to check in one day is not enough reason to (IMO).

HornetKick:

--- Quote from: doubleoh8 on September 30, 2017, 05:43:35 PM ---I agree with SunshineLuv,

If he has a very, very (2 very's) serious medical condition, he's probably not dismissing your "potential" issue, as much as he is familiar with the way it goes with diagnosis, misdiagnosis, and the waiting game. Who knows -- maybe he's busy, maybe he is expecting you to update him.... 

If you have an otherwise healthy and fulfilling relationship, I'd say just drop if and let things play out. If, on the other hand, there is a deeper reason you are wanting him to drop everything and fly home ... for example (not saying this is the case as of course I don't know, but IF) you feel he's not sensitive to your needs, doesn't pay enough attention, etc. then maybe use this as an opportunity for growth in your relationship -- in a positive way. This probably doesn't happen when you are livid, but once he's back and you are having a conversation you could address it with something like "I was really scared I might have {this issue} and I felt alone in it. I would have loved if you had reached out..." I don't know. I am not perfect at that ... but it seems like unless you already want to toss this relationship out, him not calling to check in one day is not enough reason to (IMO).

--- End quote ---

There are some good points to this post though. Does he have a history of flaking on you when something dire happens? If so, then know that is his personality and anything short of surgery will change this. You can try the stuff that is bolded above because going on the attack is not going to have the outcome you want. You have to talk about you and not play the blame game or point fingers (some shrink shit).

You'll have to wait and see which I find to be such bullshit when men are involved. Women are always second even when they are apparently first.

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