Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Confusion

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sagitira:
I would do anything now for being able to walk away like you did zee...anything! sadly how do you step back if you work with the person? in same office? wanting to move on but his presence constantly reminds you of what we could have had, what I don't and can't have - granted feelings are on both sides but he is not available...I wish I walked away from the situation a year ago...but I decided to hang on because all readers told me so - I found it was the biggest mistake I have ever done because I know the journey of me moving on will be much longer then it would have been a year ago...:(:(:(

Bark angel:
sagitira,
Did you hang on just because readers told you something would materialize, or was it because there was a little voice inside you that agreed with or hoped that what the readers were telling you would happen would indeed happen?  I think there is a distinction to be made here.

sagitira:
bark angel I waited because of both:
1. readers were saying he will break up with his gf and his heart is with me but doesn't wanna hurt the other girl but is not in love with her
2. I felt from his actions he does love me and he does struggle to make decision, at the beginning I felt there could be something and he showed signs that he was gonna leave her. but now something happened (the girl did something) that would make it very hard for him to leave (wish there was pm function as I don't wanna go into too much details) but now I feel like there is no chance of us being together but I'm stuck now as I have to work with him. (I cannot leave my job, serious reason why I can't)

so yes to me I feel like I wasted over 2 years waiting for this guy...

sagitira:
this is why my advise was not to put yourself in a situation where you are waiting for years for that one guy. from what I read and heard it's not very often that the guy leaves his current gf for the other woman. I might be wrong I don't know but if I could do it all over again I'd be running as far away from my guy as possible just to avoid the pain..

Zee:

--- Quote from: Bark angel on January 22, 2014, 12:58:52 PM ---sagitira,
Did you hang on just because readers told you something would materialize, or was it because there was a little voice inside you that agreed with or hoped that what the readers were telling you would happen would indeed happen?  I think there is a distinction to be made here.

--- End quote ---

It sounds like you are saying the same thing here.  Whether she was told or whether she wanted it kind of merges into the same thought, doesn't it?

Work romances are hard. I've done it. But Only Once and the hardest part is after the breakup, the stares, the whispering.  It taught me to avoid relationships at work altogether.

And although it's seems true "it's not very often that the guy leaves his current gf for the other woman." It does happen. I'm not trying to get anyone's hopes up, but I know of at least two situations where the man left his wife for the other woman. I don't know all the particulars, but out of one of the two mentioned, I even said he would never leave the wife, but he did. It was many, many, many years afterwards though.

My only concern for sagitira is that she may have been influenced by what a reader saw (some possible outcome) instead of making her own decisions.  It's difficult not to do. I know.

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