Author Topic: What is right when it comes to dating?  (Read 3736 times)

Offline sanfranDave

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What is right when it comes to dating?
« on: September 22, 2013, 02:03:09 PM »
So I've been wondering if my idea of dating is warped or naive.

First off, I don't think you should do anything sexual with a person before you are exclusive.  This is how STDs are spread IMO.

Second, you have an obligation to a person to give a clean break up to them.  ESPECIALLY if you have EVER said "I love you" to them (and only say that when you mean it btw).  Too many are cowards and simply cut communication.

Third, if you are with someone, you don't mess around with other people. NOT EVEN KISSING!

Fourth, if you break up with someone, you give it a mourning period of at least a week before you pick up dating someone else.  Gives you time to reconsider or the other to make their case.

Also need a female opinion on the following:

1. Girls should accept more dates, even with guys they don't think they'd like.  I say this because I get overlooked because I live in a college town and I'm 34.  Pretty sure I can show them a better time than their little college boys can.  If you don't kiss on a first date this is viable.

2. If you give a guy your number you are agreeing to show up for a single date. I've had too many flake before getting them on a date.

Am I TOTALLY off base here?  And what are your thoughts and additions.

Offline lioness79

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Re: What is right when it comes to dating?
« Reply #1 on: September 22, 2013, 06:12:52 PM »
# 2 is way OFF!! A girl owes you NOTHING for giving her number to you. Where does that sense of entitlement come from? Why does a girl HAVE to go out on a first date with you if she gives you her number? I've given my number out plenty of times and later regretted it. Fortunately, those guys usually don't call, but if they did, I would feel free to ignore them.

Offline Synergy

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Re: What is right when it comes to dating?
« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2013, 07:59:16 PM »
# 2 is way OFF!! A girl owes you NOTHING for giving her number to you. Where does that sense of entitlement come from? Why does a girl HAVE to go out on a first date with you if she gives you her number? I've given my number out plenty of times and later regretted it. Fortunately, those guys usually don't call, but if they did, I would feel free to ignore them.

I completely agree with lioness on this one.

Also, I don't think women should simply accept dates for the sake of dating.  I am often told to do this, as I don't date much, but I don't get the point.  Yes, I'll admit it's best to have more options and to allow yourself to get to know someone, as they can grow on you/surprise you, but sometimes you just know you're not into the person.  Why lead someone on?  And, yes, even just going on one date can lead someone on... I mean, you perceive women who give you their number as being required to go on a date with you.  Imagine how some men must feel once they do get a date.  They may think that really means something.  They may think the woman is really into them, when in reality, she just wants a free meal.  I just can't do that.  I won't go on a date with a guy if I know it's simply not there.

I just don't think there are any real concrete rules, as much as people would like there to be.  We all date differently, and that's ok.  I think it makes you appreciate the right person more once they do come along.  At least that's what I'll tell myself because, personally, I think dating is awful.  It's so unnatural and uncomfortable.  I always seem to meet the men I end up dating in social circles or am friends with them first... that doesn't work for everyone, but it's better for me because I hate dating so much.  To each their own!  It merely proves you can't have the types of expectations you list in your post.

Welcome to the forum, by the way! :)

Offline sunandmoon

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Re: What is right when it comes to dating?
« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2013, 08:04:44 PM »
I'm with you Synergy, I hate dating and meet people either through work or doing things I like to do. I also don't give my number to anyone unless there is a reason for it. Asking me for it is not reason enough!

Offline sanfranDave

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Re: What is right when it comes to dating?
« Reply #4 on: September 22, 2013, 08:40:53 PM »
@Synergy: Thank you!  ;D

" I also don't give my number to anyone unless there is a reason for it. Asking me for it is not reason enough!" -sunandmoon

(I don't know how to do the quotes thing)

sunandmoon:  I COMPLETELY agree with you.

@lioness79: You shouldn't give a guy your number UNLESS THERE IS A REASON for it.  Just don't give a guy your number if you aren't going to go out with him.  It's leading him off a cliff.  Guys don't do that to girls, at least I don't.  I view it as BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS.

Also, I don't assume that if I get a single date that the girl must be truly into me.  I view it as at least they were willing to view what I had to offer.
« Last Edit: September 22, 2013, 08:45:43 PM by sanfranDave »

Offline allbitenobark

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Re: What is right when it comes to dating?
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2013, 10:18:05 PM »
I think mourning for only one week after a break up probably means that relationship didn't mean that much to begin with.

As far as the number thing...I've had guys ask me for my number in front of groups of people usually consisting of my friends or their's and I guess because I'm not the type to body slam someone's ego publicly and humiliate them I have felt obliged to give them my number. Also, my job is very social, I get asked for my number all the time for freelance projects that sometimes later becomes obvious that they were trying to get closer to me. Anyway, I'm just giving those examples because I think your view on number exchanges is very black or white when IMHO it's various shades of grey.

Miss Synergy, I couldn't agree more. I LOATHE DATING. I'm terrible at it and its so tiresome. Since my last break up I've dated 3 men that I thought had potential. Two at least were a colossal waste of time and the 3rd I'm still holding out on the verdict. Either way, I'm bored and exhausted and I think I enjoy my own company solo more than I like the torment and rejection of dating.

Offline sanfranDave

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Re: What is right when it comes to dating?
« Reply #6 on: September 22, 2013, 11:25:16 PM »
Well it seems everyone pretty much agrees with "first" through "fourth" just not "1" and "2" ;p

"I think mourning for only one week after a break up probably means that relationship didn't mean that much to begin with. " -decibel.diva

Yeah that's why I said "at least" a week.  I've seen girls just pick up immediately with their new guy after being in relationships lasting years.

Sometimes I think girls just think guys are replaceable.  I've heard the quote, "Guys are like buses. There's another one every 30 mins." (I've also heard the one "Girls are like parking spots.  All the good ones are taken or handicapped" ;p)

To me a date-able girl comes around once every 3 or 4 years!

Thank you all for replying, any other thoughts on how dating should be?

Offline hope4love

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Re: What is right when it comes to dating?
« Reply #7 on: September 23, 2013, 02:07:01 AM »
Well it seems everyone pretty much agrees with "first" through "fourth" just not "1" and "2" ;p

"I think mourning for only one week after a break up probably means that relationship didn't mean that much to begin with. " -decibel.diva

Yeah that's why I said "at least" a week.  I've seen girls just pick up immediately with their new guy after being in relationships lasting years.

Sometimes I think girls just think guys are replaceable.  I've heard the quote, "Guys are like buses. There's another one every 30 mins." (I've also heard the one "Girls are like parking spots.  All the good ones are taken or handicapped" ;p)

To me a date-able girl comes around once every 3 or 4 years!

Thank you all for replying, any other thoughts on how dating should be?

I think the other ladies have said it all so I won't elaborate any further.

I agree with decibel.diva that if your mourning period for a relationship is one week, then it didn't mean very much to start with.

As for women who pick up with a new guy after their long term relationship ends, I'd hazard to say that they're on the rebound, looking to fill an empty void or seeking validation that they still have 'it'.  I do think men do this much more so than women do but it goes both ways. And yes, women also hook up with a guy considerably younger after the end of a marriage/long-term relationship like men do as well. 

Personally, I've been with someone for the sake of it and because I was bored, didn't want to be alone, etc. I've learned that I'd much rather be on my own than in a situation that didn't make me happy.  Being with someone and wishing you were single is one of the worst things to deal with yet so many people do this because they are afraid of being on their own.

As for dating, I hate it and haven't been on a date in eons.  I'm also much more particular about the men I choose to go out with so that's a large part of it too. 
Are you looking to date for the sake of it? Or are you looking for a long term relationship? If it's LTR you want, don't settle or waste your time with someone where you know there's no future.
The best dating advice I can think of is 'be true to yourself'. Live your life with joy and passion and doing the things that make you happy without the idea of looking for romance.  I think if you follow your true path, then you will start to encounter the people who are of the same ilk that you are seeking. Don't try to pretend to be something you're not because the truth ultimately comes out.  I think this is where a lot of relationships fail because both parties are putting on a false front in order to impress the other. 

Yes, it probably means being dateless for a while. But remember all those dates that were boring or pointless?  That's time you'll never get back so spend your time with people who matter.
For myself personally, I find a man who is confident and comfortable in his own skin very attractive and sexy, even if he has an average physical appearance.  Looks fade and it's the characters that matters in the end.
Be proud and confident of who you are and eventually the right person will come along. I think if the chemistry and click are there with the right person, it will feel very comfortable and natural. You will know because things won't feel forced and things will progress naturally. 
« Last Edit: September 23, 2013, 02:09:27 AM by hope4love »

 

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