Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Online Dating Experiences

(1/4) > >>

Synergy:
So, it's been coming up a in posts quite a bit... ONLINE DATING!!  Ahhhhh!!  I'll bite and will provide my current experience with Match.com.  I joined in November. 

My experience with Match has been a less than satisfying one, in fact, it's been kind of depressing.  Now, this post is in no way trying to detract anyone from joining an online dating site.  I want to share what I've encountered so that you may be able to make an informed decision regarding whether or not Match is right for you.  I have friends who have had positive experiences on Match, so this can be a one off thing. 

Ok, first.  I actually really like the way Match is set up.  I dedicated time answering the questionaire and sharing information about my likes.  Yes, it takes time to develop a decent profile, but it's time well spent considering you want to find someone who you could potentially have a relationship with at some point.  I also really like the fact that besides the daily matches that are sent to you by the site itself based on the different attributes you'd like in your potential partner, you are also able to search the site and look at all profiles.  You can limit your search based on certain qualities, physical traits, location, etc. 

Now the bad.  I just don't think these are men who are looking for serious relationships, and if they are, they are incredibly unrealistic in their expectations.  Every single guy seems to be looking for an active, sporty super model.  I don't want to reveal where I live here on the forum (PM me if you need to know), but I do wonder if this is strictly a geographical issue or if men really think they can be this picky.  I am a slim woman.  I do not have a six pack, but I am also not over weight by any means.  I go to the gym on my lunch break almost daily, but do not consider myself active or outdoorsy.  I am not a super model, but I regularly receive compliments about my looks so I know I'm not unattractive.  I also am a confident, educated, well-rounded woman.  Well, this Match experience has made me feel like a fat, ugly, unappealing individual.  Not really... but you know what I mean!  The expectations are unreal!!  Their profiles list that they want active women who will join them on runs, hikes, workouts, etc.  Uhhh, do that with your friends!!!  You can want someone healthy and fit, but why do you need someone who will be your gym buddy.  Every single profile is like this!!!  It's bizarre!!

And guess what?  The guys who are "interested" in me or "wink" at me are not within the descriptors I specifically list on my profile i.e. they are 60 years old, when I specifically said I want someone between 30-45... sadly I've received lots of interest from men who are as old as my dad.  I actually like older men, but this is gross.  The other ones who show interest are incredibly hideous.  I feel terrible saying this after stating that all the guys want super models, but come on.  Not every man I've dated has been super attractive, but I do have standards and it shocks me to think that some of these men really think I'm going to respond favorably.

I am a single mom, and this has also been a great disadvantage for me on Match.  Soooooo many men (maybe it's just the men in my city; I don't know) exclude single moms.  It's been pretty depressing.  I think if I had chosen eHarmony, I would've had a better experience with this.  The single fathers on the site are the only ones open to dating a single mom, and the ones I have been contacted by just haven't been what I've been looking for. 

I've dedicated time and money to a site that has yielded zero results.  Since joining in November, there have only been 3 men I have considered meeting.  I didn't end up meeting any of them... that was my choice, so I could have possibly been on 3 dates, and I do not blame the site itself for this not happening.  I was just too chicken to follow through. 

So, do I regret joining Match?  No, not really.  It has been an experience.  My friends have been begging me to try online dating for awhile, and I was finally at a place when I didn't see the harm.  I think I'll stick with it awhile longer, and I'm actually considering joining eHarmony since I think I may have a better opportunity of meeting someone there.  I'd be curious in hearing anyone else's thoughts and experiences with online dating. 

Overall, it's definitely outside of my comfort zone, inorganic, and unnatural, but I am glad I pursued this avenue and wouldn't discourage anyone from doing the same. 

lioness79:
I agree those are strange requirements, Synergy. Maybe you should have a profile demanding a 6-pack GQ man that is into shopping and getting manis and pedis together. You can't see me, but I'm rolling me eyes here.

scorpiogirl:
I've found the same as you, Synergy, that men who date online are really not looking for serious relationships. I'm forced to go online given where I live currently, but it's the same story over and over. They're all looking for the next best thing.

It seems to be a temporary solution for a temporary problem - none of use are in our home countries.

This year I choose singledom, rather than being forced into it :)

sunandmoon:
I have never had any desire to do online dating, personally I'd rather be single. Too many crazies out there! NO OFFENSE to anyone who does it!!!

But two stories to tell: my ex's mom was on a couple of sites. One of the guys she went out with - I actually think they had a Valentine's date 2 years ago - was at least 100 lbs over the weight of the pix he had posted. He told her it was a recent pic before they met but would not send her any others. She was floored when they finally met, and really upset that he deceived her like that. It wasn't like she was looking for that super fit 60 year old but she would have liked to know the guy she was meeting was pushing 300.

I have a good friend who is a single mom of 3, and met her current bf on match. I don't think he has any kids, but she posts many pix of him with hers. It's worked out great for them.

Like everything in life, it can go either way. Best of luck to all of you!  :)

jen80:
Apart from being too chicken to try online dating am also afraid that the men may not be serious or may also be using it as a way to get dates but not for anything serious. I don't think I'll have much luck with online dating. I just don't trust the guys. Some people have luck and actually get married or have very good relationships but the good guys online are few and far between.am not a super model and so will be very self concious. I think the first meeting would make me nervous.they may be expecting a supermodel.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page