Relationship Psychology Discussions > The Vent

Curious about your thoughts on this....

<< < (2/3) > >>

hope4love:
nm

elcaliente:
Indeed, I agree that one cannot force someone to do something that they, apparently, at this point in time do not wish to do. It's hard to view this process as a means to happiness, because as this time, happiness is what "used to be" and it is the loss of happiness that makes it so unbearable.  However, that being said, I do know that the love I have for my ex is true.  It's the reason I find difficulty in being angry with him, even though he has hurt so much in the recent months. In some way, I believe that he never had the intention to do so, it was just a natural and perhaps unavoidable consequence of the path he feels he must take at this time.

I hope that at some point in time he can recognize that as hard as this has been, and probably will be, for me to endure, that I did so without placing any more burden on him than he already bears. Maybe I could be viewed as being too kind, but if it were to be the other way around, and I were faced with the prospect of doing something that would cause him hurt of any description, I would appreciate that gesture too.

For now, as I embark on my journey to rebuild myself, I have the peace of mind of knowing that I did everything I could, during our 6 years together, to show him my love and support, and I did not allow myself to overreact from the emotions of the situation. I accepted what was dealt to me with grace and poise.  I hope that will leave him with fond memories of me.

hawkgirl79:

--- Quote ---Perhaps all the delays I have been seeing are due to the fact that I have not repaired the damage that was the direct result of this rejection.
--- End quote ---


I think this. I can only attest to my own experience and my instinct wants to refrain from making any judgments because it can come across condescending or an admonishment. I think two things are important to keep in mind:

1- You will heal when you are ready to heal. It takes time. The amount of time is different for everyone depending on the situation and the two people involved. You don't need to lose more self esteem over the fact that you haven't healed yet.

2. When you understand your worth, then you will heal.

I'm personally glad that my SM has not returned before now. I was not ready for it. It would have fallen apart again because I did not understand my worth. Now, if he returns, I will be okay. I will be okay if we're together and I will be okay if he walks out. Because if he doesn't have enough wisdom to value the special connection we have, then he isn't what I want. This is something I knew in my head I should feel but I didn't believe for a very long time. Now that I believe it, I'm empowered. Magic.

As to your original question, Smee, I've had a lot of the same thoughts. I think that people who do see a reconciliation do not post here. For one thing, they are busy with their SM, but I know for me personally, I would feel a bit weird about it if that happened to me. It's almost like gloating or being in a breast cancer support group and then announcing to everyone that it turns out you don't have cancer anymore. I just don't know if I would feel comfortable.

As to 90% of men returning, I bet this is true, but I also bet it's highly likely that most of them don't stick around. Human nature is to take what you have for granted and also, past behavior is a predictor of future behavior, so psychics can keep making predictions about contact, all the while raking it in, and the callers can keep clinging to hope with someone if they choose to.

I think it's true that when we call psychics the other person picks up on the radar on some level, especially if your guy happens to be highly emotional or intuitive himself. He may never know you called, but it could be creating an energy block. It's at least something to consider before calling, especially a lot.

hawkgirl79:
I'm not sure if what I said prompted your last post or not, Smee, but I don't see any reason why anyone would question why you would meet with him to catch up. That sounds perfectly normal/reasonable to me. FWIW Sounds like you got some clarity and closure.

elcaliente:
No, actually, I didn't gain clarity or closure really.  We did not discuss anything that pertained to what had happened between us, and there are so many things that have not yet been disclosed.  Perhaps that will come in time.  I indicated that what I did might not sit well with others because I am acutely aware of the notion that one should not slip into the "friends zone" if one hopes for reconciliation.  Since I do hope for reconciliation, I don't want that.  I can't put my finger on what his intentions were for the meeting.  Part of me wonders if he was simply testing the waters; part of me wonders if he was simply satisfying his general curiosity (although he did not get any information from me that would give him anything really to go on); part of me wonders if he just wanted to make certain that I didn't dislike him for what he has done; part of me wonders if he did it to appear to be the friend he claimed he dearly intended o be when he broke up with me...all of those questions are still unanswered.

And a month has passed with no further contact....

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page