Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Feeling frustrated and helpless

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allibai3:

--- Quote from: FaithnTrust on July 17, 2016, 02:56:38 PM ---Please forget readings, and listen to your gut, and listen to what this man is saying and what he is not saying...this is where your truth lies.

--- End quote ---

Yeah I am waiting to get a refund from keen after that I will close my account

allibai3:

--- Quote from: FlutterShy on July 17, 2016, 07:55:17 PM ---It sounds like he read your message and heard you! That is a lot more than what my guy can do. My guy has shutdown, he is emotionally stunted and retarded! Like really retarded! I remember telling one ex mine "if you're busy just say so and acknowledge that and I'll back off" and he did, and it was so nice to give him that space and he felt safe to talk without judgement. My current guy can't even do that. And it's heart wrenching shattering, no matter how kind or sweet I try to be. Maybe he doesn't feel safe? Point is I can't make him reach out if he's not ready. He is emotionally not available to me and probably not even to himself. And I think it reflects to me too. I am not being emotionally supportive to myself. I am taking it so personal! When it doesn't have to be. My anxiety has me falsely believing me that I am not good enough for him. Is that true? I have to constantly remind myself that it's my wounded part that wants to fix a solution that has me feeling helpless. How Do I hold myself while I feel this gut wrenching helplessness? I don't know. But I'm praying. I'm also looking at my intention and it is out desperation. It's still not from loving place for me. It truly has to come from a loving place to hold my helplessness.

It sounds basic- but it sounds like when he is ready he'll get back to you.

--- End quote ---

My ex sounds the same way as your guy.Instead of him sayinf hey I am thinking give me space he will just not answer my text or he will disappear.Which is really immature and unfair to me. All the time we are only able to talk when he is ready.He has to be reay in order for us to discuss things which is not fai.I should not have to sit around build up my anxiety waiting for him to be ready.He needs to grow the eff up. It is so freaking frustrating and I agree that their behavior can make you feel insecure and start to think that there is something wrong with you.Its really challenging.

tired of it all:
This all sounds so familiar...like times where I'd pour my heart out to a guy and get a really short reply in response...or NO response.  Having to wait until HE is ready to talk.  And god forbid I talk about my real feelings or ask about HIS real feelings because it might freak him out.  Actually, you know what all this really reminds me of?  Trying to have a conversation with either of my parents, which is like talking to a brick wall.  And that's where it all started.  I grew up feeling like I had to try hard all the time.  I don't even know what it's like to have someone really care about me on their own, spontaneously, without me having to go do something to "earn" it. 

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